Trying Not to Love You - Part Seventy One

Chapter Seventy One

Martha refilled her glass, ignoring Sonny and Jade, and they had the decency to stay across the bar for a while.

                “Another glass please,” Martha smiled at James as he came towards her. He gave her a questioning look but the responding glare had him rushing to get a second bottle of wine.

Lines were becoming a little more blurry as she sat there letting the soothing affect of the alcohol take over her. She knew it was temporary, that nothing would go away, but she was sick and tired of being the sensible one, the one who did everything. She was like the parent in her family, she provided for everyone, everything, and they were all rushing around behind her back getting on with things, making decisions that left her with nothing.

She dropped her head onto her folded arms for a moment, then rued that decision as the room started to spin slightly.

Lifting her head she spotted Jade sauntering towards her. Giving a groan, she pasted on a welcoming smile by the time she reached her.

                “Hi Martha, you ok?”

She smiled and nodded, “fine thanks. Just having a quiet drink.”

There was enough malice in her voice to push away the most intent friend, but not the delightfully thick skinned Jade; instead she pulled up a stool beside her. “Well, if you don’t mind, I’ll join you. We are after all almost related.”

That caused Martha to almost choke on her wine, as if it wasn’t bad enough that she had to see this woman draped all over Sonny, now she wanted to be her friend. She hated the way things had deteriorated, and she hated Jade with her over confident manner and her deliberately flirty attitude. Didn’t she know that Sonny had loved HER first? The thought of them together made her feel sick; the other woman trying to buddy up to her only added anger to that equation. 

Martha laughed, “related? Hardly. You’re Sonny’s latest...” she didn’t honour her with a description. “Look I’ve not made friends with any of his previous encounters, I’m not about to start now. This hardly qualifies as ‘meet the family’.”

That caused Jade to flinch, and it was a moment before she replied, “there’s no need to be nasty.”

Martha glared at her, “I just told you I want a drink, alone, yet you want to use the opportunity to buddy up to me. Do you think that being friends with Sonny’s ex is going to make you a stronger fixture in his life? Is that your game?”

Jade was again stunned, “I’m just being friendly.”

Martha laughed, “women like you don’t do friendly...there’s a reason for everything you do, a consequence. And today it’s getting your rake like claws further into him.” She nodded her head towards Sonny who was approaching.

Sonny had only heard the last few words, but he could immediately sense the animosity in the situation, Jade looked like she was about to cry and Martha looked two things, drunk and evil. He rarely saw that side of her, and he knew something must have happened, but firstly he had to manage this confrontation.

                “What’s going on?” He asked, stopping next to Jade.

Martha grinned, “well hello. Look at you making it a full house!”

He cringed at her drunken display, it was so out of character, “Martha, you’re drunk.”

                “You going to give me a row Daddy?” She asked sarcastically.

                “Do you think you should leave?”

She shook her head and reached for her glass, “you are not my boss. And despite my joke, you’re not my father. Why can’t a girl get a QUIET drink without Barbie and Ken having an opinion?”

He was stunned and watched as she slugged at her wine, “now piss off and pretend you both want the same thing from a SO obviously one sided relationship,” she gave a devilish grin then hissed, “leave me in peace.”

Sonny was furious, and worried in equal measure, he’d not seen her like this before, he didn’t know how to deal with her.

He placed a hand on Jade’s arm, “come one, leave her alone.”

Martha laughed, “yep, you do that Jade, listen to him.” She turned to glare at Sonny, “cos he ALWAYS knows best, don’t you?” She provoked him with her eyes, forcing him to deal with the animosity between them, to accept that he’d thrown their relationship away so freely.

                “Don’t Martha,” he hated that she was pushing him and his eyes bore down on her.

She laughed, “it’s ok, I’m not about to destroy your little world guys, your bubble is fragile enough without me bursting it!”

                “What the hell is wrong with you?” He finally bit, squaring up to her. At that moment he realised they were the centre of attention, everyone in the pub was staring at them. As much as he didn’t care what people thought, he wasn’t ready to wash his dirty laundry in so public a place. Grabbing her arm, he gestured to the door, “outside, now.”

In the beer garden he pushed her to a distant corner then glared at her, “what the fuck are you playing at? What is wrong with you?”

The alcohol was making Martha view this situation through a hazy cloud, and the fact that Sonny looked angry made her laugh, “me? I’m not doing anything.”

He lowered his face so that he was close to hers, “you’re winding up Jade, and I don’t like it.”

She shook her head, “no. I was sat there minding my own business wanting some time to myself, but SHE couldn’t resist pestering ME. So take this conversation back to her and tell her to LEAVE ME ALONE!”

Sonny grabbed her arms with his hands and shook her, “this is all YOU,” he shouted. “You and your crazy games.”

She shrugged firmly then swatted at his hands, “get your hands OFF me, I am not one of the stupid women you date who gets off on you being a caveman, so stop beating your chest because it does NOTHING to me.”

He rolled his eyes, his hands clenched into fists at his side, “YOU chose this Martha, YOU told me there was no future for us, YOU told me to date her. Yet you seem to be trying to drive a wedge between us. You don’t want me but no one else can either? Is that how it goes? Do we spend the rest of our days single and full of regrets? Cos I don’t want to live like that, I have to move on, and you have to let me.”

She averted her eyes, not wanting to see the way he was looking at her with pity, “I don’t know...”

