Nothing Left to Lose - Part Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

A/N Sorry at this delay. Laptop crashed and took this whole chapter. Rewriting is never as good, so a bit disappointed. But hey-ho. Hope you're enjoying. This is a safe story really, but starting on the next already which is looking to be far more lively!

Reaching for her bag, Heidi took what felt like the last breath she was ever going to, and hurtled out the front door like a whirlwind down the steps until she was stopped dead by a firm broad chest half way into her descent. His scent wrapped around her like a blanket, his eyes warmed her to the core, the only response she could make to his proximity was a moan of relief and pleasure.

But that same feeling was reciprocated in his eyes, “if I had thought you had any doubt, I don’t now....” he cupped her cheek meeting her eyes with his determined gaze.

                “You thought I didn’t want to come with you?”

He gave a shrug, “it’s not been the easiest path to this point.” She tried to smile but failed, she was too nervous. “Hey! Please don’t be scared.”

                “I’m not scared...it’s just...” her words were lost as his lips met hers, and suddenly she was anything but scared. Their two previous kisses had been passionate, furious, desperate, but this one was filled with promise, and so much more. His lips touched softly, his tongue seeking hers, his hands securing her close to him.

When he finally pulled away she felt dazed, stunned.

He smiled as he looked down at her, “I feel the same way agápi mou! But we have an isolated cottage waiting, and it’ll be a shame to not make it that far.”

 She nodded, allowing him to lead her by the hand, down the stairs and out into the street. His hired top of the range saloon was parked on yellow lines, so they both slid in a quickly as possible and he hit the accelerator, heading for the suburbs, and the route out of the city.

The traffic was heavy as they pulled out of her road, and Cosmo handed her a page with directions printed neatly.

                “Will you be my navigator?”

She took the paper and studied it for a moment, “of course!”

                “So tell me about your week.”

Cosmo was finding it all so distracting, the traffic, the weather...and the aroma and vision of the woman beside him who seemed to fill the vehicle with her energy and presence. Conversation, that was safer.

Giving a quick glance to his right, he saw her watching him in wonder, “my week?”

He nodded, “yes.”

He glanced at her again and she sighed letting her head fall back to the headrest and closed her eyes, “well I’m quiet at work, for another few weeks. The calm before the next storm. So I’ve worked my fingers to the bone and managed to finish my mother’s wedding dress.”

                “Wow.” He was amazed and stunned that she’d done that much for someone who seemed to repeatedly treat her badly. Before he could say that, she carried on. “But as you know, I’m struggling on what I can wear. I’ve got a few ideas. But time is ticking on; we’re getting closer to D-day.” With a puff of air she blew the hair out of her eyes, “I am so relieved that I’m not a bridesmaid. Can you imagine me and Eleni? Standing together. Matching dresses.” She shook her head, then met his eyes as he glanced across at her.

He still couldn’t believe that Eleni had the world eating out of her hand. After all that had happened, no one could see her true colours, from child hood she’d been indulged, and despite her growing years, that wasn’t changing.  But then he himself had been guilty of that too, he’d been young, enthusiastic and was starting to reap the rewards of his hard work when he’d met Cesare, and all too soon they were talking about merging some of their businesses. But Cesare’s concern over his daughter was such an obvious battle that it was influencing the decisions they were trying to make.

Then one day they met, and immediately he seemed to be the centre of her map. She was in with the wrong crowd, dabbling with drink, drugs, and when she got arrested, it was Cosmo she’d called. Looking back he’d seen her devotion as love, and even now he cared about her. But he’d got sucked into marrying her because he felt responsible. Again he glanced at Heidi. Already his feelings for her eclipsed anything he’d ever had for Eleni, but still everyone seemed to pander to her, place her on a pedestal. And he hated it.

                “Despite what you might think, I know that you would look radiant in anything. You would cast shadow on her.”

She laughed out loud, “hardly! She’s beautiful.”

Cosmo pulled the car over to the side of the road regardless of the heavy traffic, then turned to her, his face fraught with anxiety, “you are far more beautiful than her Heidi. In every way. You eyes sparkle with zest for life, with enthusiasm, your lips are the most kissable that I have ever seen, your skin is perfect, your hair mesmerising, and your body has an effect on me that I am too gentlemanly to describe. And for all that you are delightful on the outside; you are radiant on the inside. You see the good in everyone, you sacrifice your time and effort for others, you are good.” He took a deep breath then took her hands in his, “and for all that, when you walk in the room I see or hear no one else. She has never had that effect on me. No one ever has.” He took her hand and squeezed it. “Don’t ever feel you don’t compare to her again, because it is completely the other way around. Ok?”

