Nothing Left to Lose - Part Twelve

Chapter Twelve

Heidi had a meeting in West London; the last magazine interview was on Saturday morning. As she emerged from the tube station she caught her reflection in a shop window. Her tailored dress, heels and scarf made her look sophisticated, so far from the awkward teenager she’d been, but as she strolled down the street, she knew that she wasn’t a million miles away from the person she’d been.

Glancing at her watch she realised she was forty minutes early, not great. But she was only a few streets from Lucas' uptown penthouse, not that she visited very often. She hadn’t seen him other than the meal with their mother, so she took a left instead of right and started off for his building.

Approaching his address, a large doorway on a tree lined street, she spotted a taxi drawing level with his building, then aghast she felt her jaw fall open in shock. Stepping back into a nearby doorway she watched as out of the front door came a bare-chested Lucas his arm wrapped around Eleni, as they got close to the cab he pulled her into an embrace, kissing her on the lips. It wasn’t a ravishing passionate kiss, but it was familiar, something shared.

She was stunned. He’d only met her four days earlier, and now here they were obviously up to no good. The man had no scruples, and it seemed neither did she.

When the cab pulled clear of the kerb, she stormed the short distance to where he stood wistfully watching after the retreating vehicle.

                “What the hell are you playing at Lucas? I am NOT digging you out of this one!”

Lucas jump at hearing her voice was almost of cartoon proportions, then he spun around to face her, “it’s not what you think sis, I swear!”

He’d never defended himself so vehemently or passionately in the past, never cared that she knew all his secrets, but she wasn’t convinced, “she’s a woman Lucas and that ticks your box!”

                “Look she’s upset, apparently her dick of a husband is leaving her, she’s a mess.”

Heidi swallowed her own guilt, “so you’re consoling her by screwing her?”

                “Like I said it’s not what you think.”

She shook her head, “oh poor, poor Eleni! What is it with my family protecting her? I am your sister, not her. Saying that... I don’t want THAT kind of attention. Jeez.” She shook her head, “I came here to try and make things easier, cos I was starting to think there was more distance than usual between us. Why do I bother?”

                “What are you talking about?” He stood hands on hips glaring at her.

She shook her head, “I knew you were a slut, but sleeping with a married woman...your step sister no less. You REALLY have scraped the barrel this time. I’m out.”

He was still standing mouth agape when she stormed off, but as she rounded the corner of the street, she felt as though he had the last laugh. He was acting on his impulses, whereas she...she’d denied herself exactly that.

Over the next ten days Heidi kept a low profile, avoiding contact with her family, and completing the wedding dress for her mother. She refused point blank to be bridesmaid, having convinced her mother that she and Eleni were too different, that she’d feel so frumpy and plain if she was compared to the other woman. Fortunately her mother agreed after a long telephone debate. Which meant that whilst she wouldn’t be forced to dress like Eleni and appear beside her in every picture, her mother now had just one bridesmaid...and it wasn’t her.  She had presumed her mother would choose not to have any, but apparently the fragile Eleni couldn’t cope with anymore rejection.

The wedding was finally booked, and had been brought forward by two months to late November, Eleni was heading to California just after that for her three month stint, so it was deemed the most suitable time. The common theme of ‘we all bend for Eleni’ remained strong. Fortunately she was on time with the dress, so there was less stress than there could have been.

                “So where is it going to be?” She asked her mother during a phone call. “London? Athens? Cyprus?”

                “Chamonix!” She announced, “Cesare has a lodge there, we found a hotel that will provide a wedding breakfast...It’s perfect!”

                “France?” She shook her head in surprise. “You hate skiing mother!”

                “Maybe, but I love the snow, and think how beautiful the photos will look!”

As she hung up on that call, she looked across her desk to the post-it note Polly had left there earlier.

                “A Dale Booth called. Can you call him back?”

Underneath the words was a long distance number.

Turning away she called out to Polly, “I’m going out for lunch. See you in an hour.”

It was such a crossroads, calling Dale may well change her life beyond believe, with all that was currently going on she wasn’t sure she could cope with more upheaval, more trauma.

Sat on a park bench she closed her eyes, turning her face up to the bright sun, it was warm for early October, and her phone disturbed her silence.

Pulling it from her bag, she didn’t recognise the number displayed, normally she ignored cold calling, but for some reason she answered.

                “Hii-deeeeee?”

Only one person had that warm, husky voice.

She sat bolt upright, “Cosmo?”

A soft sigh echoed down the phone line, “ah, it is so wonderful to hear your voice again.”

                “You too.”

She knew she was smiling like an idiot, but she couldn’t help it.

                “I am between meetings...I have literally two minutes. But I wanted to speak to you.”

                “It’s lovely to speak to you. What have you been doing?”

He groaned, “work - travelling a lot. At home, well I am trying to prise my rather enduring wife out of my life.” 

The indirect mention of Eleni once again brought the image of her wrapped around her brother early the previous week. Cosmo had emailed her a few times and called her since, but she hadn’t discussed what she’d seen.

                “So you’ve heard the details for the wedding?”

She knew that Cosmo realised she was changing the subject but he played along, “of course. Cesare is...like a child with his excitement. He calls me almost hourly to arrange things. How is your mother?”

                “The same. But I’ve finally managed to get her agree that I won’t be bridesmaid.”

