Trying Not to Love You - Part Sixty

Chapter Sixty

What did he expect? Hugs, tears and ‘welcome back’? Sonny looked at the closed door and rued the fact that he hadn’t played things out better. As he was about to follow her, He heard a voice behind him, and turning he saw Carl, who’s face lit up on seeing the younger man.

                “You’re back!” He pulled the unsuspecting man into a bear hug, and Sonny closed his eyes for a moment, absorbing the emotion. It was the first time he remembered being missed, being appreciated. “It’s good to see you boy.”

Sonny gave a half smile as he stepped back, “nice to be back. Sun and sand only go so far.”

                “Don’t tell me you missed an English winter?”

Sonny laughed appropriately, but inside he knew there was a hell of a lot more than the weather that he’d missed. He wanted to go and find Martha, she’d looked so devastated when she’d run out, but part of this deal was that he’d give her space.

                “I’ve been working on things since you’ve been away. We need to talk.”

Sonny smiled, “let me unpack my things then?”

He nodded, “I’ll put the kettle on.”

He ducked through the kitchen to the utility room and then onto the outhouse, throwing his bag at the foot of the stairs, then he opened the door and moved out into the yard. Where would she go to hide? And more importantly, would she want to see him? She’d run off without a coat, it was a cold day, that was his motivation he tried to convince himself. Looking around he headed for the barn, the horses were out in the field, so it was empty.

Glancing inside he couldn’t believe he’d struck lucky first time.

                “Martha.”

She froze when she heard his voice; she was in the process of laying down clean straw in the stables, a job he knew she hated, but one that obviously was the distraction she needed now. After the stilted moment, she recommenced her work, blocking him out.

Opening the stable door he stepped into the box next to her.

                “I know you hate me, deservedly so, but you’re wearing slippers, no coat...at least come inside, don’t do this now.”

She shook her head, “you don’t tell me what to do Carter. I am NOTHING to you, do you hear me?”

                “We have to talk, have to get on.”

Finally her head snapped up and she glared at him, anger, pain, hurt all evident in her distraught eyes.

                “Talk? Get on?” She laughed, “I am nothing if not a game player. Have no fear. I am not about to alienate you from the family that is SO important to you.” Sighing she threw down the fork that she had been using to move the hay. “I get this, Carter; I understand what this is about. You want my family, my home and your job more than you want me, I get that. Just don’t expect me to be smiling happy and your best mate. Not because you chose something other than me, but because you dumped me with a Dear John letter.” She moved towards him and smiled, “I had you as many things, but never a coward.”

As he made to speak she silenced him again, “I’m very good at hiding my emotions. I’ll remain the perfect hostess, don’t worry.”

As she flounced off, Sonny could do nothing but worry. He hoped he’d got this right, because his heart was aching at the way he was making her feel, and there was no doubt that his feelings for her were as strong as ever.

Martha threw herself on the bed, face down; she allowed herself a few moments to deal with the pain that had coursed through her for the last two weeks. She’d barely cried over all this, despite the despair it had brought, but for a moment, before she brought Ethan back to the home, she let herself go, unaware that both her father and Sonny could hear her tears.

An hour later after a shower, she came downstairs, and could hear voices in the kitchen. Stopping she listened, that wasn’t her thing eavesdropping, but the first few words she heard sounded interesting...if that was the right term, and she was interested to know where the conversation was going.

                “Their father called me from Thailand.” it was her father’s voice. “He wants to stay where he is, and he’s pissed off at the way his kids are just sitting back and living off him. So he’s offered me first refusal.”

                “And you want to buy a pub? I mean that’s a big change...” that from Sonny.

Martha got closer almost pressing her ear up to the door.

                “I’ve had several offers for the restaurant. It’s hard work, a pub would be more steady, more regular. If I sell it, I want you to run the Royal Oak for me.”

She could barely believe her ears as Sonny replied.

“Me? You want me to run the pub for you?”

Martha staggered backwards, after months of breaking herself in two to keep the restaurant afloat he was about to sell it? And he wasn’t about to discuss it with her. She was struggling to restrain her emotions. After all that had happened he was in cahoots with Sonny, plotting something that influenced her future so much? It was as devastating as it got.

Seeing red she barged into the room and the two men had the good grace to at least look guilty. Her father opened his mouth to speak but she held up a hand, “don’t. Just don’t.” If looks really could kill she’d have caused them both to blow up on the spot, her glare was that evil. Before either could make a comment, she grabbed her coat and stormed out.

Sonny groaned, another awful thing for her to witness, she must be thinking the world is against her. He turned to Carl, “I presume you haven’t run this past your daughter.”

He shrugged, “she’s barely speaking to me. I haven’t exactly had the chance.”

                “After everything that’s happened? Bloody hell Carl. Are you deliberately trying to make her feel ostracised?”

Running his fingers through his hair he rued the way the day had panned out, “I’m going to talk to her.”

Carl placed a hand on his shoulder, stopping him, “no. I need to do it. You’re right.”

When Martha got to Paul’s he opened the door smiling, “they’ve fallen asleep, all three of them. Can he have a sleep over? Seems a shame to wake him?”

It wasn’t something that he’d ever done before, she was quite protective when it came to Ethan, but today him being free of the house and away from her family suited her, it meant she didn’t have to ask her father to babysit so that she could go to work...to take the flak for her father, to keep the business he was about to sell running. It was so bloody infuriating.

Smiling at Paul she promised to call a little later, she had no idea how Ethan would feel waking up there. Without Ethan she could go straight to work and ignore the trauma of her family for a few minutes.

