After All - Part Forty Six

Chapter Forty Six

Mattie stepped out into the humid midday sun and sighed. It had been raining for about an hour earlier...and by rain she meant heavens opening downpour from hell. Now though, the sun was once again shining, the humidity was high, and coupled with the smog of the city it was hazy as she made her way along the block to a cafe.  She’d been in Thailand for a few days and was having an amazing time. On the flight out she’d been sat next to two younger girls who were heading off on their gap year from school, they were full of stories of all the things they had planned for their stop in Bangkok. Mattie had intended to head to Thailand then connect to Chiang Mai four hundred and fifty miles north where her brother, and now father, lived.  But by the time the flight landed, she had changed her mind. Her family didn’t know she was travelling...this was an impulsive trip. So she had headed into the city.

And what a city. The girls were staying on Khao San Road, the backpackers corner of the city, in one of the many hotels that flanked the narrow busy street.  She had chosen to stay in what the guide at the airport had informed her was a “modest” priced hotel. Less than thirty pounds a night which didn’t compare to what the girls had told her they were paying, but with a  nice restaurant, a roof top pool, and most importantly, air conditioning. So far she’d seen so much, mainly visiting the tourist areas, restaurants, temples, and of course the famous nightlife. She didn’t feel threatened as a single female, but if she did she seemed to find gangs of other British travellers to do things with.

It was her first holiday in years, and she was loving every moment. She had no idea what she’d do the following day, but now...after a little brunch, she was going shopping...who knew what cheap gear you could buy there. She tapped her brand new fake Louis Vuitton handbag; she’d need another suitcase soon!

Dylan groaned looking at the computer screen completely foxed. If you were Matilda Davies, where would you save the invoices for the upcoming conference? He’d tried every folder that seemed to make sense, but couldn’t find it. He’s searched every possible combination of words on every one of her hard drives, but had yet to find anything. Sarah was in her office doing exactly the same, and Dylan was starting to find work hard. Everywhere he looked he was confronted by memories of her, not all as obvious as this one, some were far more subtle...then there was the world, because EVERYONE asked about her. Why was he the one feeling guilty, the one feeling as though he was hiding something?

The phone ringing disturbed his search.

                “Yes?” he snapped into the handset.

                “Oohh!” Brandy squealed down the handset. “I’ve been trying to find you for what feels like weeks, and when you finally answer a phone - not yours by the way, you snap at me!”

He groaned, “Brandy I am up to my eyes in shit...honestly, I haven’t got the time for this!”

She tutted into the phone, “Dy-lan...you have got the huge quarterly meeting next week, you’ve not given me ANY info for it, I didn’t know where you’re holding it...”

                “And I’ve got to find invoices for a five grand contract here, can I call you back?”

                “Of course, though I was actually calling Mattie’s phone to speak to her, can you put her on?”

Cue another groan, “she’s not here. Hence me searching her bloody ludicrous filing system for a misplaced invoice.”

                “Will you ask her to call me later?” She asked, then added, “she files invoices by date order, not name. Does that help?”

He clicked on a few different boxes on the screen then sighed with relief, “you are AMAZING Brandy, remind me of this when we do your annual review!”

She chuckled, “the most overused promise in the whole world. Get Mattie to call me, yeah? I’m here the rest of the day.”

With a huge exhalation of breath he hung up.

Two hours later he had dealt with the organisers of the conference, final details were dealt with, and he finally had time to get a coffee. His mind was no clearer, but he had one less thing to deal with.

His ringing phone disturbed his serenity once again, “yes!”

It was another snap, and this time the voice replying, despite being the same as earlier, was far less friendly.

                “You didn’t tell me she was on holidays!”

He sighed, “Brandy? What?”

As he rubbed a hand over his eyes, she let rip, “Yes it’s me, I asked about Mattie. Just a few hours ago. ‘Not here’ you said, not that she was on holiday...seemingly indefinitely.”

He wanted to drop his head on to his desk and moan, but he couldn’t, not with the terrier that was Brandy on the phone.

                “So she’s taken a holiday. What’s wrong with that?”

A prolonged “Uuuuummmmm,” came down the handset, before she took a deep breath and let rip once again. “Let me think. I spoke to her three days ago and she was going to send me some details urgently today.”

                “What urgent details?”

She laughed, “don’t change the subject, it was personal, but important...so where is she?”

                “Holiday. Visiting her father.”

Laughing again, her voice got louder, “your ex wife, who you’ve been doe eyed over since she came back into your life has disappeared with no notice and I’m supposed to believe that YOU have nothing to do with that?”

He groaned, “what the fuck is happening here? I am at fault for her taking a holiday?”

                “Dylan, I have spoken to the girl SO much over the last few months, her and Sarah. I know two things...one that she is the most conscientious person I’ve ever met; secondly that she hasn’t had a holiday in years. Add that to the fact that you broke her heart when your marriage spilt up. When she suddenly disappears with no warning,  what am I supposed to conclude?”

His head was now on the desk, no one could penetrate his defences like Brandy could. “What about my heart Brandy? What about the fact that she broke MY heart too? Why does this all have to be my fault?”

                “Because you are successful, you told me that you chose that, and she divorced you. So you’ve already got the upper hand. She’s vulnerable, she needs your support.”

