Trying Not to Love You - Part Fifty Nine

Chapter Fifty Nine

 

Sonny looked out at the glorious Mediterranean Sea from behind his designer shades, bought for less than ten Euro that morning. It wasn’t hot enough to sun bathe, but warm enough to wear shorts, not that he had more than the single pair he wore, and it was definitely warm enough to sit outside a beachside bar and watch the world go around. Johnny’s sister had quite openly offered for him to stay with them as long as he wanted, but he knew he couldn’t stay too long.

He reached for the bottle of beer that seemed to be permanently sat in front of him. Not that it helped. Spain was amazing, he loved the warmth, the laid back ways, he’d never had a holiday, not like this, though miraculously he had a passport, the first guy he’d worked for had needed him to go to France, and Ireland, places that needed ID, so the passport was arranged. That worked in his favour now; he was able to at least have a beautiful environment to rue all that had happened.

He’d spent most of the last four days in a drunken stupor. But the pain and confusion was there as soon as he opened his eyes, only a hangover made it all the more distressing.

                “Thought I’d find you here.”

He looked up to see Michelle; Johnny’s sister stood looking at him, “where else?”

She pulled out the chair opposite, and dropped into it, placing her pile of fliers on the table. She worked in a local nightclub and spent the day pulling in the punters with promises of two for one drinks. She’d got Johnny a job there too; he was planning to stay indefinitely.

                “So are you going to pull yourself out of this black hole, or is this the mood for your holiday?”

He laughed, “holiday? Nah, this is a bolt hole.”

                “You’re escaping, you keep telling me, but you don’t say why.”

He knew she knew nothing about the role he and Johnny had played in bringing Scott to his early demise, and he wasn’t about to drop his friend into the shit.

                “A woman, of course.”

She gave a knowing sigh, “what else! Problem shared is a problem halved.”

Sonny glanced at her, “really?” When she shrugged he sighed, “look I’m hardly catch of the century, ex-jailbird who doesn’t have anything to show for thirty years on this planet other than a head full of anger and a bedpost full of anonymous notches.”

She waved to the waiter and ordered herself a beer, before she replied, “if you were just that you wouldn’t be drinking yourself into oblivion every night.” She took the beer when it arrived and handed him one too. “This girl means a lot to you?”

He nodded, “she means everything.”

                “But you’ve left her?”

He slugged at the beer for a moment, “I brought her bad news, leaving her is freeing her to go on and live her life.”

                “Is that what she wants?”

He hated this level of questioning, but he couldn’t back down now, “I don’t know, I just know that there’s a bigger picture. If we stay together then I drag her down, cause her untold pain. Leaving her makes things better for her.”

Michelle sipped at her beer, “I think a woman is strong, and if she wants you she’ll fight the rest. I think you should be honest with her. Tell her what you’re scared of. Where there’s a will there’s a way, and you may need to be resourceful, but you need to prove you’re worth it.”

He laughed, “what is it with women and supposed wisdom? I’m not worth it, I can’t give her anything. I’m an almost thirty year old with no education, no experience, I spent most of the last ten years being a hired thug. Is that something she can tell her son about? I think not. Nope, thanks for the fortune cookie sentiment, but I am better being out of her life.”

Michelle laughed, “life isn’t that easy. If you were right, then why didn’t you go home with that woman who was draping herself all over you last night? Or the night before for that matter.” She drained her bottle and stood, picking up her fliers again, “If I were you I’d be thinking of ways to explain your absence and get back in her good books.” When he lifted his eyebrows in surprise, she laughed, “someone like you doesn’t leave without a legacy Carter, and I guarantee she’ll never cope living without you.”

With that she skipped off into the distance, leaving him alone, with even more to think about.

The weekend had arrived far quicker than she’d imagined, and for Martha it signified some time with Ethan which was the true highlight of her week. Stephanie had arrived back somewhere in the week, and to quote Lucy, was as “thick as thieves” with her father. On Friday, before leaving to relieve Paul at the restaurant, Lucy came in from Bingo.

                “I’m going away for a few days Martha. Don’t think I’m abandoning you, will you?”

Martha was stunned. “Where are you going?”

She sighed, “to see my cousin. I need a break. I’ll be back in a few days. Will you keep out of trouble that long?”

Martha smiled, “of course. You’re not running away from something are you?”

Lucy laughed, “only life.” She sighed and it was the first time that Martha noticed a sadness in her Aunty.

                “You sure?”

Lucy grinned, then pulled her into a hug, “definitely. Will you manage with work if I’m not here?”

It was Martha’s turn to smile, “I have to. Don’t I?”

                “About time that bloody father of yours helped out. He’s played this sick card far too long!”

That was Aunt Lucy all over, dramatic, but VERY observant.

The next morning, her aunt came to breakfast with her overnight bag packed.

                “You going somewhere Lucy?”

Martha looked up from her porridge and smiled at her aunt, at the same time as the older woman answered her father.

                “Need a change of scenery, fresh air...”

She left a lot unwritten in the air, but rather than working it out, hearing the confrontation about to happen, she spoke up so that Ethan didn’t have to hear it. “Can I drop you somewhere? Where are you going?”

Lucy smiled at her, “Harrogate, train leaves in forty minutes.”

With a returning smile, she returned to her porridge.

Most of the fifteen minute drive to the station passed in silence, but Martha knew there was more to Lucy disappearing than met the eye. “Will you tell me what’s up Aunty Luce? I can’t believe you’re disappearing.”

She shook her head, “nothing...” Spotting her niece’s intense gaze, she sighed, “ok. I don’t like Stephanie. I never have, and I never will, and to see her manipulating your father, controlling everything...I hate it, and I can’t see it happen again. Ok?”

                “Can’t see what happen?”

Lucy grabbed for the bags, they were at the station, “rule the roost,” she snapped. “She needs to remember that she’s no better than me or your mother, all she’s got is through a successful father, yet you’d swear she was some entrepreneur of the year.” She shook her head, “that woman drives me nuts!”

Martha was sad to see Lucy go, she felt as though she was her only ally, without Sonny, she was at loggerheads with the rest of the world, or so it seemed.  He interrupted her life at every turn, and the longer time went on, the more angry she became with him. She wasn’t sure how she felt about him now, all she knew was that he’d infiltrated her life, sucked her into some vision of the future, then dumped her like yesterday’s socks. She knew that something had happened, or rather someone had worked to set doubt in his mind, but as time went on she knew that if he was troubled he should have spoken to her, trusted her. There was no point contemplating a life together if at the first hurdle you ran away like a child. So as the days progressed it was him she was angry with, not anyone else. HE was the one who’d broken her heart.

It was the following Friday, a whole week without Lucy later that Martha heard a car pull up in the yard. Ethan was going to Paul’s straight from school for tea; he was attached to Paul’s girls. She’d promised to take him on another day out the following day, so she was busy baking ready for a picnic.

She smiled at the thought of Lucy returning, she’d missed her acerbic wit and abstract humour. Wiping her hands on the apron she’d thrown over her jeans she turned to the back door with a beaming smile, which suddenly dropped when she saw Sonny, all tanned and healthy looking in the doorway.

Before she had time to register how she felt, she stormed across to him and slapped his face. He tried to speak, but she shook her head, “no, no. no.” Then turning she ran out of the kitchen, through the utility and feed rooms until she was out in the cold air of the winter afternoon, sprinting off into the distance, uncaring of what and who she’d left behind.