Trying Not to Love You - Part Sixty Three

Chapter Sixty Three

 

                “Can I get you a birthday drink?” A voice purred from Sonny’s left, glancing he saw Jade smiling at him. She was wearing a dress that left nothing to the imagination, red, tight, clinging to her curves. Her long blonde hair was teased to within an inch of its life, and her eye lashes were thick with mascara. “To make up for the lack of present this morning.”

                “I don’t need gifts, honestly.”

Her eyes widened and she tilted get head coquettishly, “that’s not what you said this morning.”

Rolling his eyes he ordered a drink for himself then got her one, “you’re a nice girl Jade. I like you...”

She grinned, “I know, I know you don’t want a relationship. But there’s no harm in testing that theory, is there?”
Giving a flirtatious wink she flaunted off across the room, leaving Sonny to wonder if he’d bitten off more than he could chew.

Martha had kept a low profile, they’d thought of and planned this night since before Sonny had destroyed her life so callously, and despite it all, he deserved this. She looked across at him, he was talking to Paul and Leo the chef from the restaurant, laughing about something and he looked happy. She sighed, she knew he’d not had times like this, and she was pleased for him. 
Jade was circling the room with her gang of friends, she wasn’t as easy a thought to digest. She was still finding it hard to believe that he’d sought her out within weeks of ending things with her. As much as he told her he loved her, that he was splitting from her because he wanted to do right by her, she couldn’t help but doubt that she’d never meant as much to him as he had to her. That was what saddened her, that he could move on so easily.

                “Penny for your thoughts?” The voice made her turn with a smile.

                “Aunty Lucy, I am SO glad that you’re home.”

The older woman smiled, “it was worry for you that did it. How are you coping?”

She shrugged, “I feel like I’ve been put through one of those old fashioned clothes mangles, you know?” She gave a half laugh, “I thought he loved me. But he’s moved on already, and I’m not ready to see the evidence of that.”

Lucy nodded knowingly, “you know I disliked him when he arrived, but the more I get to know him, the more complex I realise he is.”

                “So it’s ok to treat me as he has?”

She shook her head, “no. It’s not ok. But I think Sonny isn’t used to emotions, he doesn’t express himself well.”

                “So him screwing all and sundry is ok?”

              “Of course not,” she took her niece’s hand. “That never is, but I do think he’s broken, and that’s his way of coping.”

Martha humphed, “really? Sex is his way of dealing with life?”

Lucy shrugged, “is it so difficult to believe? He doesn’t have anyone, never has. He doesn’t know what relationships are, until he met you. Now he’s going back to what he knows, for safety. And that’s anonymous women and him being in control.”

Shaking her head Martha snatched her hand away, “he CHOSE this Aunt Lucy, HE was the one who pushed me away.”

                “He obviously feels that’s the right thing to do, but the fact he’s thrown himself back into his old life only goes to prove that it isn’t what he really wants. He's hiding Martha, hiding from how he feels.”

Lucy took her drink and headed across the bar to speak to her friends, leaving Martha to her own thoughts. Lucy was right, he was a man of basic principles, she knew that, he knew right and wrong, but everything else he was making up as he went along.

Sonny finally spotted Martha, alone at the bar, she’d been evasive all night, and he knew that was because she was happier avoiding him. They needed to talk, that was vital, so he fought through the crowds to get to her.

                “This is all down to you, I know.”

She looked up at him and gave a sad smile, “everyone should have a great birthday, even you.”

He laughed, “me the devil incarnate? You siding with the rest of this town now?”

                “You wouldn’t care if I did, you don’t care what people think.”

Sonny shook his head, “I care what you think.”

Reaching for her glass of wine, she took a slug, “then you won’t want to know how I’m feeling about you now.”

That made him laugh, “probably all deserved. I never wanted to hurt you.”

                “So you keep saying, but it’s ‘all for the best’. I wish you’d grow a pair and tell me what’s really going on, but hey, if you want to hide then that’s your choice.”

The karaoke was blasting from the end of the room, and when Martha glanced up, she saw four girls getting up to sing, the tallest of which was Jade. They started to sing a Pussy Cat Dolls song, all writhing up against the microphone stands, and Martha sighed.

                “I need to speak to James...”

As soon as she disappeared Sonny felt Jade’s eyes on him, and turning around he watched her perform directly for him. She was a good looking girl, and knew how to move in a calculated way that had the crowd gathered in the room lapping it up. More than he was. 

Needing to get away from the limelight he slipped out to the beer garden. Since he’d stopped smoking he missed this chance to escape, so he sat on a distant bench in the dark.