He felt like crying, “I wanted to give her everything, ok? I wanted this to work again.”

Brandy sighed, “you mean you rekindled things? Shit, no wonder she ran. What did you do to her?”

Dylan hated that tears prickled at her eyes, “why is it always me that’s in the wrong?” He sighed, his eyes closed, for some long standing and unknown reason, Brandy had the ability to strip him bare emotionally, maybe it was because she showed more maternal concern than his own mother.

                “Because I know you...and I think I know her.”

He sighed, “I thought it would work Brandy,” it was a painful confession, “I honestly wanted it to work more than anything.”

                “What did you do?”

                “NOTHING. Why do you always think the worst of me?”

Brandy was silent for a moment, “Dylan, I love you like a son, you know that. What happened?”

He sighed, he had to tell someone, it was almost murdering him, “we tried again...and it was amazing, better than I thought possible. And for a moment I dreamed Brandy. I saw the future, and for the first time it was amazing.”

                “What changed?”

He gulped nervously, “everything.” He stood the handset still at his ear, “I found out that when I left London, when she divorced me...she was pregnant, she had an abortion.”

Brandy gasped rather theatrically, “oh my god, poor Mattie. The hell she must have gone through!”

                “Her? What about me? What about what SHE did to me?”

Sighing the older woman was silent for a moment, “Dylan, I worry about you...and hearing that you found this out so late on, so unexpectedly is awful, and whilst I do feel really sorry for you, what I feel most sad about, is that Mattie was forced to go to those lengths.”

                “What?” he was genuinely stunned.

Brandy was calm, “look, you married Mattie, you wanted her again...she’s a good person...a nice person. You KNOW that, you’re not the type to take anything else, and in all the time I’ve known you, you’ve never been close to a woman...that means something. She’s industrious, enthusiastic, but it’s her goodness that makes her so special, you know that, I mean the testimonies from the staff when you first took on this project spoke for themselves. I’ll leave the assessment of her beauty and attractiveness to you... But she’s a good woman, a genuine woman. Can you imagine what it must have taken for her to go and do that?”

                “But she did it Brandy, SHE did it!”

Brandy sighed, “look, she’s not a person who’d do this sort of thing lightly, and being alone, terrified, desperate...it can’t have been fun, can’t have been easy. YES she did it without your consent, but she was on her own, and maybe rather than hating and blaming her, you should put yourself in her shoes. She has had a lot to cope with from this alone, and I can’t imagine that losing someone like you in the first place was easy for her either.”

He made to protest, hating how this always came back to him being in the wrong.

                “Dylan, I’m not blaming you, you are entitled to be upset, but I just don’t think that it’s a malicious as you want it to be.”

                “She could have told me at any point, before I got emotionally involved.”

Again Brandy’s laugh was knowing, “have you given her the chance to tell her? I love you Dylan, you know that, but you are like a whirlwind, and when you want something you are single minded in getting it. That isn’t always easy for us normal people to deal with. You’ve got to where you are in live by being determined, focussed. But you’ve neglected your personal life, fun, to do that. Did you listen to her? Did you let her talk?”

As she hung up, Dylan still held the phone to his ear; all he could do was rethink the whole conversation and his role in things.

Mattie stepped off the bus and sighed, it was still hot and every time she left an air conditioned environment the heat and humidity hit her like a train. Would she ever get used to that? She’d travelled on a surprisingly luxurious coach a couple of hours down the coast from Bangkok to Hua Hin, a town that was recommended by a seasoned traveller she’d met a few nights earlier. It wasn’t the tropical luxury that she’d seen in The Beach, it was more built up, busier, easier to access, but she found a boutique hotel that offered villas on the beach front, each with a pool right outside the bedroom door.

And that was where she was, at this unique hotel, and the trauma of London seemed a million miles away. She checked in and was shown to her villa, and as she closed the door, she smiled for what seemed like the first time in days. This is what she needed, some isolation, time for herself, in a luxurious place where an army of staff would honour her every whim.

As she changed into a black and white bikini and covered her skin in sunscreen, she had a fleeting vision of what it would be like to be here with Dylan, a romantic and beautiful location...but she wouldn’t let herself think like that, that chapter was closed. And her other agenda since arriving here, was to find a new job back home.  Moving out to her private terrace, she pulled out her laptop and logged on to the various job sites that she’d inundated with her CV when she was still in Bangkok, were there any bites?

The conference was a success, even without Matilda’s presence. Dylan was relieved it was over, but now he had to plan the board meeting back in New York, it was never ending. A knock at his office door caused him to look up and he was amazed to see Brandy stood there.

                “You’ve come over?”

She nodded, “since I gave you my opinion on things last week you’ve been avoiding my calls.”

He shook his head, “not avoiding...I just haven’t acted on anything with Matilda, been too busy.”

Brandy came across and hugged him, she was like a mother, and he loved that moment of concern, “niceties aside, I’m not JUST here because I think you need the comfort...” She handed him a wad of documents, “seems Mattie’s been rather industrious since she’s been on her vacations...requests for a reference.”

He looked at the pages in her hand, then back to her face, “she’s definitely leaving.”

Brandy nodded, “seems that way. If you let her go.”