There was a pregnant pause, they’d almost argued the previous week when she had told him that she couldn’t stand beside his wife, that she felt so unattractive next to her. He was indignant in his response that she was more beautiful than her. But that wasn’t how she felt.

                “So there are no bridesmaids. It’s a second wedding for them both, I don’t think it’s a bad decision to keep things low key.”

That made her laugh, then in her best impression of her mother’s voice, she replied, “but she’s so devastated at the moment, I can’t disappoint her Heidi. She’s fragile, not strong like you.”

                “WHAT?” His anger was unleashed down the phone line for a moment, “Eleni is STILL a bridesmaid? She doesn’t deserve you, none of them do.” His voice was a hiss, “when are they going to see that bitch for what she really is?”

                “Don’t let it spoil this...us.”

                “I won’t. I promise, but I want people to appreciate you as I do. You can do ANYTHING Heidi Mortimer, you know that right?

When she got back to the office, the note from her US contact was still staring up at her from her desk. But Cosmo was right, she could do anything...and this was just a phone call.

“Hey Heidi.” Dale answered on the third ring. “Thanks for getting back to me. We are so excited to discuss things with you.”

She leaned back in her seat, resting the phone against her shoulder and smiled, “I’m glad.”

                “The board have agreed with my assessment, we would like to talk to you in person. Can you come out here? Show us your portfolio? Possibly discuss terms?”

She flicked up her work diary on the computer in front of her, “I have a family wedding at the end of next month. Is it too late to come out after that? I’ve got a few things on here until then.”

“December first ok? I’ll book you on a flight.”

Heidi wanted a special dress for the wedding, Eleni was a model with a beautiful body, she needed something stunning to at least try and compete, because for all Cosmo’s encouraging words, she NEEDED to feel good, needed to compete with the model, as childish as that seemed. But after days and days sat at the drawing board she had drawn a blank. On Saturday afternoon, that was no different, she opened a bottle of wine to try and loosen her mood, open up her ideas. Her solace was disturbed by the phone, answering, she felt a flush of heat at the voice she loved to hear.

                “Cosmo?”

He chuckled, “yes. How are you?”

Niceties aside she missed him, it was two almost months since he’d visited her flat, since he’d kissed her, and it’d suddenly become so difficult to remember him. When she closed her eyes, she could no longer see his face, his eyes or his smile.

                “Sad, fed up. Wish I was on some warm beach with you.”

He sighed, “damn, I’m not near a beach, otherwise I’d have flown you out to fulfil your wish. I miss you too.”

Heidi knew that tears were starting to well in her eyes, but she couldn’t do that, couldn’t spend what little time they had together crying.

                “So no beaches. Are you in Athens?”

There was a moment of silence before he said, “I called because I’m in London Heidi, I want to see you, I think we’ve waited long enough.”

Suddenly the room was spinning and her mind racing.

He laughed at her silence, “I’m to take that as a no?”

“No!” she gasped, “of course not, I want that...so much.”

Sighing, he replied, “haven’t we waited long enough?”

                “Has something happened? Something changed?”

He was quiet for longer than she was comfortable with. Eventually he spoke, “no, I just had to meet my sister...she has issues. Nothing too much. But I have been in hotels for most of the last month, I want to relax, switch off. I want you agápi mou!”

My love.

She gasped, desire, lust and anticipation flooding her veins and more poignantly her pelvis.

                “So what did you have in mind?” her voice was hoarse with the emotions washing over her.

                “Are you free today...for the rest of the weekend?”

When she confirmed he was, he sighed, “I was hoping that you were. I know it’s short notice, but a friend...he has a cottage, it’s about an hour out of London. It’s ours, if you’ll join me. I’m told the pub nearby sells very good food.”

She tried to speak but her breath was constricted in her throat.

                “I could pick you up in an hour?”

What was she worrying about? He was single, he’d left Eleni. They’d waited for a long time, plus no one would know. That was the biggest positive. So she was grinning when she agreed, offering, “Ok, but you have to help me find inspiration for a design for a dress for the wedding!”

                “That sounds like a deal!”

When the line went dead Heidi had sixty minutes to pack a bag. After ten minutes of jumping up and down on her bed with excitement, she had a shower, so glad she’d washed her hair the day before. Into a holdall she threw two sets of her best lingerie, sliding the third, a silver and lilac bra with the same colour lacy knickers, on. There was a lot unwritten between them and she had no idea what this weekend would entail. Though she knew what she wanted. She was so excited she felt an overwhelming need to wow him with how sexy she could be, but she knew that wasn’t what this was about. He wanted her, as she’d been on the beach in Cyprus, her...just her. And anyway, she didn’t want to scare him off with her over enthusiasm. So calmly she tossed away the sexy tops and short skirts that she’d look at for any other type of date and hunted for her skinny black jeans, teaming them with a pale blue strappy baby doll top. She’d added a few more demure outfits and some toiletries into the bag, and was sliding into her knee high flat boots when the doorbell rang.

She felt faint with excitement, he was here...

Nothing Left to Lose - Part Eleven

Chapter Eleven

When Heidi finally revealed the dress to her mother, there were tears and emotion running riot. The dress was long, elegant with understated detail to the neckline and waist. It wasn’t gaudy or over elaborate, but Heidi really believed that it was classy, beautiful and perfect for the older bride. It was exactly what she imagined her mother would wear, and her mother’s immediate reaction told her that she’d guessed right.

