Nothing Left to Lose - Part Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

The reality of life after Cosmo was a stark contrast to the weekend they’d shared. Work was fortunately quiet, and her overactive mind seemed to respond well, her ideas for the next clothing range were coming thick and fast, which could only be a good thing.

Outside of work, there were only two weeks until the wedding, and so Heidi was headlong into the preparation of both her mother’s, and her own dress every moment that she was home. The chaos mounted by the day as she tried to work out how to transport two such delicate yet bulky items too. On a more practical level, the day before she was due to fly she was still finishing her own dress, there was so much to do, and yet so little time.

She’d spoken to Cosmo at least once a day, often more like three times since he’d left her after such an amazing weekend. Whilst she was to be thrown to the wolves as part of the wedding party, he had the luxury of arriving on the morning of the wedding, knowing that his presence any earlier would only complicate things for both her and Eleni. He’d also booked into separate accommodation, a lodge across the valley, Eleni hadn’t told Cesare that their marriage was over yet, but he told Heidi that staying somewhere else would avoid any awkward situations with his soon to be ex-wife. He wasn’t about to be the one who told Cesare, and definitely not on his wedding day.

It angered Heidi that yet again Eleni’s well being was everyone’s concern, but she could see Cosmo’s point, but it didn’t mean she wouldn’t miss his presence during the difficult days with her family. But then, as Sadie was more than happy to remind her, if he wasn’t there, she wouldn’t have to hide her feelings, or see him close to his soon to be ex-wife, both things that seemed hugely impossible as she travelled through the air, destination Chamonix.

The flight was uneventful, and fortunately the dresses travelled safely, she checked them both as soon as she got through baggage claim. Nikos was there to meet her at the airport there, and she’d never been so glad to see a friendly face. She liked Nikos. He was different to the rest of the family, normal. 

                “How are you Heidi?” he asked, helping her load her bags into the car after a brief friendly hug.

                “Good thanks. How are you? Not long till you leave for Dubai?” She slid into the passenger seat and smiled.

He nodded, “no, can’t wait. I’ve just had some details on my accommodation. It looks fabulous there.”

                “But no drink!”

He laughed, “actually, there is some alcohol, but no it’s nothing like the culture I’m used to. What about you? I saw you on breakfast TV a few weeks ago. Not that I’m an avid watcher, but you caught my eye. Launching a range?”

He drove the car out of the airport, and Heidi answered, “thanks. It was a success, I’m going to New York in a few days to meet with a contact out there, been offered a perfect job. Just got to decide whether I can hack it Stateside.”

                “Wow!” he was indicating to pull out onto the highway, “Congratulations! This wedding seems to be a turning point for us all! Me to Dubai, you to New York, and then there’s Eleni, she’d heading to California, though she’s struggling with Cosmo, I don’t know if your mother told you?”

Heidi made the appropriate noises as he filled her in that bit of gossip. But he didn’t linger on his sister; instead he made her laugh with stories of Oxford life as he drove them up the mountains to the resort nestled deep in the Alps.

The A-frame hotel was just like she imagined it would be, nestled in the snow, an alpine picture postcard. The reception staff were uber efficient and within moments she was being helped to her room with her bags, and more importantly her mother’s wedding dress.

Stopping only briefly in the room, she unpacked her own dress, shaking out the travel creases, then gently and lovingly carried her mother’s dress to her room.

                “Emergency fitting!” she burst into the bedroom as he mother opened the door. Accepting an awkward hug she carried the packaged clothing to the bed. “Have you got the shoes?”

Her mother rushed in her wake, suddenly like an excited schoolgirl.

                “Yes. Of course, and the flowers are coming tomorrow.” As Heidi opened the dress bag, her mother sighed, “I can finally relax now.” As she ran her hand over the delicate fabric, she smiled, “I can’t thank you enough for this.” 

Not good with compliments, she gave an awkward smile, then helped her mother into the dress she’d made and stepped back. She looked beautiful, and as her mother looked at her in the full length mirror, she could see the tears welling in both their eyes. “You look stunning Mum.”

                “It’s beautiful!” her mother sighed, turning full circle, admiring herself in the mirror. “And it’s all thanks to you Heidi!” She turned to her daughter, “How can I ever thank you for this?”

Heidi smiled, “you don’t need to thank me. I like doing things for you! If I can’t make something for someone I love then I may as well give up on making things for anyone.”

Her mother swiped at a tear, then looked at Heidi, “I don’t really think that I’ve done enough for you over the years darling, we were always too far away....”

As much as Heidi had craved more attention from her family, more signs of love, she found this open display of affection far too uncomfortable. Yes her mother could have done tons more for her, but now wasn’t the time to discuss it. Would there ever be a right time?

How had it ever got to the point that they couldn’t even hug each other poignantly without awkwardness?

An hour after she arrived, the wedding rehearsal was held in the heated marquee in the gardens overlooking the snow capped mountains that framed the hotel. It was a breathtaking view and Heidi was speechless. Her mother was serene, Cesare was as charming as ever, Lucas and Nikos seemed like firm friends, so Heidi sat back and watched the family mechanics. The only people not present were Eleni and Cosmo; both were due to arrive the following day.

It left her with the afternoon to herself. She had never skied, and hadn’t been to a resort like this. So she headed to reception, and asked for some information.  There were various options for the non skier, and she booked herself on to a husky sled ride.

