Nothing Left to Lose - Part Six

Chapter Six

Heidi heard her own sigh, London was a huge City; there were hundreds of bars, hotels. How the hell had these two men ended up in the same place as her by utter chance? Then she chastised herself, she needed to pull herself together. She glanced at Sadie and saw she was staring open mouthed at the Greek god. Suddenly Casey was very much overlooked.

                “I’m ok,” Heidi murmured to him as she was swamped by his warm eyed gaze, “honestly.”

Cosmo almost snarled at Casey as he replied, “rubbish! Where I live no man would DARE address a woman like that! You owe her an apology.”

                “I LIKE this man!” Sadie laughed, taking in the exchange with great interest.

But Casey wasn’t as enthusiastic, “who the hell do you think you are?” He finally mustered up the balls to question Cosmo.

Cosmo turned to the other man, “I am a friend, and I will not see Heidi be spoken to like that!”

Casey started to argue, but then realised that Heidi wasn’t even bothered, she was unable to take her eyes off the other man. So shaking his head he gave a snarl, a “you’re not worth the hassle,” then walked away.

Sadie was sat jaw slack staring between the two, then started nudging Heidi without a hint of subtlety, desperate for an introduction.

Heidi sighed with exasperation, “Sadie, this is Cosmo, my...er...step brother-in-law to be?” she raised an eyebrow at him, and he grinned. After shaking his hand, Sadie managed to control her surprise, and appreciation of the man, instead she smiled at Heidi.

                “And also the keeper of her shoes!” He offered breaking the silence.

Both women spun around to look at him with surprise. He nodded, “beautiful as they are, I still need to return them to you. Can I pass them on now?”

Heidi shrugged, “I didn’t think I’d see them again!”

He inclined his head in the direction of Sadie, “will you excuse us for a moment?”

Sadie had a grin on her face as she nodded eyes still wide, taking in every part of this exchange.

                “I wasn’t searching for or following you!” Cosmo announced leading her in to the foyer. “The author of that book is a good friend, I’m here for that, he invited me ages ago, I didn’t think I’d make it, but your mother seems to have an amazing affect on Cesare, he is covering for me. I did intend to return the shoes when I got the chance. They’re in my apartment.”

                “And you want me to go there for them?” she asked suspiciously.

He shrugged a response, so she turned to look at him, her heart lurching at his beautiful eyes, “I don’t think I should do that Cosmo.”

He sighed, reaching for a curl and tucking it behind her ear, trying not to feel pain when she flinched away from him.

                “I can’t agree Heidi. I’ve told Eleni it’s over, I want you.”

Heidi’s jaw dropped open in shock, “don’t say such ridiculous things!”

He took her hand and held it firmly, not letting her pull away, “it’s not stupid or ridiculous. Heidi, you’ve turned my world upside down. I’ve never wanted to be with anyone as much as you...it’s made me look at my life and I don’t like what I have. I know it sounds selfish, but you...you are exactly what I want, what I need.”

Holding up her hand she silenced him, “if you want to leave Eleni that’s your choice. But I can’t be part of this Cosmo, surely you see that? We spent a couple of evenings together, that’s it.”

                “But...”

                “No buts. If your marriage is over that has to be your decision. It can’t be due to me, just on a whim to bounce headlong into something with me.”

Cosmo reached out to cup her jaw in his strong, long fingered hand, “I want you Heidi, can’t you see that? I have never felt this way about anyone else, are you telling me you don’t feel the same? Do you want that rude impression of a real man who was insulting you in there? Is he a better prospect than me? Do you feel the same way about him?”

She smiled, her heart racing, her body burning at his touch, she had never felt an attraction to anyone, like she did him, but that was all it was, attraction, “what I feel or think is really incidental. So we were attracted to each other, it’s not everything...it would be selfish for us to even think that we can just drop everything.....too many people would get hurt. I’m not being blamed for your marriage ending. And that is what will happen.”

                “I can’t think sensibly, I WANT to be selfish....Hell I want you Heidi!”

Tears threatened at her eyes as she looked at the desire, the longing in his eyes, his face, his touch, but she saw her mother, her happiness. She knew she couldn’t be the one to compromise that.

