Trying Not to Love You - Part One Hundred

Chapter One Hundred!!!!

Finally made it to the golden 100 chapters, hope this doesn't disappoint. Please comment on whether this chapter in particular lives up to your anticipation. Love this story so much that all comments are pleasurable! 

Martha was deep breathing for the duration of time that it took to settle the birthday boy into bed, then until Lucy and Henry arrived.

                “You going back to the pub?”

Martha smiled at Lucy, “as long as you don’t mind?”

Her aunt nodded, “we’re tired, and happy to relax in front of the TV.”

                “I won’t be late, I just want to...”

Henry smiled, “round the night off. I remember it well. You deserve some fun, you organised an amazing party today.”

Grinning in a superficial way, Martha nodded, “thanks H. Aunt Lucy, you are both legends. See you later.”

The pub was ‘Saturday night’ busy when she walked back in. a few of her old school friends were gathered near the bar, but she wasn’t in the mood to be overly social, so she pulled up a bar stool and ordered wine with a lot of soda. She needed to stay sensible and they’d been drinking a lot earlier in the afternoon. Pam the barmaid served her, and Martha wanted to roll her eyes at the fact that Sonny was nowhere to be seen. If she had to wait all night, she would, he HAD to learn that he needed to talk to her, to trust her, to believe that they wanted the same thing.

She made small talk to those brave enough to approach her, but she knew she exuded hostility as she sat there playing with the straw in her drink. Eventually the man himself appeared from the cellar and looked still as angry as he had earlier, he was someone who could quite easily self implode when he started to let things get on top of him. Martha sighed, she didn’t want to make this easy for him, but she didn’t want this to break them up. Glancing around the bar Sonny’s eyes landed on her and she stared at him for a minute, he then dropped his eyes and served another customer.

                “We need some more orange juice,” Pam called across to Sonny.

                “I’m on it.” He replied with a grateful nod, and was only too happy to disappear.

Martha wasn’t about to let him keep running, she’d had enough. So with an awkward smile to the barmaid, she came behind the bar and followed him to the cellar.

He was pulling crates of bottles from the corner of the store when he heard her enter. His head popped up and he immediately rolled his eyes.

                “What?”

It was a sharp greeting, far sharper than she deserved. “What? You’re asking me what I want? Since mid afternoon you’ve ignored me, scowled at me...I thought we’d got over all this pathetic behaviour.”

                “Pathetic?” He grunted then turned back to the job in hand.

Martha shook her head in disbelief, “DON’T turn your back on me! What the hell is wrong with you? Are you trying to drive me away...again? We make one step forward then you retreat another three. I’m fed up with it all.”

He laughed, turning to face her slowly, “really?  So what are you going to do? Walk away?”

This wasn’t how she wanted things to turn out, her bluff was failing. “Is that what you want?” She finally asked quietly, “I thought you loved me.”

He looked up to the ceiling exhaling loudly, “I do. You KNOW that. But I’m fed up with all the shit that comes with that love.”

                “Shit?”

He nodded, “family...friends...everyone having an opinion, chipping in, giving their opinion.”

                “You mistake them caring for interfering, I come with a family, and I come with friends. That’s the deal Carter.”

Rolling his eyes Sonny looked back to the crates of bottles and it infuriated her. “For God’s sake Carter. Don’t turn away from me.”

                “You talk about honesty Martha, that’s your bag, your big thing, but you lie. You’re not honest with ME!”

She stared at him, “I haven’t lied to you.”

                “I know about your plans, I know what you want.”

She groaned, “and WHAT is that?”

                “Jack told me...you want me to marry you, you want everyone to know that I love you...isn’t that true? Are you going to send everyone at me, pressure me until I drop down onto one knee? If you are you are in for a LONG wait!”

She could barely fight her jaw opening in shock and surprise, “no. No it’s not true. Jack is a romantic, he wants everyone to be as happy as he is, he wants me to be settled...but I have never mentioned marriage. I was too busy enjoying you finally being yourself. You’ve got to get over your suspicious side...not everyone is out to get one over on you. Did you really think I’d be that underhanded?” When he shrugged she fought the need to scream at him, “for God’s sake, I am not Jade, I don’t lie, I don't cheat and I don’t manipulate. You are paranoid!”

                “That’s what it feels like. Every twist and turn there’s a hidden agenda.”

She sighed, “do you think I’m that superficial? That I’d send my friend to guilt you in to doing something like that? Have you learned nothing from the last six months? Carter....there’s no agenda with me; the only thing that’s ever got between us is you believing insinuations and gossip. I keep telling you to TALK to me - as soon as something upsets you, because once your crazy minds starts working I lose you a little bit more.”

