Nothing Left to Lose - Part Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

The chocolate gateau was divine, and they ate in yet more happy comfortable silence. Cosmo continually topped up her glass with the wine they’d bought, and whilst they’d only had a couple of glasses, she wasn’t drunk by a long way, it lowered her defences and she was desperate for more of Cosmo. He, however, apparently had the will power of a Buddhist monk, managing to evade her every touch, hint or suggestion, and Heidi was starting to become fraught. She was in a perpetual state of arousal; her body didn’t feel like it belonged to her any more. For someone who’d always seen sex as a chore, nothing that had ever been that earth shattering, Heidi was increasingly changing her mind since she’d met him.

After dessert, Cosmo lounged on the sofa in front of the fire, a local radio station played 80’s and 90’s love songs, and they were both chuckling at the memories the songs evoked.  Lifting an arm, he offered her a seat next to him, and when she obliged he pulled her close to his body, propping her feet on the coffee table beside his. Curling into him, she slid a hand under the bottom of his shirt, resting it on his warm taut abdomen, nuzzling into his soft sweater inhaling eau de Cosmo.

Cosmo was in heaven, her soft but inquisitive hand was having an effect on his lower half, and he was moving from extremely relaxed and content to something a lot more fiery.  Unable to resist, her wandering hand, her warmth against his side, he dropped his lips and planted a kiss on the top of her head.

She turned to look up at him all wide eyes and honesty, “you ok?”

He nodded, smiling down at her, “better than ok!”

Smiling she sat herself upright, moving away from him a little, “good. That’s good,”

Raising an eyebrow he looked her up and down, spotting that glint in her eye that he was starting to associate with her wicked side, “what is it?” As she reached for the hem of her t-shirt, his eyes widened; slowly and far more erotically than he was sure she intended, she lifted the cotton, inch by inch. Her soft slightly rounded stomach was still tanned from the summer, and the bright whiteness of her bra was a stark contrast, then she revealed the ample breasts that were spilling over the top of it.

                “Heidi...” he started, but she swept the garment right over her head and threw it on the floor. “We can’t...”

She placed a finger on his lips, “Cosmo, we can.  I can’t wait anymore.”

He jumped up; spilling her awkwardly onto the sofa, then crossed the room away from her as quickly as he could. When he turned back to look at her, he saw her face fall and realised just how much he’d hurt her.

                “Heidi, it’s not like that!” He insisted, but her head dropped and he could sense her sadness.

Dragging her t-shirt back on she stood and began striding to the door, “I’m sorry I thought you liked me, I obviously repulse you!” And much to her annoyance she felt tears falling down her cheeks and she dropped her head to hide them, desperate to escape from her humiliation. She’d got it all wrong, she was no match for Eleni, and for some reason he was playing with her, toying with her emotions.

Cosmo looked at her devastated figure, forlorn, head hung and felt true pain lance at his chest. Jumping across the room, he stopped in front of her before she disappeared out of the door, and spun her around to face him, “God Heidi, this is not because I don’t want you.” He cupped her cheeks and brushed away the tears with his thumbs, “it’s because I like you TOO much. I don’t want to blow it. I don’t want to, how would you say...screw this up? I have made so many mistakes in the past; I don’t want to do that again. Really I don’t.”

She shrugged unconvinced and he laughed, “you don’t believe me? That I like you SO much?”  Again she shrugged, “so I guess I have to prove it to you?”

Shaking her head Heidi tried to avert her eyes, she wanted the ground to open up and swallow her, she didn’t want to hear his attempts at making her feel better and she wasn’t interested in any excuses he may have, his eyes had said all she needed to know. “I’m just going to lie down.” And lick my wounds she thought, still reeling from her ill timed pass. Still unsure as to how she got things SO wrong. Stepping back she fought the urge to sprint away, instead she glanced at the door, made to move towards it.

