Nothing Left to Lose - Part Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

Laughing, Heidi hung up the phone, then dived down the steps and leapt excitedly onto the thick fairly fresh snow that had fallen at some point that afternoon, and then with renewed vigour, she tramped her way to the road, and then followed Cosmo’s directions down to the river that bisected the town. The snow in the centre of the town was hard packed and far more slippery than at the hotel, so she had to slow down, be careful. Completely at loggerheads with her emotions, she wanted to sprint until she was in Cosmo’s arms. 

Finally she reached the bridge he’d directed her to, and with an uncontrollable smile she started to cross it, still taking care of the snow and ice underfoot, when she was grabbed from behind, in a bear hug. The momentary panic at being grabbed AND losing her footing faded as she was pulled up against a hard familiar body. Turning in his arms, she was swamped by everything that was Cosmo as his lips found hers, kissing her as though his life depended on it, driving her wild, like a match to the driest wood she went up in flames.

Eventually they pulled apart, breathless and hearts racing, he rested his forehead against hers and smiled looking deep into her eyes. “I have missed you agápi mou!” His hands cupped her face, holding her close, his body pressed against hers.

She slipped her arms around him, increasing the contact, “ditto.”

The journey across the resort was punctuated by them stopping every few metres for a chaste kiss, grope and cuddle, but eventually Cosmo led her up the opposite bank of the town to the alpine lodge he’d rented for a few days. It was equally as pretty as the hotel, and Heidi followed him up to the house with wide appreciative eyes. Climbing the steps, he threw open the door, stepping back to allow her to enter first. It was perfect, pale wooden walls, simple furniture and a large open fire with rugs enticingly placed to appreciate the crackling warmth, more picture postcard images that warmed her heart.

As she kicked off her snow boots and unzipped her thick coat, she felt arms Cosmo’s arms link around her once more. He helped her slide the coat from her shoulders, then divested her of her scarf and hat.

                “That’s better! I can see you now; you were hidden under a dozen layers.” Pulling her back into his arms, he chuckled as she desperately tried to remove his coat too. Suddenly there was that familiar urgency between them. Intrigue had led to desire and passion, their weekend in the Cotswolds seemed so long ago that they started to rush, frantic, desperate. They were literally flinging clothes over their shoulders as they peeled off layer after layer. When he finally found her shirt, Cosmo sighed, pulled back and unbuttoned it slowly, revealing the sexy red bra.

                “Red hey?” he raised an eyebrow as he unveiled her.

She smiled, “well you never know who you’re going to meet in a place like this.”

He nipped with his teeth at a strap giving a fake snarl, “this better not be for anyone else!”

Ripping at his t-shirt, pulling it over his head, she replied coyly, “you just got here first.”

Laughing, he scooped up her legs and purposefully strode across the lounge, taking the stairs with an ease that belied the fact that he was carrying her, then kicked open the bedroom door. Lying her down on the soft duvet, he tugged her jeans over her hips, and looked down at her, lying there in her matching underwear.

With a groan, he unzipped his jeans and slid them over his own thighs, kicking them off before climbing to kneel next to her.

His kiss melted her, her body hot, wet, wanting. Still kissing her, he cupped a breast, rubbing a thumb across her encased nipple, the abrasion of the lace enhancing the sensations. His lips were expert, plundering hers, his tongue teasing, distracting her from the fact that at the same time his fingers were pulling at her bra.

Lifting his head he groaned at the sight of her puckered nipple, peeking out from behind the lace, then lowered his lips to capture it, nipping and sucking furiously.

Heidi felt her hips rise, her body wanting more of this man, her skin buzzed, her thighs throbbed, every inch of her wanted every inch of him. Reaching out she grabbed his shoulders, pulling him closer, not caring that her nails may have punctured his skin in her desperation.

Cosmo’s hand snuck down over her tummy, electric shocks lighting a path under her lacy knickers. Sliding them down, he let his fingers slide into her wetness. She groaned dropping her head as his fingers travelled across her, sliding into her. A moan escaped his lips and she dropped her head back, closing her eyes.

                “Watch!” he ordered, his voice thick with passion, “don’t close your eyes.”

Popping open her eyes she looked up at him, and he gave her a wicked smile, before lowering his lips to the delicacies of her body.

Obeying his command, she propped onto her elbows and watched him move to kneel between her thighs. Lifting her legs, he rested them on his shoulders, then provocatively licked his lips before delivering every promise he’d ever made.

Heidi could barely catch her breath, he was a great kisser, but here....here he was a master. Within seconds she’d lost control completely, his tongue and fingers overwhelming her. She lasted less than a minute before she convulsed around him, and as he rose back to his knees he laughed for a moment, then reaching for a condom, he buried himself in her, joining them together completely.

Eventually, he collapsed over her, kissing every inch of her face. “I keep promising that this will be spectacular, but I lose it with you Heidi!”Despite his words, his face was adorned with a satisfied smile.

She indulged that satisfaction, “I assure you that WAS spectacular Cosmo.”

He laughed, “it’ll only get better, I figure now we’ve got that out the way, I’ve got the rest of the night to show you just how good, at our leisure.”

And boy did he!

Heidi hated leaving Cosmo the next morning, but she had to sneak back to the hotel early the as there was so much to do back at the hotel, and she didn’t want to be missed. After all if anyone found out what was happening between the two of them, then it was guaranteed to be the only thing that could ruin the celebrations. It wasn’t going to be an easy day, for so many reasons, and she was SO glad that she had the memories of the previous evening to help her through the day.