Heidi smiled nervously, “hmm. I’m not sure I agree. I didn’t know you felt that strongly about things!”

Finally the seriousness disappeared and his face broke into a smile, “I do, I really do. I just wish you could see yourself as I see you.”

Silence once again washed over the car as the miles disappeared, classical music coming out of the car stereo, the lack of conversation was comfortable, both were happy in each others’ company.  As they pulled off the motorway, Heidi needed the instructions, and together they negotiated the cold wet and dark night. Once they reached the small village, the cottage was easy to find, and with a sigh of satisfaction, Cosmo pulled the car to a stop in the picture postcard courtyard. The small house had rose bushes lining the path to the door and thick green ivy climbed over most of the walls. In the darkness of the winter evening they couldn’t see much else, but instantly Heidi loved it.

Cosmo climbed out of the car, then came around to open the door for her, “come on, let’s get into the warm.”

Rooting around in his pocket he found the keys, then unlocked the wooden door. The house was in darkness, and as he flicked on the hallway light, Cosmo smiled at Heidi.

“Why don’t you find the kettle for coffee? I’ll get the bags from the car.”

It was a quaint house personified, a small lounge with thick rugs and an overstuffed sofa and an open fire was behind the first door in the hall, and the second was the staircase presumably leading upstairs. The third and furthest door opened to an open plan kitchen/dining room that was dominated by a wood burner. A little investigation in a few cupboards meant she found the kettle and some coffee and was stirring the two mugs when Cosmo followed her into the kitchen.

                “This is a lovely place, hey?”

She smiled handing him a mug, “beautiful. They’ve only got instant coffee, sorry.” He shrugged taking the mug gratefully. “It’s all a little surreal too. Being here with you.”

He sighed, “I know, those warm nights in Larnaca seem so far away!”

                “A lot has happened in the four months since.”

He reached out and tucked a stray wisp of hair behind her ear, “four months of thinking of you constantly. You blew my mind the first time I set eyes on you in that restaurant. It feels like it’s been such a long time getting the chance to be with you, like this.”

Heidi fought the feelings of anxiety she associated with being with him as she looked up into his eyes, “it’s not going to be this easy.”

Cupping her cheek, sending tingles through her body, he dropped a kiss on her forehead “we deserve this Heidi, we’ve been patient, we’ve done things right, but I really wanted to be here with you. We won’t let people destroy this. Ok.” A flicker of nerves marred her face for a moment, so he stroked her cheek with his thumb, his eyes never leaving hers. “Being here with you, it isn’t about sex. I didn’t just arrange this to get you into bed Heidi, this is what this is. We need to spend time together, get to know each other more, away from friends and family. Have the chance to work out how we can make this work.”

She sighed; she’d not expected him to be so honest, so open with his feelings. The things he was saying, from anyone else would sound contrived, exactly as though they were talking her into bed, but she didn’t feel that way about him. She knew that much.

Nodding she knew she had to relax, give this a chance, “it’s a good idea. I’m really glad I’m here, with you. I want this time too.”

Then his eyes lit with a beautiful smile, “I’m going to light this burner. If we get some heat here, then we can go out to the pub. The food is more than recommended there, dinner plus a glass of wine or two. It’ll be warm when we come back. What do you say?”

A few minutes later he came downstairs in a soft looking knitted sweater and worn jeans that moulded perfectly to his legs...and as he walked past her to retrieve his coat, she noted his arse too.

                “Come on, let’s get going.”

He held out her coat and helped her into it, then took her hand as they made their way out into the cold night.

The pub was as quaint as the rest of the village, a thatched roof, wattle and daubed walls, and more climbing gardenia and ivy adorning them. Inside a huge open fire place housed a roaring fire, and the bar consisted of mismatched sofas and chesterfield armchairs surrounding tables of various sizes. When they enquired after food, they were shown into the adjacent dining room that was lit by candlelight and far more intimidate.

As promised, they perused a menu which looked amazing, ordered hearty meals with vegetables and gravy with a bottle of red wine, then ate in a comfortable atmosphere, sipping at the wine as they murmured appreciation of the food.

Once they’d finished they rejected the thought of dessert, and moved to sit on a sofa nearer the fire, warming their feet. Cosmo had his arm along the back of the sofa, his fingers running through her hair. She rested her head back on his arm and let out a deep breath.

                “You ok?” he asked placing his glass on the table in front of them.

