Nothing Left to Lose - Part Ten

Chapter Ten

Heidi felt much better when the alarm sounded a little later, she’d had some proper sleep as oppose to drunken slump.  But what to wear was her prime thought as she dragged herself into her spare room, which doubled as a dressing room and started the usual search for clothing. Heidi was inspired by mood when it came to clothes. She still found it hard to create work to demand, she was far better just meandering through the way her life was at any particular time. Today was bleak, dark and dim, and despite the obvious logic, that didn’t mean black funeral attire...it meant armour. Defensive and protective clothing. So she searched until she found her strapless red dress, ruched to hug her breasts, a broad sash below them tied in a large bow behind her, and it had a stiff skirt down to mid thigh. She loved this dress, because she LOVED her shiny red heels that matched it perfectly. Her hair had dried as she slept, so she swept it up in a chignon, then applied enough make up that she looked alive rather than dead.

It was safe to say she was dreading this approaching evening, meeting Cesare’s family filled her with a myriad of emotions, then there was her mother...and brother. Argh. But in her killer clothes she felt protected. That was as good as it got.

The Olive Grove was an upmarket restaurant, run by a celebrity chef. It was difficult, if not impossible to get a table; she presumed her mother or Cesare had leaned heavily on someone to accommodate them at short notice, but money talked in this world, she knew that. She was greeted from her taxi by a valet with a large umbrella, since leaving her home; the heavens had literally opened, so she was extremely grateful for the escort across the pavement.

The maitre d’ looked a little puzzled when she gave her mother’s name, and it was then she realised she still didn’t know Cesare’s surname. She tried Santini, but that was negative too. So she was offered a seat at the bar to wait. As she moved to the bar, she scanned the restaurant but there was no one there that she recognised.  Ordering a large glass of Pinot Grigio she perched on a stool and sighed.

The barman smiled at her as he set down the large glass of wine in front of her, “you look rather sad considering you must have a seat in THE most desirable restaurant in all of London town!”

She sipped the cold liquid and sighed, “you could be right! Maybe this wasn’t my choice?”

He nodded knowingly, “well...” he grabbed a shot glass and filled it with pink liquid. “...I strongly recommend this to liven your mood a bit?”

                “Why thank you!” she accepted the snifter, raising in to her lips then throwing back her head, the tart spicy cinnamon flavoured fluid warming a path to her stomach, going someway to settle her nerves. “I feel SO much better for that!”

He smiled and she thrust a note on the bar, “I’ll have one more, and take one yourself!”

Pocketing the note in his top pocket, he refilled her glass, then an identical one for himself. Clinking glasses they both downed the drink and she shuddered at the assault to her taste buds, then finally smiled.          

                “Wow! I can take on the World now.”

Lowering his head he whispered, “it looks like you may have to!”

She turned on her seat to see her mother waving from a table the other side of the restaurant; she gave a slight wave, then turned back to the barman, “did you HAVE to alert me to them?”

Chuckling, he cleared her shot glass and with a killer smile said, “getting pissed at the bar with me is not going to change anything. Good luck!”

Grinning, she added quickly, “you should be compulsory in every bar and restaurant!”

She could hear him laughing as she wove her way through the tables to her ‘family’ group.

Her mother stood to hug her as she arrived at the table, and for a moment she relaxed and no one else existed. But as they broke the embrace, she looked around the table; Cesare stood beside her mother, smiled affectionately then leaned close to kiss both her cheeks, then he turned to introduce her to firstly Eleni, then Nikos her brother. She knew what to expect with Eleni, and her sour expression and angry eyes neither surprised nor threatened her. Nikos on the other hand smiled warmly at her, extending a hand to shake hers genially and welcoming.

 The only spare seat was between Cesare and his son; Lucas was already there and had managed to sit between Eleni and their mother. As she lowered into the sat she almost collapsed with relief, Cosmo wasn’t there, and there were no other seats. This wouldn’t be as difficult as if he’d been there. She could do this.