                “You don’t want me Martha; you’ve made that perfectly obvious. SO why are you doing this to me?”

Martha hated the tears that threatened, prickling at the back of her eyes, “it’s hard ok? Seeing you two together.”

He sighed, “but it’s what you want.”

She nodded, “nothing’s changed Carter, but...” she looked to the sky not wanting him to see her tears, but it was too late. “When I’m lonely I remember what it was like to be with you, what it was like when we were together, how you made me feel.” She tried to turn away, suddenly mortified that she had this breakdown in front of him, but he pulled her close, stroking her hair.

                “It’s ok...”

He held her for a while until she stopped crying, then lifted her head from his shoulder, “why are you lonely? What happened today?”

She swiped at her wet cheeks, “nothing...” He lifted an eyebrow and she gave a sad smile, “my Dad, he’s leasing out the restaurant...I’ve got nothing left really, have I?”

Sonny sighed, hating Carl for repeatedly doing this to Martha, “there’ll always be a job in the pub for you?”

She groaned, “working for you? Sounds like hell!” She smiled then, “will you think about Paul? I mean he needs flexibility that we offered him.”

Sonny nodded, “he’s an asset. I’ll speak to him next week.”

                “I’m going to go home. Will you apologise to Jade for me?”

Nodding again, he took her hand, “we have to move on though Martha, you can see that?”

Sighing she gave a small inclination of her head, as much as she was pleased for him, the coming weeks were heralding a huge change for them both. They were about to go their separate ways, get their lives back in order...separately.

                “So today is the day?” Martha was in the kitchen when her father and Sonny burst in laughing together.

They both looked up a little guiltily. She gave a smile to them then continued with cleaning up, this was hard for her, everyone moving on, everyone getting something new...except her. She hated how bitter that made her.

Sonny was watching her; she could feel his eyes on her. ”What time are you taking over?”

                “Get the keys at eleven. Doesn’t give us long to prepare to open...”

She nodded, “there are the regular staff though?”

Carl left to go sort out the horses, and it was then that Sonny turned to her, “you can always come and work with me. Not FOR me. Think about it? My home is your home, ok?”

Martha smiled as she gave him a hug, “end of an era, hey?”

It was his turn to shake his head, “no, the beginning. You know I want to share this with you.”

She sighed, “there are too many reasons why it is wrong. Be good, yeah? And make sure you eat well. You’ll still come for dinner sometimes?”

                “What reasons? We’re two adults; there are no reasons why we shouldn’t.”

                “Carter don’t do this. It’s over; it was a long time ago. As I said, be good.”

She almost ran from the kitchen leaving him scowling.

Sonny was sick of it, he wanted Martha, he was struggling to function without her, but she was being so rigid. He threw the few belongings he had into a box. Thirty years on the planet had he had managed to accumulate two bags of clothing and a box of books, music and other items. He was going to rattle around the three bedroom accommodation at the pub he now part owned. As he was emptying his toiletries from the bathroom, he felt a presence next to him, looking up he saw Lucy stood there.

For a woman approaching eighty she was both active and insightful, as he looked at her he recognised the expression on her face.

                “Hey.”

She smiled, “gonna miss you around the place.”

He sighed, “funnily enough I’ll miss you too.”

She followed him into the bedroom he’d been using and sat on the bed as he checked the drawers in the large chest that dominated the room.

                “Even though I thought you were a chancer, you turned out to be the person who brought this family back together.”

He turned to look at her, “don’t think Martha agrees.”

She nodded, “it’s tough for her, Carl isn’t doing right by her, but I think that’s good in a way. With all that happened, she’s put her father on a pedestal he doesn’t deserve.”

That peaked Sonny’s interest, Lucy had hinted that things weren’t as they seemed with Carl and the family, but never anymore than that. And he had to agree with her sentiment Martha sacrificed too much for everyone, but she’d given up the most for her father. Not that she knew quite how much.

                “I thought you loved her.”

That floored him. He stared at Lucy for a moment, stunned by her frankness, “I do.”

                “Then what the hell is going on? You’re moving out, dabbling with that tramp Jade, rubbing poor Martha’s nose in just how quickly you got over her.”

He was silenced all over again.

Lucy laughed, “weren’t expecting that were you? Martha is someone who lets what is right not just rule her life, but dominate her. I mean she sacrificed five years with her family to protect Ethan, then six months of sacrificing him to do right by her father. All that has happened to her, to you the last six months...it’s confusing, and you can guarantee she’ll do the wrong thing thinking it’s the right thing.”

He laughed, “you have really been thinking about this.”

She nodded, “you two are right for each other, I just don't understand why you’re apart.”

                “She doesn’t want me Lucy, she told me in no uncertain terms. And I can’t keep throwing myself at her for her to reject me, it hurts ok?”

Lucy looked at him, “good things are hard work, great things may take a piece of you,” she smiled, “but give you a different piece back.”

Suddenly he saw how right she was, loving Martha had changed him, and whilst it hurt him, he knew it had made him a better person. But Lucy was living in a simplistic world, a world that didn’t exist.

Sonny sighed, “I’ll always love her Lucy, but she’s determined that that is a one way thing. I am trying to get used to that, and whilst I know you’re intentions are altruistic, in this situation you are way off the mark.”

Lucy stood, “I’m not wrong about you two. If it’s worth having then it has to be worth fighting for Sonny.”