She turned to look at him lazily, “I’m drinking nice wine, have a full belly, and we’re nowhere near running out of conversation! I’m having a brilliant time.”

He smiled at her, “me too...” He dropped his mouth to her ear and added in a sultry whisper, “but if you keep looking at me like that I’ll break my promise to be good and devour you!”

She gasped at the arousal that comment brought, turning to look at him with wide eyes, “like what?”

                “The way I imagine you’ll look satiated on my pillow...” his smile was wicked, and her heart raced at the implications, tension like electricity bouncing between them.

                “Cosmo!” she managed in a hoarse voice.

He chuckled, a warm deep sound, “I apologise for being so honest! But I have never felt as happy, as content as I do today, here with you.”

She nodded at that, but suddenly the implications of the rest of the night lay in front of them both, and a level of anxiety rose. They both sipped their wine for a few minutes nervously, until they both burst out laughing. The tension was ridiculous.

                “Come on,” he reached for her coat, “let’s walk home.”

Wrapped up in their coats they trekked back to the cottage in the bracing winter wind.

                “Vino?” he smiled emerging from another trip out to the car in the cold. Heidi was curled up on the sofa, a soft, faded patchwork blanket folded over her feet.

She looked up at him with a bottle in each hand, “you think of everything!”

Cosmo laughed, she already loved the crinkles that formed around his eyes when it happened, “well if I had the forethought and brought it out of the car, this red wine wouldn’t be the temperature of ice!” He placed the bottle near fire to warm, then sat at Heidi’s feet, lifting them on to his lap.

Heidi had found some CD’s earlier, so soft music broke the silence of the room. And relaxing into the pillows she relaxed and closed her eyes as his hands started to massage her feet.

                “So what did you think of Nikos?” Cosmo asked after deeming the wine warm enough to consume and pouring them both a glass.

                “I was really glad he came to the meal, he’s a nice guy.” She sipped the wine then looked at him, “he’s completely not what I was expecting!”

 “I know. He’s so normal. No drama, no glamour, just a nice guy. Cesare is so disappointed that he’s academic. Well not disappointed...he just always hoped that Nikos would take on the business. That’ll never happen.”

She nodded, “he mentioned some pharmaceutical job in the Middle East...”

                “Near Dubai, a huge petrochemical plant, it’s a project into modifying fuel. He’ll end up with a Nobel Prize that man, and he’ll work harder than anyone else to get it. He’s SO motivated.”

Heidi smiled, “you like him.”

                “I have a lot of respect for him; he’s followed his goals, against the wishes and support of everyone. His life would have been easy of he’d followed the path behind his father, but no. He pushed the boundaries, worked hard. I admire that.”

She nodded, “but at least Cesare is proud of him, they’ve got a good relationship?”

Cosmo agreed, “they do now, but he’s had some rough times.”

                “Don’t we all!”

He started to massage her feet again, his thumbs running under the arch of one of them, “that sounds like a sad comment. What’s been happening?”

She shrugged, hardly able to concentrate with his hands still on her, “my mother is still self obsessed, and in fact she has taken it on herself to support Eleni of all things...because she’s devastated apparently at losing you.”

He laughed, “really? I don’t think so. She just isn’t used to things not going her way, that’s all this is.  But why is your mother so worried?”

                “I don’t know, I think she wants to keep Cesare happy. I don’t know. Even Lucas is obsessed with how wonderful she is...” she paused realising she may have said too much.

He laughed, “your silence means you’re hiding something and your brother is a womaniser...I don’t need a calculator to add the numbers Heidi. My devastated soon to be ex wife is never alone, don’t ever believe that.”

She took a few deep breaths before replying “I saw them together, I know no more, but don’t want to. But he does what he wants regardless. As you said in the summer he’s selfish...”

He was thoughtful for a few moments, “I don’t intend to influence how you feel.”

She laughed, “Cosmo,” she loved the way his name sounded, it fell off her lips and she wanted to repeat it in a mantra. “I don’t think that of course! You are one of the only people who have been honest with me. I appreciate that.”

                “I’m a married man who’s whisked you away for a weekend...” he raised an eyebrow in mock menace. “That is hardly honest and good behaviour.”

She placed a hand on her chest and fanned herself with her hand, swooning, “oh my, what will people say!”

                “So tell me about the dress dilemma,” Cosmo offered once he’d stopped laughing. He was finding it difficult to keep control of his emotions, he was so attracted to her that he wanted everything, but he knew that time, was important, they needed to get to know each other, build things up gradually, not fall into bed and hate each other the next day. A dress conversation sounded safe.