It was exhilarating to whizz through the crisp air, sliding over humps and troughs as the dogs ran excitedly. And she was flushed with excitement when she got back to the hotel. None of the family were near the dining room, but even though she’d only been in the hotel that day, she was more than glad to eat alone.

It was seven o’clock so she made her way to the bar. The warm hotel bar was full, lots of people had gathered to celebrate the end of a day of perfect skiing conditions. She took a glass of Glühwein, a warm spicy wine with a crystallised sugar stick, and headed out onto the veranda to drink it.

The tables there were toasty and warm from the over head heaters which also offered a little light in the pitch black night. As she sipped away avoiding eye contact from the groups of men all guzzling beer, through the window into the bar she noticed her brother arrive. She was about to move inside and join him, catch up as she’d barely spoken to him in months, when she realised he was looking towards the door, a silly grin on his face. There appreciating his gaze, in full dramatic, attention seeking pose was Eleni. Suddenly Heidi felt sick, she had no intention of them either seeing her, or joining her. So she slid around the terrace to another heated table, away from the main view of the lounge and relaxed.

Below her in the poorly lit snow, were three children building a snowman, not knowing that a man, she presumed their father was giggling as he squeezed handfuls of snow into snowballs ready to ambush them. The children feeling the snow hit them dissolved into giggles then the three attacked him and he let them wrestle him down to the ground where they scooped tons of snow over him laughing.

She couldn’t remember ever laughing like that with her parents, being carefree and laughing at nothing and everything, and that was a very sad fact. She drained her wine, preparing for an early night with French cable TV when her phone rang.

Looking at the screen she saw the name ‘George’ flash up on the screen and her heart pounded with excitement, George was her cover for Cosmo, it wasn’t as if she could risk his name flashing up on her phone when she was with her mother...not that she was very often.

Picking up the call she couldn’t hide the smile, “hey you!”

                “How is it?” his warm voice asked. “Torturous?”

She chuckled, “the rehearsal is done, I had a dog sled trip earlier, now I’m stuffed from dinner, sitting on a veranda overlooking the valley relaxing, alone. And it’s bliss! How are you?”

                “Cold!” he announced and she could hear the humour in his voice.

For a moment she didn’t process that, but he was meant to be in Rome, hardly THAT cold. Suddenly her heart lurched, “does that mean...?” her voice faded as she dared to hope.

He chuckled, “I got in early, and have checked into this lovely little lodge, just across the river from you. The fridge is full of champagne and I’m just looking for someone to share it with. Can you think of anyone beautiful and amazing who would join me?”

Her body burst into a humming anticipation; the thought of seeing him again was SO overwhelming. With a sigh, she gave a dramatic answer, “not really, so I suppose you’re stuck with me!”

He gave a really sexy chuckle, and her insides turned to jelly as he replied, “being stuck with you is something I would DEFINITELY say yes to!”

She shivered at the hint in his voice, “I’m on my way, give me directions.”

                “I can do better than that, come out of the hotel, down the hill. In front of you is a bridge, I’ll meet you there, as soon as you can!”

As she ended the call she couldn’t wipe the smile of her face. Cosmo was here, and he’d make everything ok, she knew that.

Nothing Left to Lose - Part Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

The chocolate gateau was divine, and they ate in yet more happy comfortable silence. Cosmo continually topped up her glass with the wine they’d bought, and whilst they’d only had a couple of glasses, she wasn’t drunk by a long way, it lowered her defences and she was desperate for more of Cosmo. He, however, apparently had the will power of a Buddhist monk, managing to evade her every touch, hint or suggestion, and Heidi was starting to become fraught. She was in a perpetual state of arousal; her body didn’t feel like it belonged to her any more. For someone who’d always seen sex as a chore, nothing that had ever been that earth shattering, Heidi was increasingly changing her mind since she’d met him.

After dessert, Cosmo lounged on the sofa in front of the fire, a local radio station played 80’s and 90’s love songs, and they were both chuckling at the memories the songs evoked.  Lifting an arm, he offered her a seat next to him, and when she obliged he pulled her close to his body, propping her feet on the coffee table beside his. Curling into him, she slid a hand under the bottom of his shirt, resting it on his warm taut abdomen, nuzzling into his soft sweater inhaling eau de Cosmo.

Cosmo was in heaven, her soft but inquisitive hand was having an effect on his lower half, and he was moving from extremely relaxed and content to something a lot more fiery.  Unable to resist, her wandering hand, her warmth against his side, he dropped his lips and planted a kiss on the top of her head.

She turned to look up at him all wide eyes and honesty, “you ok?”

He nodded, smiling down at her, “better than ok!”

Smiling she sat herself upright, moving away from him a little, “good. That’s good,”

Raising an eyebrow he looked her up and down, spotting that glint in her eye that he was starting to associate with her wicked side, “what is it?” As she reached for the hem of her t-shirt, his eyes widened; slowly and far more erotically than he was sure she intended, she lifted the cotton, inch by inch. Her soft slightly rounded stomach was still tanned from the summer, and the bright whiteness of her bra was a stark contrast, then she revealed the ample breasts that were spilling over the top of it.

                “Heidi...” he started, but she swept the garment right over her head and threw it on the floor. “We can’t...”

