Reasons Why - 11

Chapter 11

Poor Mikey was bright red, stood in his cot crying. Chloe's heart broke at the sight of his tear stained face. Reaching out to lay a hand on his head she gasped, he was scorching hot. She lifted him up, glad that she'd found a t-shirt of Phil's on the stairs to cover her nakedness as she cradled the little boy. She had no real idea how to deal with him being ill. All she knew was paracetamol would cool him down, and probably fluids and a cold cloth to the head. Carrying him downstairs, she spotted Chris stood in the hallway, his t-shirt back on looking at her concerned face.

"You ok?" 

She nodded, "he's burning up. I need to get him some medication. Can you look in the kitchen cupboard for me?"

Chloe shouted instructions as she held Mikey with one arm and soaked a cloth under the cold tap, then she filled one of his beakers, but Mikey who'd stopped crying and was now whimpering, resisted the drink, but once she sat on the sofa, she could lie the cold cloth over his forehead. 

Chris emerged with an armful of things, handing her a syringe loaded with medication he assured her was the correct dose, and the local name for the drug she wanted. They managed between them to get it into the distressed little boy, and as Chloe took his temperature with the thermometer Chris had found, she located the phone and called her mother. She hadn't spoken to either parent in the ten days that she'd been here, but the last thing she wanted to do was call Didi and Phil needlessly, but she also didn't want to be blasé if Mikey was more sick than she realised.

"Mum?" Chloe couldn't hide the desperation in her voice, then glancing at the clock quickly calculated that it was six am back at home. "Sorry to wake you!"

"Are you ok Chloe?" her mother's sleepy voice was filled with concern. 

"I am, but it's Mikey!" She quickly explained all that had happened, and the fact that she didn't want to call her brother unless it was really necessary.

"Has he got a rash? You really should strip him off, check and then get him in as few layers as you can. Then check his temperature again. His napkin should also be wet." Even in the panic, Chloe found her mother's old fashioned terminology endearing, no one called nappies napkins any more in fact this side of the Atlantic they were diapers! 

"If he has a rash or it isn't wet?"

"Check, get him comfortable, then call me back. Ok? Don't panic."

Chloe hung up, then dispatched Chris to find a clean vest for Mikey. Cooing to the little boy who seemed a little more sleepy, she stripped him off, sighed with relief at the lack of rash, changed his nappy, which fortunately was wet, then placed him in the new vest that Chris had found. Pulling the little boy into her arms she was rewarded with him snuggling in and closing his eyes. 

Chris sat next to her and took a deep breath, "well that was scary!" As he placed an arm around her, she leaned into his body with relief.

"You were brilliant! Thanks!"

He kissed the top of her head, "was that before or after Mikey woke?"

Lifting her eyes to his she laughed, "it was a bit of a passion killer!"

Stretching he kissed her lips this time, "it was probably for the best. Imagine your brother coming home and finding us!"

Shuddering she glared at him, "I feel quite ill now!" 

Chuckling he pulled her close, "give your mother a ring and I'll load the Wedding Singer?"

The three of them were curled up together fast asleep when Didi and Phil walked in, the older couple stood for a moment and observed Chloe, wrapped in Chris' embrace, Mikey equally secure in Chloe's arms.

"Hey Clo!" Didi knelt down on the same level as her sister in law and shook her arm gently. "You alright?"

Chloe felt the world come slowly into focus and suddenly the trauma of the evening came rushing back. "He had a temperature..." she tried to pull herself forward and uncoil their son from her arms. "I gave him some...infant Tylenol, stripped him. He calmed down after a while, but I didn't want to disturb you."

Didi reached out a hand and placed it on Mikey's head, taking a deep breath she smiled, "seems like you did a good job! Let Phil carry him to bed, thank you both! We're going to go straight to bed, see you in the morning?"

As the two left the room, Chloe turned to Chris, he was smiling at her, "see told you it'd be ok!"

Smiling nervously, she gave him a brief kiss, then grimaced, "I should turn in too, thanks for being so sensible tonight!"

Chris nodded realising that yet again that barrier between them had been lowered. He was left to rue missed opportunity. Taking her hand, he tried to lighten the mood, "I'm playing poker tomorrow, with the lads, it's a monthly thing. Are you free Wednesday? I could cook you dinner?"

She shrugged a little non-committally, she had no desire to be reintroduced to his house-mate or any of his acquaintances, and then there was the implications and the potential situations that could occur if they were alone together again. If Mikey hadn't have interrupted them...she shuddered, she'd be head over heels thrown into something that she'd have no control over. 

And dinner would only reignite that.

"Don't over think it Chloe, I know you! I'll pick you up at seven?"

Biting her lip with anxiety, then nodding, she finally managed an shaky, "ok!"