                “Well, it’s going to be cold, so I want something beautiful yet warm, but if I have anything tight I’m going to look huge next to Eleni!”

He shook his head, “don’t start that again. This is your last warning.”

She smiled, “that was not a comment of self pity, but she’s so petite...”

“Scrawny...” he counteracted.

“And beautifully elegant...”

“Cold and aloof!”

“And I’m so....busty!” she laughed.

                “Curvaceous and sexy Heidi! You cannot win this.”

Shit! Now he was looking at her curvaceous and sexy bits, the conversation had turned full circle. He really was a dog. Where were his manners?

                “So what have you decided on?” Safe. Dresses.

She paused for a moment, “long, straight and in winter colours? Green or red.”

Boom - a bolt of heat shot through him and suddenly he was having difficulty controlling his libido again, “sounds wonderful! You in red satin and fur...sounds like the perfect Christmas present.”

She laughed, “you don’t have to act interested in fashion.”

                “I am interested. I want to know everything about you, and every day until the wedding I’ll be trying to imagine you in the dress you’ve described. That’ll keep me warm for many a cold dark night.”

Heidi leaned into him slightly, relaxing more and more by the minute, “cheeky. I thought it’d be really awkward between us.”

                “There was a chance.” His one hand had somehow dropped from the back of the sofa and now lay on her bare shoulder.

Heidi could feel the pressure of his touch, the warmth of his hand, and could no longer focus on conversation. She turned to look at him at exactly the moment that he turned to her. HE was so close she could kiss him...leaning forward she parted her lips as his descended to meet them.

Nothing Left to Lose - Part Twelve

Chapter Twelve

Heidi had a meeting in West London; the last magazine interview was on Saturday morning. As she emerged from the tube station she caught her reflection in a shop window. Her tailored dress, heels and scarf made her look sophisticated, so far from the awkward teenager she’d been, but as she strolled down the street, she knew that she wasn’t a million miles away from the person she’d been.

Glancing at her watch she realised she was forty minutes early, not great. But she was only a few streets from Lucas' uptown penthouse, not that she visited very often. She hadn’t seen him other than the meal with their mother, so she took a left instead of right and started off for his building.

Approaching his address, a large doorway on a tree lined street, she spotted a taxi drawing level with his building, then aghast she felt her jaw fall open in shock. Stepping back into a nearby doorway she watched as out of the front door came a bare-chested Lucas his arm wrapped around Eleni, as they got close to the cab he pulled her into an embrace, kissing her on the lips. It wasn’t a ravishing passionate kiss, but it was familiar, something shared.

She was stunned. He’d only met her four days earlier, and now here they were obviously up to no good. The man had no scruples, and it seemed neither did she.

When the cab pulled clear of the kerb, she stormed the short distance to where he stood wistfully watching after the retreating vehicle.

                “What the hell are you playing at Lucas? I am NOT digging you out of this one!”

Lucas jump at hearing her voice was almost of cartoon proportions, then he spun around to face her, “it’s not what you think sis, I swear!”

He’d never defended himself so vehemently or passionately in the past, never cared that she knew all his secrets, but she wasn’t convinced, “she’s a woman Lucas and that ticks your box!”

                “Look she’s upset, apparently her dick of a husband is leaving her, she’s a mess.”

Heidi swallowed her own guilt, “so you’re consoling her by screwing her?”

                “Like I said it’s not what you think.”

She shook her head, “oh poor, poor Eleni! What is it with my family protecting her? I am your sister, not her. Saying that... I don’t want THAT kind of attention. Jeez.” She shook her head, “I came here to try and make things easier, cos I was starting to think there was more distance than usual between us. Why do I bother?”

                “What are you talking about?” He stood hands on hips glaring at her.

She shook her head, “I knew you were a slut, but sleeping with a married woman...your step sister no less. You REALLY have scraped the barrel this time. I’m out.”

He was still standing mouth agape when she stormed off, but as she rounded the corner of the street, she felt as though he had the last laugh. He was acting on his impulses, whereas she...she’d denied herself exactly that.

Over the next ten days Heidi kept a low profile, avoiding contact with her family, and completing the wedding dress for her mother. She refused point blank to be bridesmaid, having convinced her mother that she and Eleni were too different, that she’d feel so frumpy and plain if she was compared to the other woman. Fortunately her mother agreed after a long telephone debate. Which meant that whilst she wouldn’t be forced to dress like Eleni and appear beside her in every picture, her mother now had just one bridesmaid...and it wasn’t her.  She had presumed her mother would choose not to have any, but apparently the fragile Eleni couldn’t cope with anymore rejection.