                “It’s so lovely to see you again,” Cesare smiled as slid an arm around her shoulder and gave her a squeeze. She liked that, liked him immensely. “So how was your launch?”

And for that question she liked him even more, “good, it all went well thanks. Now got to start work on the next line! It’s never ending. How long are you here for?”

                “A couple of days, we have some planning for the wedding, and I also wanted to spend time with Eleni before she goes to America. Did you hear she has a part in a film?”

Heidi nodded, “my mother did mention that. How wonderful!” Turning to Nikos she offered, “and I hear you are the brains of the family.”

He laughed, unlike his raven haired father and sister, he was fair haired though he had the same warm eyes and generous smile of his father, “don’t let Eleni hear you say that! But then again, she’s more sexual chemistry than organic chemistry!” They both laughed, as they perused the menu and Heidi was grateful that she’d been sat next to him.

As she ate the seafood salad and the following beautiful fillet steak, Nikos provided comfortable conversation. He was funny and intelligent and they debated lots of issues. He’d lived in Britain for a few years and they’d had similar opinions on music, nightlife and even TV shows. Every time she looked across the table, Lucas was nauseatingly slathering over Eleni, apparently the girl could do no wrong. It made such a difference him chasing after someone; he was usually the object of unwanted affection. It was a first and Heidi was actually starting to enjoy the evening.

As they approached dessert, Cesare made a speech, thanking Heidi and Lucas for welcoming him so graciously into the family. Then came a throw away comment that once again ripped a hole in her heart and turned the evening on its head.

                “And thank you so much to Lucas agreeing to give your mother away, it makes such a difference to know that you are showing such open approval.”

Heidi looked at her mother who was beaming at Lucas with such pride. So that was why they’d met up the previous day. She knew that Lucas was the obvious person to give her away, but it all seemed so underhand, no one had as much as told her. It felt like such a snub, so pushed out that she had to struggle to fight the tears that suddenly welled behind her eyes. only her mother and brother could make her feel like this, and it was part of the reason she still missed her father so much, he was the one who looked out for her, her mother had always seen Lucas in a rose tinted hue.

Not wanting to make a fool of herself, she pushed back her chair and excused herself from the table; she needed a few moments to compose herself in the bathroom. From there she called Sadie.

                “She didn’t mention it? The bitch. You ok? Need me to come rescue you?”

That was why she’d called her best friend. Sadie was on her first proper date with the magazine editor, her very own Mr Big that she’d fallen into bed with several times. But she both answered her call, AND offered to leave the man of her dreams to come to her.

                “I love that you would; I just wanted your voice of reason. I did wonder whether I was being oversensitive.”

                “Nope. That bastard brother of yours gets far too much laid on a plate, and your mother can’t see him ever doing wrong. Keep strong chickadee ok?”

Hanging up she was buoyant once again, but as she left the bathroom, she detoured to the bar. The barman raised an eyebrow as he saw her approach, reaching for the same bottle of spirit.

                “That bad?” he asked filling a shot glass.

Shaking her head she reached for it, “worse! I am about to explode.”

He watched her as she slung the shot down her throat,                 “why don’t you just leave?”

Slamming down the glass she shook her head, “can’t. It’s a big thing, and I’ve got nothing serious enough to use as an excuse!”

                “Well getting shitfaced won’t necessarily be the answer.”

Nodding, she slid the empty glass along the bar to him and smiled, “you are very wise...like Tom Cruise in Cocktail?”

He guffawed, “now that’s a good comment! Wish I could frame it and hang it over the bar.” Leaning over the bar, he whispered in a conspiratorial manner, “If you’re desperate I’m willing to fake phone you?”

She laughed, “thank you. I’ll be sure to commend you to your boss; you are an asset that he probably under appreciates.”

The dinner was ending when she got back to the table. Her mother looked at her with a concerned questioning look but she merely smiled and sat back in her seat. Cesare stood then and ordered them all back to their hotel for champagne and more ‘ice-breaking’. She travelled with Nikos, which meant she had some time to prepare herself. She’d barely spoken to Eleni, and knew she’d have to make an effort once they got to the hotel; after all it would look suspicious if she didn’t, so she when she entered the bar and saw the family gathered at a table, she lowered herself into the seat adjacent to the beautiful model.