Glad of the discretion of the quiet early morning, she was unlocking the door to her bedroom, when she heard whispering coming from along the corridor. Turning, she saw Eleni emerging from a door along from where she stood, her dress rather crumpled, her shoes hooked over a finger. She froze when she spotted Heidi, glaring for a moment, then smiled in a conspiratorial manner, before disappearing down the corridor with a swagger.

In the past Heidi would have been disgusted at that sort of behaviour, a married woman sneaking out of another man’s bedroom. Eleni was doing that, it was blatantly obvious. But suddenly Heidi was no innocent, she was doing exactly the same, sneaking back for the same reason that Eleni was sneaking out.

After a long shower, she blew dry her hair methodically, then curled it into large glossy ringlets with the knowledge that they’d drop out into more gentle waves by the time the wedding rolled around. Her face was still scrubbed clean as she’d agreed to have make up and her nails done with her mother. For her sins...and today they were mounting.

Once she was settled she knew she needed to eat, otherwise the day would start to disappear in an out of control kind of way. So heading quickly to the restaurant, she ordered some croissants and jam with strong black coffee. She was eating heartily, fully aware of why she had such a great appetite, when she felt someone approach. Looking up she saw Nikos and Cesare searching for a table.

                “Good morning Heidi. I trust you slept well?”

Heidi nodded at Cesare hating the blush that swept over her cheeks, “why don’t you join me?”

Both men smiled, “are you sure?”

 “Of course, though I’ve only got a half hour before I’m summoned to the bridal suite, so don’t think that me rushing of is personal.” When Nikos laughed, she added, “but until then it’ll be nice to have some non hair or make up conversation!”

Cesare laughed too, “I can guarantee that one thing!”

The two men slid into the seats opposite her both smiling and ordering huge hot breakfasts from the waitress.

                “So are you nervous Cesare?” Heidi had finished her food before the waitress had brought theirs, so she sat back in her seat and observed him. He had a beautiful, friendly smile, and at those moments Heidi could understand her mother’s devotion to him.

“I am more nervous than before my first marriage, but then I think that’s because we have both lost in the past, and know how much us being together means. And how hard it would be to be apart.”

It was a perfect answer, and just what he needed to hear, “that’s good enough for me!” She smiled before leaning over to kiss his cheek. “So I’ll see you in the marquee a bit later?”

                “You bet! I shall be the man looking VERY nervous.”

Her mother was serene when Heidi reached her bedroom. She’d expected calamity and hormones, but instead there was a Cary Grant and Doris Day film on the TV with French subtitles, her mother was sat sipping champagne, her toe nails painted and currently drying before her manicure which was due in ten minutes.

                “Hey Mum!”

Her mother turned from the TV and smiled, “hi darling. Do you want a drink? Reception sent up some champagne earlier,”

Nodding, she followed her mother’s gesture and found the chilling bottle of fizz, “I’m not allowed to stand until this sets.” Her mother indicated her toes. “Apparently it’s like enamel, chip resistant if I let it harden. But a complete disaster if I don’t.”

                “It looks lovely, be worth the wait.”

She slumped in a seat next to her mother, champagne flute in hand, when the door opened, and in came the hairdresser.

The next two hours passed in a blur as they were coiffed, teased and sprayed, then it was the turn of the beautician to decorate their faces with subtle makeup. Heidi had had enough by then, so she escaped to her room to dress, whilst her mother relaxed for a few more minutes.

The dress she had made for herself was red wine coloured stiff taffeta, a tight sleeveless bodice, bisected with a much redder coloured sash that tied behind her in a bow, the dress then fell to the floor, covering the perfectly matching heeled shoes. The hair dresser had set small reddish flowers into her hair, and with the mink coloured faux fur shrug, she felt appropriate. She hoped that she hadn’t let her mother down, or that she wouldn’t look dreadful compared to the beautiful Eleni. But there was nothing that she could do about that. As she pondered how Cosmo would react to her dress, she suddenly realised that how Eleni looked was incidental. He wanted her, and after the previous night she had no doubts.

As she re-entered her mother’s room full of strength, confidence and bravado she paused, there stood Eleni. All that seemed to evaporate as she studied Eleni; she wasn’t sure what to think. She was clad in scarlet, a tight dress with spaghetti straps, hugging every curve of her body without leaving very much to the imagination, and finishing just below the curve of her buttocks. There was neither much of it, not any real class to it. Suddenly, Heidi felt regal, she may not be skinny and beautiful like Eleni, but for once she felt right. For once Eleni had shown her lack of class. And that only reinforced Cosmo’s words to her earlier.

When she emerged from the bathroom, her mother stared at her, amazed at the way the rich colour enhanced her daughter’s dark hair, the smoothness of her skin, her height, her elegance.

                “You look absolutely beautiful Heidi. Breathtaking.”

Heidi smiled, so pleased that her mother approved, “all eyes will be on you, and I hardly can compare to such a beautiful bride.”

                “Yes you will look beautiful Barbara.”

Heidi almost burst out laughing, but managed to contain it, Eleni’s comment was pointless, a way of driving into a conversation that didn’t include her, she’d not seen her mother’s dress, so in all honesty she had no idea how her mother would look. Where she’d previously have been concerned, pushed onto her back foot, all of a sudden she Heidi felt strong, important, and classy. Her mother had looked at her with adoration, so much so that Eleni felt threatened. Cosmo had told her that morning how he’d never felt about anyone the way he felt about her. Three definite strikes in her book.

