Nothing Left to Lose - Part Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

Heidi felt as though she were dreaming. They’d shared three kisses prior to this one, and for all their passion and intensity, they all faded into insignificance compared to this. As Cosmo overwhelmed her with his presence, lips devouring, tongue seeking, Heidi succumbed to his insistent pressure and relaxed back on to the cushions of the sofa. That allowed him to move over her, gain advantage and dominate her. But she was anything but threatened. As he moved their lips rarely lost contact, but now with the top half of his body pressed against hers, she was weak with desire, pleasure, excitement. Aware of every inch of him touching her.

Opening her mouth she accepted the tongue that had been stroking, probing at her lips. She flicked her own tongue touching his with a naivety, an innocence that she didn’t really have, but with him it all felt new, this felt different and she felt anxious at the thought of doing the wrong thing, and even more, of things ending dramatically, before she was ready.

When Heidi heard Cosmo groan it powered her on, gave her the confidence that she’d lacked until that moment. Smiling against her lips she let go of her lasting resistance and gave in to how she felt, what she wanted.  With newly found confidence she ran her hands up his arms, then onto his chest, loving his hard muscled body. He murmured appreciation against her lips as he brought a hand up to rest against her cheek, his fingers feathering light touches as his mouth nipped at her lips. Finally he kissed a path to the curve of her neck, the harsh rasp of his stubble and gentle softness of his lips were the perfect paradox.

She felt her top slide up, warm hands on her hips; her own hands were snaking under his thick sweater, craving the warm smooth flesh underneath. Heidi knew where this was heading, and knew wholeheartedly it was all she wanted. She had no regret. Happiness engulfed her as she felt pleasure overwhelm her, and the closed her eyes, giving in to it.

And then he stopped, pulling away from her, jumping to his feet to put distance between them.

                “Cosmo?” she asked quietly.

He was shaking his head manically, “I promised myself I wouldn’t do this...not tonight.” He turned to her, “I don’t want to rush things Heidi, I want it to be right, because it’s the future, because it’s what’s right for us both, not because we’ve had a few glasses of wine and it’s convenient.”

                “But it is right!” she tried to protest and was rewarded by the most beautiful melting smile that anyone could imagine as Cosmo replied.

                “DO not doubt that I want you, now, at this very moment. At every moment since I saw you in that restaurant back in Cyprus, I’ve dreamed and fantasised about being here, like this. But...”

She stood and stepped in his direction, reaching out a finger to press to his lips, “you are right, we’ve waited long enough Cosmo; we’ve put this off for months.”

He nodded, “I agree with that, but any sooner would’ve been cheap and worthless. Now I want us to spend time together, get to know each other more. I want you to realise that I’m serious.”

                “All I know about you I like Cosmo, and I admire your will power. And I hate it too. I don’t feel that this is cheap or rushed.”

When he shrugged she groaned, “you won’t change your mind?”

Smiling he offered her a hand, “at least there’s two bedrooms.”

Her jaw dropped in shock, the least she wanted was a night curled up in his arms, warmth, comfort even if there wasn’t passion. It seemed he had other ideas.

She investigated upstairs, whilst he locked up, and took the bathroom first. Cosmo had changed into a t-shirt and boxer shorts which left him little defence of his reaction to her when she emerged from the bathroom. She looked stunning, clean of any makeup, hair loose around her shoulders, and suddenly all his willpower left him at a rate of knots.  Noticing her smug face he knew that she was fully aware of the effect she was having on him. She had floral cotton three quarter trousers on, edged in lace, gathered around her mid calf and a camisole in the same pattern. It wasn’t particularly revealing, or sexy, but it was so pretty, so innocent that he felt a desperate need to rip it off her.  All at once he realised that it suited her, that anyone else in those pyjamas would have failed to arouse him, but she knew exactly what drove him mad. Or rather her she did full stop.

He threw cold water over his face once he’d closed the bathroom door behind him, he’d been determined to keep his hands off her on this weekend, but his resolve was dissolving by the moment, and she was doing nothing to help that.

When Cosmo finally opened the bathroom door, all the bedroom doors were shut. Against all his inner desires he ignored the room that he’d put all their bags in, instead he headed for the smaller single room glad the protection of the closed door gave.

He tossed and turned for an hour or more, punching the pillow in frustration as sleep eluded him. He had finally found some sort of respite a relaxed state where he thought he might actually get some sleep, when a light split the room as the door opened, he looked up, seeing Heidi’s silhouette.

                “I can’t sleep Cosmo.” Her voice was a nervous whisper.

Sighing, he lifted the blanket offering the bed beside him, “do you want a cuddle?”

She nodded, lowering herself onto the mattress.

It was torture as he pulled her spoon like into his arms, her body pressed against the length of him. She sighed and snuggled contentedly into the pillows, Cosmo on the other hand was having extremely difficulty focussing on anything other than her...all of her. He tried to fight the erection that seemed to manage to sit perfectly between her buttocks. No amount of thoughts about the economic climate or politics could stop the way his body responded to her.

Heidi opened her eyes and was surprised at how bright it was. It took a few moments to realise where she was. There was a chill to the air, and she knew that she really didn’t want to leave the bed. She also instantly knew that Cosmo wasn’t in the narrow bed with her, she had no recollection of him leaving, and the disappointment was huge. Maybe she’d read this all wrong. She thought he wanted her, but the first opportunity to be together, he pushed her away. It had been heaven to sleep beside him, wrapped up in his arms, his scent, the presence of his body. And now she was left with nothing.

