Nothing Left to Lose - Part Seven

Chapter Seven

Another restless night, with Heidi processing all that had happened the night before meant she woke as tired as she'd been going to bed. The moment she saw Cosmo the night before her heart had skipped a beat, finally she knew what her mother meant when she asked if her heart surged when Casey walked in the room. She hadn’t known what that meant. Now she did. The half a dozen brief encounters with the beautiful Greek had given her more spark, more pleasure and more to live for than six months with Casey.

But he was married, and last night, she’d seen the harsh reality of that. Eleanora Santini. It was no wonder Cesare and her mother gushed at the mere mention of her name. Maybe if Heidi herself didn’t work in the fashion industry she’d not be as familiar with the name. But the woman who had stood on stage last night graciously accepting a lead role for a sure to be blockbuster film, was the same woman who had taken the fashion world by storm over the last few years. She was more than glamorous, her natural blonde highlights were a contrast to her olive skin and dark eyes, she was as exotic as she was unique. And she was married to Cosmo...and she was NO competition. What was she thinking?

By seven am her head hurt as much from the lack of sleep as the after effects of alcohol, but it was a Saturday and for once she had nothing planned.

The tall windows at one end of her lounge looked out onto a small park, a prime view for London, so she threw them open, put on a pot of coffee, and sank into the armchair nearest the window with the newspaper and some croissants she’d warmed in the oven. The perfect start to the day.

Then her phone rang...she grinned when she saw Sadie’s name on the screen.

                “Girlfriend! How’s your trip?”

Sadie giggled, “good...may have rekindled an affair with a certain magazine editor!”

Her on/off relationship with said editor of a rival gossip mag was a source of much amusement and many hours of analysis between the two.

                “Get away! Tell me more.”

It was almost half an hour later that the conversation turned to Heidi’s night.

                “I went to the Andre Fousek’s film launch thing last night...with Polly she was on a promise with that photographer that did the summer photo spread for the London paper.”

                “Who was there? I hear he’s using a screen play of that book...”

Heidi interrupted her, “yes, and it’s staring my rather beautiful sister in law to be. Can you believe THAT irony?”

Sadie was silent for a moment, “you mother is marrying Eleanora Santini’s father?”

                “Yup...which means that...”

                “OMG. The delightful Cosmo is her husband?”

For Heidi it was the moment when this all started to seem real, and she fought a little tear that threatened to fall, “so for all his flattery and flirting, I now KNOW that he’s winding me up.”

Sadie was quick to jump on her melancholy, “no. Don’t think that. He was keen, interested. Just because you aren’t a model, that isn’t everything chickadee, you know that.”

                “Tell me more about the man asleep beside you.” As subject changes went it was dramatic, but a barely hidden giggle from Sadie made Heidi realise her bed partner had woken up. “Ah...I’m no gooseberry. I’ll call you later?”

Sadie was reluctant to hang up, but Heidi needed some space, some time. Not even her best mate was a substitute to that.

She felt humiliated, that was what hurt her the most. She’d known that he was playing with her, toying with her affections, but it wasn’t enough, she’d believed him, got sucked in. Now she had nothing but a bruised ego, and a level of awkwardness that would make further family occasions very difficult. More than difficult.

Despite her mental anguish, it was so lovely to relax, to have no agenda. Especially after the chaos of the last few weeks. She read, drank more coffee and listened to the radio for far too long. Lucas called mid morning disturbing her sanctity, and as usual, it was no courtesy call, he wanted a ride to the airport, but her car was off the road so she had to turn him down.

                “Where are you going?”

He laughed, “to see Mother. She’s stressed with this wedding, I figure if I turn up that’s one thing less to worry about!”

                “You are so generous!” she offered sarcastically, annoyed that now she’d recced the situation he could suddenly find the time and inclination to visit their mother, but as usual he was far too oblivious to any of her anguish, and he was still laughing when he hung up.

Lunch passed, fresh Caesar salad, ate again in her sun kissed lounge.  Then refreshed and finally feeling more human, she worked on a few designs later in the afternoon, she loved to work at home, and this time it was for her mother’s wedding dress, so it was even more special. She loved designing, for herself and for work, but something as special as a wedding dress for her mother, it made her feel SO excited, so unique and it was such a privilege.

She’d discussed ideas with her mother when she’d been in Cyprus, so she had a lot of options. And whilst she was busy she found it easier not to think about the night before.

Not that it was that easy, because despite her protests that they could never be together, Heidi desperately craved more of Cosmo, his funny, intelligent conversation, his knack of knowing what she was thinking, his beautiful eyes...and his lips. She shook her head, she had to stop this, the previous night had proved that it was all lies. Cosmo definitely wanted to have his cake and eat it. She’d been second best before, and she would not let that happen again. She would not be the ‘other’ woman, no matter how beautiful or how perfect the man.

She worked well with the plans; inner torment seemed to spur her on ironically. It was mid afternoon when she realised that she hadn’t eaten since lunchtime. The cupboards were empty, so she decided to stroll to the local shop. Pulling a strappy dress out of her wardrobe, she threw off her short pyjamas and slid the dress on over her underwear then grabbed some mule sandals, her large shades, and left.