                “I love it Heidi! It’s absolutely beautiful!” Her mother twirled in front of the mirror, the half finished dress clinging to her in a flattering way, a beaming smile spread across her face, and tears glittering in her eyes.

                “Well I still need to do a lot to it, adjust, finish, this is definitely the prototype stage. But I needed to get measurements for you before I can continue.”

Her mother left, still ecstatic two hours later, and Heidi was relieved. She’d cleared the air, told her mother how she felt...for a change. And after the dress reveal...it had all gone swimmingly. But for Heidi, alone, she was fraught, anxious. After a bath and a meal, Heidi was still unable to settle, her mind was racing and her body fraught with tension. She’d rethought all that had happened the previous evening, and then the news her mother had revealed just a couple of hours earlier, that Cosmo had done it, he’d moved out.

Looking at the phone in her hand, she knew she shouldn’t, but she dialled the number he’d added to the card that came with her flowers. Her heart was racing as the phone rang, and then she heard him, the smooth yet husky warm voice that made her skin erupt into goosebumps.

                “Yashu?” Hello. Her little Greek ran to greetings, but not much else.

                “Cosmo? It’s me,” her voice was a whisper.

There was a pregnant pause and her heart almost stopped. “Heidi?” as soon as she spoke she could hear the pure pleasure in his voice and a flush of heat washed over her.

                “Thank you for the flowers.” It was a safe comment, she still didn’t trust herself not to blurt out how pleased she was that he had left Eleni, and that wouldn’t do.

He laughed, “flowers? They were merely to hint that I was thinking about you. Hoping that things went well.” His words were like nectar, perfect and she almost swooned. “How did it go? The launch? Was it successful?”

She knew she was grinning as she answered, “it went well thanks. I enjoyed myself, which was a little light relief.”

                “Before the family meet...I managed to escape that, as much as I wanted to see you, I really did, I couldn’t put either of us through that.”

She nodded, despite the fact that he couldn’t see that,                 “I couldn’t have done it if you’d been there...with her...”

She could hear him sigh, before he replied, “I’ve left her; I’m doing it the right way, I have to sort it out...”

                “I know my mother told me...that’s why I called, just to let you know...that I know, that I’m happy for you.”

                “Thank you.” Despite it all he sounded sad. “But nothing has changed...” it wasn’t a question as he knew the answer.

“No Cosmo, nothing has changed. I’m not about to fly to you on a whim...”

                “You sure? I could meet you in Paris in a few hours!” It was said in jest, but she could hear the optimism and the desperation in his words.

                “I want to Cosmo, but we can’t...I’m not being that person. Really I’m not.”

She heard what sounded like a something hitting a wall, maybe his hand, “I AM officially separated. My lawyer is preparing the divorce papers. I am serious Heidi, I promise!”

Could she do it? Go against all that she knew was proper, get involved in an affair with him. She wasn’t impulsive, she thought everything through, but the only mistakes she’d ever made had been when she gambled on her impulses like this. She shook her head trying to clear the confusion, in life you had to take a few risks, and her brother had been sleeping around without a care for years. She’d always been the good one, the one who did the right thing.

                “Where in Paris?”

He was silenced by her question, not daring to hope that she wanted the same as him.

                “Do you mean it?” he eventually asked.

                “At this moment in time I really want another one of your kisses. More than anything.”

He sighed, a deep sound, “that sounds like heaven to me. But you may regret it tomorrow?”

                “I’d not regret that, just the implications it might have. Where it might lead.”

She could hear him laugh, “when the time is right we’ll be together darling, and there’ll be no regret, no conflict in emotions, it will be just you and me. And the rest of our lives, no one or no thing will be able to change that. Ok?”

Her body shook with desire and frustration, as well as thwarted desire, “I can’t wait for that!”

She could tell he was smiling as he added, “me as well. I could spend the next hour describing exactly what will happen in great detail,” he paused, and Heidi gulped, “but that won’t help anyone here!”

                “Thank you Cosmo!”

                “For what?”

She chuckled, “for caring. For being there. For stepping back...respecting me.”

                “I am defeated by my own conscience. I hope you know that saying no wasn’t easy. I want you Heidi Mortimer...in every way.” He laughed at her gasp, then added, “just remember that I am in the end of this telephone at ANY time, ok?”

It was quiet at work, the build up to the launch had absorbed so much of Heidi’s time over the last month, so she was glad to relax a bit. But despite the calm within the office, there was the looming threat of TV and magazine interviews. Her most hated thing. But obediently the next morning she dressed impeccably in a charcoal grey trouser suit, but keeping her signature flash of colour by adding a bright purple sheath top and matching outrageous purple shoes, and headed to the office. Today the journos were coming to her, to see how she worked, to see her environment, and hear about her inspiration.  Hell.

When she arrived at her office there was a full page in her diary. Each magazine or newspaper entered one after the other.  Sighing, she slumped into her chair only raising her head when she heard Polly approach.

                “Hey boss! Another successful launch. The answer phone was full of requests; I’ve scheduled things as best I can in your diary. Hope you enjoyed the rest of the weekend as you’re not about to take your foot off the gas just yet.”

