Trying Not to Love You - Part Sixty

Chapter Sixty

What did he expect? Hugs, tears and ‘welcome back’? Sonny looked at the closed door and rued the fact that he hadn’t played things out better. As he was about to follow her, He heard a voice behind him, and turning he saw Carl, who’s face lit up on seeing the younger man.

                “You’re back!” He pulled the unsuspecting man into a bear hug, and Sonny closed his eyes for a moment, absorbing the emotion. It was the first time he remembered being missed, being appreciated. “It’s good to see you boy.”

Sonny gave a half smile as he stepped back, “nice to be back. Sun and sand only go so far.”

                “Don’t tell me you missed an English winter?”

Sonny laughed appropriately, but inside he knew there was a hell of a lot more than the weather that he’d missed. He wanted to go and find Martha, she’d looked so devastated when she’d run out, but part of this deal was that he’d give her space.

                “I’ve been working on things since you’ve been away. We need to talk.”

Sonny smiled, “let me unpack my things then?”

He nodded, “I’ll put the kettle on.”

He ducked through the kitchen to the utility room and then onto the outhouse, throwing his bag at the foot of the stairs, then he opened the door and moved out into the yard. Where would she go to hide? And more importantly, would she want to see him? She’d run off without a coat, it was a cold day, that was his motivation he tried to convince himself. Looking around he headed for the barn, the horses were out in the field, so it was empty.

Glancing inside he couldn’t believe he’d struck lucky first time.

                “Martha.”

She froze when she heard his voice; she was in the process of laying down clean straw in the stables, a job he knew she hated, but one that obviously was the distraction she needed now. After the stilted moment, she recommenced her work, blocking him out.

Opening the stable door he stepped into the box next to her.

                “I know you hate me, deservedly so, but you’re wearing slippers, no coat...at least come inside, don’t do this now.”

She shook her head, “you don’t tell me what to do Carter. I am NOTHING to you, do you hear me?”

                “We have to talk, have to get on.”

Finally her head snapped up and she glared at him, anger, pain, hurt all evident in her distraught eyes.

                “Talk? Get on?” She laughed, “I am nothing if not a game player. Have no fear. I am not about to alienate you from the family that is SO important to you.” Sighing she threw down the fork that she had been using to move the hay. “I get this, Carter; I understand what this is about. You want my family, my home and your job more than you want me, I get that. Just don’t expect me to be smiling happy and your best mate. Not because you chose something other than me, but because you dumped me with a Dear John letter.” She moved towards him and smiled, “I had you as many things, but never a coward.”

As he made to speak she silenced him again, “I’m very good at hiding my emotions. I’ll remain the perfect hostess, don’t worry.”

As she flounced off, Sonny could do nothing but worry. He hoped he’d got this right, because his heart was aching at the way he was making her feel, and there was no doubt that his feelings for her were as strong as ever.

Martha threw herself on the bed, face down; she allowed herself a few moments to deal with the pain that had coursed through her for the last two weeks. She’d barely cried over all this, despite the despair it had brought, but for a moment, before she brought Ethan back to the home, she let herself go, unaware that both her father and Sonny could hear her tears.

An hour later after a shower, she came downstairs, and could hear voices in the kitchen. Stopping she listened, that wasn’t her thing eavesdropping, but the first few words she heard sounded interesting...if that was the right term, and she was interested to know where the conversation was going.

                “Their father called me from Thailand.” it was her father’s voice. “He wants to stay where he is, and he’s pissed off at the way his kids are just sitting back and living off him. So he’s offered me first refusal.”

                “And you want to buy a pub? I mean that’s a big change...” that from Sonny.

Martha got closer almost pressing her ear up to the door.

                “I’ve had several offers for the restaurant. It’s hard work, a pub would be more steady, more regular. If I sell it, I want you to run the Royal Oak for me.”

She could barely believe her ears as Sonny replied.

“Me? You want me to run the pub for you?”

