After All - Part Fifty

Chapter Fifty

 

Matilda fell asleep almost immediately, her damp cheek against his shoulder and despite his body responding strongly and urgently to her form beside him, the smell in his nostrils, Dylan was happy to hold her, to feel the change in her breathing as sleep washed over her. Regardless of the fact that he was shattered, sleep eluded him, and instead he had to tolerate the almost torturous sensations of her moving, stretching and snoring softly.

He must have fallen asleep though because when he opened his eyes there was a stream of sunlight casting across the room through the drapes, he’d not noted the room the previous night, but it had two completely glass walls, the white drapes blocking out the sun, the blue sky and the amazing view out to sea.  The bed too was white, immaculate...except for the disarray of the sheets. The only sign that Matilda had come to his room that night. Rolling onto his back he looked from the bed to the en suite bathroom, the door was open, the room empty.

With a groan he reached for his watch, sat on the bedside table, almost nine locally. God only knew what time zone his body was still in, but he shrugged that off and pulled himself into sitting. He spotted his bag at the bottom of the wardrobe and stretching into standing he made for it, finding a pair of shorts he pulled them on and made for the lounge.

He didn’t know what he expected to find there, but it probably wasn’t Matilda in just a monochrome bikini, soaked to the skin, talking into the telephone attached to the wall near the door. She was like an oasis in the desert, she looked amazing and when she glanced up, saw him standing there, she gave him an unplanned and natural smile. And he was glad that he was wearing shorts.

                “Just ordering breakfast.” She offered as she bounced off in the direction of the bathroom.  

Leaving him to wonder in her wake.

Matilda looked at herself in the mirror, she was no longer scared of her name, she’d hidden behind Mattie for years, but it was Matilda who’d fallen in love with Dylan Wallace, the old her, and she had to accept that, accept who she was. She’d swam a few laps of the private pool after a quick trip back to her own room to change, now as she finger combed her hair, she knew they couldn’t put off talking any longer. The night in his arms had confirmed what she already knew; she couldn’t envisage losing him again. He had a lot of explaining to do, but she wanted to hear that, she wanted him to work it out; he had to make things good. She expected a verbal battle, he was a stubborn man, but she was determined to have her say, she wanted him to know how badly he’d treated her. But he’d come, so that gave her a confidence she’d lacked until now.

When she emerged, plaiting her hair, she spotted him pouring himself a large orange juice.

                “You want one?”

His voice was gruff from sleep and his normally immaculate hair was standing at right angles to his scalp. With a little chuckle she nodded, “please.”

He poured another glass from a large jug and then handed it to her, “you been swimming?”

She nodded, “early morning is the best time. Not too hot, not too busy...”

                “I was jealous.”

He blurted the words out and it made her head snap up in surprise, “what?”

Sighing he dropped his eyes, “last night, you with that boy...”

She gasped, amazed that is was him that started the conversation, and it caught her on the back foot, “nothing happened, you had no need to be jealous.”

His eyes studied her, “don’t I?”

She shook her head, “I didn’t think you’d come.”

Sighing he looked at her, “the world and his wife wanted to make me pay; your fan club is growing daily. If I didn’t already feel like a bastard, they were all waiting to ram it down my throat. And then there’s my ego...My head doesn’t think straight when I’m around you, I can’t believe the things I do...I don’t know myself around you.” He sighed. “I’ve had a lot of time to think...to work out what I’ve done wrong. And I know that I needed to come see you.”

That made her open her eyes wide, staring at him, this was like a dream, he had really thought about things? As explanations went it lacked SO much, but he’d actually thought about his role in everything, he wasn’t here to shout at her, to try and make her see his side, that had been her worry, no he was humble, sorry, he'd come to talk properly.“You have?”

He nodded, “I know that this is all my fault, me and you. It’s all due to me.”

At that moment there was a knock at the door, with a frustrated sigh, Dylan answered it, and a small stocky Thai waiter pushed a trolley laden with food into the room, thanking him, he handed the man a large denomination baht note, then closed the door, whist Matilda took the opportunity to think about what he’s said as she pushed the trolley out onto the veranda.

                “Are you expecting five for breakfast?” He called after her as she lifted the lids on the trays to reveal coffee, fruit salad, sweet breads, a fluffy omelette and waffles.

She shook her head with a grin, “no, but it is all so good, I kind of ordered a bit of everything.”

He watched her start to pour coffee and sighed, it was like the calm before the storm.

                “It’s beautiful here,” she commented sat opposite him.

Dylan nodded, “it is. Your father chose well.”

                “How did you find me? My father doesn’t know I’m here.” She’d thought she’d be angry but his humility, his apologies had all set her off balance.

Shrugging he reached for a strawberry from the bowl of fruit, “I managed to locate Gareth, but he had no idea where you were. Told me to leave you alone...” he smiled, “not my biggest fan.” He ate the fruit then continued, “then Brandy worked magic, I don’t know how, but she found out you’d checked in here, so I came straight away. I’m just glad that you hadn’t moved on.”

