Chasing Rainbows - Chapter Thirty Six

Chapter Thirty Six

 

                “The Japanese?”

Jacob smiled at her attempt to keep him on track, “sorry, I digress; you are a distraction young lady.” Emma rolled her eyes, and he laughed again, “ok, the Japanese, I met with them in London and basically, it’s taken a while but they’ve bought my concept. For a pretty obscene amount of money.”

Pulling back in his arms she stared at him, “and you didn’t tell me?”

He sighed, “the deal will be worth more than fifty million dollars.”

Emma felt sick, she pulled herself into sitting, putting much needed distance between them, “what?”

It was a quiet utterance and scared Jacob for a moment.

He sat up too, “yes Emma, fifty million. And that scared me ok? Do you think this has been easy to deal with? I mean everyone says that money makes things easier, but in my experience it’s quite the opposite.”

She stood, wrapping her arms around herself, and suddenly she was more distant than ever.

That wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Jacob stood and marched over to Emma, determined that he’d not let her misunderstand him, not let her run away.

                “Emma, don’t do this, I know I’ve hidden this, but YOU haven’t been completely honest with me either, you know that. We’ve been in a cat and mouse chase since we met. Neither knowing what the other is thinking, you have to see that.”

She had tears in her eyes, the pain in her pained him, “I’ve not lied to you. Not like that.”

He laughed then, throwing back his head, “you hid from me, deliberately avoided me, you went on dates with Theo Samuel, everything I said you did the opposite.”

                “You’re not my father, YOU don’t rule what I do, and you don’t dictate to me.”

                “I’m not trying to dictate, all I’ve ever done is try to work things out, you on the other hand have buried your head in the sand. I’ve had a lot of time to think about things, you act Emma, for a living you take on other people, become other people, and I wonder if that’s what everything is about, is the real Emma White too scared to be herself.”

She slapped him, he didn’t see it coming and it bloody hurt, “I am NOT scared, the real Emma White is the person who wants a husband who doesn’t lie to her!”

He laughed, his fingers tentatively fingering his stinging cheek, “I haven’t lied to you. That’s where you’re wrong. So I omitted to tell you that I had this big deal on the table, and that was wrong, but I did it because I was finding it hard to cope with, I couldn’t get my head around it. Yes you are right that years of never being enough to my parents knocked my self esteem, I can admit to that. Since you’ve come into my life a lot more things are starting to make sense to me. What if the deal fell through? What if I promised you the world and it all fell apart? I have NEVER wanted to be a man, a success as much as I have since I’ve known you. And this was that chance. And I had to face the reality that it might change how you felt about me.”

Emma was drowning in depths of the conversation, she wanted to believe him, she wanted to just melt into his arms, but she didn’t trust easily, and that was her sticking point. Then there was him, his warm all seeing brown eyes, his hair, mussed from the night of sleep, and his bare chest, broad and enticing, he was overwhelming her every sense and she needed to keep herself a float.

                “It was easier to be married than get divorced, I heard you say that. I thought it was because you didn’t want to be obligated to me,” she offered. He had backed her up to the wall and his hands were either side of her head and she couldn’t escape his glare.

                “Admittedly I did say that. When we first tried to deal with this. But you seem to forget, it was as much of a shock to me as it was to you.”

Emma bit her lip not wanting to cry anymore, she was all out of tears, “you only want this baby Jacob, after that time at my parents...you left London and didn’t come back. Not until you knew...”

He was staring at her with incredulity, she could see that now, and as he gave a slow shake of the head, his hand came up to cup her cheek, his fingers filtering into her hair, “I have not wanted to lose you since I first got you. When I saw you staring at those bloody shoes back in Vegas I experienced the hugest bolt of lust through my body that I’d ever known. Since then I have tried to win you over, admittedly often that was in a ham-fisted way, I’m not good at this, I don’t date, and I don’t do emotions. I didn’t think I could.”

He sighed and it was all Emma could do to breathe, “Emma I love you, I’ve lusted after you forever, since the shoes, since the singing out of the limo roof, since all those trips to your bed, but it’s more than that, I swear. THIS is more than lust.” He punched himself in the chest, “it hurts when I’m not with you, there’s too much pain, I can’t concentrate, I’m driving Andy mad, this deal should have been sewn up months ago, but I’ve been so distracted that I have been putting it off. I know you don’t love me, but sometimes I think you like me, we have had some great laughs haven’t we?”

She was worrying her lip as he spoke, she more than liked him, but she still didn’t feel that she could share her deepest thoughts and emotions. Instead she nodded, “you can be great company.”

He rolled his eyes, “and THAT ladies and gentlemen is why this lady is about to break Hollywood!”

The pain in his humour hurt her, but she couldn’t change what she‘d said, and when he realised that he backed away.

                “OK. I get it. This isn’t the greatest actor in the world; you really don’t have feelings for me, any feelings.”

When he turned his head away she wondered if his eyes had filled with tears, there was that much emotion in his voice.

