Trying Not to Love You - Part Fifty Eight

Chapter Fifty Eight

Sonny had punched the wall...several times, and it hadn’t worked, he was still a mass of anger. He wanted to punch Carl and Stephanie, but that was playing into their hands. Since they’d left all he could think about was Martha, and the fact that bastard had sent her a legal letter wanting Ethan. That just hours after he’d threatened Sonny himself. One thing was right this WAS all his fault. He needed to see Martha; he was in a horrendous mood. Paul, reliable as ever had arrived early, Tim and Sam the two young workers were due any moment.

                “You mind if I shoot out for five minutes, literally?”

Paul looked up from the table he was setting near the window, “no one due for twenty minutes, I’m sure I’ll cope.”

Sonny gave a half smile, amazed that he’d been so sceptical of the other man when he’d first seen him, “I have to drop home, I won’t be long, I swear.”

Paul grinned as he left, pulling a jacket over his suit.

                “Where is she?” Carl was in the kitchen making coffee, as he looked around at the sudden voice, Sonny spotted Stephanie in the lounge, keeping her eye on everything.

                “Upstairs, putting Ethan to bed.”

He didn't acknowledge the words from the older man, instead he stormed past him to the stairs.

Standing in the doorway to her bedroom, he watched Martha reading to Ethan, taking on different voices for each character and making the boy giggle.

                “Ok, that’s the end, sleep now.” She tucked him in, giving him a big kiss, then snuck out straight into Sonny. “Hey Carter.”

She offered a smile, but it didn’t travel from her lips to her eyes. In fact they were red, puffy; it broke his heart that she’d been crying.

                “What’s happened?” he asked taking her hands in his.

Shrugging she tried to look away, but he wouldn’t let her, lifting her chin, he met her eyes, with a sigh she stared at him, knowing that tears were starting to fall, “Michael...he wants custody of Ethan, he said he’ll take me to court.”

Using his thumbs he brushed the tears away, “we won’t let that happen, surely you know that?”

                “All those years I spent away to avoid this happening.”

He shook his head as she fell against his chest, his hands holding her close, “it won’t happen. I’ll go and speak to him if I have to. But I won’t let him win.”

                “It’ll cost thousands,” she sobbed, “how the hell can we stop him?”

                “Sometimes I doubt the justice in this country, but the one thing I do know is there’s not a court in the land that would take Ethan from you, and they’d never give in to him, I swear.”

She was unconvinced, but then she was feeling irrational, the Oldbury family were dictating to her all over again.

                “I’m going to see him, tomorrow. I’m going to make him see this is all wrong. He can’t do this Carter.”

Sonny was glad to hear her resolve return and he lifted her head from his chest and smiled at her, “that’s my girl.” He paused for a moment, “do you want to leave? The three of us could just disappear?”

She stared at him for a moment, “half of me is sorely tempted, but I’ve spent five years hiding, I’m not losing my father again, not now that we’re all back together.” She sighed, “as much as I love Stephanie, the last five years the time without my father was hell. I don’t want to run, I don’t want to hide, and I NEVER want Ethan to have to sacrifice his family.” She gave a nod, but it wasn’t the most convincing as she offered, “no, I’m going to confront him. Tell him to back off.”

He held her for a moment, then pushed her to arm’s length, his heart breaking as he knew what he had to do.

                “I’ve got to get back to the restaurant. I only came home to see how you were. I’ll catch you later?”

As she nodded he gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek, the stepped back. He fought the desire to tell her he loved her; instead he smiled and turned for the stairs.

As he burst into the kitchen, emotions threatening to overwhelm him, he bumped into Carl. Literally. The older man steadied himself then looked at Sonny, and in that moment there was an understanding between them.

                “I’ll do it, but I have to leave, get away for a while. You need to cover me and make sure I can come back. If this family ostracises me I’ll tell her everything. You hear me?”

Carl gave a sad nod then watched the broken hearted man leave the house.

Martha couldn’t let Ethan out of her eyesight she was so worried that someone might turn up and squirrel him away in the depth of the night that she wasn’t surprised when she woke up to find herself lying in bed with him. Every other night she’d sought out Sonny, but not that night. Pulling a sweater over her pyjamas, she headed downstairs and as the coffee pot brewed, tiptoed up to the small bedroom above the coach house that was filled chockablock with special memories. With Sonny’s arms around her anything was possible, she honestly believed that.

