Learning to Fly - 8

Chapter 8 - Another day, another job!

"So..." Carly was ransacking cupboards in the plush kitchen of the Carter chalet, Millie was sat cross legged on the work surface watching her. "Where would the flour be?"

Millie giggled and pointed to a cupboard across from her.

"Here?" Carly chuckled, "really?"

Opening the nominated cupboard door, Millie laughed as Carly let out a whoop of satisfaction, "Now why would the flour be above the fridge?"

Millie shrugged, not really knowing why it was there, but loving the fact that she knew more than Carly.

"So it's definitely cookies we're making?"

Millie nodded, "I love cookies!"

This was the fourth session that Carly had spent with the little girl. So far there had been no real developments, thought Carly was unable to believe that she'd not noticed the air of sadness that seemed to follow Millie everywhere. 

Each day she spoke to the therapist back in New York, and each time all he could really say was not to force the topic, and if she did mention it, he'd given her various techniques to help draw more information from her. She was then meant to report it all back to him. The theory was, that sharing anything about the last six months, and in specific the days surrounding her mother's death was a positive thing.

So here was Carly trying to think of things that would either make Millie happy, or possibly be familiar, reminding her of times with her mother. Paul had provided a long list of things that mother and daughter had previously enjoyed, and each day Carly would make suggestions of what to do, from said list.

Yesterday had been jigsaw puzzle day, the time before she'd given Millie carte blanche with her make up kit - or rather Camilla's as she had so little and her own face. It meant that when Paul had come home that day she'd looked like an Aunt Sally doll. But  Carly had long since resigned herself to the fact that there would never be anything between them. The fact that he was paying her to be with his daughter, made an employee out of her, and  had put the final nail in that coffin.

Still being made up like a pantomime dame didn't make her feel very attractive!

Baking was apparently a real mother and daughter thing, and fortunately, Paul had ensured Carly that all the ingredients she would require were in the kitchen, so cookies were the name of the game.

"You don't do it like that!"

Carly's wandering mind was penetrated by the four year old's voice, and she zoomed back to the here and now.

"What this isn't how you mix cookie dough?" Carly offered her the spoon, "do you want to lead the way?"

Millie nodded and took the spoon, working the dough vigorously, but ineffectively. 

"You're a real chef!" Carly laughed. 

Millie smiled at her, "my Mom taught me!"

Carly gulped, here it was. 'The In', the next few seconds were vital, or so she'd been coached.

"Ah! And mothers know best!"

Millie nodded as she stirred. "we need cutters!"

Moment gone! Carly sighed as she loaded the cookies into the oven. Millie was still sat cross legged on the counter, she'd barely moved during the whole procedure, and it was only as Carly started to clean up that she spotted tears on the little girl's face.

"Hey darling, you ok?" As she came close, Millie launched herself into Carly's arms, her legs limpeting around her body, arms around her neck.

"I wish she wasn't in heaven!"

The words came out amongst distressed sobs, and all Carly could do was hold her, cooing words of encouragement. She rued the fact that she couldn't remember everything that she'd been told, despite the prolonged conversations with the New york based therapist. None of this came naturally to her, and not for the first time, she felt way out of her depth. 

Eventually Millie was calm, almost serene, and Carly knew she could talk to her about anything. The poor thing was exhausted, fraught.

"Do you miss her?"

Millie nodded, then again wrapped her arms around Carly's neck. 

That was enough for the day, surely? Carly was way out of her depth and she'd have to tell Paul that as soon as he came back from the slopes. 

Putting on a DVD the two cuddled up on the sofa under a blanket until Millie fell asleep. The cookies were untouched. She was cleaning up the kitchen from the cooking fun when Paul opened the door. Mikey rushed off for a shower, whereas his father came to find her in the kitchen.

"You ok? You look a little frazzled!" he threw his thermal gloves and hat onto the kitchen table. 

Carly felt emotional, tears were close to emerging from her tired eyes, and the last thing she wanted was for him to see her like that. "I don't think I can do this any more Paul. It's so difficult, and I don't know what to say. I'm no therapist."