                “I’m going to Andy’s; I can stay there for a while. I have to decide how to manage this...” he started to pace the room, “I mean I honestly thought...” He gave an ironic laugh, “I can’t be just friends Emma, I thought I could, but I can’t. I don’t know how this can work...but I’ll sort it. Later.”

As he spoke he’d pulled jeans on over his boxers, and was now retrieving a t-shirt from a drawer, covering his body.

Emma sighed, then watched as he made for the door, away from the bedroom, away from the house, and away from her...from them, because she wasn’t able to express her feelings, to tell him how she felt. Stepping sideways she reached the door at the same time as him, reaching out to grasp his upper arm. He was level with her, frozen in time as he turned to look at her.

                “Don’t...unless you mean it. It’s all or nothing Emma.”

Giving an almost imperceptible nod, she stepped fully into his path and reached up to cup his face, her lips following to find their opposite number.

For Jacob it was everything, she may not be able to tell him how she felt, he could understand that, they’d both been shy with their emotions, but as her hands ran into his hair and tongue ran over his bottom lip, then he knew that she felt the same way as him. With a groan of an unknown emotion, he pulled her close, taking over the torture that was her kiss, his was demanding, unforgiving, and she responded with fervour, just as he knew she would. They’d always had this, this passion and desire between them, but as she clung to him, dizzy with need, the pressure of her distended stomach reminded him that they had far more than just lust, now they had a future.

HIs hands slid under her vest, lifting as they coursed up her body. A body that was bursting at the seams, more voluptuous than it ever had been, and whilst he’d always appreciated her curves, now he was in meltdown. Lifting his head, parting their lips, he pulled the vest over her head, then looked down at those creamy pale breasts that spilled out of his hands and a bolt of heat shot through him.

                “Emma...” his eyes came back to hers, and he felt overwhelmed, but she merely smiled. He only wore a pair of cotton shorts, and when Emma’s eyes dropped over his body, any doubt as to how he felt, how much he wanted her was eliminated as his body surged.

Laughing she led him to the bed, and that moment of clarity was all it was, the desperation to make up for the last six months was there, vivid, and within seconds, Emma was spread across the bed writhing in delight as Jacob showed her just how much he loved her, in every possible way, until she was exploding in awe, and then finally he joined her, thrusting into her and finding that unique sensation that was just them. Just Emma and Jacob.

After he held her, guilt at how incredibly out of control he’d been, worrying that he’d hurt her, hurt the baby. And it took a while for Emma to sense his quietness.

                “You ok?” She craned her neck back so that she could see him face, his closed eyes and his frown.

Reaching out she stroked the worry lines between his eyes, waiting for him to relax, to open his eyes and look at her. When he didn’t she sighed, “you avoiding me?”

He shook his head, “just...”  He sighed unable to vocalise his words.

                “You promised we’d be honest, that we wouldn’t do this again Jacob, don’t hide from me.”

Finally he looked at her and she hated the pain that still filled his eyes, “we’re supposed to be happy now, happy ever after.”

He closed his eyes again, “did I hurt you? I got carried away...”

Emma laughed, “really? That’s what this is about?” Shaking her head, she rolled so that she could lift herself above his prostrate body, “Jacob Coren, if I didn’t already love you to the point that it is almost killing me, then I’d love you for that...you have just given me fifty shades of pleasure here in this very bed, and you worry you hurt me? You are one crazy man!” She kissed his lips, lips that still tasted of her, and she almost lost her chain of thought. “I’m pregnant, not made of glass, ok?”

When she looked at him again she could see the wonder in his eyes, “what?”

He laughed, “you love me?”

It was Emma’s turn to look incredulous, “you doubted that?” When he shrugged she smiled, “from the moment I smashed your mother’s case you have occupied my every thought, and that was before I realised how your mother was, how she’d react to the damage...You are the most genuine and generous man I’ve ever met, and I can’t quite believe that you’ve kept going, all those times I pushed you away, you were the one who knew we’d get here. Not me, I never had confidence in me, never thought that I could be this...be a half of a normal relationship. Maybe like you that was because I was hammered into accepting that by my over enthusiastic parents.”

Jacob’s hand touched her face, and the sensation was electric, “this is hardly a normal relationship Emma.”

                “And neither of us would want normal. It’s full of fire, passion and electricity, and I can live with that, as long as you love me.”

She nodded, hating that tears were starting to well in her eyes, “damn you hormones!”

Chuckling, Jacob slid his hand down to lie over the baby and was rewarded with a kick that took his breath away. “If I ever doubted that I loved you, if I ever thought this was wrong, the moment I knew you were pregnant that changed. I KNEW it was right, knew this was meant to be. I’d give it all up, my ideas, the money, all of it for you.”

Now the tears were flowing, Emma buried her head into Jacob’s shoulder and as he held her sobbing body, he couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of it all, but then loving Emma was never going to be boring, that was the one thing he could guarantee, because marrying her had been the best and most exciting thing he’d ever accidentally done.