Trying Not to Love You - Part Ninety Nine

Chapter Ninety Nine

She was still sat on the same stool ninety minutes later when Sonny burst back into the pub. He’d had a tumultuous time at Michael’s, but he had finally heard him out. He hated Jade even more, and had chastised the older man for falling for her trickery, for getting sucked into her lies. But then his father had taken him aside and reminded him that Sonny himself had fallen for it, so he was no one to judge him. Sonny had accepted that, taken the blow to the chin, but the talk with Michael made him realise that he was nowhere near over all that had happened to him. His whole future had disappeared in the blink of an eye, and he was terrified of that happening again.

                “I want to be your father,” when Michael said that Sonny had looked up in shock. “Not just Michael, someone you meet occasionally for a beer. I want to be your Dad, someone you talk, to confide in, share things with. We’ve both been lonely for far too long.”

That made Sonny fill up, and he hated appearing weak in front of the older man, but as he looked up, he saw that there were tears in his eyes too.

They talked for a long time, about everything and nothing, until Sonny realised the time. He felt emotionally exhausted.

                “You’ve ruined me. I’m supposed to go back and take Martha out for dinner...I just want to go to bed.” He knew he’d blushed at the thoughts that brought, her promise of all his fantasies coming at once. Fortunately Michael was there to bring him back down to Earth.

                “She’s a good girl...the best. And she’s been through a lot.”

He nodded, “I know. She’s too good for me, I get that.”

Michael shook his head, “no, not too good for you...you deserve each other, but she...you, hell you both deserve some happiness. Can you just relax, take your foot off the gas, enjoy having each other?”

He smiled at his father, “now that I’ve sorted this out, then yes. I think I can.”

And so he had a smile, an exhausted smile nevertheless, on his face as he entered the pub. Martha looked up at him, with a happy smile, she could tell by looking that he’d done as she asked. She watched as he marched up to her, then pulled her into an embrace, his lips burrowing into her hair, connecting with her scalp.

Inhaling the smell of him she sighed, he was rattled, emotional. That had to be a good sign. She didn’t need to know if they’d sorted out everything, all she wanted was for them to talk. If it had all gone pear shaped, then Martha knew Sonny would be wired, angry, biting chunks out of the walls, as it is he was tired almost, subdued, and that could only mean that they’d talked. Properly.  All she wanted now was to get out of there, away from preying eyes, for the two of them to be together, alone.

Turning her lips to find his ear she murmured, “food? Or is straight to the cerise pink flamingos?”

He groaned, “I love that bra...but I have to say it’s better off you than on...food, we need food. Are these two ok to lock up?” Pam an older barmaid who’d worked in the pub for years was grinning at them when he looked up, “will you close up?”

She nodded, “used to do it all the time.”

With a beaming grin and an enthusiastic nod, he took Martha’s hand and led her out into the night.

Sonny opened his eyes and looked at Martha, she was serene in sleep. Her hair tousled across the pillow, face relaxed in sleep, completely naked bar the silk scarves still fastened at her wrists. He groaned, as if the torture of enduring the meal hadn’t been enough, with the veiled references to what was going to come, when they’d got back to the flat, she revealed the full extent of her plan, and it was like a physical, sexual and emotional bucket list.

Reaching out he untied the scarves, blushing at the memories, she’d done more than surprise him, she’d amazed him, pushing him to admit his every fantasy then live it out with her. It seemed that she had one goal, to make him realise that all she wanted was his honesty, his trust and his happiness. She’d got all three at various times of the evening, and it had been liberating on SO many levels. As he stretched, she wriggled against him, and he soon realised that all he’d had was never enough.

Rolling over her he started with a kiss, gentle, loving, and it was her that despite the groan deepened it, devoured him, responded with fervour.

Ethan skipped around the pub like a child about to explode. He loved the attention, the disco that played pop music in the conservatory, the doors opening onto a huge inflatable castle, the tables filled with little sausages, sandwiches and crisps. He loved it all, and Sonny loved watching him almost dissolve with excitement. As kids went he was unpretentious, loving and fun, Sonny was already hugely attached to him. But he wasn’t the only one.

This birthday was like a new start, his father was there, laughing with Stephanie as they tried to recreate the balloon animals the entertainer had made earlier, Carl was watching them a smile on his face. Beside him Lucy stood, a sherry in her hand, and the handsome and distinguished Henry at her side. They were like teenagers in love and the whole thing wasn’t nauseating. He glanced towards the bar to see the woman pouring champagne into small crystal flutes.

Martha.

She made him see the good in all these situations, he owed her everything.

She looked up and saw him watching her and gave a seductive smile, her head tilted, the curtain of hair hiding her wicked eyes from everyone bar him. As he returned the smile, she stopped what she was doing and grabbed one of her wrists, flexing her fingers as though she was in pain. The gesture was accompanied by a grin that told him this was a contrived gesture, calculated to increase his frustration. His body jolted at the memories that caused, shaking his head at her, he turned away reluctantly, a child’s fifth birthday party was not the place for an erection!

Martha could barely contain her giggle. Since the previous night Sonny had become a different man, he had been so aloof, so cold, so difficult to get close to, but now, he was involved with everyone, laughing, smiling. She watched as he bent to scoop up Ethan who hurtled towards him. Kissing him on the forehead he listened to him talking and with a nod took him towards the bar, presumably for a drink.