Leading him to the door, she closed the front door behind them. 

"I really enjoyed tonight!" He offered, taking her hands in his, "despite all the drama!"

She chuckled, "Mikey has got the best timing!" 

They were both silent for a moment, remembering the passion they'd shared. Chloe knew she'd never felt this way about anyone else, that she was starting to fall for this man who was still really a stranger. His lips joining hers woke her from her reverie, and she responded with intent. Who was she kidding? She could just about ask herself. She was unable to resist or prevent this if she tried. 

The next morning, she woke with a pounding head, the product of a nervous evening. Her attic bedroom was wonderful, a real haven, with the gingham curtains and matching quilt on the white wood bed. The serenity was short lived as Chloe spotted the time. Just before seven, Phil and Didi were due to leave in a few minutes. Stretching, she climbed out of bed and found the flipflops she was using as slippers, then made for the stairs. 

The door to the hallway was ajar...an unusual thing as Didi insisted she closed it to stop the boys wandering at night. As she reached the door she gasped, there on the bottom step, neatly folded were the top that she'd worn the previous night, and of course her bra.

Heat flushed from her chest up to her face and she felt light-headed with embarrassment. Suddenly she dreaded facing Phil and Didi with the knowledge that they had a good idea what had happened the previous evening. 

As she opened the door fully, she literally bumped into Phil coming out of the bathroom, already dressed and ready for work. He grinned at her, "do you fancy a few beers tonight? Dee's got some friends coming over for a work meeting thing?"

She nodded, "sounds good! We could go into town?"

He laughed, "if you want. I haven't been out downtown for ages!"

"Phil! You're in you're forty not ninety!" Play punching his arm, she slipped past him and down the stairs. 

Didi was perfecting her makeup in the cloakroom mirror.

"Hey Chloe. Sleep well?"

There was a glint in her eye as she awaited a response and Chloe realised that she was the one who'd retrieved her clothes. As the blush reappeared at the slightly loaded question, she shrugged, "nothing happened..."

Didi laughed, "I just didn't want Phil to find your underwear...other than that I don't mind what happens here. Ok?"

"We weren't neglecting the kids..."

Giving her a hug, the older woman smiled, "Chloe! Mikey's fine. All kids get bugs, fever's...and you coped more than admirably! I'm very pleased at my new childminder!"

Chloe returned the hug, feeling a little choked at the camaraderie her sister-in-law was displaying.

After a fairly uneventful day with the boys, she had changed into jeans, a tight black t-shirt and her favourite converse for the stroll in to the centre of town. Phil started at a rapid pace, and Chloe was glad she'd opted for flat shoes and not her heeled sandals.

  "What's eating you?" she asked as he finally slowed a little.

He shrugged for a moment before glancing at her, "I really wanted to talk tonight...about Owen."

Chloe felt as though she'd been slapped around the head. Stopping dead in her tracks she waited for him to notice and turn, "why?"

He sighed, "because he was my brother too. I miss him, and you are the only person I know who can answer my questions about him."

"Oh."

Starting to walk again she looked up at him, and he spoke again, "I only knew him a few years really. But unlike you," he winked, "he emailed me most days, he visited us here several times. We got on. But I didn't know his favourite colour, or whether he was a morning person, I never knew whether he was a jock or a geek at school..."

When he looked at Chloe he had tears in his eyes, and she could do nothing but hug him, for a few moments. She had been so encompassed in her own grief for so long, that maybe she was guilty of not appreciating the special relationship she had had with her twin.

Pulling apart, she smiled sadly, "Blue, the brighter the better, definitely not...unless he was escaping from a bedroom that he didn't want to stay in, and he was straight A's all the way, yet captained cricket, football and rugby teams."

Phil returned the sad smile, "I hate that my last memory of him is a phone call."

Chloe gulped, fighting her own thoughts, the last two occasions had been an argument, and then on a mortuary slab. Would she ever forget that argument? Would she ever forgive herself for calling him, telling him about David? The fight...

Chloe couldn't help but zoom back to those days at the very start of the year. She'd saved him from the date from hell on Friday evening. He'd called her to thank her the next day, and invite her out for dinner. She'd declined as she was meeting David her boyfriend after his cricket match for a few beers. As was quite usual, David's arrival at seven pm turned to eight then nine and then ten. Chloe was sat at home waiting. 

She'd met David on her first day at work. A partner in the Law firm she was a new junior at. Immediately he'd slid into her office and asked her out for lunch. Within moments she was besotted. She introduced him to Owen a few weeks later and he'd disliked him on sight. And that had devastated her. Owen was a womaniser, sleeping his way around London, yet he had the gall to disprove of the man she entered a respectable relationship with. She couldn't be angry with him though, and over the next few months they'd found some type of truce over her choice of lover. 