Beaming, she led her mother into the bedroom, closing the door behind them with the comment, “sorry Eleni, I just need to make some final adjustments!” She knew that was a bitchy thing to say, but this was HER mother. Not Eleni’s. She wished she could have photographed the model’s stunned face. This victory would be short lived, she knew that, but she was still going to enjoy her moment in the spotlight of favour.

Her mother as expected looked beautiful. The dress was simple yet extremely flattering, and the cream velvet fur trimmed wrap that matched the style of Heidi’s gave an almost Christmassy feel to the outfit. Perfect.

                “Beautiful Mum!” Heidi exclaimed, and the two women shared a rare hug, an emotional moment where they’d lacked so many.

Heidi was the last person other than her mother and Lucas to arrive at the marquee. It was a winter paradise. Everything was white, and crystals caught the glint of so many minute lights scattered around the room, glass snowflakes at the windows, white drapes on the walls. Heidi had to pause to take everything in. It was faultless.

She walked slowly to the front, having a seat reserved in the front row next to where her mother would stand. As she moved most eyes were on her, normally she’d have shunned that sort of attention, but today she felt great, so with her head held high, she shimmied down the aisle and into her seat. Feeling eyes on her she turned to her right to see Cesare and Nikos smiling. Next to them was a still less than pleased Eleni. As her scanned past her, she felt her heart skip a beat. There was Cosmo, beautifully groomed, his dark hair immaculate, the black dinner suit looked divine, and the hot appreciative gaze in his eyes sent shivers to her toes. With a gulp she turned to the front.

Suddenly her mother was waltzing down the aisle to the music of Nat King Cole, pleasure lighting her eyes as she came to stand next to Cesare. Cesare was shaking; Heidi could see that as he placed a hand on the small of her mother’s back. Lucas and Nikos moved in to flank the couple, and the simple service commenced.

There were no hiccups, but as her mother read her vows Heidi felt the tears well in her eyes. She was happy, so happy that her mother had found Cesare, and as she told him just how her life had changed since meeting him, it was all Heidi could do to contain the tears. When she did manage to smile, she realised that Cosmo was watching her intently. So she gave him his own smile. No one noticed the exchange as all eyes were on the happy couple, but it was almost as comforting as an arm around her shoulders, knowing that he was aware of her distress; that he was looking out for her.

                “I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

Nothing Left to Lose - Part Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

The reality of life after Cosmo was a stark contrast to the weekend they’d shared. Work was fortunately quiet, and her overactive mind seemed to respond well, her ideas for the next clothing range were coming thick and fast, which could only be a good thing.

Outside of work, there were only two weeks until the wedding, and so Heidi was headlong into the preparation of both her mother’s, and her own dress every moment that she was home. The chaos mounted by the day as she tried to work out how to transport two such delicate yet bulky items too. On a more practical level, the day before she was due to fly she was still finishing her own dress, there was so much to do, and yet so little time.

She’d spoken to Cosmo at least once a day, often more like three times since he’d left her after such an amazing weekend. Whilst she was to be thrown to the wolves as part of the wedding party, he had the luxury of arriving on the morning of the wedding, knowing that his presence any earlier would only complicate things for both her and Eleni. He’d also booked into separate accommodation, a lodge across the valley, Eleni hadn’t told Cesare that their marriage was over yet, but he told Heidi that staying somewhere else would avoid any awkward situations with his soon to be ex-wife. He wasn’t about to be the one who told Cesare, and definitely not on his wedding day.

It angered Heidi that yet again Eleni’s well being was everyone’s concern, but she could see Cosmo’s point, but it didn’t mean she wouldn’t miss his presence during the difficult days with her family. But then, as Sadie was more than happy to remind her, if he wasn’t there, she wouldn’t have to hide her feelings, or see him close to his soon to be ex-wife, both things that seemed hugely impossible as she travelled through the air, destination Chamonix.

The flight was uneventful, and fortunately the dresses travelled safely, she checked them both as soon as she got through baggage claim. Nikos was there to meet her at the airport there, and she’d never been so glad to see a friendly face. She liked Nikos. He was different to the rest of the family, normal. 

                “How are you Heidi?” he asked, helping her load her bags into the car after a brief friendly hug.

                “Good thanks. How are you? Not long till you leave for Dubai?” She slid into the passenger seat and smiled.

He nodded, “no, can’t wait. I’ve just had some details on my accommodation. It looks fabulous there.”

                “But no drink!”

He laughed, “actually, there is some alcohol, but no it’s nothing like the culture I’m used to. What about you? I saw you on breakfast TV a few weeks ago. Not that I’m an avid watcher, but you caught my eye. Launching a range?”

He drove the car out of the airport, and Heidi answered, “thanks. It was a success, I’m going to New York in a few days to meet with a contact out there, been offered a perfect job. Just got to decide whether I can hack it Stateside.”

                “Wow!” he was indicating to pull out onto the highway, “Congratulations! This wedding seems to be a turning point for us all! Me to Dubai, you to New York, and then there’s Eleni, she’d heading to California, though she’s struggling with Cosmo, I don’t know if your mother told you?”

Heidi made the appropriate noises as he filled her in that bit of gossip. But he didn’t linger on his sister; instead he made her laugh with stories of Oxford life as he drove them up the mountains to the resort nestled deep in the Alps.

The A-frame hotel was just like she imagined it would be, nestled in the snow, an alpine picture postcard. The reception staff were uber efficient and within moments she was being helped to her room with her bags, and more importantly her mother’s wedding dress.