He sighed, "no you're not, but she's taken to you, in a way she hasn't to anyone else. You're my only chance. What happened?"

Carly sat at the kitchen table and looked up at him, "well the cookie making triggered something. Apparently I can't make them properly, but her mother could...she told me she wished she wasn't in heaven, that she missed her, then she cried. For ages!"

As she shook her head Paul's eyes were wide, "she cried? That's...amazing!" Carly nodded, knowing that Paul had waited for a single sign that she was processing her mother's death. She was only four, she wasn't mature enough to manage all that she'd seen, all that she'd lost.

"I forgot what to do, what to say...I let her cry and offered her nothing back. All I could say was that sometimes very good people died too young. I couldn't remember what to say Paul and it's not fair! Making her remember then hanging her out to dry!" 

Paul was beside her taking her hand and smiled at her, a sad smile, "Carly you've done more good than you can ever know. I'll never forget you as long as I live.  Please don't stop,I'm begging you,  not whilst things are improving. Ok?"

Carly wasn't convinced, and the gentle words from Paul seemed a little out of place. Awkward for the first time since this started, she excused herself and left the chalet. 

What do you do when you feel as though you hit rock bottom? Well for a start you phone home, but the fact that everyone is at a friend's twenty first birthday party, does little to lift your mood. That was Carly's conclusion as she changed for the gym. In her hour of need a work out was the only thing she could think of that would take pull her out of this low mood. Camilla was out, Rochelle hadn't answered her phone, so a night of heavy drinking was not an option.

Changing into shorts and a cut off running top, she made for the gym. 

Eight pm, she should've realised. Her groan was audible as she opened the door to the fitness suite. Occupying the furthest corner of the otherwise quiet gym - it was Friday night after all, was Lucas. She'd not seen him since the last time she'd come here, and she'd told him to keep away from her. She hoped today he'd heed that warning, as she was feeling very fragile and knew that tears were only a few seconds away, she'd say or do anything to avoid crying on front of a stranger. 

As she started to run on the treadmill, increasing her speed and heart rate steadily, she was glad that other images were replacing those of Millie's sad face, and the pictures of Sara her mother that haunted Carly's memories. Once Paul had told her about his wife being murdered, she'd googled it, read a dozen reports of the murder and the subsequent building court case. They still had that to deal with, no wonder Paul needed Millie to come to terms with things, it'd be spattered all over the newspapers again in the future to reopen all those wounds.

Running as she was, with views of the floodlit snowy gardens and the base of one of the nursery slopes allowed her mind to wander, to think of other things. Being back home, work ideas, holiday destinations. Anything but a desperately traumatised and motherless four year old and her devastated family.

Christmas was coming, Rochelle had already explained that there were rarely children booked into the creche for the holiday period. However the hotel had a policy that time off at Christmas was dependent on negotiation with other teams, the instructors, bars, restaurants all functioned as normal. In reality she may have to work in another area. Carly had laughed, assuring Rochelle that she'd have no value at all to the instructor teams, but she had worked in bars and restaurants before so she could always help out there. She had no intention of travelling home for Christmas, she'd only been here seven weeks. She wasn't ready to think about going home. 

The next day Danica was coming to the creche to discuss it all with them, work out who was going where and who was having time off. Rochelle wanted to return to France, she'd not been home for Christmas for about seven years, and Carly hoped that would happen for her.

But before that discussion she was due back at the Carter's chalet first thing in the morning. And it was back, that lump in her throat, the prickling of tears at her eyes. 

Then it all happened so fast she could barely fathom it all, her left leg as she strode out turned. She thought it was her ankle that gave way, whatever it was she had both searing pain, and also lost her balance. The treadmill was churning at quite a rate, and she had a flashing fear of hitting the floor and being thrown off, reaching for the emergency stop, she pulled it as she fell. 

She landed hard, and yelped at the worsening pain in her ankle, but was relieved that the treadmill had stopped. Landing hard was better than landing and being thrown off the back of the machine. 