The wedding was finally booked, and had been brought forward by two months to late November, Eleni was heading to California just after that for her three month stint, so it was deemed the most suitable time. The common theme of ‘we all bend for Eleni’ remained strong. Fortunately she was on time with the dress, so there was less stress than there could have been.

                “So where is it going to be?” She asked her mother during a phone call. “London? Athens? Cyprus?”

                “Chamonix!” She announced, “Cesare has a lodge there, we found a hotel that will provide a wedding breakfast...It’s perfect!”

                “France?” She shook her head in surprise. “You hate skiing mother!”

                “Maybe, but I love the snow, and think how beautiful the photos will look!”

As she hung up on that call, she looked across her desk to the post-it note Polly had left there earlier.

                “A Dale Booth called. Can you call him back?”

Underneath the words was a long distance number.

Turning away she called out to Polly, “I’m going out for lunch. See you in an hour.”

It was such a crossroads, calling Dale may well change her life beyond believe, with all that was currently going on she wasn’t sure she could cope with more upheaval, more trauma.

Sat on a park bench she closed her eyes, turning her face up to the bright sun, it was warm for early October, and her phone disturbed her silence.

Pulling it from her bag, she didn’t recognise the number displayed, normally she ignored cold calling, but for some reason she answered.

                “Hii-deeeeee?”

Only one person had that warm, husky voice.

She sat bolt upright, “Cosmo?”

A soft sigh echoed down the phone line, “ah, it is so wonderful to hear your voice again.”

                “You too.”

She knew she was smiling like an idiot, but she couldn’t help it.

                “I am between meetings...I have literally two minutes. But I wanted to speak to you.”

                “It’s lovely to speak to you. What have you been doing?”

He groaned, “work - travelling a lot. At home, well I am trying to prise my rather enduring wife out of my life.” 

The indirect mention of Eleni once again brought the image of her wrapped around her brother early the previous week. Cosmo had emailed her a few times and called her since, but she hadn’t discussed what she’d seen.

                “So you’ve heard the details for the wedding?”

She knew that Cosmo realised she was changing the subject but he played along, “of course. Cesare is...like a child with his excitement. He calls me almost hourly to arrange things. How is your mother?”

                “The same. But I’ve finally managed to get her agree that I won’t be bridesmaid.”

There was a pregnant pause, they’d almost argued the previous week when she had told him that she couldn’t stand beside his wife, that she felt so unattractive next to her. He was indignant in his response that she was more beautiful than her. But that wasn’t how she felt.

                “So there are no bridesmaids. It’s a second wedding for them both, I don’t think it’s a bad decision to keep things low key.”

That made her laugh, then in her best impression of her mother’s voice, she replied, “but she’s so devastated at the moment, I can’t disappoint her Heidi. She’s fragile, not strong like you.”

                “WHAT?” His anger was unleashed down the phone line for a moment, “Eleni is STILL a bridesmaid? She doesn’t deserve you, none of them do.” His voice was a hiss, “when are they going to see that bitch for what she really is?”

                “Don’t let it spoil this...us.”

                “I won’t. I promise, but I want people to appreciate you as I do. You can do ANYTHING Heidi Mortimer, you know that right?

When she got back to the office, the note from her US contact was still staring up at her from her desk. But Cosmo was right, she could do anything...and this was just a phone call.

“Hey Heidi.” Dale answered on the third ring. “Thanks for getting back to me. We are so excited to discuss things with you.”

She leaned back in her seat, resting the phone against her shoulder and smiled, “I’m glad.”

                “The board have agreed with my assessment, we would like to talk to you in person. Can you come out here? Show us your portfolio? Possibly discuss terms?”

She flicked up her work diary on the computer in front of her, “I have a family wedding at the end of next month. Is it too late to come out after that? I’ve got a few things on here until then.”

“December first ok? I’ll book you on a flight.”

Heidi wanted a special dress for the wedding, Eleni was a model with a beautiful body, she needed something stunning to at least try and compete, because for all Cosmo’s encouraging words, she NEEDED to feel good, needed to compete with the model, as childish as that seemed. But after days and days sat at the drawing board she had drawn a blank. On Saturday afternoon, that was no different, she opened a bottle of wine to try and loosen her mood, open up her ideas. Her solace was disturbed by the phone, answering, she felt a flush of heat at the voice she loved to hear.

                “Cosmo?”

He chuckled, “yes. How are you?”