It was a beautiful day, people lounged in the park on picnic blankets, the tables on the pavements outside bars and cafes were full, everyone was smiling, enjoying the day. Except her, because nothing spelled out her loneliness like seeing everyone else happy.

In the local shop she picked up a few bottles of white wine, some fresh pasta, lemon and sage, then her favourite organic chicken from the butchers next door. It was enough to feed and water a small army, but she had a freezer, she’d save the remainder for another day.

Back in the apartment she was unloading her bags when the phone rang; it was her mother, gushing at the arrival of her Golden Boy Lucas. Everything was perfect in the Mortimer house.

                “I’ve started on your dress!” Heidi finally added once she’d finished listening to how wonderful her brother was for the umpteenth time.

                “Oh! That’s wonderful!”

She smiled at her mother’s pleasure, “I’ll try and come over in a few weeks when I’ve started the actual construction, ok?”

                “I should come to you, it’s been a while...”

Heidi laughed, “that would be great, but then you live in a warm almost tropical paradise...I do love getting away from London.”

That made her mother giggle, “wherever you are it’ll be amazing to see you again. But if you do come over Cesare will love to see you. You can cheer him up.”

She slumped back in her chair, “why, what’s wrong?”

She could hear her mother sigh, “Eleni, his daughter. She’s going to America; she’s got a part in a film. He’ll miss her, but then he’s worried too.”

When she sighed, Heidi felt she had to reluctantly ask, “why?”

Barbara gave a groan, “he’s worried that this will be the end of her marriage.”

Her heart skipped a beat, “oh yes?”

Oblivious to the almost euphoric sensations rushing through her daughter, she continued, “well Cosmo is a steadying influence on Eleni, you met him, he’s a well rounded man. Sensible, you know? Well reading between the lines, I think there are problems there. I do feel sorry for him, because she seems high maintenance. But if they split it’ll kill Cesare, he thinks of Cosmo as a son.”

                “So will she miss the wedding?” Heidi leaned against the work surface, her whole body shivering with emotions she could barely describe. She tried to maintain a normal conversation whilst her mind raced in a dozen different directions. Maybe he was telling the truth. Maybe they did have problems. But he was still with her, the moral voice in her head counteracted. Plus she didn’t want to be the reason they split, that would cause too much damage.

                “Oh no!” her mother laughed, a light tinkling sound, “Cesare is devoted to her, there’s no way. We’ll change the date before she misses it!”

Suddenly Heidi panicked, “well don’t bring it forward! I have a timescale for the dress you know.”

Her mother chuckled assuring her that she wouldn’t cut into that time and expressing her excitement at having a dress made by her daughter, before hanging up, promising to speak soon.     

Heidi sat back at her work station, but the momentum from earlier had gone so she opened a bottle of the wine turned on some music and lounged on the sofa with her book. She’d started in on the beach in Cyprus, but with things being so busy she hadn’t looked at in the weeks since she’d been home.

She must have nodded off because something woke her with a start.  She sat up and looked around, shivering in the skimpy dress, the windows still open the breeze now lacking any warmth. She looked at her watch, shocked that it was eight o’clock; she’d spoken to her mother at just before four.

The intercom buzzed and she realised that was what had woken her. Staggering slightly, she crossed the room and lifted the handset, unable to imagine who was coming to see her.

                “Hello?”

                “Heidi?” She gasped at the word, the voice was warm, smooth, and her name was said ‘Hi-deeeee’ a soft caress more than a name and it made her knees weak. She took a deep breath, trying to control her racing heart, knowing she was flushed with longing. One word and she was undone.

                “What do you want Cosmo?”

Via the intercom she had the benefit of distance, she could control this.

                “You!” A second word, delivered in the same manner had EXACTLY the same effect as the first. She slid down the wall to sit on the floor.

It took several moments before she could compose herself enough to answer, “Cosmo. I have nothing to say to you.”

She heard him sigh into the intercom, “look I know you probably hate me, I just want to explain a few things. I’m rarely in London, and I won’t be again for a long time. I just want to clear the air. I admit I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t seen you last night, I promised to give you space, time. But I just need to explain...things.”

Did he? Could he? The only thing she knew was that she was desperate to see him, nauseating, embarrassing, but true.

Taking a deep breath, she buzzed him into the flat.

It took only a few seconds for him to climb the three flights.

By that time she’d pulled herself back to her feet and was stood at the closed door when he knocked. Pulling it open she sighed. There he stood, dressed in jeans and a dark t-shirt, she’d not seen him in anything less than a suit since she’d first met him, other than the shorts at the beach was completely different. Seeing him relaxed, casual...it was enlightening.

                “Hi Heidi.” Cosmo stayed where he was on the doorstep, but he took the opportunity to drink in every inch of her, she was like an oasis in the desert, all curves and flushed cheeks with those sparkling eyes that he already loved. He’d barely stopped thinking about her since the moment he’d seen her sat with his father-in-law in the restaurant in Cyprus.

