Trying Not to Love You - Part Fifty Seven

Chapter Fifty Seven

It was an hour later when Sonny led her into the farm kitchen. They’d had two drinks and Lucy was now giggling a little drunk, hanging onto his arm affectionately.

                “Do you want a coffee before bed?” He wasn’t sure whether she needed to sober up. Shaking her head, she hung her coat in the kitchen, “I’m going straight to bed, you are a bad influence Mr Carter.”

He watched her move up the stairs before walking into the lounge, the house was in darkness. He was tempted to creep into Martha’s room, but she was now sharing with Ethan, and he was out in the coach house.  He groaned, why the hell had he agreed to that?

He was tempted to drink, there was always a bottle of wine, or maybe vodka in the kitchen, he’d spent so much time drinking alone, drowning his sorrows, but he was out of that loop now, he had someone to share things with, it almost seemed ridiculous to go back to his old ways. He thought about going for a run, his head was buzzing, and when he was like this he needed to get things out of his system.

Groaning, he poured a glass of vodka then made for his old bedroom, he had to get over this frustration, his inability to wind down. He usually knew what caused these episodes, but today he was unsure. Saying that, he’d had a wild few weeks, this was the first time he’d truly been alone since, in the darkness and isolation of the night. he had so many things that could haunt his dreams, Scott’s murder, the discovery of his real father, having then almost losing Martha, then the almost ritualistic way that people wanted to split them up. Now he was back to sleeping in the bloody barn!

Mickey and Tessa looked up from their baskets as he paced through their room; he glanced at the shower...maybe that would help. But he knew it wouldn’t. Taking a glug of the vodka he took the stairs two at a time. There was lamp glow from the room, just like Martha to make things comfortable for him, that was just like her, always thinking of everyone else.  As he stepped into the room he froze, yes she’d left a lamp on, the soft light casting shadows around the room. The rich linens on the bed were a stark contrast to his old thin grey duvet that he’d slept under the first few months that he’d lived there, and they were inviting. But not as inviting as the sleeping figure eyes closed, chest heaving in the deep breath of slumber that was tucked under the duvet.

He sighed, this would make him calm...not sex, not that it was the furthest thing from his mind, but the thought of curling up with Martha.

Sonny stepped closer to the bed and sighed, she was naked, though the duvet covered most of her, he could see her bare shoulder, the curve of one breast, and one bare leg stuck out halfway down the bed. On the table beside the bed was a baby monitor, he could hear the steady breathing of someone and then realised it was Ethan. She’d be able to rush back to him before he woke and disturbed anyone else. She was resourceful, he’d give her that.

Unbuckling his jeans he could feel that tension, the frustration that had haunted him the latter part of the evening disappearing, that’s what this woman meant to him.  In just his boxer shorts, he slid under the duvet next to her, knowing that he was cold, and she, and the bed, were toasty warm.

She shuddered a little at his cool hands sliding around her, but by the time his head hit the pillow beside her, she had turned and was wrapping her arm, and her delectable body around him.

                “I’ve missed you,” she breathed as he hovered his lips a fraction of an inch above hers. Those same lips broke into a smile.

                “You are the greatest thing to come home to. I love you.”

Her smile dissolved into his kiss, as he overwhelmed her with his passion. Pinning her under him his lips devoured her, straying from her lips to her exposed throat, his hands searched, seeking every curve. Martha was like the most responsive and sensitive thing he’d ever met, within seconds she was writhing against him, and he was losing his famous resolve. He loved burying his face into her, tasting her pleasure, teasing her, driving over the edge, and he equally loved driving himself into her, losing himself in her luscious body.

He struggled to maintain any control, the stamina he’d been proud of deserted him around her, and all too soon he was staring into her eyes as they simultaneously exploded in pleasure, the release was both powerful and body numbing. And it was a long time before he could roll onto his side, separate their bodies.

Lying nose to nose their bodies touching gently, Sonny sighed, running his hand along the curve of her hip, “you’re amazing.”

She blushed at that, and his heart lurched at that, “I’m not.”

Grinning he rolled so that he was over her, elbows propped either side of her head, “oh but you are. You have NO idea.”

Within moments he was hard against her thigh, his lips teasing her breasts, and it started all over again.