And then his hands grabbed her upper arms and his lips found hers with an explosive kiss, touching, moulding, teasing. And instantly, immediately everything was forgotten, like a gullible fish she was hooked, so easily. Drawing her back into the room, he nudged her across the floor, his lips never leaving hers, guiding her to the soft rug in front of the fire.

She made a half moan against his mouth and it was the undoing of him, sliding his hands under her t-shirt, he pulled it over her head, only parting their lips when he had to, revealing her delectable body once again.  Only this time, he wasn’t about to miss it, she was back as he wanted her, half undressed, only her bra covering her top half, and he took in every inch of her, slowly, deliberately.

                “Heidi, you have no idea how beautiful you are or how you drive me wild.”

As he still studied her, looking her up and down, she could feel his erection, hard against her stomach. She was desperate for this man, and he was equally desperate for him. It made her smile as she reached for him, slowly and deliberately unbuttoning his shirt, her lips devouring the skin revealed as the fabric fell away from his hair speckled chest and that flat stomach bisected by a trail of hair that tracked an inviting path to his waist. Her eyes and then lips followed it, and his fingers dug into her shoulders as he fought to regain his control over his reaction to her actions.

                “Heidi...” his voice was hoarse; she looked up, and placed a finger on his lips. Obeying her command of silence, he watched her as she reached for firstly the belt, and then the zip of his jeans. Squatting she dragged them down over his thighs, her eyes in a moment of nervousness avoided his straining boxer shorts as she helped him step out of the jeans.

As she stood back up, Cosmo smiled, for all her bravado she looked terrified. Placing his hands either side of her neck, he tilted her face to look at him, locking eyes with her, locked there, he let his hands drift down her arms. When they reached her waist, he slid them around her, cupping both her buttocks, still focussing his attention on her eyes, keeping her gaze.

                “You are beautiful,” his words were a whisper as he finally dropped his head to her neck, nipping gently at the base of her ear then a path down to her shoulder. All the time his hands were touching her bottom, splaying over her bare back, and then finally with a moan of appreciation from Heidi, her breasts. He cupped them in each hand before his fingers sought her nipples through the fabric of her bra. Heidi had had enough playing, she wanted more, reaching behind her body, she unhooked the item, sliding it off her arms. Cosmo, watching her expose her pale voluptuous breasts, the dark hardened tips felt his last line of defence shatter. In a sudden frenzy he started to push her jeans over her hips, whilst simultaneously dragging her down to the floor, draping her on the thick plush rug. Sat back on his heels, he looked down at her; she really was edible laying there her skin flushed by the glow of the open fire.

From the moment she looked up at him, he seemed to relished the attention, watching her watching him, he slid out a finger to circle her nipple, then as she gasped, he lowered his lips to the other one, drawing it into his mouth, snagging it with his teeth. Her moan was sinful and her body writhed in appreciation. Loving that response, he pulled her closer, his tongue lashing at her, nipping, biting, sucking.

                “Cosmo!” she breathed, her hand scaling down his body, when she found his shorts, she slipped her hand under the waistband to take him in her hand. And with an about turn it was his turn to groan, to be overwhelmed, to moan uncontrollably.

                “I want to hold on Heidi,” he whispered into her neck, “but I don’t know if I can!”

                “I want you in me Cosmo; I can’t wait any longer either!” She heard the words escape her mouth and could barely process her wanton behaviour. But there would be time for recriminations, for embarrassment, but that wasn’t now. This moment was for experiencing.

With a soft curse, he sat back onto his knees, hooking his thumbs under the elastic of her knickers and pulled them down over her thighs, lifting each ankle to slide them off; she was mortified at the way he was exposing her body to him, but then his teeth or fingers would run over an erogenous zone and she forgot all about the level of lighting, her self-consciousness, her body’s shortcomings. Cosmo grabbed his jeans and scrambled in his wallet eventually pulling out a condom. Watching as he slid his shorts off and it on, Heidi tried to swallow the anxiety that mounted in her throat. There she was, spread-eagled in front of him, watching him...and wanting him so brazenly.