She reciprocated the look, he knew she was studying him appreciatively, and it became a highly charged moment, then she stepped back to allow him into her home. He marched past her and stood on the rug in front of the fire turning to her.

                “I just wanted you to know that I meant what I said to you when we were at Arun’s book launch. I want to end my marriage; I should never have married her. What you saw last night...”

She turned to him with a snarl, not letting him finish, “Eleanor Santini? Eleanor Santini?” It was more hiss than voice. “You never told me that she was a supermodel. I thought she was some anonymous, ten-a-penny underwear or catalogue model, but no. She’s THE model. Most famous, most successful...voted best legs, most beautiful woman in EVERY magazine, a supermodel and now actress! Is there anything she can’t do? Any prize she hasn’t won? Why didn’t you tell me who she was?”

He hated the pain in her eyes, and realised that once again he could see humiliation, she thought that this was all a game, that he wasn’t truly interested in her. He reached for her hand, but she snatched it away. “I thought you knew. Cesare has never called her Eleanor, she’s always been Eleni, but he’s her biggest fan, he rarely talks about anything else. I presumed you knew. I’m sorry.”

He could see that she was struggling to fight tears, and he felt like the worst man alive. He placed a hand on each of her upper arms, “can I please just explain? I want to tell you everything. Hear me out, then I’ll leave, I won’t bother you again.”

He was rewarded with her large sad eyes lifting up to stare at hers, as though she was looking for any hint of humour or insincerity, she was even more beautiful in that moment and his heart surged. She eventually shrugged, “I suppose I can. Do you want a glass of wine?”

Relief washed over him and he nodded enthusiastically, “that would be great.” He lowered himself in to one of the armchairs and watched her get a glass from a cupboard across the room then pour some of the straw coloured liquid from the chilled bottle.

Taking the glass he took a long sip, then turned to her as she curled up on her feet in the seat opposite him, “Cesare was a friend of Edward’s; I met him through my step dad. When Edward died, and I took on his businesses, I realised that we had a large chunk of mutual ground, so we merged some of our businesses. It was a good deal for us both.” He drank again savouring the cold sharpness of the wine.           
                “He’s a great guy Cesare, like an uncle to me, but there was always a dark cloud in his life. Eleni was the only thing that he worried about. She was drinking, doing drugs, generally drawing attention of the unsavoury variety to herself; she was staring out in the modelling business and the fame went to her head. She’s so easily led; she took everything offered, left no stone unturned in her quest to be the best. She’s needy and thrives on being adored. Cesare thought she was going to self destruct.

He sighed, “she was visiting one day, so I got involved as a friend, talked to her, tried to help her. She started to confide in me, how she constantly sought out approval from her father, from other men, it was all rather tragic.

“I suppose at some point I grew fond of her, and she became dependent on me, if I went away on business she’d hit the bottle, or worse. The only solution occurred when I asked her to marry me.” He looked up at Heidi, “I’m not here wanting your pity. I chose my wife, I made that decision, but I can honestly say back then that the affection I had for her felt like enough, I thought I genuinely loved her, and I thought that meant accepting everything.” He laughed. “But the last few weeks, meeting you, being with you, hell even thinking about you. You light up my life in a way she never has. I crave you; I need you in way I’ve never experienced before. It’s made me realise that I should never have married her. That I settled for something I should never have.”

She’d been silent and expressionless throughout his monologue he had no idea what she was thinking and he was almost holding his breath when she finally spoke, you’re still married though.”

He nodded; there was no denying that, “I told her, after Cyprus, that it was over.” Seeing her eyes flare he smiled softly, “don’t worry I’ve not mentioned anyone else, and never you. But I’ve been to a solicitor about the spilt, started putting things in motion. But she wants to keep it from her father until after the wedding, whatever she is, she loves Cesare and this will hurt him, we both know that. I can see why she wants to let him enjoy his day first. This trip was planned ages ago, she told me she’d go off the rails if I didn’t come with her to London, and like the fool I am, I came. I can’t let this all go bad. I owe that to Cesare. I’m just hoping that the role she’s just got in Andre Fousek’s film will be her new crutch, that I can leave her and things will go smoothly.”

Heidi was watching him suspiciously, “seems to me she knows exactly what to say to keep you sweet. So who’s to say that she won’t keep holding this over you forever?”

He shrugged, “I suppose I have to just keep trying. I’ll speak to Cesare once he’s married your mother. Then hopefully he can help me. I’m not stepping back, not now.”

Heidi was sat back in the chair, contemplating her words, “I’m really sorry to hear that things are difficult. But you can see I can’t be part of it, that I can’t be on the scene.”

He nodded, “I can see things clearly now, I don’t want to be married to someone I have to watch over like a brother. I want to end it regardless. Meeting you put things into such obvious black and white; I HAVE to do this for me. You know that I want you...more than anything, but I know that it’ll take time, but hopefully one day...who knows.”

Standing she started to pace the room, when she looked at him he was almost scared by the expression on her face, “we can’t see each other again though Cosmo, you know that? Not like this, not alone. If someone sees us this will all be my fault, and I’m not being a scarlet woman, a marriage breaker. OK?”