Heidi dumped her briefcase on Polly’s desk and beamed at her nervously, “so I’ve noticed! I love you Polly, have I told you that regularly enough? Because whilst I hate the thought of interviews all day, the quicker they happen the quicker they’re over!”

She chuckled handing her a cup of aromatic black coffee, “I get your love from your hints Heidi, honest! A woman from the Times is your first one, then ITV cameras are coming at ten.”

Shaking her head Heidi entered her own office and absorbed herself in the furore that these occasions became.

As ever Sadie was her release, her sounding box the next evening when the final interview was finished.

                “Hey celeb!” her friend gushed as she entered the small dark pub that was midway between their homes. Heidi was sat at a small booth in the corner, a couple of bottles of beer on the table in front of her.

                “Don’t,” she blushed, “this is the bit of the job I hate. You know that.”

                “Well I watched you on TV, bought every paper that you were in. I’m so proud of you chickadee!”

Heidi took a slug of beer, then half grinned, “I’m just glad it’s over...until the next range.”

                “So how was the weekend? Your message earlier was very cryptic.”

Whilst the complacency and lack of attention from her family annoyed and more obviously upset her, she wasn’t overly keen on telling Sadie too much about them and all that happened. So when she’d text asking how things went, Heidi had been a bit evasive. Whilst she never hid her family issues from her friend, the confusion that Cosmo brought to it all, his closeness to her family all made things complicated. So she played it down. All of it.

                “Well I met the children. Nikos is lovely, but Eleni is as I expected.”

                “Cold, heartless bitch?” Sadie leaned forward waiting on her response in an animated way.

Heidi laughed, “not that far from the truth. Lucas is smitten with her.”

                “She has a pulse and a vagina Heidi! No surprise there, your brother is a man whore, you know that.”

She laughed, “he uses his looks to his advantage that’s for sure.”

Sadie was shaking her head, “are you sure? Blond curls and a big nose hardly makes him good looking!”

                “You know more about him than you let on. Anyone would think you were a fan too. I think she doth protest too much?”

She harrumphed in annoyance and Heidi realised she may have hit a raw nerve, “so what about the delectable Cosmo...” It was the most abrupt of subject changes, but Heidi let it ride for the moment, she didn’t want to think that her best friend could be enamoured with her brother. Too much, too close.

                “He wasn’t there. He’s left her Sade, and I don’t know what that means.” She briefly relayed their conversation to her friend.

As she finished Sadie’s eyes were wide with wonder, “OMG. That man wants you SO bad! I’d have gone, met him, shagged him senseless, have your wicked way with him and at least have something to feel good about.”

That prickled Heidi, a man wasn’t everything to her, “I do feel good about myself. I’ve just had a successful launch of my range and been head hunted by a huge American corporation. I have everything to be happy about.”

                “Huh! And that replaces the love of a good man...or rather love WITH a good man?”

Heidi shrugged, “there’s more to life than a man, and it’s too complicated Sadie. And what if I take this contract in the States? I don’t do casual, you know that. And I don’t want to be sucked into a messy divorce.”

At that Sadie sighed, reaching out and covering her friend’s hand, “Cosmo is different Heidi. You know that.”

Sadie was the only one who knew. One very drunken night Heidi’s deep and dark past had come out, the one time in her life that she wanted to forget, the one regret...the one thing that kept raring its ugly head whenever she was down.

From an idyllic childhood of long days on the beach, life in the Caribbean, her teenage years became an instant wake up call. Her parents still living overseas decided that to maximise her education, she needed English boarding school. The separation anxiety, as much from the laid back lifestyle as her parents killed her. She didn’t have her brother’s vitality, where he was the life and soul of his school, surrounded by friends and popular, she was the opposite. She w shy, quiet and reserved, and missed her family.

Holidays were spent travelling back to her parents alone, or visiting her grandmother in Scotland...her brother on the other hand was always invited skiing or to some holiday home by one of his legions of friends. Being bullied, being talked about, being SO alone...it wasn’t a happy time. But then university beckoned, and at last she felt as though she fitted in.

Fashion and design was a course that her brother had laughed out loud with scorn. But she had always loved the concept of fashion. And whilst she still hadn’t got over her shyness, and didn’t make friends easily, she loved every moment of her course.

She had a room on campus and socialised, just not as much as some, but then she was happy sitting in her room working on designs, some for her coursework, but once she got into things, she found the drawings she’d worked on over the years, simple designs that had been inspired by so many events and occasions through her youth, and started to work on them too.

She never knew whether it was her enthusiasm or diligence for her school or something completely different that brought her to the attention of David Symons, the honorary professor affiliated to the Faculty of Design. He was the one who lectured them about product design and marketing having been an executive designer with some of the biggest fashion houses in the country. And within a few lessons he seemed to have noticed her.

Before the term was out, he’d asked her out.

Sadie coughed and covered Heidi’s hand with her own, “Cosmo is not him, this isn’t the same.”

Heidi huffed out the breath she’d been unwittingly holding, venturing back to those days never made her comfortable, all those years later. “No? A married man...a scorned wife...I am NOT being the scarlet woman again Sadie, I am not.”