Looking up at her he offered an awkward smile, “I should never have reacted as I did. I understand what you did, and why. You were on your own...and it’s just one of many disastrous things that have happened between us.”

She nodded feeling tears pick at her eyes again, “the last five years have been hell for me Dylan, I couldn’t have managed a baby mentally, emotionally or financially. There’s not a day goes past that I don’t regret that decision, but I would do it the same if I had my time over.” She just prayed that they could move on, get past that dreadful time.

But there were tears in his eyes too, what she’d imagined would be a shouting match, when they finally sorted things out, instead it was emotional, and they were maybe finally accepting how hard things had been for the other, was this what they needed?

                “When those divorce papers arrived...I was devastated. But I was on the verge of great things. It was easier for me to concentrate on my work than what it meant to have driven you away. Initially I thought I’d come back, win you over...but it never worked like that. And instead I just blamed you.” He dropped his head for a moment, “but it hurt me more than anything ever has. I’ve had time to look back on what happened, and I’m not proud, but in my defence, I wanted to be everything to you, if I was, then you’d not look for someone better...”

                “Like your mother?” She sighed, knowing instinctively what was wrong. “I’m not her.”

He once again met her eyes, “I know that...but you are the only person who ever expressed love for me, REAL love. And I never wanted to lose you. You were working with all those successful bankers, high powered dinners, trips around the world...I wanted to be better so you’d never be tempted. That was my first mistake not trusting you.”

She smiled, “you trusted me, but you didn’t believe in yourself, that’s different. Your mother is horrendous, the greatest party organiser, the best social butterfly, but the worst mother, and not loving you enough...that’s her fault. Nothing that you did would change her; she’s just one of life’s crap parents.”

He smiled, “you always knew that?”

She nodded, “why do you think I came to the hotel when I knew you were meeting her a few months back? She’s toxic to your confidence. You have never stood up to her, and she’s never listened to anything you want from life.”

                “It’s not an excuse for letting you run away. Letting you leave my life with no fight. But I thought I wasn’t good enough as I was.”

                “And I’d have happily lived in a dump with you and starve.”

He laughed, “I’m starting to believe that.”

                “It’s true, I’ve never loved anyone like I did you Dylan, and whilst I pretended to hate you for the last few years, I didn’t really. But it was easier to hate than to constantly deal with a broken heart. You did ruin me...and then you wanted to rush into things uncaring. I told you that I wasn’t ready, that we needed to talk...”

He groaned, “I just want it to be as it was, as it used to be. Can you love me again?”

Leaning forward she shook her head, “it can’t be like it was, it HAS to be different, we’re not the same people, we’ve changed. And we need to talk things through.”

He hung his head, she’d not addressed the love question and he hated that, she knew. But there was still a part of her that she needed to protect. Sighing he murmured, “talking is dangerous, and there are things I never wanted to deal with, things I didn’t want to front it out.”

She reached for his hand, “but things have happened. We HAVE to talk about everything. Otherwise this will keep happening, we’ll keep getting crossed wires, we’ll tear each other apart. You want this to work?”

                “More than anything.”

She smiled, “then you’ve got to talk, you’ve got to understand what happened...” they both paused for a moment. “We can’t go from being distant to living with each other taking up where we left off.”

Dylan leaned back in his chair, “you mean you want to date?”

She chuckled, “yes! That’s what we did years ago, we know the old version of each other, not the new, and we need to get to know each other properly...in the right order, otherwise we’ll fall into bed, and it’ll fog everything.”

                “You mean no sex?”

She looked at his earnest face; he was wearing every emotion so openly. And it made her smile, “you overwhelm me, you make it difficult to concentrate. We need to get this right Dylan. I can’t do this a third time, I can’t let you hurt me again.”

Dylan stood and walked across to the end of the veranda, leaning against the railings looking out to sea. She stood and followed him, standing next to him. He looked defeated.

                “You don’t want to?”

He turned and gave a self deprecating laugh, “want what? You? More than anything in the world, but I hurt you, so much, so often. I don’t want to do it again, as much as you don’t.”

Matilda smiled, “we’ve had a lot of good times together, we work well as a team...we can do this if we do it right.”

                “I can’t forget the way you looked when you walked out last week, I did that to you, and I didn’t care. I put myself first. What sort of man does that make me?”

Still smiling she cupped his cheek with her hand, “a man who still doesn’t know how to be loved.”

                “You still care about me?”

She slipped in front of him between the railings and his body, “you KNOW I do. And I know that deep down you love me too. And we have a few days in this corner of paradise, for you to show me how much.”

Dylan looked down at her beautiful smile, “I’ll be showing you more than just my love if you keep rubbing yourself up against me in just a bikini.”

As a response the minx pressed her hips in to his, then slipped out of his grasp, erotically biting a strawberry as she disappeared inside.