Niceties aside she missed him, it was two almost months since he’d visited her flat, since he’d kissed her, and it’d suddenly become so difficult to remember him. When she closed her eyes, she could no longer see his face, his eyes or his smile.

                “Sad, fed up. Wish I was on some warm beach with you.”

He sighed, “damn, I’m not near a beach, otherwise I’d have flown you out to fulfil your wish. I miss you too.”

Heidi knew that tears were starting to well in her eyes, but she couldn’t do that, couldn’t spend what little time they had together crying.

                “So no beaches. Are you in Athens?”

There was a moment of silence before he said, “I called because I’m in London Heidi, I want to see you, I think we’ve waited long enough.”

Suddenly the room was spinning and her mind racing.

He laughed at her silence, “I’m to take that as a no?”

“No!” she gasped, “of course not, I want that...so much.”

Sighing, he replied, “haven’t we waited long enough?”

                “Has something happened? Something changed?”

He was quiet for longer than she was comfortable with. Eventually he spoke, “no, I just had to meet my sister...she has issues. Nothing too much. But I have been in hotels for most of the last month, I want to relax, switch off. I want you agápi mou!”

My love.

She gasped, desire, lust and anticipation flooding her veins and more poignantly her pelvis.

                “So what did you have in mind?” her voice was hoarse with the emotions washing over her.

                “Are you free today...for the rest of the weekend?”

When she confirmed he was, he sighed, “I was hoping that you were. I know it’s short notice, but a friend...he has a cottage, it’s about an hour out of London. It’s ours, if you’ll join me. I’m told the pub nearby sells very good food.”

She tried to speak but her breath was constricted in her throat.

                “I could pick you up in an hour?”

What was she worrying about? He was single, he’d left Eleni. They’d waited for a long time, plus no one would know. That was the biggest positive. So she was grinning when she agreed, offering, “Ok, but you have to help me find inspiration for a design for a dress for the wedding!”

                “That sounds like a deal!”

When the line went dead Heidi had sixty minutes to pack a bag. After ten minutes of jumping up and down on her bed with excitement, she had a shower, so glad she’d washed her hair the day before. Into a holdall she threw two sets of her best lingerie, sliding the third, a silver and lilac bra with the same colour lacy knickers, on. There was a lot unwritten between them and she had no idea what this weekend would entail. Though she knew what she wanted. She was so excited she felt an overwhelming need to wow him with how sexy she could be, but she knew that wasn’t what this was about. He wanted her, as she’d been on the beach in Cyprus, her...just her. And anyway, she didn’t want to scare him off with her over enthusiasm. So calmly she tossed away the sexy tops and short skirts that she’d look at for any other type of date and hunted for her skinny black jeans, teaming them with a pale blue strappy baby doll top. She’d added a few more demure outfits and some toiletries into the bag, and was sliding into her knee high flat boots when the doorbell rang.

She felt faint with excitement, he was here...

Nothing Left to Lose - Part Eleven

Chapter Eleven

When Heidi finally revealed the dress to her mother, there were tears and emotion running riot. The dress was long, elegant with understated detail to the neckline and waist. It wasn’t gaudy or over elaborate, but Heidi really believed that it was classy, beautiful and perfect for the older bride. It was exactly what she imagined her mother would wear, and her mother’s immediate reaction told her that she’d guessed right.

                “I love it Heidi! It’s absolutely beautiful!” Her mother twirled in front of the mirror, the half finished dress clinging to her in a flattering way, a beaming smile spread across her face, and tears glittering in her eyes.

                “Well I still need to do a lot to it, adjust, finish, this is definitely the prototype stage. But I needed to get measurements for you before I can continue.”

Her mother left, still ecstatic two hours later, and Heidi was relieved. She’d cleared the air, told her mother how she felt...for a change. And after the dress reveal...it had all gone swimmingly. But for Heidi, alone, she was fraught, anxious. After a bath and a meal, Heidi was still unable to settle, her mind was racing and her body fraught with tension. She’d rethought all that had happened the previous evening, and then the news her mother had revealed just a couple of hours earlier, that Cosmo had done it, he’d moved out.

Looking at the phone in her hand, she knew she shouldn’t, but she dialled the number he’d added to the card that came with her flowers. Her heart was racing as the phone rang, and then she heard him, the smooth yet husky warm voice that made her skin erupt into goosebumps.

                “Yashu?” Hello. Her little Greek ran to greetings, but not much else.

                “Cosmo? It’s me,” her voice was a whisper.