Stopping only briefly in the room, she unpacked her own dress, shaking out the travel creases, then gently and lovingly carried her mother’s dress to her room.

                “Emergency fitting!” she burst into the bedroom as he mother opened the door. Accepting an awkward hug she carried the packaged clothing to the bed. “Have you got the shoes?”

Her mother rushed in her wake, suddenly like an excited schoolgirl.

                “Yes. Of course, and the flowers are coming tomorrow.” As Heidi opened the dress bag, her mother sighed, “I can finally relax now.” As she ran her hand over the delicate fabric, she smiled, “I can’t thank you enough for this.” 

Not good with compliments, she gave an awkward smile, then helped her mother into the dress she’d made and stepped back. She looked beautiful, and as her mother looked at her in the full length mirror, she could see the tears welling in both their eyes. “You look stunning Mum.”

                “It’s beautiful!” her mother sighed, turning full circle, admiring herself in the mirror. “And it’s all thanks to you Heidi!” She turned to her daughter, “How can I ever thank you for this?”

Heidi smiled, “you don’t need to thank me. I like doing things for you! If I can’t make something for someone I love then I may as well give up on making things for anyone.”

Her mother swiped at a tear, then looked at Heidi, “I don’t really think that I’ve done enough for you over the years darling, we were always too far away....”

As much as Heidi had craved more attention from her family, more signs of love, she found this open display of affection far too uncomfortable. Yes her mother could have done tons more for her, but now wasn’t the time to discuss it. Would there ever be a right time?

How had it ever got to the point that they couldn’t even hug each other poignantly without awkwardness?

An hour after she arrived, the wedding rehearsal was held in the heated marquee in the gardens overlooking the snow capped mountains that framed the hotel. It was a breathtaking view and Heidi was speechless. Her mother was serene, Cesare was as charming as ever, Lucas and Nikos seemed like firm friends, so Heidi sat back and watched the family mechanics. The only people not present were Eleni and Cosmo; both were due to arrive the following day.

It left her with the afternoon to herself. She had never skied, and hadn’t been to a resort like this. So she headed to reception, and asked for some information.  There were various options for the non skier, and she booked herself on to a husky sled ride.

It was exhilarating to whizz through the crisp air, sliding over humps and troughs as the dogs ran excitedly. And she was flushed with excitement when she got back to the hotel. None of the family were near the dining room, but even though she’d only been in the hotel that day, she was more than glad to eat alone.

It was seven o’clock so she made her way to the bar. The warm hotel bar was full, lots of people had gathered to celebrate the end of a day of perfect skiing conditions. She took a glass of Glühwein, a warm spicy wine with a crystallised sugar stick, and headed out onto the veranda to drink it.

The tables there were toasty and warm from the over head heaters which also offered a little light in the pitch black night. As she sipped away avoiding eye contact from the groups of men all guzzling beer, through the window into the bar she noticed her brother arrive. She was about to move inside and join him, catch up as she’d barely spoken to him in months, when she realised he was looking towards the door, a silly grin on his face. There appreciating his gaze, in full dramatic, attention seeking pose was Eleni. Suddenly Heidi felt sick, she had no intention of them either seeing her, or joining her. So she slid around the terrace to another heated table, away from the main view of the lounge and relaxed.

Below her in the poorly lit snow, were three children building a snowman, not knowing that a man, she presumed their father was giggling as he squeezed handfuls of snow into snowballs ready to ambush them. The children feeling the snow hit them dissolved into giggles then the three attacked him and he let them wrestle him down to the ground where they scooped tons of snow over him laughing.

She couldn’t remember ever laughing like that with her parents, being carefree and laughing at nothing and everything, and that was a very sad fact. She drained her wine, preparing for an early night with French cable TV when her phone rang.

Looking at the screen she saw the name ‘George’ flash up on the screen and her heart pounded with excitement, George was her cover for Cosmo, it wasn’t as if she could risk his name flashing up on her phone when she was with her mother...not that she was very often.

Picking up the call she couldn’t hide the smile, “hey you!”

                “How is it?” his warm voice asked. “Torturous?”

She chuckled, “the rehearsal is done, I had a dog sled trip earlier, now I’m stuffed from dinner, sitting on a veranda overlooking the valley relaxing, alone. And it’s bliss! How are you?”

                “Cold!” he announced and she could hear the humour in his voice.

For a moment she didn’t process that, but he was meant to be in Rome, hardly THAT cold. Suddenly her heart lurched, “does that mean...?” her voice faded as she dared to hope.

He chuckled, “I got in early, and have checked into this lovely little lodge, just across the river from you. The fridge is full of champagne and I’m just looking for someone to share it with. Can you think of anyone beautiful and amazing who would join me?”

Her body burst into a humming anticipation; the thought of seeing him again was SO overwhelming. With a sigh, she gave a dramatic answer, “not really, so I suppose you’re stuck with me!”

He gave a really sexy chuckle, and her insides turned to jelly as he replied, “being stuck with you is something I would DEFINITELY say yes to!”

She shivered at the hint in his voice, “I’m on my way, give me directions.”

                “I can do better than that, come out of the hotel, down the hill. In front of you is a bridge, I’ll meet you there, as soon as you can!”

As she ended the call she couldn’t wipe the smile of her face. Cosmo was here, and he’d make everything ok, she knew that.