But the room was cold, empty, un-slept in. Back when she’d first met Sonny it wasn’t uncommon for him to spend nights away, but not now, not that they were together. As she sat on the bed, pain lancing at her heart, she spotted the folded paper on the bedside table, her name scrawled on the front. Immediately her heart raced, nausea rose in waves, and if she hadn’t been sitting she’d have to now.

Lifting the paper, she opened it and read the words three times before they sank in,

                “Martha, I don’t think me hanging around is for the best. I’m not helping your cause. I’m blatantly not the right man for you, I can’t be what you need, and I’m not the right influence for Ethan. I’m taking some time, getting away, giving you some space. I will come back, but I don't think things can carry on as they were. We both have to accept that. You need someone able to help you, and I don’t deserve you. I’m sorry that this is blunt; I’ve always taken the cowardly way out.

I’ll always remember our time together, but I have to accept that’s over.

You’ll be stronger without me. Sonny.”

No kisses, no sentiment and no support.

She thought she’d cry, but it seemed her tears had dried up over night. Instead she stared at the letter again. The bastard. She wondered who’d spoken to him, who’d made him change his mind, she had no doubt that was what was happening, but he’d allowed them to win, her father, Oldbury, whoever it was.

Folding the paper almost robotically, she tucked it into her pocket, then headed back to the kitchen to make breakfast.

                “Ethan!” She was calling him for breakfast when her father appeared. He stared at her for a moment, gauging her mood, and it was then she realised that he knew. That he was waiting for her reaction to Sonny going. She wasn’t about to let anyone get one over her, so she smiled genially at him. “We’re going into Northbury swimming, I don’t think we’ll be back until tonight, and then I’m working. Lucy’s promised to keep an eye on Ethan.” Then she turned back to the stairs, “Ethan! Come on, you’ll be late for breakfast and we’ll miss the pool opening.”

That caused a scurry of feet from above, and he almost threw himself down the stairs and into her arms.

She was efficient but not overly conversational as she got them both breakfast, and she was alone when she packed their bag for swimming, Ethan was upstairs finding his swimming goggles.

                “Martha? What is it?”

She looked up and saw Aunt Lucy in the doorway. She gave a half smile, “nothing. You still ok to have Ethan tonight?”

Lucy nodded drawing closer, “what’s happened love? I can tell...”

Martha shook her head, “not now Auntie, please.” Her voice was a hoarse whisper.

                “Where’s Sonny?”

It was all too much for Martha, fighting tears, she held up a hand to silence her, shaking her head refusing to talk about things. “Ethan? Come on, time to go.”

As he ran into the room, she took his hand and led him out to the car.

The restaurant was busy, but without Sonny’s face making her laugh, giving her a hot look, his hand snaking out to pinch her bottom, or sliding a sneaky drink along the counter to her, it seemed empty. She went through the motions automatically, smiling courteously, being attentive, but inside she was breaking in two.

Ethan had managed to keep her mind off things through most of the day, the swimming had been fun, then there was the rare treat of a fast food lunch. They’d gone to the park, and then driving home he’d fallen asleep in the car.

Once she’d hit the edge of town, her anger had resurfaced so she took a hard right and drove out to Michael Oldbury’s house. As she raced up the drive, lifting clouds of dust as she went, she spotted the older man at the window, he was on the doorstep by the time she stopped the car. Pulling his legal letter from her bag she marched up to him and waved it in his face, “shall I tell you what I think of this?”

He looked nonplussed, and that pleased her. In a hugely theatrical and very rewarding manner, she ripped his letter into lots of small pieces, then threw it at him like confetti.

                “You are a bastard to threaten me like this, I always thought that Scott was a discredit to you, but now I can see the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. You think I’d trust my innocent boy in a toxic environment like this? You have another thing coming, you want a battle Michael? You’ve got a war!”

She didn’t wait for an answer; instead she stormed off back to the car and was gone. But that euphoria didn’t last too long.

Staring around the restaurant, she felt as though she had the world on her shoulders. She’d been so guarded, so independent since Scott, she hated that Sonny had made her challenge that, and then once he’d got inside her head, he’d run out on her. She sensed that was a Sonny thing, to up and leave when he felt like it. But he’d changed so much too. That was why this was so annoying, and so upsetting.

She waved to Paul, “I just need to make a call, you ok for a moment?”

He nodded, and so she disappeared into the office.