Martha staggered backwards, after months of breaking herself in two to keep the restaurant afloat he was about to sell it? And he wasn’t about to discuss it with her. She was struggling to restrain her emotions. After all that had happened he was in cahoots with Sonny, plotting something that influenced her future so much? It was as devastating as it got.

Seeing red she barged into the room and the two men had the good grace to at least look guilty. Her father opened his mouth to speak but she held up a hand, “don’t. Just don’t.” If looks really could kill she’d have caused them both to blow up on the spot, her glare was that evil. Before either could make a comment, she grabbed her coat and stormed out.

Sonny groaned, another awful thing for her to witness, she must be thinking the world is against her. He turned to Carl, “I presume you haven’t run this past your daughter.”

He shrugged, “she’s barely speaking to me. I haven’t exactly had the chance.”

                “After everything that’s happened? Bloody hell Carl. Are you deliberately trying to make her feel ostracised?”

Running his fingers through his hair he rued the way the day had panned out, “I’m going to talk to her.”

Carl placed a hand on his shoulder, stopping him, “no. I need to do it. You’re right.”

When Martha got to Paul’s he opened the door smiling, “they’ve fallen asleep, all three of them. Can he have a sleep over? Seems a shame to wake him?”

It wasn’t something that he’d ever done before, she was quite protective when it came to Ethan, but today him being free of the house and away from her family suited her, it meant she didn’t have to ask her father to babysit so that she could go to work...to take the flak for her father, to keep the business he was about to sell running. It was so bloody infuriating.

Smiling at Paul she promised to call a little later, she had no idea how Ethan would feel waking up there. Without Ethan she could go straight to work and ignore the trauma of her family for a few minutes.

The restaurant was full, three large groups all celebrating, that usually meant a lot of alcohol to accompany the food, so as soon as she opened the door she started to restock the fridges and place extra wine in the kitchen chiller, just in case. She was filling the ice bucket when the door opened and the first patrons arrived. In moments the place was heaving and the temporary wait staff were working as hard as her.

An hour later her father came in, walking up to her.

                “Martha, I need to speak to you.”

She sighed, “not now Dad, I’m busy trying to keep this place running, as I have been the last seven months, and seeing as someone gave Carter time off, I have to work doubly hard...so NO, I don’t have time for a chat. I’ll be home around one am, if you’re staying up.”

                “Where’s Ethan?”

Martha laughed, “he’s having a sleepover, at Paul’s.”

At that moment someone signalled from the table in the window and she gave her father an ‘I told you so’ kind of look and walked away from him.

He didn’t go straight away, but when he realised she was serious, her father left the room.

A busy night was one where she didn’t have time to think, and that was a good thing. As the evening became night, the patrons were becoming rowdy, enjoying drink, chat and the food. She supplied numerous bottles of wine, bottled beers and even champagne to the desperate diners. It was almost midnight when people started to leave, and they went slowly and rather noisily.

The chefs had cleaned up and departed, and after an hour she’d worked tirelessly with Sam and Tom the two waiting staff were keen to leave, so she sent them off with a smile.

After locking up, she made her way back through the village; it was turfing out time in the Royal Oak. She couldn’t look at the place without thinking of the conversation she’d overheard earlier. She was a few paces away when the door to the pub opened and her father staggered out, he’d obviously had a few drinks and was being supported by Sonny. She stepped back, hid in the shadows until they were ahead of her. She could hear their conversation and didn’t know whether she wanted to follow them home eavesdropping, or not go home at all. Not for the first time she rued the fact that the town had no club or pub that opened after midnight. Instead she turned back to the restaurant. She could lock herself in the office and drink a bottle of wine, that might help.

It was forty minutes later that she left the building. She’d not enjoyed the wine, but then she was never one for drinking for a purpose. And that was exactly what she’d tried to do. Unlike earlier, the town was bathed in an almost eerie silence compared with earlier that night. She wasn’t scared of the dark, quite the opposite; it hadn’t taken her long to forget her city nerves. The country was a completely different place.