The restaurant was full, three large groups all celebrating, that usually meant a lot of alcohol to accompany the food, so as soon as she opened the door she started to restock the fridges and place extra wine in the kitchen chiller, just in case. She was filling the ice bucket when the door opened and the first patrons arrived. In moments the place was heaving and the temporary wait staff were working as hard as her.

An hour later her father came in, walking up to her.

                “Martha, I need to speak to you.”

She sighed, “not now Dad, I’m busy trying to keep this place running, as I have been the last seven months, and seeing as someone gave Carter time off, I have to work doubly hard...so NO, I don’t have time for a chat. I’ll be home around one am, if you’re staying up.”

                “Where’s Ethan?”

Martha laughed, “he’s having a sleepover, at Paul’s.”

At that moment someone signalled from the table in the window and she gave her father an ‘I told you so’ kind of look and walked away from him.

He didn’t go straight away, but when he realised she was serious, her father left the room.

A busy night was one where she didn’t have time to think, and that was a good thing. As the evening became night, the patrons were becoming rowdy, enjoying drink, chat and the food. She supplied numerous bottles of wine, bottled beers and even champagne to the desperate diners. It was almost midnight when people started to leave, and they went slowly and rather noisily.

The chefs had cleaned up and departed, and after an hour she’d worked tirelessly with Sam and Tom the two waiting staff were keen to leave, so she sent them off with a smile.

After locking up, she made her way back through the village; it was turfing out time in the Royal Oak. She couldn’t look at the place without thinking of the conversation she’d overheard earlier. She was a few paces away when the door to the pub opened and her father staggered out, he’d obviously had a few drinks and was being supported by Sonny. She stepped back, hid in the shadows until they were ahead of her. She could hear their conversation and didn’t know whether she wanted to follow them home eavesdropping, or not go home at all. Not for the first time she rued the fact that the town had no club or pub that opened after midnight. Instead she turned back to the restaurant. She could lock herself in the office and drink a bottle of wine, that might help.

It was forty minutes later that she left the building. She’d not enjoyed the wine, but then she was never one for drinking for a purpose. And that was exactly what she’d tried to do. Unlike earlier, the town was bathed in an almost eerie silence compared with earlier that night. She wasn’t scared of the dark, quite the opposite; it hadn’t taken her long to forget her city nerves. The country was a completely different place.

With relaxed shoulders for the first time that day and a spring in her step, she started the walk for home. She’d barely drawn level with the pub when Sonny stepped out of the shadows.  This was the exact thing that would wind her up beyond compare.

She tried to ignore him, keep walking but within seconds he’d fallen into stride and grabbed her arm.

                “Where the hell have you been? I’ve been worried sick?”

She turned slowly, “like you were every night the past two weeks?” She gave a slow laugh, “you are nothing to do with me Carter, so please don’t make demands of me.”

                “Martha I’m sorry.”

She turned to him, “sorry that you want my father more than you want me? Don’t be sorry, just leave me alone.”

                “It’s not like that.” She’d started to walk, but paused when he spoke, turning towards him.

                “Isn’t it? Forgive me if I don’t give a shit. You made your choice for whatever reason. And you chose anything but me. That’s your prerogative, but don’t come here trying to control me. Ok?”

                “I worry about you, that’s normal.”

She nodded, “suppose it is, but like I say I’ve had to walk home like this the last two weeks whilst carrying the can for you disappearing. Seems my father is well enough to go out drinking, to conspire with you and to dine Stephanie, but he’s not well to take any of the load at the restaurant...the one he’s about to sell! How would you feel?”

She felt tears start to well and had no intention of crying in front of him, so she turned and started to run towards home, not easy in her heels. He caught her easily, pulling her to a stop; she dropped her head not wanting to look at him.

                “Leave me, please.”

He lifted her head, “you’re upset.”

                “Let it go. Don’t make this worse. You made me want you, tore down the defences I put up to protect myself, and then shattered me. I’ll get over this, and as I told you earlier, I am the greatest actress you’ll meet. But don’t do this, act concerned and want to comfort me. Because you can’t. Now leave me be.”

When she ran this time, he let her go. She was right; he’d pushed and pulled her in every direction. He had to give her time and space. He wanted this opportunity from Carl, a chance to prove himself, and the fact that Oldbury Senior hadn’t been in touch since he left was a good sign. As much as he hated hurting Martha, fighting for Ethan would hurt her more.

Paul called her when she was still in bed, the kids were up and Ethan wanted to talk to her.  He was gushing, telling her all about his evening and waking in a strange house. She was smiling when Paul came back on the phone.

                “I’ve promised them breakfast. Want to meet at the cafe? I know it’s early but they’re not going back to sleep.”

She looked at the clock; seven am was a lie in to her. She also realised that she hadn’t eaten since the previous lunchtime. “I’d love it. I can be there in ten minutes?”

He laughed, “super quick parent time.” She laughed too, since she’d become a parent he was right going out was all about speed and necessity, no time for makeup and glamour.

The four were approaching the cafe as she came around the corner, and Ethan broke into a sprint to launch himself into her arms.

                “Were you good?” she asked covering him in kisses.

He nodded, “aren’t I always?”

Martha was laughing when Paul approached; leaning towards him she gave him a kiss on the cheek, “thank you so much for this.”

He smiled, “they loved it, in fact Molly wants him to stay tonight too!”

She looked at the two class mates, Molly was the same age as Ethan, but Conor her brother was eight and trying to be a bit too cool for all this emotion.

                “Come on you guys, breakfast!”

They all rushed into the cafe squealing with excitement.