                “Sorry Cosmo....” she stretched onto tip toes and kissed his tanned cheek. “We can’t. Not because I don’t think you are special, but because it’s not right.” She half smiled, ignoring the pain ripping through her body, “you can bin the shoes, or post them to me. I don’t mind. But I can’t do this. WE can’t.”

Then she turned on her heel and headed back into the party.

An hour later she excused herself and headed home, alone. And cried into her pillow at the memories of how that man made her feel, at all that she’d thrown away.

Work was extremely busy, in truth the book launch had been an extravagance of time she could ill afford, and for the next two weeks, she worked long hours, occasionally sleeping at the office, but as the weekend D-day approached, they completed everything that they had to do. Next was the launch.

“Polly!” Heidi called as she hung up her final call. “Shall we hit the town?” She straightened her peacock feather print sleeveless top over her skinny jeans, then found her heeled boots under the desk. After a week in rags, nose to the grindstone, it was time to glam up once more.

Polly appeared at the door and grinned, “whatever you say boss!”

                “Cool! I say party!” she picked up the phone again. “Let’s get this show on the road!” She called the production room, a small workshop that made up her prototype designs. She did a lot of the work herself, but Catrin and Margo were the two students who diligently got everything done.

The four of them headed out to a nearby restaurant, over spicy fajitas and cold Mexican beer they laughed and rejoiced at the success of another season. Catrin and Margo were students on the same course that Heidi had studied, and their influence and work was invaluable, but mutually so was the experience they were getting through actually working in the industry. It was a mutually beneficial relationship, and fortunately the four got on extremely well too.

“So!” Heidi announced pushing her plate away, “once I thank you AGAIN for your diligence, patience and exceptional work...” they all laughed and chinked glasses to that. “Well...I think we should hit a few bars, have some fun!” She waved for the bill and paid for all their food, and amidst a barrage of gratitude for footing the bill, she led them rather rowdily into the pub a few doors along the street.

Polly was efficient and quiet in the office, but was a lot wilder out of work, and soon the other three were dissolving in giggles at her dancing Dirty Dancing style with a stranger, in the middle of the bar.

Wine was fast flowing and they laughed like they hadn’t for ages, but Catrin and Margo were keen to leave by eleven o’clock, they had a party to go to with some college friends. Neither she nor Polly were about to retreat to a drunken college escapade, so they meandered on to another bar and drank champagne as people danced around them.

When Heidi appeared from the bathroom Polly was waving excitedly. “I’ve just had a text from Walt!”

She’d heard all about Walt, a rather unusual American photographer that she’d met in a shoot a few months back, “he’s here?”

She nodded enthusiastically, “he’s in London, and he’s just invited US to a party at the Mayfair Hotel.”

Heidi felt her eyes widen, that place was legendary, she’d only ever been invited to one once, and it was amazing. “Really?”

Polly nodded, “and he wants to show me his artwork!”

                “If that isn’t a come on, I’ll eat my hat!” Heidi was pleased for her friend, Walt was an unusual guy, but Polly was smitten. “I’m not coming though; I’ll be in the way.”

Polly suddenly looked terrified, “you have to come, otherwise he’ll think I’m just there for him!”

Heidi laughed, the insecurity of the dating world laid out there for all to see. “Ok, I’ll come for an hour. Then I’ll leave you to it.”

As they dived in a cab to cut across London, Polly read out Walt’s text, the party was being held by a film producer from LA, schmoozing the UK film and media industry. So there would be celebs galore. Heidi knew that if Sadie hadn’t been in Paris she’d be at the party, but as it was she wouldn’t. And within seconds of arriving it played out exactly as she imagined, Polly had rushed off with the American, and she was alone. She decided to leave, she didn’t need to be there, and she wasn’t enthusiastic anymore. She was cutting across the room when she was stopped by another designer near the bar. She liked the other woman and hadn’t seen her for a long time, so they exchanged pleasantries. As she was about to move on, the famous producer Andre took to the stage and started to address the crowd.