Nothing Left to Lose - Part Ten

Chapter Ten

Heidi felt much better when the alarm sounded a little later, she’d had some proper sleep as oppose to drunken slump.  But what to wear was her prime thought as she dragged herself into her spare room, which doubled as a dressing room and started the usual search for clothing. Heidi was inspired by mood when it came to clothes. She still found it hard to create work to demand, she was far better just meandering through the way her life was at any particular time. Today was bleak, dark and dim, and despite the obvious logic, that didn’t mean black funeral attire...it meant armour. Defensive and protective clothing. So she searched until she found her strapless red dress, ruched to hug her breasts, a broad sash below them tied in a large bow behind her, and it had a stiff skirt down to mid thigh. She loved this dress, because she LOVED her shiny red heels that matched it perfectly. Her hair had dried as she slept, so she swept it up in a chignon, then applied enough make up that she looked alive rather than dead.

It was safe to say she was dreading this approaching evening, meeting Cesare’s family filled her with a myriad of emotions, then there was her mother...and brother. Argh. But in her killer clothes she felt protected. That was as good as it got.

The Olive Grove was an upmarket restaurant, run by a celebrity chef. It was difficult, if not impossible to get a table; she presumed her mother or Cesare had leaned heavily on someone to accommodate them at short notice, but money talked in this world, she knew that. She was greeted from her taxi by a valet with a large umbrella, since leaving her home; the heavens had literally opened, so she was extremely grateful for the escort across the pavement.

The maitre d’ looked a little puzzled when she gave her mother’s name, and it was then she realised she still didn’t know Cesare’s surname. She tried Santini, but that was negative too. So she was offered a seat at the bar to wait. As she moved to the bar, she scanned the restaurant but there was no one there that she recognised.  Ordering a large glass of Pinot Grigio she perched on a stool and sighed.

The barman smiled at her as he set down the large glass of wine in front of her, “you look rather sad considering you must have a seat in THE most desirable restaurant in all of London town!”

She sipped the cold liquid and sighed, “you could be right! Maybe this wasn’t my choice?”

He nodded knowingly, “well...” he grabbed a shot glass and filled it with pink liquid. “...I strongly recommend this to liven your mood a bit?”

                “Why thank you!” she accepted the snifter, raising in to her lips then throwing back her head, the tart spicy cinnamon flavoured fluid warming a path to her stomach, going someway to settle her nerves. “I feel SO much better for that!”

He smiled and she thrust a note on the bar, “I’ll have one more, and take one yourself!”

Pocketing the note in his top pocket, he refilled her glass, then an identical one for himself. Clinking glasses they both downed the drink and she shuddered at the assault to her taste buds, then finally smiled.          

                “Wow! I can take on the World now.”

Lowering his head he whispered, “it looks like you may have to!”

She turned on her seat to see her mother waving from a table the other side of the restaurant; she gave a slight wave, then turned back to the barman, “did you HAVE to alert me to them?”

Chuckling, he cleared her shot glass and with a killer smile said, “getting pissed at the bar with me is not going to change anything. Good luck!”

Grinning, she added quickly, “you should be compulsory in every bar and restaurant!”

She could hear him laughing as she wove her way through the tables to her ‘family’ group.

Her mother stood to hug her as she arrived at the table, and for a moment she relaxed and no one else existed. But as they broke the embrace, she looked around the table; Cesare stood beside her mother, smiled affectionately then leaned close to kiss both her cheeks, then he turned to introduce her to firstly Eleni, then Nikos her brother. She knew what to expect with Eleni, and her sour expression and angry eyes neither surprised nor threatened her. Nikos on the other hand smiled warmly at her, extending a hand to shake hers genially and welcoming.

 The only spare seat was between Cesare and his son; Lucas was already there and had managed to sit between Eleni and their mother. As she lowered into the sat she almost collapsed with relief, Cosmo wasn’t there, and there were no other seats. This wouldn’t be as difficult as if he’d been there. She could do this.

                “It’s so lovely to see you again,” Cesare smiled as slid an arm around her shoulder and gave her a squeeze. She liked that, liked him immensely. “So how was your launch?”

And for that question she liked him even more, “good, it all went well thanks. Now got to start work on the next line! It’s never ending. How long are you here for?”

                “A couple of days, we have some planning for the wedding, and I also wanted to spend time with Eleni before she goes to America. Did you hear she has a part in a film?”

Heidi nodded, “my mother did mention that. How wonderful!” Turning to Nikos she offered, “and I hear you are the brains of the family.”

He laughed, unlike his raven haired father and sister, he was fair haired though he had the same warm eyes and generous smile of his father, “don’t let Eleni hear you say that! But then again, she’s more sexual chemistry than organic chemistry!” They both laughed, as they perused the menu and Heidi was grateful that she’d been sat next to him.

As she ate the seafood salad and the following beautiful fillet steak, Nikos provided comfortable conversation. He was funny and intelligent and they debated lots of issues. He’d lived in Britain for a few years and they’d had similar opinions on music, nightlife and even TV shows. Every time she looked across the table, Lucas was nauseatingly slathering over Eleni, apparently the girl could do no wrong. It made such a difference him chasing after someone; he was usually the object of unwanted affection. It was a first and Heidi was actually starting to enjoy the evening.

As they approached dessert, Cesare made a speech, thanking Heidi and Lucas for welcoming him so graciously into the family. Then came a throw away comment that once again ripped a hole in her heart and turned the evening on its head.

