After All - Part Fifty Two

Chapter Fifty Two

A/N Sorry for the delay, been battling to get this just as I wanted, hope it delivers. 

She looked amazing...but then she always did. Dylan smiled at her, his nerves suddenly evaporated. This is what he wanted to be with her, Matilda, in any way he could. She smiled and his heart lurched in pleasure, excitement.

                “You look amazing,” she breathed.

That made his eyes widen, “that’s MY line...and you do.”

She chuckled, “thanks for the compliment, but I have literally dragged this dress from the bottom of the suitcase...it’s anything but as it should be.” She brushed at the creases with her hands, until he took a hand in his.

                “Come on, let’s hit the town.”

They walked out of the hotel, turning along the street until their destination loomed over them in the distance.

                “In a resort for five minutes and you manage to find the five star restaurant.”

He chuckled, “it’s the one thing I won’t compromise on.”

Their fingers were entwined as he led her along the short walk to the restaurant, and already that feeling was driving him insane. They were met at the entrance and showed to a very private balcony, a table set for two, champagne already in a bucket of ice.

The traditionally clad waiter pulled out her chair, and Matilda was glad of the distance from Dylan, she was constantly having to remind herself that this was a date, that this was him proving how he felt to her. Throwing herself at him wouldn’t help her cause, yet that was exactly what she craved, his attention, his love.

                “I’ve ordered for us...in advance.”

Her eyes popped up to look at him; he wasn’t usually that demanding or controlling. She gave a smile, “is this you puffing out your chest in masculine pride...or proving you know what I’d like?”

He grinned, “you’ll have to wonder about that yourself.”

She watched him as he leaned back in his seat, his eyes never leaving hers, but there was still a tension between them, they never struggled for conversation, but now suddenly nothing flowed smoothly.

As their starters arrived, Matilda cared less about what the meal was, and more about the fact that the atmosphere was becoming more and more tense, their relationship was fragmenting around them. This wasn’t what she wanted, but then, she wasn’t sure what she wanted exactly. Or rather how to make this what she wanted. Suddenly Dylan was holding her at arm’s length, instead of showing her how he felt he was backing off.

A clatter caused her to look up, in time to see Dylan toss his cutlery onto his plate.

                “I can’t do this Matilda.”

She gulped, “do what?” She dreaded the response, he looked pale, sad.

He looked to the ceiling taking a few deep breaths, “this.” He looked back at her, “you want some grand gesture, you want me to prove that I love you, you want us to date, to start a fresh. And I wanted to do that...but it’s not enough. I don’t know how to be what you want. We always were friends, that was always the easy part...and now, now we can’t even talk, I don’t know how to prove anything to you.” He sighed, “I suppose I fail at the first hurdle, maybe you deserve better than me.”

She bit her lip staring at him mutely. Mattie had always felt that she was on the back foot in the relationship, Dylan had always been vivacious, the life and soul. Whilst she wasn’t a hermit or a shrinking violet by any stretch of the imagination, she’d always lived in his shadow, the quieter, more thoughtful one to his extrovert outgoing. She wasn’t used to him being defensive, defeated almost and it stunned her.

Sighing he ran a hand over his eyes, “you deserve the best...but I’m sitting here, and all I can think about is how I want to drag that dress off you and SHOW you how you make me feel...” He shook his head in frustration. “I can’t be this man of gestures, hell I can hardly muster a conversation I feel so...paralysed by how much I want you.”

Matilda felt her body throb in response, was there anything more flattering than a confession like that from a man like him, that came as close to a grand gesture as she could imagine, she’d needed a sign that he felt the way she did, that he was never going to let her down again, no one could ever guarantee that, but the fact that he could barely function for his desire for her...that was enough, wasn’t it?

She opened her mouth to speak, but shaking his head he silenced her. Reaching out to the table adjacent to them, he lifted an envelope.

                “Have this...I need some fresh air.”

With that he disappeared.

She stared at the large envelope for a moment, then the door that had closed behind him. She wanted to see what was in there, but knew that it was his gesture. His attempt to level the playing field, his way of making his feelings for her clear. But did she need that anymore?