She suddenly had this unexpected control over Sonny and it was so powerful. By giving him her full devotion, surrendering to him on every level, rather than have him accept that and try to dominate her, he’d become in awe of her, every little reminder of the night made him blush, and she knew he was finding it strange to feel that way. She was the one calling the shots now though, with the odd gesture, the odd smile, any little hint at what had happened, reduced him to a gibbering mess, and she was enjoying things.

                “You two are looking happy.”

Martha handed her godmother a glass of champagne and smiled, “could say the same about you.” She offered, nodding at her father.

Steph blushed, “it feels like I’ve waited all my life for him Martha, and I’m so glad you don’t mind.”

She smiled, “all I want is everyone to be happy, lies, deceit...it’s ripped us all apart. A year ago we were all living in separate bubbles weren’t we? Now, I’ve got you all, Ethan’s got you all, I’ve got family, a man who loves me...Lucy’s got Henry...”

Stephanie smiled at that, “who’d have thought about that one?”

Martha grinned, “it’s like a ten way love fest around here.”

At that moment she felt eyes on her and looked up to see Sonny smiling at her, Ethan whispering in his ear. She grinned back and Stephanie nodded.

                “That boy is besotted with you.”

Still smiling at him, she replied, “I’m the luckiest woman alive.”

A couple of hours later, most of the children had gone, some adults remained, Paul’s children and Ethan were still going strong, but everyone had would down slightly, all sat in the conservatory, talking, eating, and drinking like one big family.

                “I’ll get some more champagne, from the cellar.” Sonny offered to everyone, and no one.

Jack, who was still there with Mike and Evie waved, “I’ll give you a hand.”

As they lifted the boxes from the cold cellar, Jack smiled at him a little drunk.

                “What?”

Jack grinned, “nothing. Just love how perfect you are for Martha. She deserves to be loved...unconditionally.”

Sonny blushed, he wasn’t happy discussing his feelings with someone who was still a stranger, “she knows how I feel.”

He nodded, “I’m sure. No harm in being vocal with it though, you know how women are!”

Sonny lifted an eyebrow, “what do you mean?”

He chuckled, “well women. She’s back in the folds of her family, I’m sure she’s hoping for a little sign...”

Sonny hated that he was succumbing to this, that he was allowing Jack to pressure into something, he didn’t know what. “A sign?”

Grinning Jack heaved the box of champagne higher, and gave him a wink, “think she’d love a ring on her finger. To show everyone how you feel. And to know how you feel too.”

                “What? I told you, she knows how I feel. Did she tell you that? Is that what she’s talking to you about?”

Jack smiled and gave a shrug, “she’s a woman, they all dream of a wedding, white dress, throwing the bouquet, the world knowing how their man feels. She’s had a rough trot the last few years, be lovely to see her happy. Just giving you a heads up. Mano a mano and all that!”

With an elaborate wink he skipped back up the stairs leaving Sonny to fume.

Why did people want to change things? He was finally happy. Did people not realise how hard this already was for him? How long he’d waited to belong to a family like this? Why did that man have to push for more? He liked Jack, his support and devotion to Martha was unrivalled, he was a rock to her, that had been so important to her over the last few months. But now? He groaned, then lashed out, punching a wall. He’d never seen himself with a partner, in a serious relationship, and now? Now he had that, and he was enjoying it. But it was as far as he was thinking. He’d never wanted to marry, and he never wanted to think of the uncertainty of the future, he had today, and today was good. And there was that old saying, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.

Martha noticed Jack come back, but there was no sign of Sonny, they were all drinking the champagne she was doling out when he finally came up from the cellar. She gave him a quick smile, but it was greeted with a scowl. She rolled her eyes, her confidence, her authority in their relationship came crashing down in an instant. Turning back to her family, she carried on serving the drinks, chatting, laughing, and hoped that he’d snap out of whatever mood he’d descended into. It was all overwhelming for him, and she couldn’t help but think that he may feel strange emotions; Ethan had had far more fun and attention on this one day than Sonny had in his whole childhood. That just wasn’t fair, even thirty years on.

He stayed behind the bar, unnecessarily, but it was him re-attaining the distance that he always hid behind. And she feared the tears that welled in her eyes again.

               

                “I need to get Ethan home, not sure he’s going to sleep after everything.” The birthday boy groaned as Martha started to gather his things together. It was almost eight and she could tell he was exhausted. Her father made a drunk protest about babysitting, but she shook her head, “I need to get him home, he needs his own bed.”

Lucy stood, “Henry and I will babysit once he’s settled, you can come back here and have a few more drinks - after all the mother does all the work for a party like this.”

She made a few protests, but Lucy was insistent, and Martha wasn’t ready to sit in front of the TV for the night, plus she needed to speak to Sonny. Sort things out, she wasn’t happy that he was hiding behind the trade at the bar.

As she gathered her things she caught Sonny’s eye, he looked awkward so she called across, “I’m taking Ethan home. I’ll be back in a while. Ok?”

He shrugged, then gave a nod and turned back to another customer.

Martha was crossing the road to the restaurant her arms filled with gifts, Ethan skipping beside her when Mike called out to her. She stopped and waited for him to catch up.

                “I’ve got to tell you Jack is gutted in the car. He did his famous drunken loose lips special earlier. He’s just told me and feels a bit gutted.”

Martha rolled her eyes, “he didn’t make a pass at Michael did he?”

Mike laughed, “no, you’re safe there, though he did tell me that he’s a ‘distinguished older man’, it’s kind of worse than that sorry.” When she grimaced, he added, “you know he loves you?”

Martha sighed, “of course. Tell me the worst.”

                “He basically half joked with Sonny, told him that he should marry you. Sonny hasn’t looked too happy since.”