Trying Not to Love You - Part Sixty Four

Chapter Sixty Four

A wet Sunday morning and Sonny had nothing to do; he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had no agenda. Jade had phoned him several times, but he’d ignored that. She was fun, she was keen, she liked him, but he wasn’t someone who did relationships, he was always honest about that. Until Martha, she was everywhere, when he closed his eyes he saw her, smelled her, when he walked around the house he envisaged her cooking, sitting at the table laughing, dancing to crap music drunkenly in the kitchen, and smiling up at him from his pillow. It was all there. All haunting him.

Yet you slept with Jade. Jade, uncomplicated Jade, she came with no agenda, no baggage and no hassle. Martha was the opposite, or rather he brought that to her. Dating Jade was a no brainer; there was no consequence and no heartache there. It made sense.

He showered in the outhouse, since his first days Martha had fixed the heating so it wasn’t an icy hell any more, then he headed into the house for breakfast, to find Lucy sat at the kitchen table smoking a cigarette. She looked up as he entered the room and smiled.

                “You ok?”

He nodded and started to fill the coffee machine, “bloody awful weather.”

                “Hope Martha isn’t back at the zoo today.”

That caught his attention and he stared at Lucy, “if you’re that interested in what she’s doing why have you let her go?”

Sonny turned back to the sink and placed his hands on the draining board, his head hanging, “don’t do this Lucy.”

She gave a laugh, “don’t? Sonny it seems I’m the only one willing to speak the truth to you.” A heave of his shoulders was the only response, so she continued, “you told me you loved her, you told me that she’d changed your life.”

                “She did!” He turned around. “She changed everything, but I’m no good for her, I can’t be what she wants.”

                “Shouldn’t she decide that?”

He shook his head, “no, Martha’s good, caring, loving. She sees someone to heal in every situation; she’d never see the good in me. I’ve brought the police to her door three times, she’s given me an alibi...that’s not her world Lucy, she’s too good for me.”

Lucy extinguished her cigarette forcibly, “that young man is horse shit. You know and I know it. What I will say is that you are doing the right thing here; or rather what YOU think is the right thing. But the other thing you know about Martha is she is strong minded and resourceful.  She deserves the truth from the man she loves. The FIRST man she’s loved I hasten to add. THAT is what she deserves.”

Standing she stretched, “think about it.”

Sonny watched her move towards the lounge, “where’s Carl?”

She turned back briefly, “gone out for a walk and lunch with Stephanie.” She spat the last work out, “as much to get him away from you as me I imagine.”

                “So what’s the score with you guys?”

She lifted an eyebrow and pondered that for a moment, “we all have our secrets Sonny, but let me just say she has lived off other people all her life. One day people will see her for what she is.”

With a brief nod as if to confirm her words, she disappeared.

Sonny sat alone in the lounge, a mug of coffee beside him, a crunch football match on TV and played with his new toy, the iPod from Martha. Her again, he sighed to himself as he connected it to Martha’s laptop, and started to upload music. She’d brought more and more CD’s over the months and he was enjoying having the time to listen to things and fill his new running companion with songs.

Driving back to the farm was quite strange, Martha felt as though she’d been away months. Ethan was chattering beside her, happy to be home, looking forward to feeding the chickens. That was his new favourite job. It was a Sunday, and despite being cold and wet, there was a lazy feel about things.

She had a lot to think about. Jack had offered her a lifeline, or rather Mike his rich City husband had. He had a house in Manchester and a sister who ran a cafe. It was a bolt hole if she ever needed it, a job and a place to stay, that was if she didn’t want to stay in their Kensington house. Having the option of somewhere to go made returning easier. If things got any worse she COULD leave, and that was liberating. The feeling of dread that she’d had leaving the house wasn’t there anymore.

As she stopped the car in the yard, Ethan rushed into the house, emerging in his waterproofs and welly boots.  

                “Can I go find Grampy?”

She nodded as she pulled their bags from the boot of Herman, “of course you can. I’ll unpack this lot then get some dinner cooking. Ok?”