                “Glad you took my advice.”

The voice made him jump, he wasn’t expecting it and he realised that someone may be watching him. That they’d waited for him to be alone. Turning he sighed when he saw Michael Oldbury...his father. How ironic on his thirtieth birthday.

                “What advice would that be?”

Oldbury Senior gave a half smile, “keeping away from my grandson. I haven’t given up on getting you brought to justice, but seeing you...” he laughed, “this is a party for you and you’re outside alone. Gives me a little satisfaction that it’s because of me.”

                “What sort of a bastard are you that you’d make a woman’s life hell deliberately? You are a nasty piece of work. How could I have got it so wrong?”

Michael’s face fell a little at that, for a moment Sonny’s opinion of him seemed to matter, but he didn’t know that he was his father. He knew that.

                “I want more than anything to see justice for my son, and making your life hell is part of that. Martha is an easy target, I had no idea she would make you quite so vulnerable.”

Sonny stood up, “you really are a piece of work Oldbury, I can see where your offspring get it from. Notice that you’re outside looking in. Seen Ethan much lately? Because I saw him at dinner a couple of hours ago!”

Instead of anger the older man became sad, just for the quickest of moments, “keep away from them both. I told Carl to have you out of the house by the end of next month; otherwise the legal stuff starts up again.”

Sonny was frozen solid as he watched Oldbury leave. What depths would this man go to to hurt him? He knew he should tell him who he was, that may stop this, but on the other hand it might make things worse. The one thing Sonny feared more than anything was rejection by the father he’d always looked for. All those years in foster care he'd longed for the Knight in shining armour to rescue him, the father that had become the hero of his dreams.  Nothing in life scared him, nothing could, but the thought of his long lost father walking away, snubbing him did. Sighing he walked back into the pub, Carl had a few questions to answer.

His eyes were immediately drawn to Martha; she stood out in the room the second he walked in. The whole of his world seemed to revolve around her. She was talking to James, the chinless bastard. He made his skin crawl. But it was Carl he was looking for.

He found him in the corner talking to Stephanie, he had no idea where she’d come from but she’d not been there earlier.

                “Carl can I have a word with you?”

Carl looked up surprised, “sure. You ok?”

He nodded, “just need a quick chat.”

At the back of the pub he relayed the comments from Michael.

                “Is this what the pub is all about? You humouring him again?”

Carl had the good grace to look embarrassed, “I’ll do anything to protect her, and to be honest I like you Sonny, I don’t want to see you sold down the river. This place,” he gestured around him meanign the pub, “it’s got living accommodation, you can settle here, manage the place properly. It suits everyone; it’s more stable than the restaurant. I found it so difficult the other night, I can’t go back to that work, the pub should be easier, more steady?”

Sonny shook his head, “we need to fight him, not give in.”

Carl instantly disagreed, “no, we can’t afford to fight him, emotionally or financially. We need to play the game then get advice, work out how to protect ourselves. If he’s happy he’ll leave us be.”

                “And I get played like a pawn? I’ve given up Martha, what else do I have to give up?”

Carl gave him a sympathetic smile, “you’ll gain a lot with the pub...I promise.”

                “You reckon?” He breathed as Carl walked away.

Martha had disappeared to the bathroom more times than was healthy. She was desperate to leave there, but she’d promised Helen who was working late that she’d wait for her. The smaller bar was quieter than the lounge where someone was belting B52’s Loveshack at full blast through the karaoke’s PA. A few of the regulars sat around the bar, drinking, reading the paper, glad to be free of the cacophony next door.

                “Can I get a wine James?” She asked sliding onto a stool. From that position she could see past him in to the opposite room and the party.

                “You giving it a wide berth?” he asked as he poured her a glass of chardonnay.

Martha nodded, “sort of, I’m just tired, you know. I’m more of a chat with friends than a scream ACDC through a microphone kind of girl."

At that moment Jade stepped back up onto the temporary stage alone, and this time she was singing I Touch Myself by the Divinyls. As the music started James rolled his eyes and she could see he flushed with embarrassment. Her performance was rather obscene and she was singing and gesticulating in a more than suggestive manner to someone in the crowd. As Martha shook her head in a mixture of repulsion and disgust, she spotted who was leaning against the opposite bar, the object of Jade’s ‘affection’, Sonny, of course.

Martha felt sick; she couldn’t sit and watch this unfold. Not yet. Instead she dropped her head and repositioned her seat so that she wasn’t viewing the room so easily. Then she tried to switch off.

