What about you? - 26

Chapter 26

The next morning Kate awoke on a mission. She wanted to find Clarissa, speak to her, clear her name as it were, and Mason’s. After a quick call to Margaret, Mason’s mother, to find out that Clarissa was in London visiting Peter and staying at her friend’s apartment in Chelsea. She knew that place, had called on her there before. After hanging up the phone to Margaret, she logged onto the Internet, but was devastated to see there were no seats on any flight to Dubai. After phone calls and a spate of emails, she was placed on standby for the next available seat out of Heathrow on the Saturday am. She’d have to not eat for a month, but it’d be worth it to see Mason, and talk to him.

Straight from work, she crossed London to the regal pillar fronted clinic that had been home to Peter for several years. As usual she was greeted and welcomed with relief by the staff. No one commented that she’d been absent since Christmas, but there was a silence, a knowing glance that spoke volumes.

                “Peter will love to see you,” Sara, one of his designated nurses led her along the corridor to his room. “He tells everyone how he misses you!”

Kate blushed at the blatant reference to the changes in their lives, “yeah well, things change. I don’t have to justify myself...”

Sara cut her off, “sorry Miss Michaels, I wasn’t trying to pry of pass judgement...I was just stating the fact that he’s missed you.”

Kate nodded, “funnily enough I’ve missed him a lot too.”

His face when he saw her almost broke her heart, she’d never seen such jubilation, happiness, pleasure beam at her from one face. Despite what everyone said he DID need her, yes things had to change, but she knew she could never completely separate herself from this poor boy. She loved him as a brother, a friend, almost as a dependent child, but not as a lover, a partner or what her mother still referred to as a beau!

Hugging Peter and absorbing his excited ranting, she led him to sofa perched in front of the window.

                “I’ve missed you Katie, where have you been?”

Honesty was the best policy; that was her new motto, so she took his hands, “well, I made your mother angry. It was my fault for not telling the truth. I’ve got a boyfriend Peter, another man who loves me.” She still felt tingles as she acknowledged that fact.

Peter’s face dropped in dismay, “so we can’t get married? Is that what you mean?”

Kate nodded, reaching in her pocket for the diamond ring he’d given her years before his accident, then handed it to him. “It doesn’t mean I don’t still love you Peter. I do!” And it was true, whilst none of this was her fault, it wasn’t his either. If her visiting brought him some happiness, then that was a small price to pay, it just couldn’t be at the intensity it had been up until now. “But I have to change things a bit. I can’t visit as often as I did. But I still will take you out, we’ll do things. OK?”

He nodded, then smiled, “as long as you don’t stop coming! You won’t will you? You could bring him too, would I like him?”

Kate was amazed, she’d expected so much more, recriminations, tears, anger, but when it came down to it, Peter was a child, and his understanding of the complexity of relationships was as simplistic as a nine year old.

Kate nodded, “of course we’ll come, it’s Mason darling, your cousin. Do you want to spend more time with him too?”

There was a mix of emotions crossing his face as he tried to contemplate the words in his own immature mind, “Mason?”

She nodded, “yes. Does that make you angry?”

Peter paused and honestly thought for a few moments before smiling, “I just want you to keep coming to visit me!”

He hugged him, “I will do that. Now have you shown the guys your robotic arm?”

An hour later, she left the home, and whereas she normally felt such despair walking out onto the old London street, today she felt happy, reassured and contented. Such a huge change had such little influence on her relationship with Peter that she really wished she’d done this a long time ago.  Flagging a taxi she reeled off the Chelsea address of Clarissa’s friend, and sat back with a sigh.

The older woman opened the door, and other than a light in the room Kate knew was the kitchen behind her, the rest of the house seemed deserted. Clarissa bit her lip, and Kate spotted tears well in her eyes and suddenly felt sympathy for this woman. Peter was all she had in the world.

                “Clarissa, can we talk?”

The older woman gave a slight nod, then stepped back to allow Kate to enter the house. Unbuttoning her thick coat, and kicking off her boots, she followed Clarissa into the warm kitchen.

                “I couldn’t stand us leaving things as we had. We’ve been through too much to end out friendship, haven’t we?”

Clarissa nodded, still biting at her lip, and still looking as though she was about to burst into floods of tears, “I’m sorry,” was all she managed. “I shouldn’t have spoken to either of you like that.”

Kate shrugged, “we shouldn’t have behaved like that in your house. It was rude and ungrateful. I’m sorry for that.”

                “Do you love him? Mason?” she asked.

Kate nodded, “and he says he loves me. I don’t know how it happened, but it did...we met a few months ago, and the attraction has always been there. I’ve never been interested in anyone before him. I promise.”

Clarissa sighed, “it’s nothing to do with me, and I have no control over you Kate.”

Taking her hands, Kate smiled, “I told Peter today. About me and Mason. And he took it in his stride. I don’t want to not see him Clarissa, there’s room for him and Mason, isn’t there?”

Clarissa sighed as she fought a sob, “I’ve been really selfish, I just don’t want to think about what will happen to Peter after I go...while you were around I could sleep at night...”