She placed a finger on his lips, “Cosmo, we can.  I can’t wait anymore.”

He jumped up; spilling her awkwardly onto the sofa, then crossed the room away from her as quickly as he could. When he turned back to look at her, he saw her face fall and realised just how much he’d hurt her.

                “Heidi, it’s not like that!” He insisted, but her head dropped and he could sense her sadness.

Dragging her t-shirt back on she stood and began striding to the door, “I’m sorry I thought you liked me, I obviously repulse you!” And much to her annoyance she felt tears falling down her cheeks and she dropped her head to hide them, desperate to escape from her humiliation. She’d got it all wrong, she was no match for Eleni, and for some reason he was playing with her, toying with her emotions.

Cosmo looked at her devastated figure, forlorn, head hung and felt true pain lance at his chest. Jumping across the room, he stopped in front of her before she disappeared out of the door, and spun her around to face him, “God Heidi, this is not because I don’t want you.” He cupped her cheeks and brushed away the tears with his thumbs, “it’s because I like you TOO much. I don’t want to blow it. I don’t want to, how would you say...screw this up? I have made so many mistakes in the past; I don’t want to do that again. Really I don’t.”

She shrugged unconvinced and he laughed, “you don’t believe me? That I like you SO much?”  Again she shrugged, “so I guess I have to prove it to you?”

Shaking her head Heidi tried to avert her eyes, she wanted the ground to open up and swallow her, she didn’t want to hear his attempts at making her feel better and she wasn’t interested in any excuses he may have, his eyes had said all she needed to know. “I’m just going to lie down.” And lick my wounds she thought, still reeling from her ill timed pass. Still unsure as to how she got things SO wrong. Stepping back she fought the urge to sprint away, instead she glanced at the door, made to move towards it.

And then his hands grabbed her upper arms and his lips found hers with an explosive kiss, touching, moulding, teasing. And instantly, immediately everything was forgotten, like a gullible fish she was hooked, so easily. Drawing her back into the room, he nudged her across the floor, his lips never leaving hers, guiding her to the soft rug in front of the fire.

She made a half moan against his mouth and it was the undoing of him, sliding his hands under her t-shirt, he pulled it over her head, only parting their lips when he had to, revealing her delectable body once again.  Only this time, he wasn’t about to miss it, she was back as he wanted her, half undressed, only her bra covering her top half, and he took in every inch of her, slowly, deliberately.

                “Heidi, you have no idea how beautiful you are or how you drive me wild.”

As he still studied her, looking her up and down, she could feel his erection, hard against her stomach. She was desperate for this man, and he was equally desperate for him. It made her smile as she reached for him, slowly and deliberately unbuttoning his shirt, her lips devouring the skin revealed as the fabric fell away from his hair speckled chest and that flat stomach bisected by a trail of hair that tracked an inviting path to his waist. Her eyes and then lips followed it, and his fingers dug into her shoulders as he fought to regain his control over his reaction to her actions.

                “Heidi...” his voice was hoarse; she looked up, and placed a finger on his lips. Obeying her command of silence, he watched her as she reached for firstly the belt, and then the zip of his jeans. Squatting she dragged them down over his thighs, her eyes in a moment of nervousness avoided his straining boxer shorts as she helped him step out of the jeans.

As she stood back up, Cosmo smiled, for all her bravado she looked terrified. Placing his hands either side of her neck, he tilted her face to look at him, locking eyes with her, locked there, he let his hands drift down her arms. When they reached her waist, he slid them around her, cupping both her buttocks, still focussing his attention on her eyes, keeping her gaze.

                “You are beautiful,” his words were a whisper as he finally dropped his head to her neck, nipping gently at the base of her ear then a path down to her shoulder. All the time his hands were touching her bottom, splaying over her bare back, and then finally with a moan of appreciation from Heidi, her breasts. He cupped them in each hand before his fingers sought her nipples through the fabric of her bra. Heidi had had enough playing, she wanted more, reaching behind her body, she unhooked the item, sliding it off her arms. Cosmo, watching her expose her pale voluptuous breasts, the dark hardened tips felt his last line of defence shatter. In a sudden frenzy he started to push her jeans over her hips, whilst simultaneously dragging her down to the floor, draping her on the thick plush rug. Sat back on his heels, he looked down at her; she really was edible laying there her skin flushed by the glow of the open fire.

From the moment she looked up at him, he seemed to relished the attention, watching her watching him, he slid out a finger to circle her nipple, then as she gasped, he lowered his lips to the other one, drawing it into his mouth, snagging it with his teeth. Her moan was sinful and her body writhed in appreciation. Loving that response, he pulled her closer, his tongue lashing at her, nipping, biting, sucking.

                “Cosmo!” she breathed, her hand scaling down his body, when she found his shorts, she slipped her hand under the waistband to take him in her hand. And with an about turn it was his turn to groan, to be overwhelmed, to moan uncontrollably.

                “I want to hold on Heidi,” he whispered into her neck, “but I don’t know if I can!”

                “I want you in me Cosmo; I can’t wait any longer either!” She heard the words escape her mouth and could barely process her wanton behaviour. But there would be time for recriminations, for embarrassment, but that wasn’t now. This moment was for experiencing.