There was a pregnant pause and her heart almost stopped. “Heidi?” as soon as she spoke she could hear the pure pleasure in his voice and a flush of heat washed over her.

                “Thank you for the flowers.” It was a safe comment, she still didn’t trust herself not to blurt out how pleased she was that he had left Eleni, and that wouldn’t do.

He laughed, “flowers? They were merely to hint that I was thinking about you. Hoping that things went well.” His words were like nectar, perfect and she almost swooned. “How did it go? The launch? Was it successful?”

She knew she was grinning as she answered, “it went well thanks. I enjoyed myself, which was a little light relief.”

                “Before the family meet...I managed to escape that, as much as I wanted to see you, I really did, I couldn’t put either of us through that.”

She nodded, despite the fact that he couldn’t see that,                 “I couldn’t have done it if you’d been there...with her...”

She could hear him sigh, before he replied, “I’ve left her; I’m doing it the right way, I have to sort it out...”

                “I know my mother told me...that’s why I called, just to let you know...that I know, that I’m happy for you.”

                “Thank you.” Despite it all he sounded sad. “But nothing has changed...” it wasn’t a question as he knew the answer.

“No Cosmo, nothing has changed. I’m not about to fly to you on a whim...”

                “You sure? I could meet you in Paris in a few hours!” It was said in jest, but she could hear the optimism and the desperation in his words.

                “I want to Cosmo, but we can’t...I’m not being that person. Really I’m not.”

She heard what sounded like a something hitting a wall, maybe his hand, “I AM officially separated. My lawyer is preparing the divorce papers. I am serious Heidi, I promise!”

Could she do it? Go against all that she knew was proper, get involved in an affair with him. She wasn’t impulsive, she thought everything through, but the only mistakes she’d ever made had been when she gambled on her impulses like this. She shook her head trying to clear the confusion, in life you had to take a few risks, and her brother had been sleeping around without a care for years. She’d always been the good one, the one who did the right thing.

                “Where in Paris?”

He was silenced by her question, not daring to hope that she wanted the same as him.

                “Do you mean it?” he eventually asked.

                “At this moment in time I really want another one of your kisses. More than anything.”

He sighed, a deep sound, “that sounds like heaven to me. But you may regret it tomorrow?”

                “I’d not regret that, just the implications it might have. Where it might lead.”

She could hear him laugh, “when the time is right we’ll be together darling, and there’ll be no regret, no conflict in emotions, it will be just you and me. And the rest of our lives, no one or no thing will be able to change that. Ok?”

Her body shook with desire and frustration, as well as thwarted desire, “I can’t wait for that!”

She could tell he was smiling as he added, “me as well. I could spend the next hour describing exactly what will happen in great detail,” he paused, and Heidi gulped, “but that won’t help anyone here!”

                “Thank you Cosmo!”

                “For what?”

She chuckled, “for caring. For being there. For stepping back...respecting me.”

                “I am defeated by my own conscience. I hope you know that saying no wasn’t easy. I want you Heidi Mortimer...in every way.” He laughed at her gasp, then added, “just remember that I am in the end of this telephone at ANY time, ok?”

It was quiet at work, the build up to the launch had absorbed so much of Heidi’s time over the last month, so she was glad to relax a bit. But despite the calm within the office, there was the looming threat of TV and magazine interviews. Her most hated thing. But obediently the next morning she dressed impeccably in a charcoal grey trouser suit, but keeping her signature flash of colour by adding a bright purple sheath top and matching outrageous purple shoes, and headed to the office. Today the journos were coming to her, to see how she worked, to see her environment, and hear about her inspiration.  Hell.

When she arrived at her office there was a full page in her diary. Each magazine or newspaper entered one after the other.  Sighing, she slumped into her chair only raising her head when she heard Polly approach.

                “Hey boss! Another successful launch. The answer phone was full of requests; I’ve scheduled things as best I can in your diary. Hope you enjoyed the rest of the weekend as you’re not about to take your foot off the gas just yet.”

Heidi dumped her briefcase on Polly’s desk and beamed at her nervously, “so I’ve noticed! I love you Polly, have I told you that regularly enough? Because whilst I hate the thought of interviews all day, the quicker they happen the quicker they’re over!”

She chuckled handing her a cup of aromatic black coffee, “I get your love from your hints Heidi, honest! A woman from the Times is your first one, then ITV cameras are coming at ten.”

Shaking her head Heidi entered her own office and absorbed herself in the furore that these occasions became.

As ever Sadie was her release, her sounding box the next evening when the final interview was finished.