Across the road Sonny watched the scene unfold. He’d barely slept, this was harder than he thought, and had come for an early run, that usually helped him clear his mind, but it hadn’t really worked. As he’d come back into the centre of town he’s spotted her approach. He wanted to talk to her, tell her it would all work out, but instead he was watching Martha smile and laugh, and even kiss Paul. She was looking at him the way she used to look at him. Overwhelmed with anger, guilt and jealousy, he turned back to the open road knowing he needed to run another lap to even try and calm down.

Trying Not to Love You - Part Fifty Nine

Chapter Fifty Nine

 

Sonny looked out at the glorious Mediterranean Sea from behind his designer shades, bought for less than ten Euro that morning. It wasn’t hot enough to sun bathe, but warm enough to wear shorts, not that he had more than the single pair he wore, and it was definitely warm enough to sit outside a beachside bar and watch the world go around. Johnny’s sister had quite openly offered for him to stay with them as long as he wanted, but he knew he couldn’t stay too long.

He reached for the bottle of beer that seemed to be permanently sat in front of him. Not that it helped. Spain was amazing, he loved the warmth, the laid back ways, he’d never had a holiday, not like this, though miraculously he had a passport, the first guy he’d worked for had needed him to go to France, and Ireland, places that needed ID, so the passport was arranged. That worked in his favour now; he was able to at least have a beautiful environment to rue all that had happened.

He’d spent most of the last four days in a drunken stupor. But the pain and confusion was there as soon as he opened his eyes, only a hangover made it all the more distressing.

                “Thought I’d find you here.”

He looked up to see Michelle; Johnny’s sister stood looking at him, “where else?”

She pulled out the chair opposite, and dropped into it, placing her pile of fliers on the table. She worked in a local nightclub and spent the day pulling in the punters with promises of two for one drinks. She’d got Johnny a job there too; he was planning to stay indefinitely.

                “So are you going to pull yourself out of this black hole, or is this the mood for your holiday?”

He laughed, “holiday? Nah, this is a bolt hole.”

                “You’re escaping, you keep telling me, but you don’t say why.”

He knew she knew nothing about the role he and Johnny had played in bringing Scott to his early demise, and he wasn’t about to drop his friend into the shit.

                “A woman, of course.”

She gave a knowing sigh, “what else! Problem shared is a problem halved.”

Sonny glanced at her, “really?” When she shrugged he sighed, “look I’m hardly catch of the century, ex-jailbird who doesn’t have anything to show for thirty years on this planet other than a head full of anger and a bedpost full of anonymous notches.”

She waved to the waiter and ordered herself a beer, before she replied, “if you were just that you wouldn’t be drinking yourself into oblivion every night.” She took the beer when it arrived and handed him one too. “This girl means a lot to you?”

He nodded, “she means everything.”

                “But you’ve left her?”

He slugged at the beer for a moment, “I brought her bad news, leaving her is freeing her to go on and live her life.”

                “Is that what she wants?”

He hated this level of questioning, but he couldn’t back down now, “I don’t know, I just know that there’s a bigger picture. If we stay together then I drag her down, cause her untold pain. Leaving her makes things better for her.”

Michelle sipped at her beer, “I think a woman is strong, and if she wants you she’ll fight the rest. I think you should be honest with her. Tell her what you’re scared of. Where there’s a will there’s a way, and you may need to be resourceful, but you need to prove you’re worth it.”

He laughed, “what is it with women and supposed wisdom? I’m not worth it, I can’t give her anything. I’m an almost thirty year old with no education, no experience, I spent most of the last ten years being a hired thug. Is that something she can tell her son about? I think not. Nope, thanks for the fortune cookie sentiment, but I am better being out of her life.”

Michelle laughed, “life isn’t that easy. If you were right, then why didn’t you go home with that woman who was draping herself all over you last night? Or the night before for that matter.” She drained her bottle and stood, picking up her fliers again, “If I were you I’d be thinking of ways to explain your absence and get back in her good books.” When he lifted his eyebrows in surprise, she laughed, “someone like you doesn’t leave without a legacy Carter, and I guarantee she’ll never cope living without you.”

With that she skipped off into the distance, leaving him alone, with even more to think about.

The weekend had arrived far quicker than she’d imagined, and for Martha it signified some time with Ethan which was the true highlight of her week. Stephanie had arrived back somewhere in the week, and to quote Lucy, was as “thick as thieves” with her father. On Friday, before leaving to relieve Paul at the restaurant, Lucy came in from Bingo.

                “I’m going away for a few days Martha. Don’t think I’m abandoning you, will you?”

Martha was stunned. “Where are you going?”

She sighed, “to see my cousin. I need a break. I’ll be back in a few days. Will you keep out of trouble that long?”

Martha smiled, “of course. You’re not running away from something are you?”

Lucy laughed, “only life.” She sighed and it was the first time that Martha noticed a sadness in her Aunty.

                “You sure?”

Lucy grinned, then pulled her into a hug, “definitely. Will you manage with work if I’m not here?”

It was Martha’s turn to smile, “I have to. Don’t I?”

                “About time that bloody father of yours helped out. He’s played this sick card far too long!”

That was Aunt Lucy all over, dramatic, but VERY observant.

The next morning, her aunt came to breakfast with her overnight bag packed.

                “You going somewhere Lucy?”

Martha looked up from her porridge and smiled at her aunt, at the same time as the older woman answered her father.

                “Need a change of scenery, fresh air...”

She left a lot unwritten in the air, but rather than working it out, hearing the confrontation about to happen, she spoke up so that Ethan didn’t have to hear it. “Can I drop you somewhere? Where are you going?”

Lucy smiled at her, “Harrogate, train leaves in forty minutes.”

With a returning smile, she returned to her porridge.