Nothing Left to Lose - Part Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

The chocolate gateau was divine, and they ate in yet more happy comfortable silence. Cosmo continually topped up her glass with the wine they’d bought, and whilst they’d only had a couple of glasses, she wasn’t drunk by a long way, it lowered her defences and she was desperate for more of Cosmo. He, however, apparently had the will power of a Buddhist monk, managing to evade her every touch, hint or suggestion, and Heidi was starting to become fraught. She was in a perpetual state of arousal; her body didn’t feel like it belonged to her any more. For someone who’d always seen sex as a chore, nothing that had ever been that earth shattering, Heidi was increasingly changing her mind since she’d met him.

After dessert, Cosmo lounged on the sofa in front of the fire, a local radio station played 80’s and 90’s love songs, and they were both chuckling at the memories the songs evoked.  Lifting an arm, he offered her a seat next to him, and when she obliged he pulled her close to his body, propping her feet on the coffee table beside his. Curling into him, she slid a hand under the bottom of his shirt, resting it on his warm taut abdomen, nuzzling into his soft sweater inhaling eau de Cosmo.

Cosmo was in heaven, her soft but inquisitive hand was having an effect on his lower half, and he was moving from extremely relaxed and content to something a lot more fiery.  Unable to resist, her wandering hand, her warmth against his side, he dropped his lips and planted a kiss on the top of her head.

She turned to look up at him all wide eyes and honesty, “you ok?”

He nodded, smiling down at her, “better than ok!”

Smiling she sat herself upright, moving away from him a little, “good. That’s good,”

Raising an eyebrow he looked her up and down, spotting that glint in her eye that he was starting to associate with her wicked side, “what is it?” As she reached for the hem of her t-shirt, his eyes widened; slowly and far more erotically than he was sure she intended, she lifted the cotton, inch by inch. Her soft slightly rounded stomach was still tanned from the summer, and the bright whiteness of her bra was a stark contrast, then she revealed the ample breasts that were spilling over the top of it.

                “Heidi...” he started, but she swept the garment right over her head and threw it on the floor. “We can’t...”

She placed a finger on his lips, “Cosmo, we can.  I can’t wait anymore.”

He jumped up; spilling her awkwardly onto the sofa, then crossed the room away from her as quickly as he could. When he turned back to look at her, he saw her face fall and realised just how much he’d hurt her.

                “Heidi, it’s not like that!” He insisted, but her head dropped and he could sense her sadness.

Dragging her t-shirt back on she stood and began striding to the door, “I’m sorry I thought you liked me, I obviously repulse you!” And much to her annoyance she felt tears falling down her cheeks and she dropped her head to hide them, desperate to escape from her humiliation. She’d got it all wrong, she was no match for Eleni, and for some reason he was playing with her, toying with her emotions.

Cosmo looked at her devastated figure, forlorn, head hung and felt true pain lance at his chest. Jumping across the room, he stopped in front of her before she disappeared out of the door, and spun her around to face him, “God Heidi, this is not because I don’t want you.” He cupped her cheeks and brushed away the tears with his thumbs, “it’s because I like you TOO much. I don’t want to blow it. I don’t want to, how would you say...screw this up? I have made so many mistakes in the past; I don’t want to do that again. Really I don’t.”

She shrugged unconvinced and he laughed, “you don’t believe me? That I like you SO much?”  Again she shrugged, “so I guess I have to prove it to you?”

Shaking her head Heidi tried to avert her eyes, she wanted the ground to open up and swallow her, she didn’t want to hear his attempts at making her feel better and she wasn’t interested in any excuses he may have, his eyes had said all she needed to know. “I’m just going to lie down.” And lick my wounds she thought, still reeling from her ill timed pass. Still unsure as to how she got things SO wrong. Stepping back she fought the urge to sprint away, instead she glanced at the door, made to move towards it.

And then his hands grabbed her upper arms and his lips found hers with an explosive kiss, touching, moulding, teasing. And instantly, immediately everything was forgotten, like a gullible fish she was hooked, so easily. Drawing her back into the room, he nudged her across the floor, his lips never leaving hers, guiding her to the soft rug in front of the fire.

She made a half moan against his mouth and it was the undoing of him, sliding his hands under her t-shirt, he pulled it over her head, only parting their lips when he had to, revealing her delectable body once again.  Only this time, he wasn’t about to miss it, she was back as he wanted her, half undressed, only her bra covering her top half, and he took in every inch of her, slowly, deliberately.

                “Heidi, you have no idea how beautiful you are or how you drive me wild.”

As he still studied her, looking her up and down, she could feel his erection, hard against her stomach. She was desperate for this man, and he was equally desperate for him. It made her smile as she reached for him, slowly and deliberately unbuttoning his shirt, her lips devouring the skin revealed as the fabric fell away from his hair speckled chest and that flat stomach bisected by a trail of hair that tracked an inviting path to his waist. Her eyes and then lips followed it, and his fingers dug into her shoulders as he fought to regain his control over his reaction to her actions.

                “Heidi...” his voice was hoarse; she looked up, and placed a finger on his lips. Obeying her command of silence, he watched her as she reached for firstly the belt, and then the zip of his jeans. Squatting she dragged them down over his thighs, her eyes in a moment of nervousness avoided his straining boxer shorts as she helped him step out of the jeans.

As she stood back up, Cosmo smiled, for all her bravado she looked terrified. Placing his hands either side of her neck, he tilted her face to look at him, locking eyes with her, locked there, he let his hands drift down her arms. When they reached her waist, he slid them around her, cupping both her buttocks, still focussing his attention on her eyes, keeping her gaze.