As she whimpered, trying to move her ankle from beneath her, she heard movement to her left. In her intense daydreams mid run she'd completely forgotten that Lucas was there too. 

"Are you ok?" He was squatted at her feet within seconds. "What hurts? You landed really bloody hard you know!"

Carly was in too much pain, and too embarrassed at her dramatic fall to  even acknowledge him being there. As he reached for her ankle with large warm hands, she tried to brush him away. "I'm fine. Thanks for your concern..."

Lucas batted her hands away, "I get it, you hate me. But there's no one else here, and your foot is blowing up like a balloon. So get over it Carly."

Before she could protest, he scooped her up in his arms and carried her to a treatment plinth that sat int he corner of the room. Placing her down, he stooped to her ankle and touched it gently. It was swelling as he looked at it.

"You need ice, asap. Hold on a second."

When he disappeared into an adjacent room, she let her head fall back and she moaned at the pain taking over her leg. She'd never let Lucas see how much pain she was in, and when he emerged with a large ice pack her face was guarded and she masked her pain. 

The ice was freezing - obviously, and it caused Carly to gasp in shock. Lucas smiled as his large hands encircled her calf. 

"The irony, hey?"

Carly's eyes snapped up to his, "what is?"

"Me being the only one able to come to your rescue!" He paused to reposition the ice pack. "I mean, I'm sure that you wish I'd walked off and left you here, you know live up to my 'reputation'!"

Her foot was aching and she was still affected by her time with Millie. Instead of the usual waspish response she shrugged, "I'm grateful. Thanks."

Lucas looked up at her and raised an eyebrow, "really? Oh my God!" Placing a hand on her head he shook his head, "nope, no fever...you must really mean it!" Suddenly he realised that she was neither laughing, nor angry, in fact, he studied her for a moment, she looked upset. "Are you ok? Does it hurt a lot?"

No sympathy! She thought, anything but that. She couldn't imagine breaking down in front of him, and yet she'd known all day that she'd been on the verge of tears.

"I've had a bad day, ok? This just about is the icing on the cake!"

"How stressful can a nursery get?" 

Carly could tell he regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth and he instantly apologised, "sorry, I just figured that kids can't be as argumentative and demanding as the adults...that's showing my lack of familiarity with kids I guess!"

She nodded, "you'd last about five minutes there, that I can promise you!"

"Is that a challenge?" 

Carly groaned, "no, it's not a challenge. It's fact."

That evil eyebrow raised again as he goaded her, "that a fact is it?"

"You just don't know when to quit, do you?" Suddenly the whole thing was too much for her and she felt tears escape her eyes. 

Lucas squatted down beside her in a panic, "sorry Carly, I didn't mean to upset you..."

Trying to hang on to as much dignity as she could, she sighed, swiping at the tears with the back of her hand, "you won't last five minutes, FACT, and I'm upset because I've just screwed my ankle at the end of a very difficult day. Ok? Tears are because of lots of things and none of them you!"

"That told me! Can you stand?"

She shrugged, "maybe, but I might cry again!"

Lucas laughed, "I don't think I can carry you to your room...but tears??"

Carly joined in with his laugh, "I can hobble or hop!"

"Let me get you a drink and a couple of anti inflammatories, then when the ice is done I'll help you, ok? Think you can cope with me assisting you?"

Carly was refusing to see Lucas in a new light, he was still ride, opinionated and the worst user of women she'd known, but for now she needed him, so she humoured him with a very sarcastic smile. 

Carly had closed her eyes when Lucas had disappeared, the ice had numbed the pain to a dull throb, but she still had the thought of getting to her room. 

"Come on, I'll help you." 

In a rather undignified manner, Lucas helped her out of the gym and into the lift. On the top floor, the staff accommodation she turned to him.

"I'm fine from here. I know you know the way, but honestly I'll be fine."

A scowl descended onto his face, and she could feel two eyes boring into her back as she hopped along the corridor.