Most of the fifteen minute drive to the station passed in silence, but Martha knew there was more to Lucy disappearing than met the eye. “Will you tell me what’s up Aunty Luce? I can’t believe you’re disappearing.”

She shook her head, “nothing...” Spotting her niece’s intense gaze, she sighed, “ok. I don’t like Stephanie. I never have, and I never will, and to see her manipulating your father, controlling everything...I hate it, and I can’t see it happen again. Ok?”

                “Can’t see what happen?”

Lucy grabbed for the bags, they were at the station, “rule the roost,” she snapped. “She needs to remember that she’s no better than me or your mother, all she’s got is through a successful father, yet you’d swear she was some entrepreneur of the year.” She shook her head, “that woman drives me nuts!”

Martha was sad to see Lucy go, she felt as though she was her only ally, without Sonny, she was at loggerheads with the rest of the world, or so it seemed.  He interrupted her life at every turn, and the longer time went on, the more angry she became with him. She wasn’t sure how she felt about him now, all she knew was that he’d infiltrated her life, sucked her into some vision of the future, then dumped her like yesterday’s socks. She knew that something had happened, or rather someone had worked to set doubt in his mind, but as time went on she knew that if he was troubled he should have spoken to her, trusted her. There was no point contemplating a life together if at the first hurdle you ran away like a child. So as the days progressed it was him she was angry with, not anyone else. HE was the one who’d broken her heart.

It was the following Friday, a whole week without Lucy later that Martha heard a car pull up in the yard. Ethan was going to Paul’s straight from school for tea; he was attached to Paul’s girls. She’d promised to take him on another day out the following day, so she was busy baking ready for a picnic.

She smiled at the thought of Lucy returning, she’d missed her acerbic wit and abstract humour. Wiping her hands on the apron she’d thrown over her jeans she turned to the back door with a beaming smile, which suddenly dropped when she saw Sonny, all tanned and healthy looking in the doorway.

Before she had time to register how she felt, she stormed across to him and slapped his face. He tried to speak, but she shook her head, “no, no. no.” Then turning she ran out of the kitchen, through the utility and feed rooms until she was out in the cold air of the winter afternoon, sprinting off into the distance, uncaring of what and who she’d left behind.

Trying Not to Love You - Part Fifty Eight

Chapter Fifty Eight

Sonny had punched the wall...several times, and it hadn’t worked, he was still a mass of anger. He wanted to punch Carl and Stephanie, but that was playing into their hands. Since they’d left all he could think about was Martha, and the fact that bastard had sent her a legal letter wanting Ethan. That just hours after he’d threatened Sonny himself. One thing was right this WAS all his fault. He needed to see Martha; he was in a horrendous mood. Paul, reliable as ever had arrived early, Tim and Sam the two young workers were due any moment.

                “You mind if I shoot out for five minutes, literally?”

Paul looked up from the table he was setting near the window, “no one due for twenty minutes, I’m sure I’ll cope.”

Sonny gave a half smile, amazed that he’d been so sceptical of the other man when he’d first seen him, “I have to drop home, I won’t be long, I swear.”

Paul grinned as he left, pulling a jacket over his suit.

                “Where is she?” Carl was in the kitchen making coffee, as he looked around at the sudden voice, Sonny spotted Stephanie in the lounge, keeping her eye on everything.

                “Upstairs, putting Ethan to bed.”

He didn't acknowledge the words from the older man, instead he stormed past him to the stairs.

Standing in the doorway to her bedroom, he watched Martha reading to Ethan, taking on different voices for each character and making the boy giggle.

                “Ok, that’s the end, sleep now.” She tucked him in, giving him a big kiss, then snuck out straight into Sonny. “Hey Carter.”

She offered a smile, but it didn’t travel from her lips to her eyes. In fact they were red, puffy; it broke his heart that she’d been crying.

                “What’s happened?” he asked taking her hands in his.

Shrugging she tried to look away, but he wouldn’t let her, lifting her chin, he met her eyes, with a sigh she stared at him, knowing that tears were starting to fall, “Michael...he wants custody of Ethan, he said he’ll take me to court.”

Using his thumbs he brushed the tears away, “we won’t let that happen, surely you know that?”

                “All those years I spent away to avoid this happening.”

He shook his head as she fell against his chest, his hands holding her close, “it won’t happen. I’ll go and speak to him if I have to. But I won’t let him win.”

                “It’ll cost thousands,” she sobbed, “how the hell can we stop him?”

                “Sometimes I doubt the justice in this country, but the one thing I do know is there’s not a court in the land that would take Ethan from you, and they’d never give in to him, I swear.”

She was unconvinced, but then she was feeling irrational, the Oldbury family were dictating to her all over again.

                “I’m going to see him, tomorrow. I’m going to make him see this is all wrong. He can’t do this Carter.”

Sonny was glad to hear her resolve return and he lifted her head from his chest and smiled at her, “that’s my girl.” He paused for a moment, “do you want to leave? The three of us could just disappear?”

She stared at him for a moment, “half of me is sorely tempted, but I’ve spent five years hiding, I’m not losing my father again, not now that we’re all back together.” She sighed, “as much as I love Stephanie, the last five years the time without my father was hell. I don’t want to run, I don’t want to hide, and I NEVER want Ethan to have to sacrifice his family.” She gave a nod, but it wasn’t the most convincing as she offered, “no, I’m going to confront him. Tell him to back off.”

He held her for a moment, then pushed her to arm’s length, his heart breaking as he knew what he had to do.

                “I’ve got to get back to the restaurant. I only came home to see how you were. I’ll catch you later?”

As she nodded he gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek, the stepped back. He fought the desire to tell her he loved her; instead he smiled and turned for the stairs.