With a soft curse, he sat back onto his knees, hooking his thumbs under the elastic of her knickers and pulled them down over her thighs, lifting each ankle to slide them off; she was mortified at the way he was exposing her body to him, but then his teeth or fingers would run over an erogenous zone and she forgot all about the level of lighting, her self-consciousness, her body’s shortcomings. Cosmo grabbed his jeans and scrambled in his wallet eventually pulling out a condom. Watching as he slid his shorts off and it on, Heidi tried to swallow the anxiety that mounted in her throat. There she was, spread-eagled in front of him, watching him...and wanting him so brazenly.

Any doubts she had were thwarted by him coming down on top of her, kissing her into a fury. A hand strayed up her thigh and he smiled into her lips as he found her slick and wanting. Lifting her knees, he wriggled closer, then with a mutual sigh he pushed into her. Her ankles locked around him, her thighs pulled him to her and she met every powerful thrust. Cosmo flicked his tongue at a nipple as he continued, pushing her to the limit, overpowering her body and mind with sensation. 

As he felt his own climax approach, he slid a hand between them, and with just a few touches she threw back her head and dissolved into a mixture of pleasure and pain. Cosmo pulled back, lifting her ankles to his shoulders, plundering deeper, he buried himself into her as his own orgasm wafted over him in waves, driven on by her natural uncensored response.

At some point he’d pulled the throw from the sofa over them and they stayed entwined in the warm glow of the fire. But as the room cooled and their bodies started to stiffen he nibbled her ear.

                “I think we should head upstairs...the double bed this time, not that tiny spare bed.”

Chuckling she turned in his arms, “on one condition.” He raised a questioning eyebrow and she chuckled again, “we get a repeat!”

Grinning, he scooped her up into his arms, and with no regard for the cold or his nakedness, he kissed her nose, announced, “it’s a deal!” then carried her upstairs.

Heidi woke in the safe embrace of Cosmo’s arms and sighed.  What a night they’d had, the living room carpet had really only been a warm up for what came later. She stretched her aching bones, she’d never known so many parts of her could ache, but then she’d never really imagined a night like she’d had with Cosmo. She’d always been disinterested in sex, it always brought more hassle than it was worth, but now she knew she was wrong, she’d just been sleeping with the wrong men. With Cosmo the awkward scuffles she’d experienced with the likes of Casey disintegrated as insignificant. He was perfect knowing exactly what she wanted every moment she’d spent in his arms, and now her bar had been set eons higher. She knew no one else would ever make her feel as he did.

Sliding out of bed she headed to the bathroom, then downstairs to make coffee, it was their last day in the house, before they had to head back to the real world, the wedding of the year beckoned, her New York trip, so much, to come, but she ignored that, instead she wanted to savour every moment she had left with him.

Taking the mugs back upstairs she placed them on the bedside table, then leaned down to kiss Cosmo’s nose, and before she’d even realised he was awake, he’d snaked an arm around her waist and dragged her into bed next to him.

They didn’t leave bed all morning, and fought every second to not think about leaving. But all too soon, both so reluctant they had to climb into the hire car and head back to London. En route they stopped for a late lunch sharing every possible moment with each other, but unlike the rest of the weekend, the conversation was stilted as they both had to deal with the thought of separating, the reality of the near future weighing heavily on their remaining time.

                “Shall I come up?” he asked as he finally stopped the car outside her house.

She knew he had a flight in a few hours; the traffic to Heathrow could be shocking even on a Sunday evening. So she looked up at him, “can you stay? Or are you rushing off?”

He sighed, “as much as I don’t want to, I really have to go soon.”

She leaned over and kissed him gently, “then I’d rather say goodbye here!”

He nodded, “as always you are the sensible one!”

Chuckling, she slid her arms around him, “I assure you that that’s not true. Though I have had an absolutely wonderful weekend and if we don’t do this again then the memory...”

He silenced her with a finger over her lips, “we will see each other again, we can organise our diaries my love. Promise me you won’t be sad? Be happy and look forward to the next time that we can be together. Because we will.”

                “Just the thought of a moment without you makes me sad. I have loved this weekend. Every second of it.”

Their goodbye kiss was passion fuelled, and he was hard pressed not to follow her into the apartment and repeat his actions of the previous night. But they couldn’t, and he had to stop before it would be too painful to pull away.

As she let herself into her apartment, Heidi didn’t think she’d sleep ever again, but she had barely closed her eyes all weekend, and she was grateful when sleep took her. 

Nothing Left to Lose - Part Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

Heidi felt as though she were dreaming. They’d shared three kisses prior to this one, and for all their passion and intensity, they all faded into insignificance compared to this. As Cosmo overwhelmed her with his presence, lips devouring, tongue seeking, Heidi succumbed to his insistent pressure and relaxed back on to the cushions of the sofa. That allowed him to move over her, gain advantage and dominate her. But she was anything but threatened. As he moved their lips rarely lost contact, but now with the top half of his body pressed against hers, she was weak with desire, pleasure, excitement. Aware of every inch of him touching her.

Opening her mouth she accepted the tongue that had been stroking, probing at her lips. She flicked her own tongue touching his with a naivety, an innocence that she didn’t really have, but with him it all felt new, this felt different and she felt anxious at the thought of doing the wrong thing, and even more, of things ending dramatically, before she was ready.