He joined her, and took her hand, this time she didn’t fight him, “I’ll still think of you every day, when the dust settles, maybe we can...”

He didn’t finish the sentence but she knew what he meant. Giving a nod, she looked up into his eyes, “who knows? We’ll have to see.” She sighed, “thanks for telling me this Cosmo. It has meant a lot.”

Nodding abruptly he stepped back from her, “I’ll go. But thanks for hearing me out.”

Watching him move towards the door, Heidi followed him out into the hallway, suddenly bereft that he was leaving. Pausing at the door, he turned and she knew the moment he spotted the tears welling in her eyes. With a groan he cupped her cheeks using his thumb to wipe them away so gently.  

“It’s just ironic that I meet you when I can’t have you. I’m sorry for disrupting your life. I never wanted to make you sad.”

His contact on her skin was taking over her thoughts, and she struggled to hear his words, her whole body desired him, “It’s been a pleasant disruption, despite it all.” It was a weak reply, but it was all she could manage to breathe in response. As she stepped back she blushed, she could feel heat swirling in her pelvis, her nipples had hardened at the thought of his touch, and she regretted not wearing a bra earlier, her tight cotton dress did little to hide her excitement.

She knew the second he spotted the same, his eyes widened and her name escaped his lips almost with regret, “Heidi!”

His voice was a whisper that seemed to beat down the last layer of her defence, before she could take control of herself, before she could even think what she was doing, she threw her arms around his neck, pulling his face to hers, thrusting her lips on to his open and still shocked mouth. 

Nothing Left to Lose - Part Six

Chapter Six

Heidi heard her own sigh, London was a huge City; there were hundreds of bars, hotels. How the hell had these two men ended up in the same place as her by utter chance? Then she chastised herself, she needed to pull herself together. She glanced at Sadie and saw she was staring open mouthed at the Greek god. Suddenly Casey was very much overlooked.

                “I’m ok,” Heidi murmured to him as she was swamped by his warm eyed gaze, “honestly.”

Cosmo almost snarled at Casey as he replied, “rubbish! Where I live no man would DARE address a woman like that! You owe her an apology.”

                “I LIKE this man!” Sadie laughed, taking in the exchange with great interest.

But Casey wasn’t as enthusiastic, “who the hell do you think you are?” He finally mustered up the balls to question Cosmo.

Cosmo turned to the other man, “I am a friend, and I will not see Heidi be spoken to like that!”

Casey started to argue, but then realised that Heidi wasn’t even bothered, she was unable to take her eyes off the other man. So shaking his head he gave a snarl, a “you’re not worth the hassle,” then walked away.

Sadie was sat jaw slack staring between the two, then started nudging Heidi without a hint of subtlety, desperate for an introduction.

Heidi sighed with exasperation, “Sadie, this is Cosmo, my...er...step brother-in-law to be?” she raised an eyebrow at him, and he grinned. After shaking his hand, Sadie managed to control her surprise, and appreciation of the man, instead she smiled at Heidi.

                “And also the keeper of her shoes!” He offered breaking the silence.

Both women spun around to look at him with surprise. He nodded, “beautiful as they are, I still need to return them to you. Can I pass them on now?”

Heidi shrugged, “I didn’t think I’d see them again!”

He inclined his head in the direction of Sadie, “will you excuse us for a moment?”

Sadie had a grin on her face as she nodded eyes still wide, taking in every part of this exchange.

                “I wasn’t searching for or following you!” Cosmo announced leading her in to the foyer. “The author of that book is a good friend, I’m here for that, he invited me ages ago, I didn’t think I’d make it, but your mother seems to have an amazing affect on Cesare, he is covering for me. I did intend to return the shoes when I got the chance. They’re in my apartment.”

                “And you want me to go there for them?” she asked suspiciously.

He shrugged a response, so she turned to look at him, her heart lurching at his beautiful eyes, “I don’t think I should do that Cosmo.”

He sighed, reaching for a curl and tucking it behind her ear, trying not to feel pain when she flinched away from him.

                “I can’t agree Heidi. I’ve told Eleni it’s over, I want you.”

Heidi’s jaw dropped open in shock, “don’t say such ridiculous things!”

He took her hand and held it firmly, not letting her pull away, “it’s not stupid or ridiculous. Heidi, you’ve turned my world upside down. I’ve never wanted to be with anyone as much as you...it’s made me look at my life and I don’t like what I have. I know it sounds selfish, but you...you are exactly what I want, what I need.”

Holding up her hand she silenced him, “if you want to leave Eleni that’s your choice. But I can’t be part of this Cosmo, surely you see that? We spent a couple of evenings together, that’s it.”

                “But...”

                “No buts. If your marriage is over that has to be your decision. It can’t be due to me, just on a whim to bounce headlong into something with me.”

Cosmo reached out to cup her jaw in his strong, long fingered hand, “I want you Heidi, can’t you see that? I have never felt this way about anyone else, are you telling me you don’t feel the same? Do you want that rude impression of a real man who was insulting you in there? Is he a better prospect than me? Do you feel the same way about him?”