                “Sonny.” She sighed; she knew she’d get his answer phone. “Calling you is going against everything I think is right, but there’s no other way to get to the bottom of things. I need to know who spoke to you, who forced you to leave. I understand you wanting to split from me, that’s not the issue, but I can’t believe you’ve left town too. I hate you for abandoning us, so easily, I thought you were my friend, but when I need you, when we need you, you run away. I suppose it was better to know now than to let ourselves depend on you. Thanks.”

Martha was glad of the anger to keep her going over the next few days. Without Sonny around the weight of the restaurant landed on her shoulders again. Sunday and Monday the restaurant was closed, so she had time to decide what she wanted to do. One thing that Martha was, was a fighter, and fiercely independent, she wasn’t about to show she was hurt, and she wasn’t about to ask for help. She wasn’t sure whether her father or Oldbury was the one who confronted Sonny, but she knew that something had changed. Her father was looking pale, whether that was guilt or just fatigue she didn’t know, but she knew she didn’t want to stress him out, his recent ill health weighed heavily on her mind. Despite that he’d known that first morning that Sonny had gone. Whether he’d informed her father, or her father was involved she didn’t know. But the fact that no one bar Lucy had mentioned him not being around spoke volumes.

Lucy had pounced on her Sunday morning.

                “Where’s he gone?”

Martha was packing a picnic as she planned to take Sonny to a nearby castle for the day. Paul was going to join them with his children and that made Ethan even more excited.

She looked up at her aunt, “it seems he needed a break.”

Lucy didn’t miss a trick, “the bastard, running away at the first sign of trouble. He doesn’t like giving himself positive PR does he?”

Martha sighed, as Lucy covered a hand with hers, “that’s not him you know. Find out who’s behind it.”

Turning to her aunt she shook her head, “he’s let me down Aunt Lucy, really let me down.” She didn’t want to get into this, “anyway, we’re off to Stanley Castle. Wish us luck.”

Ethan emerging changed the atmosphere and they both skipped off into the winter sunshine.

Later that day as the three children clambered over climbing frames with the balance of mountain goats, Martha sat next to Paul on a bench watching them.

                “So Sonny’s gone away for a few days.”

Paul glanced at her, and had the decency not to question that, instead he gave a slight nod, “ok, so that makes things a little more awkward for us at work.”

She shrugged, “I’m figuring that I can manage the closing up as long as I’m at home to get Ethan settled, then I can relieve you?”

He contemplated that for a moment, “I’m definitely better if I can leave by ten, my mother and my sisters are awesome with the babysitting, but they would rather do the early shift.”

She nodded, “that’s great, Tuesday I’ll get in by nine and we can work out how much your cooperation is worth!”

                “You guys are very accommodating to me, there’s no reason why I wouldn’t return the favour.”

There was a poignant moment, as Paul smiled at her, he could only imagine what was going on in her head, but he knew one thing about Martha, she was proud, and reserved. She had kept Ethan a secret for five years; she was hardly a stranger to keeping things to herself.

                “I’m here if you need me.” He whispered, just loud enough for her to hear, and the responding nod of appreciation was equally as subtle, but noted by Paul.

That evening her father had gone out with Eamonn and Stephanie had returned to London, she hadn’t seen Lucy since breakfast. So she ordered a delivery pizza and sat watching Finding Nemo with Ethan pigging out on the greasy treat and glasses of diet coke.

Ethan fell asleep next to her at some point during the film, and she carried him upstairs, stripping him into his pyjamas before laying him out in her bed for the night. She was getting used to sharing her bed with the wriggling youngster. When she had planned her future properly, worked out what she was doing she had to rectify that, get him a bed if not his own bedroom.

She was curled up on the sofa flicking through the rubbish Sunday night TV when she heard the back door open. For a moment she thought it was Sonny, finally coming back to his senses. But it was Aunt Lucy.

                “Do you want to talk about things Martha? I’m so worried about you.”

Martha smiled, “I’m fine, I promise. So Sonny’s gone, it’s not the end of the world, I came back here to spend time with you and Dad, and that’s what we’re doing. Ethan is LOVING it here. That’s the most important thing.”

She stood up and crossed the room to her Aunt then gave her a hug, “thanks for caring though. I really appreciate it.”

And she did, as she left the room and the restrained tears started to fall, she climbed the stairs, realising that Lucy was the only person who’d expressed concern and understanding now that Sonny was gone. Not her father and not Stephanie.

She was smelling a rat, but she was too emotional to deal with it now. There was a time and a place, and of one thing she was sure, she’d get to the bottom of this. And then she’d make everyone face her wrath, because she wasn’t about to roll over and let people control her life, not after all she’d been through.