                “And thank you so much to Lucas agreeing to give your mother away, it makes such a difference to know that you are showing such open approval.”

Heidi looked at her mother who was beaming at Lucas with such pride. So that was why they’d met up the previous day. She knew that Lucas was the obvious person to give her away, but it all seemed so underhand, no one had as much as told her. It felt like such a snub, so pushed out that she had to struggle to fight the tears that suddenly welled behind her eyes. only her mother and brother could make her feel like this, and it was part of the reason she still missed her father so much, he was the one who looked out for her, her mother had always seen Lucas in a rose tinted hue.

Not wanting to make a fool of herself, she pushed back her chair and excused herself from the table; she needed a few moments to compose herself in the bathroom. From there she called Sadie.

                “She didn’t mention it? The bitch. You ok? Need me to come rescue you?”

That was why she’d called her best friend. Sadie was on her first proper date with the magazine editor, her very own Mr Big that she’d fallen into bed with several times. But she both answered her call, AND offered to leave the man of her dreams to come to her.

                “I love that you would; I just wanted your voice of reason. I did wonder whether I was being oversensitive.”

                “Nope. That bastard brother of yours gets far too much laid on a plate, and your mother can’t see him ever doing wrong. Keep strong chickadee ok?”

Hanging up she was buoyant once again, but as she left the bathroom, she detoured to the bar. The barman raised an eyebrow as he saw her approach, reaching for the same bottle of spirit.

                “That bad?” he asked filling a shot glass.

Shaking her head she reached for it, “worse! I am about to explode.”

He watched her as she slung the shot down her throat,                 “why don’t you just leave?”

Slamming down the glass she shook her head, “can’t. It’s a big thing, and I’ve got nothing serious enough to use as an excuse!”

                “Well getting shitfaced won’t necessarily be the answer.”

Nodding, she slid the empty glass along the bar to him and smiled, “you are very wise...like Tom Cruise in Cocktail?”

He guffawed, “now that’s a good comment! Wish I could frame it and hang it over the bar.” Leaning over the bar, he whispered in a conspiratorial manner, “If you’re desperate I’m willing to fake phone you?”

She laughed, “thank you. I’ll be sure to commend you to your boss; you are an asset that he probably under appreciates.”

The dinner was ending when she got back to the table. Her mother looked at her with a concerned questioning look but she merely smiled and sat back in her seat. Cesare stood then and ordered them all back to their hotel for champagne and more ‘ice-breaking’. She travelled with Nikos, which meant she had some time to prepare herself. She’d barely spoken to Eleni, and knew she’d have to make an effort once they got to the hotel; after all it would look suspicious if she didn’t, so she when she entered the bar and saw the family gathered at a table, she lowered herself into the seat adjacent to the beautiful model.

                “Hi! Us girls get a chance to talk now, hey?” she offered.

Eleni smiled, but it appeared as more of an aristocratic sneer, “and male conversation can be SO boring. I understand you work in fashion? I’ve never met your professionally have I?”

Heidi laughed, “only if a Hollywood star would lower herself to High Street fashion?”

“I’ve only ever done catwalk for major design houses.”

The humour was wasted on the other woman, and Heidi hated her a little but more. The thought that Cosmo was her husband that they lived together, did everything together made her feel sick.

                “Exactly!” She responded, eyes devoid of any emotion. She’d been wrong to even make an effort.

                “But you are making the wedding dress for your mother?”

Heidi sipped her wine for a moment before looking at the other woman, “yes. It’s only the third wedding dress I’ve made...” Suddenly she was in out of her depth, showing her vulnerability to someone who would use it to their advantage. She already knew that about Eleni despite this being their first meet. So she changed the topic of conversation. “Have you got your outfit sorted?”

Eleni looked down her nose at Heidi, “well surely as bridesmaids we’ll wear the same...saying that as I’m married I’ll be Matron of Honour.”

                “Of course...” Heidi again felt like she’d been slapped in the face. Waiting for a few moments to regain her composure, she smiled apologetically then excused herself, telling her mother she was tired, and left.

Back home she sat at the window looking out at the night and cried, just when she thought things couldn’t get any more difficult or her family couldn’t be any more selfish, her mother kept her out of the loop again. It seemed a lot had happened the previous day at the family meeting she’d been excluded from.

The next morning after another poor night’s sleep, she woke angry more than hurt. Her mother messaged her to confirm she’d arrive after lunch for her first dress fitting, and Heidi was waiting, her armour on, her defences lifted.

                “Hi darling,” her mother hugged her, kissing her cheek as she did. “You look better today, you were so pale yesterday.”

She shrugged, “it’s been a busy weekend.”

                “That it has. I have barely sat down.” She slid off the jacket that was hardly necessary on this warm early autumnal day, and dropped it and her bag on the sofa. “So where is it? I’ve been so excited.”

                “Eleni asked me about her bridesmaid dress last night...” She had to say this now, before her dress was in the picture, she wanted to say her piece without sullying the dress she’d so honestly put her heart and soul into.

                “Are you going to make them too?  It’s too much I thought.”

Heidi stared at her, eyes wide, but her mother seemed oblivious, “you’ve never mentioned it Mum! Last night I find out that Lucas is giving you away and Eleni’s your bridesmaid second hand. I feel really disappointed.”