She smiled, her heart racing, her body burning at his touch, she had never felt an attraction to anyone, like she did him, but that was all it was, attraction, “what I feel or think is really incidental. So we were attracted to each other, it’s not everything...it would be selfish for us to even think that we can just drop everything.....too many people would get hurt. I’m not being blamed for your marriage ending. And that is what will happen.”

                “I can’t think sensibly, I WANT to be selfish....Hell I want you Heidi!”

Tears threatened at her eyes as she looked at the desire, the longing in his eyes, his face, his touch, but she saw her mother, her happiness. She knew she couldn’t be the one to compromise that.

                “Sorry Cosmo....” she stretched onto tip toes and kissed his tanned cheek. “We can’t. Not because I don’t think you are special, but because it’s not right.” She half smiled, ignoring the pain ripping through her body, “you can bin the shoes, or post them to me. I don’t mind. But I can’t do this. WE can’t.”

Then she turned on her heel and headed back into the party.

An hour later she excused herself and headed home, alone. And cried into her pillow at the memories of how that man made her feel, at all that she’d thrown away.

Work was extremely busy, in truth the book launch had been an extravagance of time she could ill afford, and for the next two weeks, she worked long hours, occasionally sleeping at the office, but as the weekend D-day approached, they completed everything that they had to do. Next was the launch.

“Polly!” Heidi called as she hung up her final call. “Shall we hit the town?” She straightened her peacock feather print sleeveless top over her skinny jeans, then found her heeled boots under the desk. After a week in rags, nose to the grindstone, it was time to glam up once more.

Polly appeared at the door and grinned, “whatever you say boss!”

                “Cool! I say party!” she picked up the phone again. “Let’s get this show on the road!” She called the production room, a small workshop that made up her prototype designs. She did a lot of the work herself, but Catrin and Margo were the two students who diligently got everything done.

The four of them headed out to a nearby restaurant, over spicy fajitas and cold Mexican beer they laughed and rejoiced at the success of another season. Catrin and Margo were students on the same course that Heidi had studied, and their influence and work was invaluable, but mutually so was the experience they were getting through actually working in the industry. It was a mutually beneficial relationship, and fortunately the four got on extremely well too.

“So!” Heidi announced pushing her plate away, “once I thank you AGAIN for your diligence, patience and exceptional work...” they all laughed and chinked glasses to that. “Well...I think we should hit a few bars, have some fun!” She waved for the bill and paid for all their food, and amidst a barrage of gratitude for footing the bill, she led them rather rowdily into the pub a few doors along the street.

Polly was efficient and quiet in the office, but was a lot wilder out of work, and soon the other three were dissolving in giggles at her dancing Dirty Dancing style with a stranger, in the middle of the bar.

Wine was fast flowing and they laughed like they hadn’t for ages, but Catrin and Margo were keen to leave by eleven o’clock, they had a party to go to with some college friends. Neither she nor Polly were about to retreat to a drunken college escapade, so they meandered on to another bar and drank champagne as people danced around them.

When Heidi appeared from the bathroom Polly was waving excitedly. “I’ve just had a text from Walt!”

She’d heard all about Walt, a rather unusual American photographer that she’d met in a shoot a few months back, “he’s here?”

She nodded enthusiastically, “he’s in London, and he’s just invited US to a party at the Mayfair Hotel.”

Heidi felt her eyes widen, that place was legendary, she’d only ever been invited to one once, and it was amazing. “Really?”

Polly nodded, “and he wants to show me his artwork!”

                “If that isn’t a come on, I’ll eat my hat!” Heidi was pleased for her friend, Walt was an unusual guy, but Polly was smitten. “I’m not coming though; I’ll be in the way.”

Polly suddenly looked terrified, “you have to come, otherwise he’ll think I’m just there for him!”

Heidi laughed, the insecurity of the dating world laid out there for all to see. “Ok, I’ll come for an hour. Then I’ll leave you to it.”

As they dived in a cab to cut across London, Polly read out Walt’s text, the party was being held by a film producer from LA, schmoozing the UK film and media industry. So there would be celebs galore. Heidi knew that if Sadie hadn’t been in Paris she’d be at the party, but as it was she wouldn’t. And within seconds of arriving it played out exactly as she imagined, Polly had rushed off with the American, and she was alone. She decided to leave, she didn’t need to be there, and she wasn’t enthusiastic anymore. She was cutting across the room when she was stopped by another designer near the bar. She liked the other woman and hadn’t seen her for a long time, so they exchanged pleasantries. As she was about to move on, the famous producer Andre took to the stage and started to address the crowd.

                “Thank you all for coming, the purpose of tonight is to celebrate twenty years of my production company of course, but we are also launching our latest venture, a celluloid version of the great book ‘I walked a mile’, those of you not familiar with this wonderful text really should go read it, but needless to say it is an amazing story...”

He started to explain the plot and the nuances of the book, a modern literary gem, whilst it had never won the Booker Prize, several TV personalities had endorsed it as their ‘Book of the month’, or week, or year in various newspapers or TV shoes.  It was more than well revered.