Much much later Sonny found the serenity he craved, falling asleep with Martha wrapped in his arms. Bliss.

Morning as ever brought its own stresses; Friday was their busy day in the restaurant, tonight there was no party booking, so at least they’d be finished by half past eleven. When Sonny woke the bed beside him was empty. Pulling on his jogging gear, he called to the kitchen for a quick cup of coffee, and there he found Ethan being coaxed into eating porridge by Martha.

                “You can’t go to school unless you finish this.” She warned him.

That led to a laugh from Sonny as he poured himself a cup of coffee, “that’s meant to work? The reward is going to school?”

Martha looked up and glared at him though there was no animosity in that look, “some people actually enjoy school.” She turned back to Ethan, “now come on son.”

Sonny pulled out a chair and turned it backwards, stepping astride it to sit down, “come on squirt, porridge is the way to get big and strong.”

Two large blue eyes turned to look at him, “really?”

Sonny nodded, “I eat it every day after I’ve been for a run.”

                “Porridge?”

He nodded again, “best thing for making you strong.”

Ethan gave a moment of contemplation before tucking in to the porridge heartily. Martha rolled her eyes, then scowled at Sonny’s knowing smile.  That made him laugh. He drained his coffee then got up ruffling Ethan’s hair.

                “Going for a run. See you later?”

She nodded, “have fun.”

It was his turn to give her a knowing smile, “I ALWAYS do.”

That made her blush as he headed out of the door.

He’d only run half a mile when he realised the car behind him on the road wasn’t overtaking him, but rather tailing him. Stopping he turned stretching out his shoulders as he did. The rear door of the car opened and Michael Oldbury got out.

Sonny’s heart lurched. This man was his father, he looked at him searching for some evidence, some similarity, but there was none. Instead he waited as the older man walked towards him.

                “I want you out of town.”

Sonny laughed at that, “excuse me?”

                “You may have charmed the Mansell family, but you don’t me, I know you were involved in what happened to my son.”

Sonny took a deep breath, it’d be so easy to tell him, to wipe that look off his face, but now, defensively was neither the time nor the place. He was also now about to be forced out of town.

                “Frankly I don’t give a shit what you think. Now is that everything?” The same anger and self-protective shield was coming up rapidly. Sonny wasn’t the type to get into denials or arguments, if Michael had an opinion that was exactly what it was.

When there was no answer he turned to run off again.

                “Don’t make things difficult for Martha.”

That made him spin around, “don’t EVER threaten her old man. You’ll regret it with every breath you take.”

Michael’s eyes widened, “I have my grandson’s best interests at heart.”

                “Bullshit, this is your attempt at petty control, a grieving man wishing he’d had more control over his son. I know EXACTLY what’s going on here. You leave that family alone, you hear me? Otherwise you won’t like what you hear.”

That time he did run off, leaving the old man in the street. His anger, frustration and something far greater threatened to raise its head, but pounding the streets, punishing his body seemed to keep it at bay. For now.

Sonny hadn’t seen Martha all day, she’d gone into Northbury with her friend Helen, so whilst he’d spoken to her, that was as far as it went. He was preparing the restaurant, opening up before the staff arrived when he heard the door open. Hoping it was Martha he looked up with a smile only to feel his face drop. Stood in the restaurant watching him was Stephanie, accompanied by Carl. This wasn’t a courtesy call.

                “What?” He asked staring at the two.

Stephanie walked towards him, “we’ve come to talk to you.”

Sonny shrugged, “I’m busy, can this wait?”

Again it was Stephanie who spoke, “no. Frankly it can’t.”

He looked at Carl but the man avoided his gaze.

                “Ok, what can’t possibly wait?”

Stephanie stood across the bar from him, “you’re destroying Martha.”

He shook his head, “No I’m not, I love her.”

Stephanie laughed, “that maybe, but if you love her, you have to do what’s right for her.”

                “I’ll do anything for her.”

                “Good.” Stephanie sat on the stool opposite him and smiled, “so end this farcical relationship.”

That made him laugh, “go away!” He turned his back, returning to the restocking of the wine fridge when he realised that they hadn’t left. “I won’t listen to this.”

                “You must. Because you are destroying her, as I told you.”

He was angry now, turning around he slammed his fists on the counter, “I am NOT listening to this.”