                “I did tell you about the bridesmaid thing? I said I want you and Eleni!”

Heidi smiled sadly, “I would definitely have remembered that Mum. And before you suggest it, I’m not jealous of Lucas or anything; I just wish you’d told me. I really feel like a second class citizen in this family.”

Barbara rushed across the room to squeeze her hand, “I’m sorry sweetheart, I didn’t mean to make you feel pushed out. I really thought I’d asked you. It was in my mind to do it. It’s been all a bit of a rush...” Heidi couldn’t smile, she wasn’t feeling that generous.

Her mother squeezed her hand, “I suppose I’ve been spoiling Eleni as she’s devastated. She has phoned me every day for the last few weeks in tears. She won’t tell her father until after the wedding, but Cosmo has moved out of their home. She wants to work things out, but thinks that he doesn’t. Poor girl. I’m sorry that meant I left you out.”

Heidi offered a sympathetic response, suddenly her anxiety at her mother’s behaviour was swamped by the news that Cosmo was telling the truth, and she could barely concentrate for the pounding in her ears.

                “It must be awful, I’m glad you were there for her.”

It was obviously the right thing to say as her mother turned to her with a beaming smile, “I knew you’d understand.”

Heidi made for the kitchen and started to make a pot of tea needing to wipe the smile off her face before she returned to her mother.

Nothing Left to Lose - Part Nine

Chapter Nine

               

Heidi was overwhelmed. The gallery was sparkly, decorated, filled with delicious food and of course champagne. As soon as her and Sadie arrived she was inundated with questions, interviews and compliments. After an hour of schmoozing, came the actual fashion show, the presentation of the ladies wear that she’d spent three months perfecting.

Instead of sitting at the front in her designated seat, she stood at the back of the room trying to imagine how people saw the new designs being paraded around the room. There was applause, positive comments; she could only cross her fingers that this was viewed positively.

Once the presentation ended, Heidi slumped against the wall with relief. But the CEO of the supermarket company Mike wasn’t about to let her stay in the shadows. After a brief speech to commend the success of the clothing range over the last two years, noting the fact that there were journalists from publications like Grazia and Vogue was due to the versatility yet quality design of the range.

           “...and that is thanks in its entirety to the principal designer of HEM, Heidi Mortimer.”

As the room erupted in applause and the odd cat call, mainly from her staff who were all staring at her and laughing.

Sadie nudged her, “go on, this is your moment.”

With a groan of frustration, because she loved success - who wouldn’t, but she hated the attention, the photos...she strode purposefully towards the small runway that was the centre of the room.

Standing beside Mike, the man who’d negotiated the contract with her, she smiled, a little dazzled by the lights, and deafened by the continuing applause.

He turned to her and smiled, “this is all for you.”

She couldn’t describe her relief when he accompanied her from the runway without an interview, speech or verbal contribution. But as he helped her down the steps in her ridiculous heels, he grinned, “you are amazing. Who’d have thought you’d create this much interest, this much furore?”

She frowned a little, “I think it’s the accessibility to the product that is the phenomena here...if you over priced things then they’d never sell.”

That made him grin, “well we all enjoy a bargain. Enjoy your evening. You deserve it.”

Over the next hour everyone raved over her designs; she was interviewed by all the major fashion magazines, and asked to appear on several TV shows. She was reluctant, at the end of the day, this was a large commercial venture, she really didn’t see why she had to appear on breakfast TV and in National newspapers to promote an affordable line of clothing. But Mike had different ideas, he assured her that all publicity was good publicity and it was an opportunity not to be missed, so she was lined up to be interviewed the following week.

From a distance, Sadie watched Heidi work the room and breathed a sigh of relief; she was so glad that she was happy, coping, and sweeping around the room full of confidence. She was so resilient from the outside, but Sadie also knew a lot of that was a front. This was so far outside of her comfort zone, without the recent emotional trauma she’d suffered. But her friend was doing good, and it meant she could relax and drink another glass of champagne!

                “Shall we go on to a club?” Sadie asked when she finally caught up with Heidi. “We’ve got nothing to stop us. It’ll be fun! I’m not ready for the night to end.”

                “Mike said there’s a hospitality gathering in a club in the west end, but I’m not really that bothered.”

Sadie shook her head, “you are the talent here darling! This is ALL about you, this is your night. You should be spoilt and fussed over. We’ll go, and you’ll be adored...” as her friend’s eyes widened with horror at the thought, Sadie giggled, “...but if it’s rubbish we can discreetly leave!”

It was more of a gathering of suits, than a party. But for someone like Sadie, used to working a crowd, it was perfect and true to form she was Miss Charisma. Half a dozen of the older men flocked around her like moths around a light bulb, all desperate for a sliver of her attention. It meant that Heidi could stick to the sidelines, and after getting a drink, she moved to the side of the bar and stood back perusing the room. There were maybe fifty people there.

All executives from the retail company, there were a few people she recognised from previous fashion industry functions, but otherwise it was all pomp and no real substance to the evening. This was the side of things that Heidi hated. Polly, Margo and Catrin had left the launch for celebrations of their own, so she had moved to the bar and ordered bourbon. Back in college that had been her drink of choice, she rarely ventured that way these days. The taste of sour mash caused her teeth to clench, but the warmth spreading down her throat relaxed her like an old friend. Calming her fraught nerves.