                “I...”

She laughed, “this is the very last time that I do this, chase after you, make things good. OK?”

                “You’re hardly perfect yourself.”

                “What do you mean?”

He laughed, “that’s what makes this so good, we are going to argue, that’s what we do. You are strong minded and controlling...” She made to challenge that comment and he only widened his eyes in a ‘see what I mean’ gesture, “but that’s good. If we agreed on everything, if it was all hearts and flowers we’d be bored shitless. I love that you push me, and I love that you try to win, because that’s how I know you love me...but I will ALWAYS challenge that lead, I will always say and do things that piss you off...but neither of us should change to make this work. Ok?”

She shrugged, “I wish you wouldn’t disappear into this world though...”

Groaning he looked at her, “I thought...”

                “DON’T think!”

“You don’t want to get married?” He asked almost with relief.

She shook her head, “no. I don’t.”

He gave a little nod then looked at the floor for a moment, when his eyes popped up to hers; he had a questioning look, “why not?”

That took her by complete surprise, with an awkward grimace she shrugged, “I’m not interested, I mean I was engaged once before...it led to the worst experiences of my life.”

                “That was to Oldbury, hardly a surprise. Why don’t you want to marry me?”

She shook her head in wonder, “because you’re moody, paranoid, stroppy, and you are the most annoying man I‘ve ever met, you’re arrogant, overconfident...”

He shrugged and gave her a boyish grin, “so you’re listing my good points? Do you think I’m a risk? Do you think I’d be like him?”

He was looking at her earnestly and she smiled, “you asking me something Carter?”

He shrugged, “let’s do it, let’s tie the knot.”

Martha walked towards him, “why should I?”

Sonny grinned awkwardly, “we’re good together, I don’t want anyone else, and I love you.”

She cocked an eyebrow as she looked at him, suddenly her heart was pounding, she had no idea where this had come from, one minute he was about to walk away, the next her was asking her...she took a deep breath.

He shook his head, “I haven’t got a ring, and I’m not about to drop down on one knee, but I will go speak to your father...that’s the right thing isn’t it?”

She blushed, “why the change of heart? Five minutes ago you were going to walk away, going to run rather than think of this.”

Stalking slowly towards her, he shrugged, “fed up of running, fed up of being scared, this could be my biggest remaining demon. I love you; I want forever...I want you.” His hands pulled her close and he rested his forehead on hers, “marry me?”

Martha hated that tears pricked her eyes, it seemed that there was no end to the emotions this man could illicit in her, “you ask my Dad, then you ask me...in front of everyone...THEN you’ll get your answer.”

He lifted an eyebrow, “making me work for this?”

She shrugged, “I’m worth it.”

IN reality she needed a moment to process everything, and she watched as he skipped up the stairs, the crate of orange juice effortlessly on his shoulder.

Martha helped Pam manage the bar; it seemed that Sonny’s keenness meant he’d gone straight to see her father, regardless of who that affected. It was still early, not yet nine and the bar as always was busy before people headed off to Northbury or further afield for clubs or parties. Every minute that she stood there at the bar she wondered what she’d done. He’d asked her to marry him and she’d not answered him, of course she would, NOTHING would make her happier, it had taken his courage to ask, it went against everything he believed in. Had he taken that as her saying no, her rejecting him? How long did it take to get to the farm and back? Suddenly she felt very sick. What had she done?

At just before ten, she looked up to see Sonny finally stood in the doorway a smile on his face, her father flanked one shoulder, his father the other. Behind them were Lucy and Stephanie.

She gulped; suddenly this didn’t seem such a good idea. The whole of the pub looked up, it was silent and tense. He strode across the room then crooked a finger in her direction, she put down the cloth she was using to dry the glasses she’d removed from the washer and came around the bar. Her legs quivered with anxiety as she stepped across the room towards her family.

                “Ladies and gentlemen,” he announced in a loud and uncaring voice, his eyes never leaving hers despite addressing the whole of the pub. “Ninety minutes ago I asked Martha, this beautiful woman who I love SO much to marry me.” Everyone gasped in shock and she felt heat rise up her cheeks. “She didn’t exactly say yes, but she has promised me an answer.”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a beautiful solitaire ring, “this is the ring that my father bought for my mother...but never gave it to her.” He smiled as she gasped in surprise, “So with everyone here, with this ring, with our families, I want to know your answer Martha Mansell. Will you marry me?”

Words failed her as emotion stole her voice. All she could manage was an enthusiastic nod, and as his face broke into a grin, the happiest grin she’d ever seen, his arms were around her, his lips on hers, and the pulsing of her own heart almost blocked out the sounds of fifty people whooping and hollering their congratulations.