When Heidi heard Cosmo groan it powered her on, gave her the confidence that she’d lacked until that moment. Smiling against her lips she let go of her lasting resistance and gave in to how she felt, what she wanted.  With newly found confidence she ran her hands up his arms, then onto his chest, loving his hard muscled body. He murmured appreciation against her lips as he brought a hand up to rest against her cheek, his fingers feathering light touches as his mouth nipped at her lips. Finally he kissed a path to the curve of her neck, the harsh rasp of his stubble and gentle softness of his lips were the perfect paradox.

She felt her top slide up, warm hands on her hips; her own hands were snaking under his thick sweater, craving the warm smooth flesh underneath. Heidi knew where this was heading, and knew wholeheartedly it was all she wanted. She had no regret. Happiness engulfed her as she felt pleasure overwhelm her, and the closed her eyes, giving in to it.

And then he stopped, pulling away from her, jumping to his feet to put distance between them.

                “Cosmo?” she asked quietly.

He was shaking his head manically, “I promised myself I wouldn’t do this...not tonight.” He turned to her, “I don’t want to rush things Heidi, I want it to be right, because it’s the future, because it’s what’s right for us both, not because we’ve had a few glasses of wine and it’s convenient.”

                “But it is right!” she tried to protest and was rewarded by the most beautiful melting smile that anyone could imagine as Cosmo replied.

                “DO not doubt that I want you, now, at this very moment. At every moment since I saw you in that restaurant back in Cyprus, I’ve dreamed and fantasised about being here, like this. But...”

She stood and stepped in his direction, reaching out a finger to press to his lips, “you are right, we’ve waited long enough Cosmo; we’ve put this off for months.”

He nodded, “I agree with that, but any sooner would’ve been cheap and worthless. Now I want us to spend time together, get to know each other more. I want you to realise that I’m serious.”

                “All I know about you I like Cosmo, and I admire your will power. And I hate it too. I don’t feel that this is cheap or rushed.”

When he shrugged she groaned, “you won’t change your mind?”

Smiling he offered her a hand, “at least there’s two bedrooms.”

Her jaw dropped in shock, the least she wanted was a night curled up in his arms, warmth, comfort even if there wasn’t passion. It seemed he had other ideas.

She investigated upstairs, whilst he locked up, and took the bathroom first. Cosmo had changed into a t-shirt and boxer shorts which left him little defence of his reaction to her when she emerged from the bathroom. She looked stunning, clean of any makeup, hair loose around her shoulders, and suddenly all his willpower left him at a rate of knots.  Noticing her smug face he knew that she was fully aware of the effect she was having on him. She had floral cotton three quarter trousers on, edged in lace, gathered around her mid calf and a camisole in the same pattern. It wasn’t particularly revealing, or sexy, but it was so pretty, so innocent that he felt a desperate need to rip it off her.  All at once he realised that it suited her, that anyone else in those pyjamas would have failed to arouse him, but she knew exactly what drove him mad. Or rather her she did full stop.

He threw cold water over his face once he’d closed the bathroom door behind him, he’d been determined to keep his hands off her on this weekend, but his resolve was dissolving by the moment, and she was doing nothing to help that.

When Cosmo finally opened the bathroom door, all the bedroom doors were shut. Against all his inner desires he ignored the room that he’d put all their bags in, instead he headed for the smaller single room glad the protection of the closed door gave.

He tossed and turned for an hour or more, punching the pillow in frustration as sleep eluded him. He had finally found some sort of respite a relaxed state where he thought he might actually get some sleep, when a light split the room as the door opened, he looked up, seeing Heidi’s silhouette.

                “I can’t sleep Cosmo.” Her voice was a nervous whisper.

Sighing, he lifted the blanket offering the bed beside him, “do you want a cuddle?”

She nodded, lowering herself onto the mattress.

It was torture as he pulled her spoon like into his arms, her body pressed against the length of him. She sighed and snuggled contentedly into the pillows, Cosmo on the other hand was having extremely difficulty focussing on anything other than her...all of her. He tried to fight the erection that seemed to manage to sit perfectly between her buttocks. No amount of thoughts about the economic climate or politics could stop the way his body responded to her.

Heidi opened her eyes and was surprised at how bright it was. It took a few moments to realise where she was. There was a chill to the air, and she knew that she really didn’t want to leave the bed. She also instantly knew that Cosmo wasn’t in the narrow bed with her, she had no recollection of him leaving, and the disappointment was huge. Maybe she’d read this all wrong. She thought he wanted her, but the first opportunity to be together, he pushed her away. It had been heaven to sleep beside him, wrapped up in his arms, his scent, the presence of his body. And now she was left with nothing.

Taking a deep breath bracing her body against the cold, she dashed from the bed, across the hallway, into the larger bedroom, that bed was empty too. Regardless she ransacked her bags for a pair of thick socks and her chunky knit jumper. Wrapped against the winter chill, she made her way downstairs.

Cosmo was sat in the kitchen, hear the log burner, drinking coffee and reading a newspaper. Hearing her footsteps, he looked up and smiled.

                “You been up long?” she asked quietly.

He nodded, “for some reason I couldn’t sleep last night...something to do with having a beautiful woman draped all over me trying to fracture my resolve!”

She smiled awkwardly, “really? You could have told me to leave...”

He stopped her, “Heidi! It was heaven, I promise. But last night classes as our first date, and I refuse to undermine that.”