He didn’t answer he was already miles away rushing off towards the barn to fulfil his dreams as his grandfather’s helper.

The kitchen was empty, stopping at the sink; she filled the coffee machine, groaning to find it dirty. Throwing off her coat she was cleaning it when the door from the lounge opened. Glancing up she sighed, stood there was a very sleepy looking Sonny.

                “Sorry I used the earlier.”

She smiled, “it’s ok, just need some coffee after a drive in this weather.”

He walked across and took it from her, “I’ll do that. You have a nice weekend?”

Grabbing her bag she made for the utility room to dispose of the dirty laundry, “yeah, cold, but fun. You?”

                “Busy. But that’s Saturday.”

She filled the washing machine then set it to run, dumping the holdall on top of it. Then she searched in the large freezer for something for dinner.

Back in the kitchen the coffee was brewing, “where’s my Dad?”

                “Gone out to lunch with Stephanie, Lucy’s at some dance.”

Martha nodded, “her over 50’s group do a Sunday afternoon tea dance in the church hall.” She laughed when he wrinkled his nose, “she enjoys it.”

As she started to unwrap some chicken Sonny stopped her, “don’t cook tonight, you’ve been driving all day. I’ll go get us a take away, anything you like. The others won’t want anything anyway.”

She shrugged, “if you want.”

Sonny sighed at the small victory, “I’ll go find Ethan, if he’s looking for your father he’ll have a long search.”

An hour later the three of them sat in the kitchen sharing a large pizza and some fries, as well as a bottle of red wine for the adults.

                “I’m going to the Oak for a few drinks.” Sonny said after dinner. “Do you want to come”?

She knew her father would be home at some point, and that he’d babysit. It had been nice to spend some hassle free time with Sonny, but she wasn’t about to push that.

Shaking her head she ruffled Ethan’s head, “no thanks, got a date with a hot bath haven’t you mate?”

As Ethan groaned Sonny laughed.

Work and school and running the house meant that Martha kept herself to herself over the next few days. But Thursday was the first night when she had to work all night with Sonny. Up until then they’d had quieter nights and alternated who covered the restaurant. But after leaving Ethan with Aunt Lucy, she had to head to work knowing she was spending the whole evening in his company. Since his birthday she hadn’t seen anything of Jade, Sonny wasn’t one to rush into relationships, so she hoped that that chapter was closed. But within an hour of being at work, she realised that wasn’t the case.

“Table eleven want another bottle of chardonnay,” she called out to him as she headed for the kitchen, only to see him freeze in that task and reach inside his pocket for his phone. When he groaned she couldn’t help but chuckle, “in demand?”

He shoved it unceremoniously back in his pocket with a sigh and mover towards the wine cooler.

The phone must have gone off a dozen times and it amused Martha where she thought it would anger her. Eventually she placed a hand on his shoulder, “I suggest you speak to her because she isn’t going away.”

The scowl that elicited made her laugh out loud, there was a real reward for seeing him squirm, and it was all self inflicted. But half an hour later he did gesture towards the office and disappeared in to take a call.

That didn’t make her laugh, things kind of backfired on her, and then later he told her he was going straight out from work. He wanted to see her home first, but she refused, she was no one’s charity case. And as a taxi pulled up as they locked the doors, she didn’t laugh as he got in and he drove off into the night, leaving her alone.

Two hours later Sonny glanced around, he’d been to this club in Northbury a few times. But tonight a group of screeching women throwing themselves around the dance floor didn’t appeal. He still didn’t know why he’d come, then he shook his head and cleared the vodka in his glass, he did know why he’d come, because Martha was goading him, ridiculing him in a way that made him defensive. He hated that he reacted so strongly to her, but she knew exactly what buttons to press, and she had him not knowing what he was doing.

Jade came sashaying across the dance floor to him, throwing her arms around his neck, “hey sexy, you want to dance?”

His noncommittal shrug seemed nonexistent to her, instead she dragged him onto the dance floor and proceeded to writhe against him to some bass heavy tune. Sonny sighed, life was not going as he wanted and he seemed too weak to change it.