                “For this reason alone you must. What are you bringing her? Nothing, you live in a donated room, you have no way of providing for her, all you offer is a criminal record and unrestrained anger. No better than a thug. You’re no match for her; you’re a no one who needs to know his place.”

That hit him to the core, all his life he’d been told he was useless, worthless, overlooked and ignored, the care system had bread bullying on every level, and it hadn’t been until he learned to box that he could defend himself, but by then a huge heap of psychological damage had been done.

                “I am not listening to this.”

Carl spoke then, “I just want the best for her Sonny.”

He stared at the man who’d seen the good in him, trusted him. “I’ve changed. And anyway she loves me Carl. She wants me, doesn’t that mean anything?”

Stephanie got between the two men, “you don’t have the means to look after her and Ethan. You aren’t what she needs.”

                “Who the hell are you to decide what is right for her? Or me. You’re hardly the epitome of successful in relationships; you live alone and live through her. Is that what this is? Are you hoping that without me she’ll rush back to London and be YOUR readymade family again?”

Stephanie visibly recoiled at that, there was some truth to that, he turned to Carl again, “can’t you see what she’s doing here? Pitching you against me and she’ll reap the reward.”

                “Don’t listen to him Carl,” she hissed. “Carl wants you to run this place, be a proper manager; it’ll free him up, mean he’s never got to come back, he wants to retire, with to spend time with his family. But the deal is that you end this fling with Martha first.”

He laughed, “do you think I’m going to roll over and agree to this?”

                “I think you’ll do right by her.”

He was getting angry again, “I love her, I want to spend the rest of my life with her, why can’t you see that?”

                “You think you love her, but her and Carl, they’re the only ones to ever show you affection, she’s the only woman who’s ever believed and trusted in you. Did you get much love growing up in care?” Stephanie snarled as she leaned towards him and it was a cruel barb, calculated to shock him, and it worked, he stepped back from them as she continued.

                “Thought not, you don’t know what it is to be part of a family, to have people look out for you, you don’t know what love is. Martha is as generous as she is her affection and care; you’ve read more into it. But what else would you think? She’s a wonderful woman, but she isn’t ready for a life of living out of a bag, travelling from one temporary job to another, to running from the troubles you get her in.”

He stood his ground even though his heart was racing, his head pounding, the anger, fury rising in him, “neither of us moving from here.”

Stephanie sighed, “well when you lose your job here where do you go then? Back to the life that got you incarcerated?”

                “You can’t sack me, a - it’s nothing to do with you, this is Carl’s business, you can’t swan in from your posh house and make demands, and b - there’s no way that Martha will let this happen.”

She looked at him smugly, “on the contrary, there’s one option here. Stay part of this family, work here; manage this place, belong...improve your life, become someone...OR choose Martha. They are your options.”

Stephanie turned and made for the door, but Carl was stood staring at him.

                “Carl, what’s this all about? You’d do that to Martha, take away her stability?”

The older man sighed, “Oldbury...he wants Ethan, we can’t risk anything giving him advantage.”

                “Oldbury? You’re letting that family rule your family again? Hasn’t that gone on long enough?”

Carl shrugged, “he’s got a hotshot lawyer, Martha had the letter hand delivered this afternoon. She’s at home crying. She doesn’t know we’re here.”

                “So you think that me being in the picture will sully her chances of keeping her son?”

Carl shrugged again,” I can’t lose her again Sonny, I just can’t.”

                “And what about me? I have to lose her?”

                “I like you Sonny, you know that, I know you can take this place on for me, I don’t want you to leave. But I think that I have to protect Ethan, and I can’t see that bastard drag my daughter through the courts. For some reason you are part of that.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, “I knew this would end in disaster, as soon as it started.” Giving his head a shake he sighed, “I think you can run this business eyes closed, it gives you a chance to be my partner proper, I’ll give you a stake in this place. That’s a deal I want to offer. All or nothing, because I need all my time to help Martha. Oldbury doesn’t like you, you’re making him more antagonistic, it may be bitterness at him losing his son, but I won’t lose my daughter or grandson for you. I’m sorry. I just need you to end things with Martha, then we can fight Oldbury with you taking on all this pressure. Only thing is, she can never know.”