                “I love him Clarissa, more than I did when he had the accident really. I never told you, and I’ve carried the guilt for such a long time. The night of the accident I’d told Peter I wanted to end things.” She sat at the long kitchen table and looked up at her. “I’d had enough. He was so cocky, self-centred, he’d become a man I didn’t like any more. He came in from yet another afternoon out with his friends, drunk. We had a fight, I told him it was over.” She sighed, “he hurled abuse then ran out to the car. He hit the ditch within ten minutes.”

She took Clarissa’s hands again, “so many times I wished I’d waited, had the conversation the next day, an hour later. Never. But I didn’t, and I’ve blamed myself so much.”

Peter’s mother was stunned, “I never knew...I thought you were happy...”

Kate nodded, “why would I tell you? He’s your son. You don’t need to know about the blip he had after his father died. That’s all it was, and who can blame him? Maybe in time he’d have calmed down and we’d have got back together. But instead I went to bed every night with the guilt of what happened on my shoulders and my conscience. And I started to resent everything Clarissa.”

She was shaking her head, “nothing was your fault Kate, I can’t believe you blamed yourself. And I thought you loved him, were as devastated as me!” There was confusion not animosity of anger in her voice.

                “Just because I’d told him it was over, we couldn’t be together didn’t mean I didn’t love him. And I love him more now. Over Christmas when he finally got the robotic arm to work, his life’s work, I couldn’t have been more proud. But I love him like family, almost maternally. I’m a young woman, and I want what he can’t give me, surely you can see that.”

Clarissa nodded, “you deserve happiness, I had no idea...about any of this...”

Kate smiled hugging her tightly, “and you didn’t need to know until now, I had to get to this point in my own mind first. I think of you as family too Clarissa, and it’s nearly broken me being at odds with you. But you have to know that I’m serious about Mason. I owe him a huge apology as I’ve been unbearable to him, and I know he’s done things wrong in the past. He knows that too. But I need you to change your mind about him too.”

Clarissa smiled, “have you any idea what my best friend in the whole world Margaret has been like these last two weeks? I don’t hate him, I was wrong, but it all seemed so unfair Kate, poor unsuspecting Peter. But I know I wasn’t thinking straight. In fact, I can’t believe you’ve given so much to Peter. Not when I REALLY think about it. And I hate that I acted as I did. We need to talk about the money too, it’s not right, not anymore.”

Kate held up a hand to silence her, “I want him to have every chance to live alone, be independent. It’s been hard finding that amount of money, but I want to do it.” She smiled a genuine smile at the older woman, “and you don’t have to worry about his future. I’ll always look after him, I promise that.”

The two hugged again, then Clarissa smiled at her, “what about Mason?”

Kate sighed, “I’ve got a lot of work to do there, but I love him, I think he loves me. I can’t let this go.”

Clarissa nodded, “despite what I said he’s a good man. Who hasn’t been a little impulsive or rebellious in their youth?”

                “Thanks Clarissa, I’m so glad we’re friends again. It’s really important to me.”

She stayed for a cup of coffee, before getting the tube back to her home. The boys were out, a good thing; it meant she could pack things for her trip the next day. She’d phoned Mason repeatedly through the day, but got no answer. She’d have to take the bull by the horns and head out there, there really was no alternative. The fact she knew so little about his life in Dubai was a sticking point. They seemed to spend their time together arguing or having sex, there wasn’t a great deal of exchanging addresses or work schedules.

Packing was easy; it was hot there, so she filled a bag with a couple of bikinis, shorts and sundresses. Then she remembered that it was respectful to cover up more than that, so she selected a few kaftans, longer skirts and sandals. As she was cramming the last few things into her bag, planning on an early night before an early trip to Heathrow, there were several flights leaving the following morning, and being standby she needed to be there before the first at six am. So she’d set her alarm for four, hoping that she could get a few hours sleep.

Before she could rest her head on the pillow of the rather inviting bed, her phone rang. Glancing at the display, heart in mouth, she was instantly disappointed to see her brother’s name flashing.

With a groan, she connected the call, “Hey Stu! How are you?”

The pause spoke volumes, “...ummm...”

Kate sighed, “What’s happened?”

Stuart moaned, “Mum and Paula had a real row today, screaming and shouting about something, I don’t know what. But now they’re both upset, Mum’s crying, Paula was talking about going to her parents, but she can’t because they’re in Dubai visiting her brother and his new baby. I don’t know what to do...I was hoping you could help? You said you would.”

Kate hid her despair, her heart had sunk to her boots, yet again she was in a ridiculous quandary. She wanted so desperately to see Mason to make things right with him, but here was her guilt filled and much neglected family raising their head and asking for the support she’d offered. She took a deep breath and tried to decide what to do. But before planning this trip to Dubai, she’d made good with Peter, and with his mother. Yet again her family were bottom of the list. She had no definitive flight for the following day. Could she drive home, at least try and relieve some pressure and then go to Dubai a day later? If only she could get hold of bloody Mason, explain, ask him to wait.

Kate was a moralistic person, there was only one option for her really, and that was to sort out her family first. If Mason wanted a relationship with her, he had to accept that this was the sort of person that she was, if it put him off then at least she’d know early on that they weren’t meant to be.