The song ended and she could just see Jade swaggering off the stage and straight up to the bar where Martha knew Sonny was standing, he had been talking to Eamonn and Bill.

As Martha cleared her glass of wine, knowing now was the time to go, she felt movement beside her, and looking up she saw Sonny walking towards her.

                “You ok? Can I get you a drink?”

She shook her head, “I’ve had enough...think it’s time to go home.” She’d call Helen and plead a headache, anything but tolerating more of this farce. “Have you enjoyed yourself? I wasn’t sure a party was really you.”

He smiled, “it’s been perfect. I didn’t realise so many people liked me here!”

Martha looked at him, and then across the bar to Jade who was studying them both, “so I saw.”

Sonny shook his head, “I’m not...”

She held up a hand, “I don’t have the right to make any demands of you. You do what you need to.”

He laughed, “what I need to?” He gave his head a shake, “I don’t want to hurt you. But you keep walking away, avoiding me.”

                “It won’t hurt me, seeing you with her, I promise. I just need a little time to get used to it.”

He sighed, “like with everything you ever say, your voice says one thing and your face...and body say something else. And tonight it’s that you hate me.”

She looked away, “I don’t hate you. Ok? Just give me some space and some time.”

He reached out to touch her and she snapped, “don't! Two weeks ago you promised me the world, now it’s Jade’s turn. Can you at least give me time to get my head around that? It’s not fair for you to expect things to be as they were, not yet.”

With that she grabbed her bag and left the building.

The next morning Martha was preparing breakfast for Ethan when she heard giggles coming from the utility room. She took a deep breath; she had to deal with this. It was time to move on. Sonny couldn’t hurt her anymore. She had to make sure of that.

                “Hi.” The voice was a little awkward as Sonny threw the door open and Jade catapulted into the back of him.

                “Good night?” she asked giving a smile. “Did I miss much?”

Jade laughed, “everyone getting drunk, that’s all.”

Martha smiled genially, she was good at this she told herself, “well I seemed to have a head start on everyone before then.”

                “What you doing today?” Sonny asked pouring a mug of coffee then joining Jade at the kitchen table.

                “Taking Ethan to Regent’s Park Zoo, meeting a London friend there. Might stay over, as long as you can manage the restaurant tonight.”

He shrugged, “that’ll be nice for you. I presume it's not too busy tonight.”

Martha nodded, “but Paul is off, so you’ve only got Tom and Sam.”

She moved to the hallway and called Ethan, who burst into the kitchen from the lounge before she’d got back to the table.

                “Where are we going?” He asked as he jumped into his seat and started on his toast.

Martha poured him some apple juice then reminded him, “the zoo, I told you, we’re meeting Evie and Jack.”

He whooped at that and Sonny who was also tucking into some toast chuckled, “is that your mate?”

He shook his head, “Evie’s my girlfriend! She’s six, but she likes me, I’m not like Max and Chris. She hates them.”

Shaking his head in wonder, “and is Jack your friend too?”

He laughed, “No! He’s too old!”

Martha sighed, “Jack’s my old boss, Evie’s dad.”

As she left she had a little grin to herself that he seemed jealous. The irony really when he was sat with Jade, so obviously after spending a night together doing more than sleeping.

Jack was forty five, balding, and married to Mike, so there really was no need for Sonny to be jealous. But he was a good friend she’d barely seen since her first trip back home. He ran a boutique in Soho selling bohemian designer clothing, which was mainly bought by rich daughters out spending Daddy’s money and wanting to appear ‘edgy’. She’d loved working there, and he’d kept her job open as long as he could.

As the two kids who were good mates ran around the zoo, they strolled behind arms interlinked as she filled him in on all that had happened in her time at home.

Jack’s mouth got wider and wider as she revealed everything. For her it was cathartic to tell someone exactly how she felt. It was so liberating. He didn’t know anyone, he was hearing everything first hand, and she knew that he would understand her view point.

                “I don’t expect advice, it’s just nice unloading.”

Jack shook his head, “I can’t quite believe how much has happened since you left! I mean your Dad, then Sonny, then Ethan’s dad...he’s really dead?”

She nodded; the only part she hadn’t filled him in with was Sonny’s role in the death of Scott.

                “Sounds like Sonny isn’t over you, but he’s a bit of a loose cannon. Maybe you’re better off without that in your life.”

She sighed, “I’m thinking the opposite. Either I confront him and make him tell me why he’s run away, or I leave town. Cos the way things are with my Dad, I’m not sure there’s any reason to stay.”