As she turned to survey the room once more, a blonde man, maybe forty or more came and stood next to her.

                “The brains behind the designs?” he asked with a broad New York accent.

She gave a smile, “Heidi Mortimer. The brains I suppose, though the inspiration is a million people rolled in to one.”

He grinned, “I’m Dale, Dale Booth. I work for a rather large American shopping line.” He offered her a hand, and as she shook it, he added, “Congratulations on such a successful evening.”

As she smiled and dropped her hand awkwardly, he handed her a business card and she saw the name of a retail company that was a household name even across the pond.  “We’re very interested in your designs Ms Mortimer. We see you as a unique talent.”

She gasped at that, her heart pounding with adrenaline, an excitement that she fought to control, “really? And please call me Heidi!”

He nodded in accession, “we sell from so many different design labels, and we have our own extremely budget label, but we want to start an upper end range, you know an in house designer style that everyone form housewives to students will want a part of, and, well, we believe that the British take on fashion, the simple yet effective look is the way forward, and with the climate as it is value for money is the optimum principle. We’re impressed with the chain stores and supermarkets in this country, what they’ve been doing, and even more with your role in that mix! So I’m hoping that we could discuss a business venture.”

She stared at him eyes open wide hardly daring to breathe, since she was a child she’d wanted to work in the US, it was where everything happened, “what exactly did you have in mind?”

Dale shrugged, “in an ideal world, you’d move all out to New York and design the summer range. In a compromised realistic world it depends on your commitments. But we want you, and we’re willing to pay for you.”

She fought the surge of pleasure that comment caused, to be appreciated in this way was all she’d ever craved, “I have an exclusivity clause in my contract...”

He sighed, “then that means I have to offer you, and unfortunately your current ‘employers’ more!” Despite this confession he beamed excitedly, “I can go back to the board and draw up a very tempting offer? If you’re interested.”

She smiled flushed with pleasure and flattery, “this is such a surprise! I...er...”

He leaned close and grinned, “if you want to secure the best deal, know your own value, stonewall face!” When she looked quizzically at him, he added, “don’t act quite so surprised, you’ll be dreadfully undervalued. Can I contact you? Can we lay a deal on the table?”

Nodding, she dug in her small bag for her own business card, “I am definitely interested!”

Chuckling again he held a finger to his lips, “close to chest Heidi, keep your desires close to your chest!”

With a smile and a wave, he turned and left.

                “Wowee! Who the bloody hell was that?”

Heidi turned to Sadie who’d appeared beside her out of the blue, and handed her the business card, “someone wanting to poach me to design in the US. Apparently they’re willing to buy me out of this contract...”

When she looked up, Sadie’s eyes were wide as she waved the card, “shit Heidi! This guy’s the MD! He approached you himself?”

She shrugged, “yeah why?”

Sadie was shaking her head in amazement, “you know this is a multimillion dollar business, one of the biggest consumer companies in the United States...and the MD...the M.D. no less, approached you directly! For fuck’s sake Heidi! That guy must be worth gazillions, and you were just chatting like he was just any old suit!”

She refused to listen to the traumatic reaction that her body had to that news, “he was nice! He told me not to be so surprised, to play things closer to my chest!”

Sadie was stunned, “well if he’s still interested in working with you, I reckon you’ll get whatever you want! He warned you how to play him for more money? About time you had a change in fortune. WOW!”

Heidi rolled her eyes, then remembered the following day and all that is promised to bring, “so it’s two am, I have a family get together tomorrow.”

But her plans to return home dissolved as linking her arm through her friend’s Sadie smiled, “all the more reason to head to a certain nightclub where a certain Prince Harry has reportedly been seen dancing with a well known actress...how can you refuse that? You know how reliable my contacts are!”

Needless to say Harry was long gone, but the euphoria at the success of the evening, meant they were both in a cafe eating bacon sandwiches and black coffee at five am, before seeking out taxis to get them home.

And boy did Heidi regret it.

RING RING...RING RING...

Heidi heard her phone before she could open her eyes. So blindly she felt around for her bag, then connected the call. Neither opening her eyes, nor acknowledging that she was upside down in her bed.

                “Heidi?” Her mother sounded more than euphoric, “I’ve booked a table for seven at the Olive Grove. Do you know it? Cheryl says it’s great!”

Heidi tried to pry her eyes open, to glance at the clock, but couldn’t. Sinking back into bed she sighed, “I hear it’s nice enough. Not been there, but Sadie has. Said she’d go again.”

             “Wonderful,” her mother breathed unaware of the wooden response of her daughter.

Heidi took a deep breath, “so what are you doing today?”

              “Cesare is taking me shopping; we’ll come straight to the restaurant, I don’t know what time we’ll finish on Regent Street. See you in a couple of hours, look forward to it darling.”

As she hung up, Heidi realised that it was a lot later than she imagined. With a groan she opened her eyes, squinting as the light felt blinding; finally she managed to focus on the clock, which proudly blinked one forty two pm.

“Shit!” she groaned aloud, knowing that she was going to look and feel like death for this meal.

Barely able to stand up in the shower, she eventually got clean, downed a post alcohol recovery remedy and some dry toast, then snuggled back under her duvet, setting her alarm for five pm.