Taking a deep breath bracing her body against the cold, she dashed from the bed, across the hallway, into the larger bedroom, that bed was empty too. Regardless she ransacked her bags for a pair of thick socks and her chunky knit jumper. Wrapped against the winter chill, she made her way downstairs.

Cosmo was sat in the kitchen, hear the log burner, drinking coffee and reading a newspaper. Hearing her footsteps, he looked up and smiled.

                “You been up long?” she asked quietly.

He nodded, “for some reason I couldn’t sleep last night...something to do with having a beautiful woman draped all over me trying to fracture my resolve!”

She smiled awkwardly, “really? You could have told me to leave...”

He stopped her, “Heidi! It was heaven, I promise. But last night classes as our first date, and I refuse to undermine that.”

Sitting opposite she gave him her most seductive smile, “so does that mean I have to try harder?”

                “You have no idea how hard it is to resist already,” despite the words he was laughing warmly and as if to prove that, he pushed back his chair and tugged her onto his lap. She shared his mug of coffee as she leaned into his chest and read him articles from the FT; her voice faltering when his lips found her neck or his hand strayed to her thigh.

                “I’m starving!” She finally announced when she could tolerate the torture of being close to him but not as close as she wanted any longer.  

                “Well then it’s lucky that I brought eggs...and bacon and fresh bread.”

She smiled, “seems you thought of everything.”

They shared breakfast and light conversation as they discussed what they could do that day. Eventually they decided to visit a local town, get some things for dinner at the Farmer’s market, then come home and cook a meal together, relax by the fire rather than have to go out.

An hour later, wrapped up in layers against the cold, Cosmo drove them to the Cotswold village. Saturday market day seemed to be busy, but they eventually managed to find a place to park the car. It was a short walk to the square that hosted the market, and as they walked Cosmo reached for Heidi’s hand, entwining their fingers as he pointed out quaint features in the windows of the shops they passed, the heat of his touch penetrating his leather gloves and her woolly chenille ones. The smile on her face seemed a permanent fixture in his company.

There were market stalls surrounding the traditional central square, all selling local wares, organic beef and chicken, fresh fruit and vegetables, warm bread, jams and butter. Everything you could need for a meal, all under the blanket aroma of candied nuts and pancakes being cooked in one corner.

                “I think I’d like steak!” Cosmo announced as they peered into numerous glass display counters.

                “Sounds good! And I know a great recipe for garlic potatoes that we can have with it!”

He laughed, “aren’t we supposed to avoid garlic this early into things?”

Hooking her arm through his she led him across to a pub, turning to him with a smile, “it’s okay as long as we both have it...” she stopped, “and it’d take a helluva lot more than that to turn me off a kiss with you!”

Raising an eyebrow, he tugged her into his arms, “is that right?”

She nodded that beaming smile back, “it is...”

And her words dissolved into silence as his lips descended on hers, his hand reaching up to cup her cheek. She loved his kisses, the excitement, the promise. Reaching around his neck, she responded with vigour, until one of them, and neither could remember which, realised where they were and the contact was reluctantly dropped.

                “Wow!” Cosmo breathed into the top of her head as he pulled her into his arms, “your kisses drive me wild Heidi. I forget where I am and what I’m doing.”

Looking up, she stared at him adoringly; he said all the right things. As she slipped her arms around his waist, sneaking her hands under his jacket, she murmured, “it’s mutual Cosmo.”

They entered the nearby pub, ordered a couple of beers then sat beside the roaring fire, wriggling their frozen toes as the life started to return. It was merely a warmth stop, and half an hour later they were back out in the cold.

Two hours later after lunch in a cafe and visits to every shop in the town, with bags filled with attractive looking fillet steaks, fresh vegetables, wine, and a rather naughty looking chocolate cake that the baker insisted just HAD to be served with thick fresh cream, they returned to the house.

Cosmo opened the wine as Heidi started on the dinner. By the time she was ready to plate up the food, he’d laid out wine glasses, cutlery and place mats on the small kitchen table, and was leaning back in a chair watching her work.

                “What?” she asked, laying the plate in front of him as she slid into the seat opposite.

He shrugged, “just nice to see you eating like this, normally.” He cut into the steak and chewed on it as she did the same, “I don’t think I ever saw Eleni eat anything let alone cook. It was unhealthy; I’m enjoying watching you enjoy food. As it should be.”

She waited until she’d swallowed her food then drank some wine, “I love food...too much!”

                “No such thing! I wish you’d met my mother. She brought us up on such a tight budget, but she always managed to make even the blandest food amazing. It was the driving force that seemed to keep our family together. There is nothing more satisfying than eating food with someone who appreciates it.”

Heidi laughed loudly, “I more than appreciate it, but more often it doesn’t appreciate me.”

She spotted his expression change, a look of concern crossing his face, “Heidi, please! Obsession with weight is a media led phenomena. My mother was a beautiful woman, and she was a large woman, but vibrant, loving life. Happy. That is more important than the size of your clothes.”

                “I’m just wary Cosmo, that’s all. But that doesn’t mean I am not about to help you devour that cake.”