Sitting opposite she gave him her most seductive smile, “so does that mean I have to try harder?”

                “You have no idea how hard it is to resist already,” despite the words he was laughing warmly and as if to prove that, he pushed back his chair and tugged her onto his lap. She shared his mug of coffee as she leaned into his chest and read him articles from the FT; her voice faltering when his lips found her neck or his hand strayed to her thigh.

                “I’m starving!” She finally announced when she could tolerate the torture of being close to him but not as close as she wanted any longer.  

                “Well then it’s lucky that I brought eggs...and bacon and fresh bread.”

She smiled, “seems you thought of everything.”

They shared breakfast and light conversation as they discussed what they could do that day. Eventually they decided to visit a local town, get some things for dinner at the Farmer’s market, then come home and cook a meal together, relax by the fire rather than have to go out.

An hour later, wrapped up in layers against the cold, Cosmo drove them to the Cotswold village. Saturday market day seemed to be busy, but they eventually managed to find a place to park the car. It was a short walk to the square that hosted the market, and as they walked Cosmo reached for Heidi’s hand, entwining their fingers as he pointed out quaint features in the windows of the shops they passed, the heat of his touch penetrating his leather gloves and her woolly chenille ones. The smile on her face seemed a permanent fixture in his company.

There were market stalls surrounding the traditional central square, all selling local wares, organic beef and chicken, fresh fruit and vegetables, warm bread, jams and butter. Everything you could need for a meal, all under the blanket aroma of candied nuts and pancakes being cooked in one corner.

                “I think I’d like steak!” Cosmo announced as they peered into numerous glass display counters.

                “Sounds good! And I know a great recipe for garlic potatoes that we can have with it!”

He laughed, “aren’t we supposed to avoid garlic this early into things?”

Hooking her arm through his she led him across to a pub, turning to him with a smile, “it’s okay as long as we both have it...” she stopped, “and it’d take a helluva lot more than that to turn me off a kiss with you!”

Raising an eyebrow, he tugged her into his arms, “is that right?”

She nodded that beaming smile back, “it is...”

And her words dissolved into silence as his lips descended on hers, his hand reaching up to cup her cheek. She loved his kisses, the excitement, the promise. Reaching around his neck, she responded with vigour, until one of them, and neither could remember which, realised where they were and the contact was reluctantly dropped.

                “Wow!” Cosmo breathed into the top of her head as he pulled her into his arms, “your kisses drive me wild Heidi. I forget where I am and what I’m doing.”

Looking up, she stared at him adoringly; he said all the right things. As she slipped her arms around his waist, sneaking her hands under his jacket, she murmured, “it’s mutual Cosmo.”

They entered the nearby pub, ordered a couple of beers then sat beside the roaring fire, wriggling their frozen toes as the life started to return. It was merely a warmth stop, and half an hour later they were back out in the cold.

Two hours later after lunch in a cafe and visits to every shop in the town, with bags filled with attractive looking fillet steaks, fresh vegetables, wine, and a rather naughty looking chocolate cake that the baker insisted just HAD to be served with thick fresh cream, they returned to the house.

Cosmo opened the wine as Heidi started on the dinner. By the time she was ready to plate up the food, he’d laid out wine glasses, cutlery and place mats on the small kitchen table, and was leaning back in a chair watching her work.

                “What?” she asked, laying the plate in front of him as she slid into the seat opposite.

He shrugged, “just nice to see you eating like this, normally.” He cut into the steak and chewed on it as she did the same, “I don’t think I ever saw Eleni eat anything let alone cook. It was unhealthy; I’m enjoying watching you enjoy food. As it should be.”

She waited until she’d swallowed her food then drank some wine, “I love food...too much!”

                “No such thing! I wish you’d met my mother. She brought us up on such a tight budget, but she always managed to make even the blandest food amazing. It was the driving force that seemed to keep our family together. There is nothing more satisfying than eating food with someone who appreciates it.”

Heidi laughed loudly, “I more than appreciate it, but more often it doesn’t appreciate me.”

She spotted his expression change, a look of concern crossing his face, “Heidi, please! Obsession with weight is a media led phenomena. My mother was a beautiful woman, and she was a large woman, but vibrant, loving life. Happy. That is more important than the size of your clothes.”

                “I’m just wary Cosmo, that’s all. But that doesn’t mean I am not about to help you devour that cake.”

Nothing Left to Lose - Part Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

A/N Sorry at this delay. Laptop crashed and took this whole chapter. Rewriting is never as good, so a bit disappointed. But hey-ho. Hope you're enjoying. This is a safe story really, but starting on the next already which is looking to be far more lively!

Reaching for her bag, Heidi took what felt like the last breath she was ever going to, and hurtled out the front door like a whirlwind down the steps until she was stopped dead by a firm broad chest half way into her descent. His scent wrapped around her like a blanket, his eyes warmed her to the core, the only response she could make to his proximity was a moan of relief and pleasure.

But that same feeling was reciprocated in his eyes, “if I had thought you had any doubt, I don’t now....” he cupped her cheek meeting her eyes with his determined gaze.

                “You thought I didn’t want to come with you?”

He gave a shrug, “it’s not been the easiest path to this point.” She tried to smile but failed, she was too nervous. “Hey! Please don’t be scared.”