                “Hi! Us girls get a chance to talk now, hey?” she offered.

Eleni smiled, but it appeared as more of an aristocratic sneer, “and male conversation can be SO boring. I understand you work in fashion? I’ve never met your professionally have I?”

Heidi laughed, “only if a Hollywood star would lower herself to High Street fashion?”

“I’ve only ever done catwalk for major design houses.”

The humour was wasted on the other woman, and Heidi hated her a little but more. The thought that Cosmo was her husband that they lived together, did everything together made her feel sick.

                “Exactly!” She responded, eyes devoid of any emotion. She’d been wrong to even make an effort.

                “But you are making the wedding dress for your mother?”

Heidi sipped her wine for a moment before looking at the other woman, “yes. It’s only the third wedding dress I’ve made...” Suddenly she was in out of her depth, showing her vulnerability to someone who would use it to their advantage. She already knew that about Eleni despite this being their first meet. So she changed the topic of conversation. “Have you got your outfit sorted?”

Eleni looked down her nose at Heidi, “well surely as bridesmaids we’ll wear the same...saying that as I’m married I’ll be Matron of Honour.”

                “Of course...” Heidi again felt like she’d been slapped in the face. Waiting for a few moments to regain her composure, she smiled apologetically then excused herself, telling her mother she was tired, and left.

Back home she sat at the window looking out at the night and cried, just when she thought things couldn’t get any more difficult or her family couldn’t be any more selfish, her mother kept her out of the loop again. It seemed a lot had happened the previous day at the family meeting she’d been excluded from.

The next morning after another poor night’s sleep, she woke angry more than hurt. Her mother messaged her to confirm she’d arrive after lunch for her first dress fitting, and Heidi was waiting, her armour on, her defences lifted.

                “Hi darling,” her mother hugged her, kissing her cheek as she did. “You look better today, you were so pale yesterday.”

She shrugged, “it’s been a busy weekend.”

                “That it has. I have barely sat down.” She slid off the jacket that was hardly necessary on this warm early autumnal day, and dropped it and her bag on the sofa. “So where is it? I’ve been so excited.”

                “Eleni asked me about her bridesmaid dress last night...” She had to say this now, before her dress was in the picture, she wanted to say her piece without sullying the dress she’d so honestly put her heart and soul into.

                “Are you going to make them too?  It’s too much I thought.”

Heidi stared at her, eyes wide, but her mother seemed oblivious, “you’ve never mentioned it Mum! Last night I find out that Lucas is giving you away and Eleni’s your bridesmaid second hand. I feel really disappointed.”

                “I did tell you about the bridesmaid thing? I said I want you and Eleni!”

Heidi smiled sadly, “I would definitely have remembered that Mum. And before you suggest it, I’m not jealous of Lucas or anything; I just wish you’d told me. I really feel like a second class citizen in this family.”

Barbara rushed across the room to squeeze her hand, “I’m sorry sweetheart, I didn’t mean to make you feel pushed out. I really thought I’d asked you. It was in my mind to do it. It’s been all a bit of a rush...” Heidi couldn’t smile, she wasn’t feeling that generous.

Her mother squeezed her hand, “I suppose I’ve been spoiling Eleni as she’s devastated. She has phoned me every day for the last few weeks in tears. She won’t tell her father until after the wedding, but Cosmo has moved out of their home. She wants to work things out, but thinks that he doesn’t. Poor girl. I’m sorry that meant I left you out.”

Heidi offered a sympathetic response, suddenly her anxiety at her mother’s behaviour was swamped by the news that Cosmo was telling the truth, and she could barely concentrate for the pounding in her ears.

                “It must be awful, I’m glad you were there for her.”

It was obviously the right thing to say as her mother turned to her with a beaming smile, “I knew you’d understand.”

Heidi made for the kitchen and started to make a pot of tea needing to wipe the smile off her face before she returned to her mother.