                “You are beautiful,” his words were a whisper as he finally dropped his head to her neck, nipping gently at the base of her ear then a path down to her shoulder. All the time his hands were touching her bottom, splaying over her bare back, and then finally with a moan of appreciation from Heidi, her breasts. He cupped them in each hand before his fingers sought her nipples through the fabric of her bra. Heidi had had enough playing, she wanted more, reaching behind her body, she unhooked the item, sliding it off her arms. Cosmo, watching her expose her pale voluptuous breasts, the dark hardened tips felt his last line of defence shatter. In a sudden frenzy he started to push her jeans over her hips, whilst simultaneously dragging her down to the floor, draping her on the thick plush rug. Sat back on his heels, he looked down at her; she really was edible laying there her skin flushed by the glow of the open fire.

From the moment she looked up at him, he seemed to relished the attention, watching her watching him, he slid out a finger to circle her nipple, then as she gasped, he lowered his lips to the other one, drawing it into his mouth, snagging it with his teeth. Her moan was sinful and her body writhed in appreciation. Loving that response, he pulled her closer, his tongue lashing at her, nipping, biting, sucking.

                “Cosmo!” she breathed, her hand scaling down his body, when she found his shorts, she slipped her hand under the waistband to take him in her hand. And with an about turn it was his turn to groan, to be overwhelmed, to moan uncontrollably.

                “I want to hold on Heidi,” he whispered into her neck, “but I don’t know if I can!”

                “I want you in me Cosmo; I can’t wait any longer either!” She heard the words escape her mouth and could barely process her wanton behaviour. But there would be time for recriminations, for embarrassment, but that wasn’t now. This moment was for experiencing.

With a soft curse, he sat back onto his knees, hooking his thumbs under the elastic of her knickers and pulled them down over her thighs, lifting each ankle to slide them off; she was mortified at the way he was exposing her body to him, but then his teeth or fingers would run over an erogenous zone and she forgot all about the level of lighting, her self-consciousness, her body’s shortcomings. Cosmo grabbed his jeans and scrambled in his wallet eventually pulling out a condom. Watching as he slid his shorts off and it on, Heidi tried to swallow the anxiety that mounted in her throat. There she was, spread-eagled in front of him, watching him...and wanting him so brazenly.

Any doubts she had were thwarted by him coming down on top of her, kissing her into a fury. A hand strayed up her thigh and he smiled into her lips as he found her slick and wanting. Lifting her knees, he wriggled closer, then with a mutual sigh he pushed into her. Her ankles locked around him, her thighs pulled him to her and she met every powerful thrust. Cosmo flicked his tongue at a nipple as he continued, pushing her to the limit, overpowering her body and mind with sensation. 

As he felt his own climax approach, he slid a hand between them, and with just a few touches she threw back her head and dissolved into a mixture of pleasure and pain. Cosmo pulled back, lifting her ankles to his shoulders, plundering deeper, he buried himself into her as his own orgasm wafted over him in waves, driven on by her natural uncensored response.

At some point he’d pulled the throw from the sofa over them and they stayed entwined in the warm glow of the fire. But as the room cooled and their bodies started to stiffen he nibbled her ear.

                “I think we should head upstairs...the double bed this time, not that tiny spare bed.”

Chuckling she turned in his arms, “on one condition.” He raised a questioning eyebrow and she chuckled again, “we get a repeat!”

Grinning, he scooped her up into his arms, and with no regard for the cold or his nakedness, he kissed her nose, announced, “it’s a deal!” then carried her upstairs.

Heidi woke in the safe embrace of Cosmo’s arms and sighed.  What a night they’d had, the living room carpet had really only been a warm up for what came later. She stretched her aching bones, she’d never known so many parts of her could ache, but then she’d never really imagined a night like she’d had with Cosmo. She’d always been disinterested in sex, it always brought more hassle than it was worth, but now she knew she was wrong, she’d just been sleeping with the wrong men. With Cosmo the awkward scuffles she’d experienced with the likes of Casey disintegrated as insignificant. He was perfect knowing exactly what she wanted every moment she’d spent in his arms, and now her bar had been set eons higher. She knew no one else would ever make her feel as he did.

Sliding out of bed she headed to the bathroom, then downstairs to make coffee, it was their last day in the house, before they had to head back to the real world, the wedding of the year beckoned, her New York trip, so much, to come, but she ignored that, instead she wanted to savour every moment she had left with him.

Taking the mugs back upstairs she placed them on the bedside table, then leaned down to kiss Cosmo’s nose, and before she’d even realised he was awake, he’d snaked an arm around her waist and dragged her into bed next to him.

They didn’t leave bed all morning, and fought every second to not think about leaving. But all too soon, both so reluctant they had to climb into the hire car and head back to London. En route they stopped for a late lunch sharing every possible moment with each other, but unlike the rest of the weekend, the conversation was stilted as they both had to deal with the thought of separating, the reality of the near future weighing heavily on their remaining time.

                “Shall I come up?” he asked as he finally stopped the car outside her house.

She knew he had a flight in a few hours; the traffic to Heathrow could be shocking even on a Sunday evening. So she looked up at him, “can you stay? Or are you rushing off?”

He sighed, “as much as I don’t want to, I really have to go soon.”

She leaned over and kissed him gently, “then I’d rather say goodbye here!”

He nodded, “as always you are the sensible one!”

Chuckling, she slid her arms around him, “I assure you that that’s not true. Though I have had an absolutely wonderful weekend and if we don’t do this again then the memory...”

He silenced her with a finger over her lips, “we will see each other again, we can organise our diaries my love. Promise me you won’t be sad? Be happy and look forward to the next time that we can be together. Because we will.”