With relaxed shoulders for the first time that day and a spring in her step, she started the walk for home. She’d barely drawn level with the pub when Sonny stepped out of the shadows.  This was the exact thing that would wind her up beyond compare.

She tried to ignore him, keep walking but within seconds he’d fallen into stride and grabbed her arm.

                “Where the hell have you been? I’ve been worried sick?”

She turned slowly, “like you were every night the past two weeks?” She gave a slow laugh, “you are nothing to do with me Carter, so please don’t make demands of me.”

                “Martha I’m sorry.”

She turned to him, “sorry that you want my father more than you want me? Don’t be sorry, just leave me alone.”

                “It’s not like that.” She’d started to walk, but paused when he spoke, turning towards him.

                “Isn’t it? Forgive me if I don’t give a shit. You made your choice for whatever reason. And you chose anything but me. That’s your prerogative, but don’t come here trying to control me. Ok?”

                “I worry about you, that’s normal.”

She nodded, “suppose it is, but like I say I’ve had to walk home like this the last two weeks whilst carrying the can for you disappearing. Seems my father is well enough to go out drinking, to conspire with you and to dine Stephanie, but he’s not well to take any of the load at the restaurant...the one he’s about to sell! How would you feel?”

She felt tears start to well and had no intention of crying in front of him, so she turned and started to run towards home, not easy in her heels. He caught her easily, pulling her to a stop; she dropped her head not wanting to look at him.

                “Leave me, please.”

He lifted her head, “you’re upset.”

                “Let it go. Don’t make this worse. You made me want you, tore down the defences I put up to protect myself, and then shattered me. I’ll get over this, and as I told you earlier, I am the greatest actress you’ll meet. But don’t do this, act concerned and want to comfort me. Because you can’t. Now leave me be.”

When she ran this time, he let her go. She was right; he’d pushed and pulled her in every direction. He had to give her time and space. He wanted this opportunity from Carl, a chance to prove himself, and the fact that Oldbury Senior hadn’t been in touch since he left was a good sign. As much as he hated hurting Martha, fighting for Ethan would hurt her more.

Paul called her when she was still in bed, the kids were up and Ethan wanted to talk to her.  He was gushing, telling her all about his evening and waking in a strange house. She was smiling when Paul came back on the phone.

                “I’ve promised them breakfast. Want to meet at the cafe? I know it’s early but they’re not going back to sleep.”

She looked at the clock; seven am was a lie in to her. She also realised that she hadn’t eaten since the previous lunchtime. “I’d love it. I can be there in ten minutes?”

He laughed, “super quick parent time.” She laughed too, since she’d become a parent he was right going out was all about speed and necessity, no time for makeup and glamour.

The four were approaching the cafe as she came around the corner, and Ethan broke into a sprint to launch himself into her arms.

                “Were you good?” she asked covering him in kisses.

He nodded, “aren’t I always?”

Martha was laughing when Paul approached; leaning towards him she gave him a kiss on the cheek, “thank you so much for this.”

He smiled, “they loved it, in fact Molly wants him to stay tonight too!”

She looked at the two class mates, Molly was the same age as Ethan, but Conor her brother was eight and trying to be a bit too cool for all this emotion.

                “Come on you guys, breakfast!”

They all rushed into the cafe squealing with excitement.

Across the road Sonny watched the scene unfold. He’d barely slept, this was harder than he thought, and had come for an early run, that usually helped him clear his mind, but it hadn’t really worked. As he’d come back into the centre of town he’s spotted her approach. He wanted to talk to her, tell her it would all work out, but instead he was watching Martha smile and laugh, and even kiss Paul. She was looking at him the way she used to look at him. Overwhelmed with anger, guilt and jealousy, he turned back to the open road knowing he needed to run another lap to even try and calm down.