                “I’m not scared...it’s just...” her words were lost as his lips met hers, and suddenly she was anything but scared. Their two previous kisses had been passionate, furious, desperate, but this one was filled with promise, and so much more. His lips touched softly, his tongue seeking hers, his hands securing her close to him.

When he finally pulled away she felt dazed, stunned.

He smiled as he looked down at her, “I feel the same way agápi mou! But we have an isolated cottage waiting, and it’ll be a shame to not make it that far.”

 She nodded, allowing him to lead her by the hand, down the stairs and out into the street. His hired top of the range saloon was parked on yellow lines, so they both slid in a quickly as possible and he hit the accelerator, heading for the suburbs, and the route out of the city.

The traffic was heavy as they pulled out of her road, and Cosmo handed her a page with directions printed neatly.

                “Will you be my navigator?”

She took the paper and studied it for a moment, “of course!”

                “So tell me about your week.”

Cosmo was finding it all so distracting, the traffic, the weather...and the aroma and vision of the woman beside him who seemed to fill the vehicle with her energy and presence. Conversation, that was safer.

Giving a quick glance to his right, he saw her watching him in wonder, “my week?”

He nodded, “yes.”

He glanced at her again and she sighed letting her head fall back to the headrest and closed her eyes, “well I’m quiet at work, for another few weeks. The calm before the next storm. So I’ve worked my fingers to the bone and managed to finish my mother’s wedding dress.”

                “Wow.” He was amazed and stunned that she’d done that much for someone who seemed to repeatedly treat her badly. Before he could say that, she carried on. “But as you know, I’m struggling on what I can wear. I’ve got a few ideas. But time is ticking on; we’re getting closer to D-day.” With a puff of air she blew the hair out of her eyes, “I am so relieved that I’m not a bridesmaid. Can you imagine me and Eleni? Standing together. Matching dresses.” She shook her head, then met his eyes as he glanced across at her.

He still couldn’t believe that Eleni had the world eating out of her hand. After all that had happened, no one could see her true colours, from child hood she’d been indulged, and despite her growing years, that wasn’t changing.  But then he himself had been guilty of that too, he’d been young, enthusiastic and was starting to reap the rewards of his hard work when he’d met Cesare, and all too soon they were talking about merging some of their businesses. But Cesare’s concern over his daughter was such an obvious battle that it was influencing the decisions they were trying to make.

Then one day they met, and immediately he seemed to be the centre of her map. She was in with the wrong crowd, dabbling with drink, drugs, and when she got arrested, it was Cosmo she’d called. Looking back he’d seen her devotion as love, and even now he cared about her. But he’d got sucked into marrying her because he felt responsible. Again he glanced at Heidi. Already his feelings for her eclipsed anything he’d ever had for Eleni, but still everyone seemed to pander to her, place her on a pedestal. And he hated it.

                “Despite what you might think, I know that you would look radiant in anything. You would cast shadow on her.”

She laughed out loud, “hardly! She’s beautiful.”

Cosmo pulled the car over to the side of the road regardless of the heavy traffic, then turned to her, his face fraught with anxiety, “you are far more beautiful than her Heidi. In every way. You eyes sparkle with zest for life, with enthusiasm, your lips are the most kissable that I have ever seen, your skin is perfect, your hair mesmerising, and your body has an effect on me that I am too gentlemanly to describe. And for all that you are delightful on the outside; you are radiant on the inside. You see the good in everyone, you sacrifice your time and effort for others, you are good.” He took a deep breath then took her hands in his, “and for all that, when you walk in the room I see or hear no one else. She has never had that effect on me. No one ever has.” He took her hand and squeezed it. “Don’t ever feel you don’t compare to her again, because it is completely the other way around. Ok?”

Heidi smiled nervously, “hmm. I’m not sure I agree. I didn’t know you felt that strongly about things!”

Finally the seriousness disappeared and his face broke into a smile, “I do, I really do. I just wish you could see yourself as I see you.”

Silence once again washed over the car as the miles disappeared, classical music coming out of the car stereo, the lack of conversation was comfortable, both were happy in each others’ company.  As they pulled off the motorway, Heidi needed the instructions, and together they negotiated the cold wet and dark night. Once they reached the small village, the cottage was easy to find, and with a sigh of satisfaction, Cosmo pulled the car to a stop in the picture postcard courtyard. The small house had rose bushes lining the path to the door and thick green ivy climbed over most of the walls. In the darkness of the winter evening they couldn’t see much else, but instantly Heidi loved it.

Cosmo climbed out of the car, then came around to open the door for her, “come on, let’s get into the warm.”

Rooting around in his pocket he found the keys, then unlocked the wooden door. The house was in darkness, and as he flicked on the hallway light, Cosmo smiled at Heidi.

“Why don’t you find the kettle for coffee? I’ll get the bags from the car.”

It was a quaint house personified, a small lounge with thick rugs and an overstuffed sofa and an open fire was behind the first door in the hall, and the second was the staircase presumably leading upstairs. The third and furthest door opened to an open plan kitchen/dining room that was dominated by a wood burner. A little investigation in a few cupboards meant she found the kettle and some coffee and was stirring the two mugs when Cosmo followed her into the kitchen.

                “This is a lovely place, hey?”

She smiled handing him a mug, “beautiful. They’ve only got instant coffee, sorry.” He shrugged taking the mug gratefully. “It’s all a little surreal too. Being here with you.”