As he burst into the kitchen, emotions threatening to overwhelm him, he bumped into Carl. Literally. The older man steadied himself then looked at Sonny, and in that moment there was an understanding between them.

                “I’ll do it, but I have to leave, get away for a while. You need to cover me and make sure I can come back. If this family ostracises me I’ll tell her everything. You hear me?”

Carl gave a sad nod then watched the broken hearted man leave the house.

Martha couldn’t let Ethan out of her eyesight she was so worried that someone might turn up and squirrel him away in the depth of the night that she wasn’t surprised when she woke up to find herself lying in bed with him. Every other night she’d sought out Sonny, but not that night. Pulling a sweater over her pyjamas, she headed downstairs and as the coffee pot brewed, tiptoed up to the small bedroom above the coach house that was filled chockablock with special memories. With Sonny’s arms around her anything was possible, she honestly believed that.

But the room was cold, empty, un-slept in. Back when she’d first met Sonny it wasn’t uncommon for him to spend nights away, but not now, not that they were together. As she sat on the bed, pain lancing at her heart, she spotted the folded paper on the bedside table, her name scrawled on the front. Immediately her heart raced, nausea rose in waves, and if she hadn’t been sitting she’d have to now.

Lifting the paper, she opened it and read the words three times before they sank in,

                “Martha, I don’t think me hanging around is for the best. I’m not helping your cause. I’m blatantly not the right man for you, I can’t be what you need, and I’m not the right influence for Ethan. I’m taking some time, getting away, giving you some space. I will come back, but I don't think things can carry on as they were. We both have to accept that. You need someone able to help you, and I don’t deserve you. I’m sorry that this is blunt; I’ve always taken the cowardly way out.

I’ll always remember our time together, but I have to accept that’s over.

You’ll be stronger without me. Sonny.”

No kisses, no sentiment and no support.

She thought she’d cry, but it seemed her tears had dried up over night. Instead she stared at the letter again. The bastard. She wondered who’d spoken to him, who’d made him change his mind, she had no doubt that was what was happening, but he’d allowed them to win, her father, Oldbury, whoever it was.

Folding the paper almost robotically, she tucked it into her pocket, then headed back to the kitchen to make breakfast.

                “Ethan!” She was calling him for breakfast when her father appeared. He stared at her for a moment, gauging her mood, and it was then she realised that he knew. That he was waiting for her reaction to Sonny going. She wasn’t about to let anyone get one over her, so she smiled genially at him. “We’re going into Northbury swimming, I don’t think we’ll be back until tonight, and then I’m working. Lucy’s promised to keep an eye on Ethan.” Then she turned back to the stairs, “Ethan! Come on, you’ll be late for breakfast and we’ll miss the pool opening.”

That caused a scurry of feet from above, and he almost threw himself down the stairs and into her arms.

She was efficient but not overly conversational as she got them both breakfast, and she was alone when she packed their bag for swimming, Ethan was upstairs finding his swimming goggles.

                “Martha? What is it?”

She looked up and saw Aunt Lucy in the doorway. She gave a half smile, “nothing. You still ok to have Ethan tonight?”

Lucy nodded drawing closer, “what’s happened love? I can tell...”

Martha shook her head, “not now Auntie, please.” Her voice was a hoarse whisper.

                “Where’s Sonny?”

It was all too much for Martha, fighting tears, she held up a hand to silence her, shaking her head refusing to talk about things. “Ethan? Come on, time to go.”

As he ran into the room, she took his hand and led him out to the car.

The restaurant was busy, but without Sonny’s face making her laugh, giving her a hot look, his hand snaking out to pinch her bottom, or sliding a sneaky drink along the counter to her, it seemed empty. She went through the motions automatically, smiling courteously, being attentive, but inside she was breaking in two.

Ethan had managed to keep her mind off things through most of the day, the swimming had been fun, then there was the rare treat of a fast food lunch. They’d gone to the park, and then driving home he’d fallen asleep in the car.

Once she’d hit the edge of town, her anger had resurfaced so she took a hard right and drove out to Michael Oldbury’s house. As she raced up the drive, lifting clouds of dust as she went, she spotted the older man at the window, he was on the doorstep by the time she stopped the car. Pulling his legal letter from her bag she marched up to him and waved it in his face, “shall I tell you what I think of this?”

He looked nonplussed, and that pleased her. In a hugely theatrical and very rewarding manner, she ripped his letter into lots of small pieces, then threw it at him like confetti.

                “You are a bastard to threaten me like this, I always thought that Scott was a discredit to you, but now I can see the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. You think I’d trust my innocent boy in a toxic environment like this? You have another thing coming, you want a battle Michael? You’ve got a war!”

She didn’t wait for an answer; instead she stormed off back to the car and was gone. But that euphoria didn’t last too long.

Staring around the restaurant, she felt as though she had the world on her shoulders. She’d been so guarded, so independent since Scott, she hated that Sonny had made her challenge that, and then once he’d got inside her head, he’d run out on her. She sensed that was a Sonny thing, to up and leave when he felt like it. But he’d changed so much too. That was why this was so annoying, and so upsetting.

She waved to Paul, “I just need to make a call, you ok for a moment?”

He nodded, and so she disappeared into the office.

                “Sonny.” She sighed; she knew she’d get his answer phone. “Calling you is going against everything I think is right, but there’s no other way to get to the bottom of things. I need to know who spoke to you, who forced you to leave. I understand you wanting to split from me, that’s not the issue, but I can’t believe you’ve left town too. I hate you for abandoning us, so easily, I thought you were my friend, but when I need you, when we need you, you run away. I suppose it was better to know now than to let ourselves depend on you. Thanks.”