                “Thank you all for coming, the purpose of tonight is to celebrate twenty years of my production company of course, but we are also launching our latest venture, a celluloid version of the great book ‘I walked a mile’, those of you not familiar with this wonderful text really should go read it, but needless to say it is an amazing story...”

He started to explain the plot and the nuances of the book, a modern literary gem, whilst it had never won the Booker Prize, several TV personalities had endorsed it as their ‘Book of the month’, or week, or year in various newspapers or TV shoes.  It was more than well revered.

As she listened, genuinely interested, she felt a presence, somebody looking at her.

Lifting her head, she looked around, and then suddenly her eyes met his...Cosmo’s. That oh so familiar dark brown, warm gaze. The little skip of her heart was something she was almost getting used to, it happened every time she saw him or even thought about him. She had no idea why he was there, if she wasn’t so busy drinking in the beauty of him, she’d wonder if he was stalking her.

He smiled as she met his gaze, but he looked nervous and seemed to refuse to drag his eyes from her.

                “The lead lady for this project is a woman who is new to the world of film...” the producer’s voice droned on as Heidi found herself entranced by the man stood across the room, half smiling at her.

Cosmo had no idea that Heidi would be here. It was so good to see her, he couldn’t believe how much he’d missed her, but he also knew that tonight could be messy. He’d attended this party with Eleni, reluctantly. Since he’d dropped what she perceived to be a bombshell that he wanted them to split up, she wasn’t taking the news that well; in fact she was in denial. He’d hoped to have dealt with this before seeing Heidi again, as it was he felt as though he’d been caught with his pants down.  He needed to see her, to explain, but without Eleni noticing. And suddenly the two women were in the room each capturing his attention for different reasons.

Andre, the director and host of the party was gesturing wildly on stage talking about the movie that he was planning, Cosmo had heard about nothing else for weeks. As he tried to duck to a far corner, out of her view, Andre announced her entrance.

                “Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my new leading lady, playing the part of Cindy Sparks, is model turned actress, Eleanora Scarpini.” The gathered crowd erupted into rapturous applause, and then his wife, Eleanora, but Eleni to her family, glided onto the stage.

His eyes flicked between Heidi’s, staring at him trying to decipher what everything meant, and his wife who was scanning the crowd for him.

He’d almost reached Heidi sliding between the crowds, in what he hoped was a discreet fashion, as she headed for the cloakroom, but as Eleni spoke, she paused to listen.

                “I know I may not be everyone’s first choice as a leading lady, but I want to thank Andre for taking this chance on me, for having faith in me. I’m SO happy to finally realise my dream. Until now I’ve relied on my family for that trust, support and confidence, it’s so nice to know that someone else is willing to take a chance on me.”

Cosmo sighed, Eleni’s second favourite thing after talking about herself, was to garner sympathy and pity by making herself seem humble, a humility that she could never show truly.

“Of course this wouldn’t be possible without the patience of support of my family who have been devoted in their understanding, and of course my husband Cosmo; I’d be nothing without him.”

Cosmo groaned, this was her attempt to make him feel guilty, a desperate half hearted effort, and he resented her a little bit more for it. He glanced at his wife who was beaming dramatically, then turned to the door. Heidi stood her mouth open, shock and sadness registering across her face as her eyes flicked from an oblivious, vibrant, happy Eleni, to him. In that moment he realised that Heidi had no idea that the woman captivating the crowd on stage was his wife, her shock seemed genuine. He had to reach her, explain...but the crowds were thick and fast and progress across the room was more than slow.

Then he spotted her at the back door, as she glanced back into the room. When her eyes found his, she gave a shake of her head, disappointment, sadness...pain. He wanted to shout out, but before he could blink she shot out of the door into the still warm evening.

Cosmo wanted to run after her, explain, but Eleni had drawn attention to him, and the moment dictated that he needed to stay...until they were separated; he had a role to fill. And as he watched her wax lyrical to the gathered crowd, he realised how much of a coward he was. He should have been firm, he should have told her...but he hadn’t. And now Heidi was gone, humiliated, because of him.

And for the umpteenth time already, he watched her walk away from him again.