Any doubts she had were thwarted by him coming down on top of her, kissing her into a fury. A hand strayed up her thigh and he smiled into her lips as he found her slick and wanting. Lifting her knees, he wriggled closer, then with a mutual sigh he pushed into her. Her ankles locked around him, her thighs pulled him to her and she met every powerful thrust. Cosmo flicked his tongue at a nipple as he continued, pushing her to the limit, overpowering her body and mind with sensation. 

As he felt his own climax approach, he slid a hand between them, and with just a few touches she threw back her head and dissolved into a mixture of pleasure and pain. Cosmo pulled back, lifting her ankles to his shoulders, plundering deeper, he buried himself into her as his own orgasm wafted over him in waves, driven on by her natural uncensored response.

At some point he’d pulled the throw from the sofa over them and they stayed entwined in the warm glow of the fire. But as the room cooled and their bodies started to stiffen he nibbled her ear.

                “I think we should head upstairs...the double bed this time, not that tiny spare bed.”

Chuckling she turned in his arms, “on one condition.” He raised a questioning eyebrow and she chuckled again, “we get a repeat!”

Grinning, he scooped her up into his arms, and with no regard for the cold or his nakedness, he kissed her nose, announced, “it’s a deal!” then carried her upstairs.

Heidi woke in the safe embrace of Cosmo’s arms and sighed.  What a night they’d had, the living room carpet had really only been a warm up for what came later. She stretched her aching bones, she’d never known so many parts of her could ache, but then she’d never really imagined a night like she’d had with Cosmo. She’d always been disinterested in sex, it always brought more hassle than it was worth, but now she knew she was wrong, she’d just been sleeping with the wrong men. With Cosmo the awkward scuffles she’d experienced with the likes of Casey disintegrated as insignificant. He was perfect knowing exactly what she wanted every moment she’d spent in his arms, and now her bar had been set eons higher. She knew no one else would ever make her feel as he did.

Sliding out of bed she headed to the bathroom, then downstairs to make coffee, it was their last day in the house, before they had to head back to the real world, the wedding of the year beckoned, her New York trip, so much, to come, but she ignored that, instead she wanted to savour every moment she had left with him.

Taking the mugs back upstairs she placed them on the bedside table, then leaned down to kiss Cosmo’s nose, and before she’d even realised he was awake, he’d snaked an arm around her waist and dragged her into bed next to him.

They didn’t leave bed all morning, and fought every second to not think about leaving. But all too soon, both so reluctant they had to climb into the hire car and head back to London. En route they stopped for a late lunch sharing every possible moment with each other, but unlike the rest of the weekend, the conversation was stilted as they both had to deal with the thought of separating, the reality of the near future weighing heavily on their remaining time.

                “Shall I come up?” he asked as he finally stopped the car outside her house.

She knew he had a flight in a few hours; the traffic to Heathrow could be shocking even on a Sunday evening. So she looked up at him, “can you stay? Or are you rushing off?”

He sighed, “as much as I don’t want to, I really have to go soon.”

She leaned over and kissed him gently, “then I’d rather say goodbye here!”

He nodded, “as always you are the sensible one!”

Chuckling, she slid her arms around him, “I assure you that that’s not true. Though I have had an absolutely wonderful weekend and if we don’t do this again then the memory...”

He silenced her with a finger over her lips, “we will see each other again, we can organise our diaries my love. Promise me you won’t be sad? Be happy and look forward to the next time that we can be together. Because we will.”

                “Just the thought of a moment without you makes me sad. I have loved this weekend. Every second of it.”

Their goodbye kiss was passion fuelled, and he was hard pressed not to follow her into the apartment and repeat his actions of the previous night. But they couldn’t, and he had to stop before it would be too painful to pull away.

As she let herself into her apartment, Heidi didn’t think she’d sleep ever again, but she had barely closed her eyes all weekend, and she was grateful when sleep took her.