Martha was glad of the anger to keep her going over the next few days. Without Sonny around the weight of the restaurant landed on her shoulders again. Sunday and Monday the restaurant was closed, so she had time to decide what she wanted to do. One thing that Martha was, was a fighter, and fiercely independent, she wasn’t about to show she was hurt, and she wasn’t about to ask for help. She wasn’t sure whether her father or Oldbury was the one who confronted Sonny, but she knew that something had changed. Her father was looking pale, whether that was guilt or just fatigue she didn’t know, but she knew she didn’t want to stress him out, his recent ill health weighed heavily on her mind. Despite that he’d known that first morning that Sonny had gone. Whether he’d informed her father, or her father was involved she didn’t know. But the fact that no one bar Lucy had mentioned him not being around spoke volumes.

Lucy had pounced on her Sunday morning.

                “Where’s he gone?”

Martha was packing a picnic as she planned to take Sonny to a nearby castle for the day. Paul was going to join them with his children and that made Ethan even more excited.

She looked up at her aunt, “it seems he needed a break.”

Lucy didn’t miss a trick, “the bastard, running away at the first sign of trouble. He doesn’t like giving himself positive PR does he?”

Martha sighed, as Lucy covered a hand with hers, “that’s not him you know. Find out who’s behind it.”

Turning to her aunt she shook her head, “he’s let me down Aunt Lucy, really let me down.” She didn’t want to get into this, “anyway, we’re off to Stanley Castle. Wish us luck.”

Ethan emerging changed the atmosphere and they both skipped off into the winter sunshine.

Later that day as the three children clambered over climbing frames with the balance of mountain goats, Martha sat next to Paul on a bench watching them.

                “So Sonny’s gone away for a few days.”

Paul glanced at her, and had the decency not to question that, instead he gave a slight nod, “ok, so that makes things a little more awkward for us at work.”

She shrugged, “I’m figuring that I can manage the closing up as long as I’m at home to get Ethan settled, then I can relieve you?”

He contemplated that for a moment, “I’m definitely better if I can leave by ten, my mother and my sisters are awesome with the babysitting, but they would rather do the early shift.”

She nodded, “that’s great, Tuesday I’ll get in by nine and we can work out how much your cooperation is worth!”

                “You guys are very accommodating to me, there’s no reason why I wouldn’t return the favour.”

There was a poignant moment, as Paul smiled at her, he could only imagine what was going on in her head, but he knew one thing about Martha, she was proud, and reserved. She had kept Ethan a secret for five years; she was hardly a stranger to keeping things to herself.

                “I’m here if you need me.” He whispered, just loud enough for her to hear, and the responding nod of appreciation was equally as subtle, but noted by Paul.

That evening her father had gone out with Eamonn and Stephanie had returned to London, she hadn’t seen Lucy since breakfast. So she ordered a delivery pizza and sat watching Finding Nemo with Ethan pigging out on the greasy treat and glasses of diet coke.

Ethan fell asleep next to her at some point during the film, and she carried him upstairs, stripping him into his pyjamas before laying him out in her bed for the night. She was getting used to sharing her bed with the wriggling youngster. When she had planned her future properly, worked out what she was doing she had to rectify that, get him a bed if not his own bedroom.

She was curled up on the sofa flicking through the rubbish Sunday night TV when she heard the back door open. For a moment she thought it was Sonny, finally coming back to his senses. But it was Aunt Lucy.

                “Do you want to talk about things Martha? I’m so worried about you.”

Martha smiled, “I’m fine, I promise. So Sonny’s gone, it’s not the end of the world, I came back here to spend time with you and Dad, and that’s what we’re doing. Ethan is LOVING it here. That’s the most important thing.”

She stood up and crossed the room to her Aunt then gave her a hug, “thanks for caring though. I really appreciate it.”

And she did, as she left the room and the restrained tears started to fall, she climbed the stairs, realising that Lucy was the only person who’d expressed concern and understanding now that Sonny was gone. Not her father and not Stephanie.

She was smelling a rat, but she was too emotional to deal with it now. There was a time and a place, and of one thing she was sure, she’d get to the bottom of this. And then she’d make everyone face her wrath, because she wasn’t about to roll over and let people control her life, not after all she’d been through.

Trying Not to Love You - Part Fifty Seven

Chapter Fifty Seven

It was an hour later when Sonny led her into the farm kitchen. They’d had two drinks and Lucy was now giggling a little drunk, hanging onto his arm affectionately.

                “Do you want a coffee before bed?” He wasn’t sure whether she needed to sober up. Shaking her head, she hung her coat in the kitchen, “I’m going straight to bed, you are a bad influence Mr Carter.”

He watched her move up the stairs before walking into the lounge, the house was in darkness. He was tempted to creep into Martha’s room, but she was now sharing with Ethan, and he was out in the coach house.  He groaned, why the hell had he agreed to that?

He was tempted to drink, there was always a bottle of wine, or maybe vodka in the kitchen, he’d spent so much time drinking alone, drowning his sorrows, but he was out of that loop now, he had someone to share things with, it almost seemed ridiculous to go back to his old ways. He thought about going for a run, his head was buzzing, and when he was like this he needed to get things out of his system.

Groaning, he poured a glass of vodka then made for his old bedroom, he had to get over this frustration, his inability to wind down. He usually knew what caused these episodes, but today he was unsure. Saying that, he’d had a wild few weeks, this was the first time he’d truly been alone since, in the darkness and isolation of the night. he had so many things that could haunt his dreams, Scott’s murder, the discovery of his real father, having then almost losing Martha, then the almost ritualistic way that people wanted to split them up. Now he was back to sleeping in the bloody barn!