                “Just the thought of a moment without you makes me sad. I have loved this weekend. Every second of it.”

Their goodbye kiss was passion fuelled, and he was hard pressed not to follow her into the apartment and repeat his actions of the previous night. But they couldn’t, and he had to stop before it would be too painful to pull away.

As she let herself into her apartment, Heidi didn’t think she’d sleep ever again, but she had barely closed her eyes all weekend, and she was grateful when sleep took her. 

Nothing Left to Lose - Part Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

Heidi felt as though she were dreaming. They’d shared three kisses prior to this one, and for all their passion and intensity, they all faded into insignificance compared to this. As Cosmo overwhelmed her with his presence, lips devouring, tongue seeking, Heidi succumbed to his insistent pressure and relaxed back on to the cushions of the sofa. That allowed him to move over her, gain advantage and dominate her. But she was anything but threatened. As he moved their lips rarely lost contact, but now with the top half of his body pressed against hers, she was weak with desire, pleasure, excitement. Aware of every inch of him touching her.

Opening her mouth she accepted the tongue that had been stroking, probing at her lips. She flicked her own tongue touching his with a naivety, an innocence that she didn’t really have, but with him it all felt new, this felt different and she felt anxious at the thought of doing the wrong thing, and even more, of things ending dramatically, before she was ready.

When Heidi heard Cosmo groan it powered her on, gave her the confidence that she’d lacked until that moment. Smiling against her lips she let go of her lasting resistance and gave in to how she felt, what she wanted.  With newly found confidence she ran her hands up his arms, then onto his chest, loving his hard muscled body. He murmured appreciation against her lips as he brought a hand up to rest against her cheek, his fingers feathering light touches as his mouth nipped at her lips. Finally he kissed a path to the curve of her neck, the harsh rasp of his stubble and gentle softness of his lips were the perfect paradox.

She felt her top slide up, warm hands on her hips; her own hands were snaking under his thick sweater, craving the warm smooth flesh underneath. Heidi knew where this was heading, and knew wholeheartedly it was all she wanted. She had no regret. Happiness engulfed her as she felt pleasure overwhelm her, and the closed her eyes, giving in to it.

And then he stopped, pulling away from her, jumping to his feet to put distance between them.

                “Cosmo?” she asked quietly.

He was shaking his head manically, “I promised myself I wouldn’t do this...not tonight.” He turned to her, “I don’t want to rush things Heidi, I want it to be right, because it’s the future, because it’s what’s right for us both, not because we’ve had a few glasses of wine and it’s convenient.”

                “But it is right!” she tried to protest and was rewarded by the most beautiful melting smile that anyone could imagine as Cosmo replied.

                “DO not doubt that I want you, now, at this very moment. At every moment since I saw you in that restaurant back in Cyprus, I’ve dreamed and fantasised about being here, like this. But...”

She stood and stepped in his direction, reaching out a finger to press to his lips, “you are right, we’ve waited long enough Cosmo; we’ve put this off for months.”

He nodded, “I agree with that, but any sooner would’ve been cheap and worthless. Now I want us to spend time together, get to know each other more. I want you to realise that I’m serious.”

                “All I know about you I like Cosmo, and I admire your will power. And I hate it too. I don’t feel that this is cheap or rushed.”

When he shrugged she groaned, “you won’t change your mind?”

Smiling he offered her a hand, “at least there’s two bedrooms.”

Her jaw dropped in shock, the least she wanted was a night curled up in his arms, warmth, comfort even if there wasn’t passion. It seemed he had other ideas.

She investigated upstairs, whilst he locked up, and took the bathroom first. Cosmo had changed into a t-shirt and boxer shorts which left him little defence of his reaction to her when she emerged from the bathroom. She looked stunning, clean of any makeup, hair loose around her shoulders, and suddenly all his willpower left him at a rate of knots.  Noticing her smug face he knew that she was fully aware of the effect she was having on him. She had floral cotton three quarter trousers on, edged in lace, gathered around her mid calf and a camisole in the same pattern. It wasn’t particularly revealing, or sexy, but it was so pretty, so innocent that he felt a desperate need to rip it off her.  All at once he realised that it suited her, that anyone else in those pyjamas would have failed to arouse him, but she knew exactly what drove him mad. Or rather her she did full stop.

He threw cold water over his face once he’d closed the bathroom door behind him, he’d been determined to keep his hands off her on this weekend, but his resolve was dissolving by the moment, and she was doing nothing to help that.

When Cosmo finally opened the bathroom door, all the bedroom doors were shut. Against all his inner desires he ignored the room that he’d put all their bags in, instead he headed for the smaller single room glad the protection of the closed door gave.

He tossed and turned for an hour or more, punching the pillow in frustration as sleep eluded him. He had finally found some sort of respite a relaxed state where he thought he might actually get some sleep, when a light split the room as the door opened, he looked up, seeing Heidi’s silhouette.

                “I can’t sleep Cosmo.” Her voice was a nervous whisper.

Sighing, he lifted the blanket offering the bed beside him, “do you want a cuddle?”

She nodded, lowering herself onto the mattress.

It was torture as he pulled her spoon like into his arms, her body pressed against the length of him. She sighed and snuggled contentedly into the pillows, Cosmo on the other hand was having extremely difficulty focussing on anything other than her...all of her. He tried to fight the erection that seemed to manage to sit perfectly between her buttocks. No amount of thoughts about the economic climate or politics could stop the way his body responded to her.