But that Saturday night as she sat waiting for David to show, Owen had called drunk. When he realised that yet another evening had been spent at home waiting for David to show up again, he became crazy. 

She could remember the conversation almost word for word.

"Chloe! He doesn't deserve you. He doesn't love you! For the last six months you've spent more and more time trying to keep him happy...and what does he give back to you?"

"Owen, I'm not getting into this now. Not when you're drunk!"

"At least I'm enjoying my youth, doing what all people in their mid twenties are doing...having fun! You! You're sat at home like a fisherman's wife waiting for a man who never comes. What is wrong with you?"

She'd seen red then, partly because he was right, David had given very little to their relationship. In fact she had found out the following week that he had started to sleep with a new junior recruit at work. Hindsight was a great thing, and looking back all the signs were there and unfortunately only Owen had seen them. 

At that moment though, his anger and presumption over her life had caused her to snap back, maybe partly because she knew he was right about David, partly because she knew that he was living the life she should have been living...who knew, but flip she did.

"What's wrong with me? Because I'm not a whore like you there's something wrong with me? Is that your point darling brother? I am living MY life, and I don't appreciate your interference, and I am not helping you out of any more sexual crises. Do you hear? Give me some credit and some space! Try to stop ruling my life and sort out your own problems Owen!"

And she'd hung up. 

Crying herself to sleep, it had been a restless night until a few hours later she was woken by the sounds of sirens and swirling blue lights. Then Owen was beaten to a pulp on her doorstep, a random mugging, on his way to apologise for hurting her earlier.

  "We argued." She looked up at Phil, "the last thing I told him was to leave me alone and sort out his life."

Phil gasped, this wasn't anything like he expected. His father hadn't told him that, he could only think he didn't know. "Really?"

She nodded, blinking at tears, "he was coming to say sorry..." she dropped her eyes for a moment, unable to believe she'd finally shared that information outside of the medical world. Not even her best friend or parents knew that, and suddenly she felt exposed. "If we hadn't had that fight..."

Phil reached for her hand and squeezed it so tightly, "no. You can't think like that. He as his own person..." 

"He was my brother..." she suddenly started to cry and all Phil could do was pull her close and listen. "I loved him, and I let him down Phil. We all lost him, because of me!"

Phil wanted to cry with her, her sorrow was so complete, but he also knew that THIS was what had caused her self destruction that had followed, this guilt needed to be dealt with, shared at least. "You didn't beat him up Chloe, you didn't break his jaw, fracture his skull or puncture his lung. That dreg of society did, Malcolm Pinker. He did it all. You didn't give that man drugs, didn't make him desperate for money, and you didn't make him kill our brother. You need to know that!"

"But he wouldn't have been there if it wasn't for me!"

She looked up at him and he felt as though his heart would break at the sorrow and devastation he saw there. "Owen did what he wanted, you didn't ask him to come to yours, and you couldn't have stopped him. It was a terrible tragic coincidence that he came across Pinker that night, and the man will stand to justice in a few months. I only wish that you guys had the death penalty, as I'd like to inject that bastard myself."

Chloe stayed curled in to him, and they moved to sit on a bench nearby, this was not a conversation for a pub or bar.

"You've blamed yourself since Chloe," he offered after a few minutes of silence, "I heard that, but no one realised that it was for this reason."

She looked at him, "how can I tell my parents that it's my fault their golden boy is gone? My fault that the light of their life has gone?"

He shook his head, "they wouldn't feel any different to me. No one thinks it's your fault. If anything they fear they're losing you too. You need to speak to them, they don't know how to help you and they are terrified that you're not going home."

"I can't look them in the eye any more." She sobbed, "how can I tell them?"

He sighed, lifting her chin forcing her to look at him, "tell them what? That you and your twin loved each other and he was coming to see you when he was killed? I don't see what you're worried about!" He tried to play it down, but it was a hard job, she was being SO hard on herself.

"The only thing I can say is that Owen didn't deserve to die Chloe, that much is true, but you are insulting his memory if you give up on your family, your friends, you life over this. You should be living your life to the maximum appreciating every minute you have. Live for him, don't you see that?"

"Insulting him?" she offered with a teary smile. "Is this how you make me feel better?"

He loved the spark of humour and he wondered if they were turning a corner, "you won't listen to me sweet talking, sometimes it's cruel to be kind. How about we go to the pub as planned...and you tell me as much as you can about him? Memories are what keep him here," he tapped his heart, "and here," he tapped his head. 

When Phil offered his hand, she accepted and with a smile allowed him to lead her towards town. She knew that this wasn't the end of her torment. But for the first time in ages, she could suddenly see a little light at the end of the tunnel. Her twin had been vibrant, larger than life...and he deserved to live on in her and Phil...her older brother was right, she owed Owen that.