Mickey and Tessa looked up from their baskets as he paced through their room; he glanced at the shower...maybe that would help. But he knew it wouldn’t. Taking a glug of the vodka he took the stairs two at a time. There was lamp glow from the room, just like Martha to make things comfortable for him, that was just like her, always thinking of everyone else.  As he stepped into the room he froze, yes she’d left a lamp on, the soft light casting shadows around the room. The rich linens on the bed were a stark contrast to his old thin grey duvet that he’d slept under the first few months that he’d lived there, and they were inviting. But not as inviting as the sleeping figure eyes closed, chest heaving in the deep breath of slumber that was tucked under the duvet.

He sighed, this would make him calm...not sex, not that it was the furthest thing from his mind, but the thought of curling up with Martha.

Sonny stepped closer to the bed and sighed, she was naked, though the duvet covered most of her, he could see her bare shoulder, the curve of one breast, and one bare leg stuck out halfway down the bed. On the table beside the bed was a baby monitor, he could hear the steady breathing of someone and then realised it was Ethan. She’d be able to rush back to him before he woke and disturbed anyone else. She was resourceful, he’d give her that.

Unbuckling his jeans he could feel that tension, the frustration that had haunted him the latter part of the evening disappearing, that’s what this woman meant to him.  In just his boxer shorts, he slid under the duvet next to her, knowing that he was cold, and she, and the bed, were toasty warm.

She shuddered a little at his cool hands sliding around her, but by the time his head hit the pillow beside her, she had turned and was wrapping her arm, and her delectable body around him.

                “I’ve missed you,” she breathed as he hovered his lips a fraction of an inch above hers. Those same lips broke into a smile.

                “You are the greatest thing to come home to. I love you.”

Her smile dissolved into his kiss, as he overwhelmed her with his passion. Pinning her under him his lips devoured her, straying from her lips to her exposed throat, his hands searched, seeking every curve. Martha was like the most responsive and sensitive thing he’d ever met, within seconds she was writhing against him, and he was losing his famous resolve. He loved burying his face into her, tasting her pleasure, teasing her, driving over the edge, and he equally loved driving himself into her, losing himself in her luscious body.

He struggled to maintain any control, the stamina he’d been proud of deserted him around her, and all too soon he was staring into her eyes as they simultaneously exploded in pleasure, the release was both powerful and body numbing. And it was a long time before he could roll onto his side, separate their bodies.

Lying nose to nose their bodies touching gently, Sonny sighed, running his hand along the curve of her hip, “you’re amazing.”

She blushed at that, and his heart lurched at that, “I’m not.”

Grinning he rolled so that he was over her, elbows propped either side of her head, “oh but you are. You have NO idea.”

Within moments he was hard against her thigh, his lips teasing her breasts, and it started all over again.

Much much later Sonny found the serenity he craved, falling asleep with Martha wrapped in his arms. Bliss.

Morning as ever brought its own stresses; Friday was their busy day in the restaurant, tonight there was no party booking, so at least they’d be finished by half past eleven. When Sonny woke the bed beside him was empty. Pulling on his jogging gear, he called to the kitchen for a quick cup of coffee, and there he found Ethan being coaxed into eating porridge by Martha.

                “You can’t go to school unless you finish this.” She warned him.

That led to a laugh from Sonny as he poured himself a cup of coffee, “that’s meant to work? The reward is going to school?”

Martha looked up and glared at him though there was no animosity in that look, “some people actually enjoy school.” She turned back to Ethan, “now come on son.”

Sonny pulled out a chair and turned it backwards, stepping astride it to sit down, “come on squirt, porridge is the way to get big and strong.”

Two large blue eyes turned to look at him, “really?”

Sonny nodded, “I eat it every day after I’ve been for a run.”

                “Porridge?”

He nodded again, “best thing for making you strong.”

Ethan gave a moment of contemplation before tucking in to the porridge heartily. Martha rolled her eyes, then scowled at Sonny’s knowing smile.  That made him laugh. He drained his coffee then got up ruffling Ethan’s hair.

                “Going for a run. See you later?”

She nodded, “have fun.”

It was his turn to give her a knowing smile, “I ALWAYS do.”

That made her blush as he headed out of the door.

He’d only run half a mile when he realised the car behind him on the road wasn’t overtaking him, but rather tailing him. Stopping he turned stretching out his shoulders as he did. The rear door of the car opened and Michael Oldbury got out.

Sonny’s heart lurched. This man was his father, he looked at him searching for some evidence, some similarity, but there was none. Instead he waited as the older man walked towards him.

                “I want you out of town.”

Sonny laughed at that, “excuse me?”

                “You may have charmed the Mansell family, but you don’t me, I know you were involved in what happened to my son.”

Sonny took a deep breath, it’d be so easy to tell him, to wipe that look off his face, but now, defensively was neither the time nor the place. He was also now about to be forced out of town.

                “Frankly I don’t give a shit what you think. Now is that everything?” The same anger and self-protective shield was coming up rapidly. Sonny wasn’t the type to get into denials or arguments, if Michael had an opinion that was exactly what it was.

When there was no answer he turned to run off again.

                “Don’t make things difficult for Martha.”

That made him spin around, “don’t EVER threaten her old man. You’ll regret it with every breath you take.”

Michael’s eyes widened, “I have my grandson’s best interests at heart.”

                “Bullshit, this is your attempt at petty control, a grieving man wishing he’d had more control over his son. I know EXACTLY what’s going on here. You leave that family alone, you hear me? Otherwise you won’t like what you hear.”