The fact that he was so broken, so uncomfortable...had she wanted that? To reduce him to an insecure mess? To take away all his confidence in situation. She immediately knew that wasn’t right, she didn’t want to cause him any hardship, but what she had wanted, what she had needed was to see that he felt the same way that she did, that their past cock-ups had affected him as much as they had her. And the broken face on him as he’d left told her that he did and more.

With another glance at the now redundant envelope, she shook her head with a wry smile. Dropping the knife and fork that she still clutched in her hands, she jumped to her feet, then ran after him, as fast as her sandals would carry her.

He was across the foyer from him making for a large and fortunately empty terrace. The door hadn’t closed behind him when she reached for his arm, the air burning her lungs as se gulped, the run, the adrenaline were all making her breathless.

                “Dylan...wait.”

Dylan’s vision was fuzzy, the breath was tight in his chest, he knew he was blowing things with Matilda and he was drowning slowly and painfully. He heard a voice call his name, but he was struggling for breath. Reaching the rail at the edge of the veranda he clamped hold of it bracing his shoulders, snatching for air, and he had just regained a little composure when a hand connected with his shoulder. He could barely turn for a moment, he’d never felt this desperate. But looking at the fingers curling over his shoulder, he sighed, recognising the delicate traits of Matilda. Moving slowly he turned to look at her, she was everything he needed, her calmness, the serenity that followed her, the small lines that creased when she laughed, the long eyelashes fluttering as she stared at him, there wasn’t an inch of her that he didn’t love, didn’t miss with every inch of his body and being.

                “Dylan,” it was a breath. “Don’t run away.”

He sighed, “fresh air...” the two words were all he could manage for a moment.

                “What is it?”

Giving a non descript hug, he looked down, but her fingers lifted his chin, wouldn’t let him look away, “it hurts doesn’t it?”

That made his eyes widen, “what?”

She laughed, “I thought I wanted some sign, some change that made me realise that you were serious, that you wanted what I want. But I was wrong; whatever is in that envelope...it doesn’t matter. I suddenly realised that what I needed was this...me finally seeing that you find this as hard as I do, that this affects you as it does me. That you are as scared as me about everything.”

                “I’m terrified!” He breathed, “I don’t know what to do.”

She chuckled softly, “welcome to my world!” She took her hands in his and he could barely concentrate, but he forced himself to look at her.

                “I sat all day today wondering how I was going to make this right, and I didn’t know. I can save businesses that are fracturing money left right and centre, I can deal with financial crises, I can manage five thousand members of staff...but I can’t be what you want.” She was grinning inanely, and it was starting to concern him, “what?”

                “That’s exactly it, don’t you see?” She cupped his cheek and smiled, “you control everything, you love in a world where you hold all the answers, and suddenly you don’t know what to do here. That’s what I want, to see that you are feeling way out of your depth like me. Don’t you get that? You’ve always done what you want; I’ve always felt as though I was clinging to your shirt tails, but now, you...this.” She smiled again, “this is you feeling about me, the way I feel about you. I’m scared, I’m worried, but I want it more than anything.”

                “But...” he wasn’t ready for this, was he?

                “You are a risk taker Dylan Wallace; you calculate the odds, work out what you are prepared to lose. But this time, you either lose me...or a part of yourself...and that my darling, is REALLY what life is all about!”

Reaching onto her tiptoes she brushed her lips over hers, then spun on her heel back into the building. He was left in her wake trying to make sense of all that she said, all that he felt. But her last line summed it up properly. He’d run away six years ago because it was easier to disappear, let the divorce happen than stand and fight. He had to fight now, and more than that, show her that he wanted to fight for her.

With a sigh, unsure what the immediate future held, but for the first time uncaring, he followed her, rather rapidly back into the hotel.

Then he came to a grinding halt, Matilda was stood at the table, the envelope open in her hands and her mouth hanging wide open. Hearing him approach, she looked up at him, stunned.

                “You’re giving me the hotel?”