As she listened, genuinely interested, she felt a presence, somebody looking at her.

Lifting her head, she looked around, and then suddenly her eyes met his...Cosmo’s. That oh so familiar dark brown, warm gaze. The little skip of her heart was something she was almost getting used to, it happened every time she saw him or even thought about him. She had no idea why he was there, if she wasn’t so busy drinking in the beauty of him, she’d wonder if he was stalking her.

He smiled as she met his gaze, but he looked nervous and seemed to refuse to drag his eyes from her.

                “The lead lady for this project is a woman who is new to the world of film...” the producer’s voice droned on as Heidi found herself entranced by the man stood across the room, half smiling at her.

Cosmo had no idea that Heidi would be here. It was so good to see her, he couldn’t believe how much he’d missed her, but he also knew that tonight could be messy. He’d attended this party with Eleni, reluctantly. Since he’d dropped what she perceived to be a bombshell that he wanted them to split up, she wasn’t taking the news that well; in fact she was in denial. He’d hoped to have dealt with this before seeing Heidi again, as it was he felt as though he’d been caught with his pants down.  He needed to see her, to explain, but without Eleni noticing. And suddenly the two women were in the room each capturing his attention for different reasons.

Andre, the director and host of the party was gesturing wildly on stage talking about the movie that he was planning, Cosmo had heard about nothing else for weeks. As he tried to duck to a far corner, out of her view, Andre announced her entrance.

                “Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my new leading lady, playing the part of Cindy Sparks, is model turned actress, Eleanora Scarpini.” The gathered crowd erupted into rapturous applause, and then his wife, Eleanora, but Eleni to her family, glided onto the stage.

His eyes flicked between Heidi’s, staring at him trying to decipher what everything meant, and his wife who was scanning the crowd for him.

He’d almost reached Heidi sliding between the crowds, in what he hoped was a discreet fashion, as she headed for the cloakroom, but as Eleni spoke, she paused to listen.

                “I know I may not be everyone’s first choice as a leading lady, but I want to thank Andre for taking this chance on me, for having faith in me. I’m SO happy to finally realise my dream. Until now I’ve relied on my family for that trust, support and confidence, it’s so nice to know that someone else is willing to take a chance on me.”

Cosmo sighed, Eleni’s second favourite thing after talking about herself, was to garner sympathy and pity by making herself seem humble, a humility that she could never show truly.

“Of course this wouldn’t be possible without the patience of support of my family who have been devoted in their understanding, and of course my husband Cosmo; I’d be nothing without him.”

Cosmo groaned, this was her attempt to make him feel guilty, a desperate half hearted effort, and he resented her a little bit more for it. He glanced at his wife who was beaming dramatically, then turned to the door. Heidi stood her mouth open, shock and sadness registering across her face as her eyes flicked from an oblivious, vibrant, happy Eleni, to him. In that moment he realised that Heidi had no idea that the woman captivating the crowd on stage was his wife, her shock seemed genuine. He had to reach her, explain...but the crowds were thick and fast and progress across the room was more than slow.

Then he spotted her at the back door, as she glanced back into the room. When her eyes found his, she gave a shake of her head, disappointment, sadness...pain. He wanted to shout out, but before he could blink she shot out of the door into the still warm evening.

Cosmo wanted to run after her, explain, but Eleni had drawn attention to him, and the moment dictated that he needed to stay...until they were separated; he had a role to fill. And as he watched her wax lyrical to the gathered crowd, he realised how much of a coward he was. He should have been firm, he should have told her...but he hadn’t. And now Heidi was gone, humiliated, because of him.

And for the umpteenth time already, he watched her walk away from him again.

Nothing Left to Lose - Part Five

Chapter Five

Another sleepless night was disturbed in a welcome way by Polly. There was an issue with her line; some of the designs weren’t fitting the models they were designed for properly. Heidi knew she had to leave, and was never more glad to have problems, and so the chance to run away. She couldn’t stay in this paradise any longer, not after the events of the last two days.

Her mother was devastated as she appeared at the breakfast table with her bags packed.

                “You’re leaving?”

Heidi sighed, “sorry, crisis...only I can solve.”

Barbara smiled, “the down side of being SO successful. I’m gutted...but I’m so glad to have had you here for just a few days.”

Heidi hugged her mother, “I’ve had a great few days, we have to do this more often.” There was a long silence as they hugged; they both knew that they weren’t as close as they should be.

                “I’ll come visit soon, it’s been a while...I’ll come and we can spend more time together, ok?”

Heidi nodded, “do you want to drop me to the airport? We can get breakfast on the way...on me?”

As she sat on the plane flying over the Med heading back to London, Heidi was contemplative about the past few days, she tried desperately to remember when she’d become so distanced from her family, and specifically her mother. Growing up, her boarding school and then University years were all faced without the direct support of her parents. They’d been based in the Cayman Isles, then Barbados, she’d holidayed there occasionally, though with her job in a fashion boutique and a nightclub, and of course her college work she rarely got the time, holidays were as busy as term time. As for her folks, they almost never travelled to Britain, which caused a bit of a stalemate. And so they’d drifted apart. It wasn’t deliberate, but it did mean that when she’d been in trouble and needed them, she couldn’t ask them, so she dealt with things alone.