                “Hey celeb!” her friend gushed as she entered the small dark pub that was midway between their homes. Heidi was sat at a small booth in the corner, a couple of bottles of beer on the table in front of her.

                “Don’t,” she blushed, “this is the bit of the job I hate. You know that.”

                “Well I watched you on TV, bought every paper that you were in. I’m so proud of you chickadee!”

Heidi took a slug of beer, then half grinned, “I’m just glad it’s over...until the next range.”

                “So how was the weekend? Your message earlier was very cryptic.”

Whilst the complacency and lack of attention from her family annoyed and more obviously upset her, she wasn’t overly keen on telling Sadie too much about them and all that happened. So when she’d text asking how things went, Heidi had been a bit evasive. Whilst she never hid her family issues from her friend, the confusion that Cosmo brought to it all, his closeness to her family all made things complicated. So she played it down. All of it.

                “Well I met the children. Nikos is lovely, but Eleni is as I expected.”

                “Cold, heartless bitch?” Sadie leaned forward waiting on her response in an animated way.

Heidi laughed, “not that far from the truth. Lucas is smitten with her.”

                “She has a pulse and a vagina Heidi! No surprise there, your brother is a man whore, you know that.”

She laughed, “he uses his looks to his advantage that’s for sure.”

Sadie was shaking her head, “are you sure? Blond curls and a big nose hardly makes him good looking!”

                “You know more about him than you let on. Anyone would think you were a fan too. I think she doth protest too much?”

She harrumphed in annoyance and Heidi realised she may have hit a raw nerve, “so what about the delectable Cosmo...” It was the most abrupt of subject changes, but Heidi let it ride for the moment, she didn’t want to think that her best friend could be enamoured with her brother. Too much, too close.

                “He wasn’t there. He’s left her Sade, and I don’t know what that means.” She briefly relayed their conversation to her friend.

As she finished Sadie’s eyes were wide with wonder, “OMG. That man wants you SO bad! I’d have gone, met him, shagged him senseless, have your wicked way with him and at least have something to feel good about.”

That prickled Heidi, a man wasn’t everything to her, “I do feel good about myself. I’ve just had a successful launch of my range and been head hunted by a huge American corporation. I have everything to be happy about.”

                “Huh! And that replaces the love of a good man...or rather love WITH a good man?”

Heidi shrugged, “there’s more to life than a man, and it’s too complicated Sadie. And what if I take this contract in the States? I don’t do casual, you know that. And I don’t want to be sucked into a messy divorce.”

At that Sadie sighed, reaching out and covering her friend’s hand, “Cosmo is different Heidi. You know that.”

Sadie was the only one who knew. One very drunken night Heidi’s deep and dark past had come out, the one time in her life that she wanted to forget, the one regret...the one thing that kept raring its ugly head whenever she was down.

From an idyllic childhood of long days on the beach, life in the Caribbean, her teenage years became an instant wake up call. Her parents still living overseas decided that to maximise her education, she needed English boarding school. The separation anxiety, as much from the laid back lifestyle as her parents killed her. She didn’t have her brother’s vitality, where he was the life and soul of his school, surrounded by friends and popular, she was the opposite. She w shy, quiet and reserved, and missed her family.

Holidays were spent travelling back to her parents alone, or visiting her grandmother in Scotland...her brother on the other hand was always invited skiing or to some holiday home by one of his legions of friends. Being bullied, being talked about, being SO alone...it wasn’t a happy time. But then university beckoned, and at last she felt as though she fitted in.

Fashion and design was a course that her brother had laughed out loud with scorn. But she had always loved the concept of fashion. And whilst she still hadn’t got over her shyness, and didn’t make friends easily, she loved every moment of her course.

She had a room on campus and socialised, just not as much as some, but then she was happy sitting in her room working on designs, some for her coursework, but once she got into things, she found the drawings she’d worked on over the years, simple designs that had been inspired by so many events and occasions through her youth, and started to work on them too.

She never knew whether it was her enthusiasm or diligence for her school or something completely different that brought her to the attention of David Symons, the honorary professor affiliated to the Faculty of Design. He was the one who lectured them about product design and marketing having been an executive designer with some of the biggest fashion houses in the country. And within a few lessons he seemed to have noticed her.

Before the term was out, he’d asked her out.

Sadie coughed and covered Heidi’s hand with her own, “Cosmo is not him, this isn’t the same.”

Heidi huffed out the breath she’d been unwittingly holding, venturing back to those days never made her comfortable, all those years later. “No? A married man...a scorned wife...I am NOT being the scarlet woman again Sadie, I am not.”