That time he did run off, leaving the old man in the street. His anger, frustration and something far greater threatened to raise its head, but pounding the streets, punishing his body seemed to keep it at bay. For now.

Sonny hadn’t seen Martha all day, she’d gone into Northbury with her friend Helen, so whilst he’d spoken to her, that was as far as it went. He was preparing the restaurant, opening up before the staff arrived when he heard the door open. Hoping it was Martha he looked up with a smile only to feel his face drop. Stood in the restaurant watching him was Stephanie, accompanied by Carl. This wasn’t a courtesy call.

                “What?” He asked staring at the two.

Stephanie walked towards him, “we’ve come to talk to you.”

Sonny shrugged, “I’m busy, can this wait?”

Again it was Stephanie who spoke, “no. Frankly it can’t.”

He looked at Carl but the man avoided his gaze.

                “Ok, what can’t possibly wait?”

Stephanie stood across the bar from him, “you’re destroying Martha.”

He shook his head, “No I’m not, I love her.”

Stephanie laughed, “that maybe, but if you love her, you have to do what’s right for her.”

                “I’ll do anything for her.”

                “Good.” Stephanie sat on the stool opposite him and smiled, “so end this farcical relationship.”

That made him laugh, “go away!” He turned his back, returning to the restocking of the wine fridge when he realised that they hadn’t left. “I won’t listen to this.”

                “You must. Because you are destroying her, as I told you.”

He was angry now, turning around he slammed his fists on the counter, “I am NOT listening to this.”

                “For this reason alone you must. What are you bringing her? Nothing, you live in a donated room, you have no way of providing for her, all you offer is a criminal record and unrestrained anger. No better than a thug. You’re no match for her; you’re a no one who needs to know his place.”

That hit him to the core, all his life he’d been told he was useless, worthless, overlooked and ignored, the care system had bread bullying on every level, and it hadn’t been until he learned to box that he could defend himself, but by then a huge heap of psychological damage had been done.

                “I am not listening to this.”

Carl spoke then, “I just want the best for her Sonny.”

He stared at the man who’d seen the good in him, trusted him. “I’ve changed. And anyway she loves me Carl. She wants me, doesn’t that mean anything?”

Stephanie got between the two men, “you don’t have the means to look after her and Ethan. You aren’t what she needs.”

                “Who the hell are you to decide what is right for her? Or me. You’re hardly the epitome of successful in relationships; you live alone and live through her. Is that what this is? Are you hoping that without me she’ll rush back to London and be YOUR readymade family again?”

Stephanie visibly recoiled at that, there was some truth to that, he turned to Carl again, “can’t you see what she’s doing here? Pitching you against me and she’ll reap the reward.”

                “Don’t listen to him Carl,” she hissed. “Carl wants you to run this place, be a proper manager; it’ll free him up, mean he’s never got to come back, he wants to retire, with to spend time with his family. But the deal is that you end this fling with Martha first.”

He laughed, “do you think I’m going to roll over and agree to this?”

                “I think you’ll do right by her.”

He was getting angry again, “I love her, I want to spend the rest of my life with her, why can’t you see that?”

                “You think you love her, but her and Carl, they’re the only ones to ever show you affection, she’s the only woman who’s ever believed and trusted in you. Did you get much love growing up in care?” Stephanie snarled as she leaned towards him and it was a cruel barb, calculated to shock him, and it worked, he stepped back from them as she continued.

                “Thought not, you don’t know what it is to be part of a family, to have people look out for you, you don’t know what love is. Martha is as generous as she is her affection and care; you’ve read more into it. But what else would you think? She’s a wonderful woman, but she isn’t ready for a life of living out of a bag, travelling from one temporary job to another, to running from the troubles you get her in.”

He stood his ground even though his heart was racing, his head pounding, the anger, fury rising in him, “neither of us moving from here.”

Stephanie sighed, “well when you lose your job here where do you go then? Back to the life that got you incarcerated?”

                “You can’t sack me, a - it’s nothing to do with you, this is Carl’s business, you can’t swan in from your posh house and make demands, and b - there’s no way that Martha will let this happen.”

She looked at him smugly, “on the contrary, there’s one option here. Stay part of this family, work here; manage this place, belong...improve your life, become someone...OR choose Martha. They are your options.”

Stephanie turned and made for the door, but Carl was stood staring at him.

                “Carl, what’s this all about? You’d do that to Martha, take away her stability?”

The older man sighed, “Oldbury...he wants Ethan, we can’t risk anything giving him advantage.”

                “Oldbury? You’re letting that family rule your family again? Hasn’t that gone on long enough?”

Carl shrugged, “he’s got a hotshot lawyer, Martha had the letter hand delivered this afternoon. She’s at home crying. She doesn’t know we’re here.”

                “So you think that me being in the picture will sully her chances of keeping her son?”

Carl shrugged again,” I can’t lose her again Sonny, I just can’t.”

                “And what about me? I have to lose her?”

                “I like you Sonny, you know that, I know you can take this place on for me, I don’t want you to leave. But I think that I have to protect Ethan, and I can’t see that bastard drag my daughter through the courts. For some reason you are part of that.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, “I knew this would end in disaster, as soon as it started.” Giving his head a shake he sighed, “I think you can run this business eyes closed, it gives you a chance to be my partner proper, I’ll give you a stake in this place. That’s a deal I want to offer. All or nothing, because I need all my time to help Martha. Oldbury doesn’t like you, you’re making him more antagonistic, it may be bitterness at him losing his son, but I won’t lose my daughter or grandson for you. I’m sorry. I just need you to end things with Martha, then we can fight Oldbury with you taking on all this pressure. Only thing is, she can never know.”