She called Lucas when she finally got back to her apartment; he’d not phoned her back since she’d disturbed him a few days earlier. So she left another message and headed off to work.  As she entered the office, it was like she hadn’t been away. Carnage. Polly looked fraught and almost cried with relief when she saw Heidi stood there mouth open wide.

But the one thing she was good at was pressure, it took two LONG days to sort the fitting problems out; she virtually lived in her office. But some timely emails and diplomacy seemed to smooth over the rough edges and fraught egos. After all, it had descended into an insult slanging match between her office, the design team and the workshop. Which wasn’t great.

It was almost midday on the third day before things started to come together for her. Polly was in the process of faxing off some of the adjusted designs when Heidi was disturbed by a knock on her door. Looking up she saw her best friend Sadie leaning against the door jamb. Not even an ice cold glass of wine would be a better sight to see.

                “Hi chickadee! What the hell have you been doing? I’ve left messages everywhere for you! And if the mountain won’t come to its best friend, then the best friend has to come to the mountain!”

Heidi smiled, jumping up to hug her, “Mountain? You cheeky.....!” She didn’t finish the sentence as she fell into her friends embrace.  They separated and headed in to her office, “Sorry, after I spoke to you in Cyprus, well everything just about went tit’s up. I’ve been stuck in this office for the last three days.”

                “Is everything ok?” Sadie sank on to the sofa opposite the desk, Heidi collapsed next to her. “I mean, you said it was a bit wild, what with your mother being love’s young dream. But other than your text you’ve been absent.”

“Well I had to meet the man, didn’t I? A Greek shipping Tycoon no less!”

Sadie’s jaw dropped in surprise, “Wow! Didn’t see that one coming! I thought maybe an expat, someone the same as herself.”

Heidi laughed, “nope, a Greek millionaire who worships her, it would be sweet if it wasn’t my mother...instead I found I had sick in my mouth quite a lot.”

Her friend laughed out loud, “parents and love, the only worse thought is parents and sex!”

Heidi shuddered, “I had her sneaking out in the morning, coming home late. Just like a love struck teenager.”

                “So who is this man, you know me and my contacts, I know everyone.”

She shrugged, “not sure, do you know I didn’t even get his surname! Cesare, not the tallest, a little stocky, dark hair. I probably have a photo on my phone. I’ll check in a minute. Since I’ve been back I’ve been on borrowed time trying to make things work here. I’ve been flat out, all work, travel and no play!”

                “So here am I calling in like a fairy godmother?  I’ve got a spare ticket to a book launch in the Regency hotel tonight. Cocktails and canapés! Which means high class free food and drink, and plenty of chance to network for me, and observe your best friend in action whilst drinking champagne for you!”

Sadie was a gossip columnist for a National paper; she was always inundated with invites to all manner of parties and promotions, and always took Heidi to the best ones. And her knowledge of anyone and everyone was amazing; she didn’t forget a name, a face or an occasion.

                “I’m SO knackered.” Heidi sighed, “I’ve barely set foot in the flat. I need to go back...”

Sadie shook her head, “wrong answer. I haven’t had a gossip with you in more than a week. No excuses. We’re going.”

Rolling her eyes, Heidi knew her friend was right, and she needed some time out, “ok, ok. Shall I see you there?”

                “I’ll be in the reception for eight thirty. Plenty of time for you to get ready. Black tie darling, so glad rags ahoy!”

As she stepped into her home after a traumatic day, Heidi fought the desire to take a long hot bath and have an early night, instead she had an invigorating shower, lathered herself in a citrus body crème that usually boosted her mood and energy, then guzzled a quick coffee.  She had the perfect dress, lined up for just an occasion, another of her own creation dresses, a teal taffeta number that was strapless and tight around the bust before falling to mid thigh with a puffball hem. It was simple yet devastating and Heidi’s almost unfashionably curvaceous body filled it to perfection. She slid on shoes that had been dyed to match it exactly, then headed down to get a taxi.

Champagne and canapés were being circulated lavishly, she took a glass and a crouton topped with smoked salmon and rich hollandaise sauce, it was just a mouthful, but she savoured every crumb, smiling as she washed it down with the ice cold champagne. Sadie had arranged to meet her in the reception, but she was a little early, so Heidi text her and Sadie had replied that she was already there, already circulating. Moving into the room, she meandered along the fringe of the group gathered, looking for her glamorous friend, her face broke into a smile when she finally spotted her head and shoulders above the room. At six foot she had the makings of a model, with staggering features to match. As Sadie waved an elegant hand, Heidi started to battle across the room towards her.

                “Wow! I LOVE the dress chickadee. It’s an original I presume?”

Heidi smiled, looking at her traffic stopping friend; she wore ridiculously high spiky shoes, a sheath of tight black material that clung to every inch of her supermodel-esque curves, “whereas you’d look stunning in a bin bag!”