Heidi opened her eyes and was surprised at how bright it was. It took a few moments to realise where she was. There was a chill to the air, and she knew that she really didn’t want to leave the bed. She also instantly knew that Cosmo wasn’t in the narrow bed with her, she had no recollection of him leaving, and the disappointment was huge. Maybe she’d read this all wrong. She thought he wanted her, but the first opportunity to be together, he pushed her away. It had been heaven to sleep beside him, wrapped up in his arms, his scent, the presence of his body. And now she was left with nothing.

Taking a deep breath bracing her body against the cold, she dashed from the bed, across the hallway, into the larger bedroom, that bed was empty too. Regardless she ransacked her bags for a pair of thick socks and her chunky knit jumper. Wrapped against the winter chill, she made her way downstairs.

Cosmo was sat in the kitchen, hear the log burner, drinking coffee and reading a newspaper. Hearing her footsteps, he looked up and smiled.

                “You been up long?” she asked quietly.

He nodded, “for some reason I couldn’t sleep last night...something to do with having a beautiful woman draped all over me trying to fracture my resolve!”

She smiled awkwardly, “really? You could have told me to leave...”

He stopped her, “Heidi! It was heaven, I promise. But last night classes as our first date, and I refuse to undermine that.”

Sitting opposite she gave him her most seductive smile, “so does that mean I have to try harder?”

                “You have no idea how hard it is to resist already,” despite the words he was laughing warmly and as if to prove that, he pushed back his chair and tugged her onto his lap. She shared his mug of coffee as she leaned into his chest and read him articles from the FT; her voice faltering when his lips found her neck or his hand strayed to her thigh.

                “I’m starving!” She finally announced when she could tolerate the torture of being close to him but not as close as she wanted any longer.  

                “Well then it’s lucky that I brought eggs...and bacon and fresh bread.”

She smiled, “seems you thought of everything.”

They shared breakfast and light conversation as they discussed what they could do that day. Eventually they decided to visit a local town, get some things for dinner at the Farmer’s market, then come home and cook a meal together, relax by the fire rather than have to go out.

An hour later, wrapped up in layers against the cold, Cosmo drove them to the Cotswold village. Saturday market day seemed to be busy, but they eventually managed to find a place to park the car. It was a short walk to the square that hosted the market, and as they walked Cosmo reached for Heidi’s hand, entwining their fingers as he pointed out quaint features in the windows of the shops they passed, the heat of his touch penetrating his leather gloves and her woolly chenille ones. The smile on her face seemed a permanent fixture in his company.

There were market stalls surrounding the traditional central square, all selling local wares, organic beef and chicken, fresh fruit and vegetables, warm bread, jams and butter. Everything you could need for a meal, all under the blanket aroma of candied nuts and pancakes being cooked in one corner.

                “I think I’d like steak!” Cosmo announced as they peered into numerous glass display counters.

                “Sounds good! And I know a great recipe for garlic potatoes that we can have with it!”

He laughed, “aren’t we supposed to avoid garlic this early into things?”

Hooking her arm through his she led him across to a pub, turning to him with a smile, “it’s okay as long as we both have it...” she stopped, “and it’d take a helluva lot more than that to turn me off a kiss with you!”

Raising an eyebrow, he tugged her into his arms, “is that right?”

She nodded that beaming smile back, “it is...”

And her words dissolved into silence as his lips descended on hers, his hand reaching up to cup her cheek. She loved his kisses, the excitement, the promise. Reaching around his neck, she responded with vigour, until one of them, and neither could remember which, realised where they were and the contact was reluctantly dropped.

                “Wow!” Cosmo breathed into the top of her head as he pulled her into his arms, “your kisses drive me wild Heidi. I forget where I am and what I’m doing.”

Looking up, she stared at him adoringly; he said all the right things. As she slipped her arms around his waist, sneaking her hands under his jacket, she murmured, “it’s mutual Cosmo.”

They entered the nearby pub, ordered a couple of beers then sat beside the roaring fire, wriggling their frozen toes as the life started to return. It was merely a warmth stop, and half an hour later they were back out in the cold.

Two hours later after lunch in a cafe and visits to every shop in the town, with bags filled with attractive looking fillet steaks, fresh vegetables, wine, and a rather naughty looking chocolate cake that the baker insisted just HAD to be served with thick fresh cream, they returned to the house.

Cosmo opened the wine as Heidi started on the dinner. By the time she was ready to plate up the food, he’d laid out wine glasses, cutlery and place mats on the small kitchen table, and was leaning back in a chair watching her work.

                “What?” she asked, laying the plate in front of him as she slid into the seat opposite.

He shrugged, “just nice to see you eating like this, normally.” He cut into the steak and chewed on it as she did the same, “I don’t think I ever saw Eleni eat anything let alone cook. It was unhealthy; I’m enjoying watching you enjoy food. As it should be.”

She waited until she’d swallowed her food then drank some wine, “I love food...too much!”

                “No such thing! I wish you’d met my mother. She brought us up on such a tight budget, but she always managed to make even the blandest food amazing. It was the driving force that seemed to keep our family together. There is nothing more satisfying than eating food with someone who appreciates it.”

Heidi laughed loudly, “I more than appreciate it, but more often it doesn’t appreciate me.”

She spotted his expression change, a look of concern crossing his face, “Heidi, please! Obsession with weight is a media led phenomena. My mother was a beautiful woman, and she was a large woman, but vibrant, loving life. Happy. That is more important than the size of your clothes.”

                “I’m just wary Cosmo, that’s all. But that doesn’t mean I am not about to help you devour that cake.”