The two girls hugged, and a large proportion of the gathered crowd noticed the two visually stunning women, Heidi with her glossy dark hair, heart shaped face and wide blue eyes, Sadie a younger version of Jerry Hall, long blonde hair and striking cheek bones.

The two women had met three years earlier when the budding journalist Sadie interviewed Heidi for an item on London Fashion Week.  The interview had gone on into the early hours, and the women, who were polar opposite instantly gelled, yet had been best friends since. Sadie was the spark and the madness to Heidi’s diligence and loyalty, two halves of a whole.

“So tell me about everything.”

They perched at the bar on stools and Heidi turned to Sadie. “Well I met the step daddy, and he’s absolutely devoted to my mother, it’s quick, but I’m fairly sure they’re not rushing into anything too ridiculously. This might be a good thing for her.”

                “Jeez H! They’re in their fifties; they’re hardly sexually experimenting naive teenagers. And if you follow your mother then she’s hardly going to fire headlong into anything! Maybe now you can stop feeling so much misplaced guilt towards her and get on with your own life?”

Heidi spluttered on her drink, “What does that mean?”

                “Well you’re hardly Miss Free-and-easy are you? I mean how many boyfriends have you had? How many lovers?”

Heidi was laughing, “Look Miss Yoyo-pants, not all of us are sexual predators, and anyway, counselling you on all your disastrous conquests means I am both disillusioned with men, and put off sex!”

Sadie’s eyebrow lifted, “so you haven’t slept with Casey?”

                “Of course I have, we’ve been together six months, I’m not immune to men, but I don’t like to see him more than once or twice a week, any more and I get bored. I don’t think I’m made to be in a long term relationship!”

Sadie sipped on her cocktail, then turned to the barman, “two more Cosmo’s please!”

At the unexpected use of the word, Heidi’s mind instantly flashed on the sexy man she’d met a few days earlier. Sadie spotting the blush came close and smiled, “Oh my God! That is a look of shame! What the hell happened to make the Ice Maiden blush? What the hell happened in Cyprus?”

She slapped Sadie’s arm, “I am NOT an Ice Maiden!”

Her friend laughed, “you don’t ever do anything to be embarrassed about, yet now you are blushing like a tomato. Spill!”

Heidi shook her head, “I’m human Sadie, that’s all.”

                “So?”

                “It’s nothing,” she took her drink from the barman, “just that I was introduced to Cesare’s son-in-law when I was away, he’s called Cosmo, and is the finest specimen of  a man you could ever see...”

She smiled knowingly, her mind racing, “and he’s what married to your future stepsister? You dirty dog!”

                “Nothing happened really, he flirted, I was overwhelmed by him...then against my better judgement, I had a few drinks with him, and he kissed me! Can you believe that? I stopped it, and I walked away...” She was babbling, but didn’t seem able to stop.

Sadie merely chuckled, “wow! So it IS truth that it’s quiet ones you have to watch out for! How was it?”

Heidi punched her arm in mock indignation, “call yourself a friend? And it was fantastic; he is wonderful...but very married.”

                “Ooooh tell me more you Scarlet Harlot!”

“Bitch!” Heidi shook her head trying to hide a smile. “But you’re right, it was wrong; I don’t do things like that. I need to not be thinking about him, but that’s the problem!”

She gave a potted version of the day at the beach, then the night that they had a few drinks together, all ending with her rushing home in a taxi, covered in sand and shoeless. Heidi hated exposing her bad ways, but Sadie was her best friend. When she finished her tale, they both knew there was far more to it.

Sadie watched her for a moment then gave a little nod, “this conversation isn’t over.”

They drank a bit more observing the people in the room, and whilst the author of the book was exactly a household name, the audience gathered was a mixture of both famous and influential people. Both women chuckled as they observed sights and sounds that Sadie would try to wind into her gossip column, enjoying a pleasant evening, before it all came crashing to an end.

                “So this is ‘visiting your mother’!”

Heidi turned at the angry snarl to see a very angry, very drunk Casey stood behind her.

                “I got back a couple of days ago.” She offered staring at him, “you have no right to speak to me like this. Making a scene.”

                “You didn’t bother to call? I thought we were in a relationship...you selfish bitch!”

                “Hey!” Sadie squared up to Casey; she’d only met him a couple of times, but could instantly sense this wasn’t going to end well. “Leave her alone!”

Heidi sighed, hating this public display, “Casey, please. I came back to work hell, I’ve been really busy. I’ll call you tomorrow. I promise.”

He laughed, an ugly sound, “just like that? What when it suits you? Oh no!” he was shaking his head, “No way. I want to ‘talk’, and I want to talk NOW!”

Reaching out for her, he grabbed Heidi’s arm, and started to pull at her, Sadie slid off her seat ready to launch to her friend’s defence, but another calm yet controlling, and very heavily accented voice spoke from somewhere behind her, “you heard the lady! Let go of her, and go before I have to make you!”

Heidi froze for a moment, then turned slowly, unable to believe that she was hearing that voice. Only one man breathed, talked, damn – smelt that good. She looked up to see Cosmo, absolutely delectable in a dinner suit, his jaw tainted with stubble the only blemish to the perfection that he was.