He sighed, “I know, those warm nights in Larnaca seem so far away!”

                “A lot has happened in the four months since.”

He reached out and tucked a stray wisp of hair behind her ear, “four months of thinking of you constantly. You blew my mind the first time I set eyes on you in that restaurant. It feels like it’s been such a long time getting the chance to be with you, like this.”

Heidi fought the feelings of anxiety she associated with being with him as she looked up into his eyes, “it’s not going to be this easy.”

Cupping her cheek, sending tingles through her body, he dropped a kiss on her forehead “we deserve this Heidi, we’ve been patient, we’ve done things right, but I really wanted to be here with you. We won’t let people destroy this. Ok.” A flicker of nerves marred her face for a moment, so he stroked her cheek with his thumb, his eyes never leaving hers. “Being here with you, it isn’t about sex. I didn’t just arrange this to get you into bed Heidi, this is what this is. We need to spend time together, get to know each other more, away from friends and family. Have the chance to work out how we can make this work.”

She sighed; she’d not expected him to be so honest, so open with his feelings. The things he was saying, from anyone else would sound contrived, exactly as though they were talking her into bed, but she didn’t feel that way about him. She knew that much.

Nodding she knew she had to relax, give this a chance, “it’s a good idea. I’m really glad I’m here, with you. I want this time too.”

Then his eyes lit with a beautiful smile, “I’m going to light this burner. If we get some heat here, then we can go out to the pub. The food is more than recommended there, dinner plus a glass of wine or two. It’ll be warm when we come back. What do you say?”

A few minutes later he came downstairs in a soft looking knitted sweater and worn jeans that moulded perfectly to his legs...and as he walked past her to retrieve his coat, she noted his arse too.

                “Come on, let’s get going.”

He held out her coat and helped her into it, then took her hand as they made their way out into the cold night.

The pub was as quaint as the rest of the village, a thatched roof, wattle and daubed walls, and more climbing gardenia and ivy adorning them. Inside a huge open fire place housed a roaring fire, and the bar consisted of mismatched sofas and chesterfield armchairs surrounding tables of various sizes. When they enquired after food, they were shown into the adjacent dining room that was lit by candlelight and far more intimidate.

As promised, they perused a menu which looked amazing, ordered hearty meals with vegetables and gravy with a bottle of red wine, then ate in a comfortable atmosphere, sipping at the wine as they murmured appreciation of the food.

Once they’d finished they rejected the thought of dessert, and moved to sit on a sofa nearer the fire, warming their feet. Cosmo had his arm along the back of the sofa, his fingers running through her hair. She rested her head back on his arm and let out a deep breath.

                “You ok?” he asked placing his glass on the table in front of them.

She turned to look at him lazily, “I’m drinking nice wine, have a full belly, and we’re nowhere near running out of conversation! I’m having a brilliant time.”

He smiled at her, “me too...” He dropped his mouth to her ear and added in a sultry whisper, “but if you keep looking at me like that I’ll break my promise to be good and devour you!”

She gasped at the arousal that comment brought, turning to look at him with wide eyes, “like what?”

                “The way I imagine you’ll look satiated on my pillow...” his smile was wicked, and her heart raced at the implications, tension like electricity bouncing between them.

                “Cosmo!” she managed in a hoarse voice.

He chuckled, a warm deep sound, “I apologise for being so honest! But I have never felt as happy, as content as I do today, here with you.”

She nodded at that, but suddenly the implications of the rest of the night lay in front of them both, and a level of anxiety rose. They both sipped their wine for a few minutes nervously, until they both burst out laughing. The tension was ridiculous.

                “Come on,” he reached for her coat, “let’s walk home.”

Wrapped up in their coats they trekked back to the cottage in the bracing winter wind.

                “Vino?” he smiled emerging from another trip out to the car in the cold. Heidi was curled up on the sofa, a soft, faded patchwork blanket folded over her feet.

She looked up at him with a bottle in each hand, “you think of everything!”

Cosmo laughed, she already loved the crinkles that formed around his eyes when it happened, “well if I had the forethought and brought it out of the car, this red wine wouldn’t be the temperature of ice!” He placed the bottle near fire to warm, then sat at Heidi’s feet, lifting them on to his lap.

Heidi had found some CD’s earlier, so soft music broke the silence of the room. And relaxing into the pillows she relaxed and closed her eyes as his hands started to massage her feet.

                “So what did you think of Nikos?” Cosmo asked after deeming the wine warm enough to consume and pouring them both a glass.

                “I was really glad he came to the meal, he’s a nice guy.” She sipped the wine then looked at him, “he’s completely not what I was expecting!”

 “I know. He’s so normal. No drama, no glamour, just a nice guy. Cesare is so disappointed that he’s academic. Well not disappointed...he just always hoped that Nikos would take on the business. That’ll never happen.”

She nodded, “he mentioned some pharmaceutical job in the Middle East...”

                “Near Dubai, a huge petrochemical plant, it’s a project into modifying fuel. He’ll end up with a Nobel Prize that man, and he’ll work harder than anyone else to get it. He’s SO motivated.”

Heidi smiled, “you like him.”

                “I have a lot of respect for him; he’s followed his goals, against the wishes and support of everyone. His life would have been easy of he’d followed the path behind his father, but no. He pushed the boundaries, worked hard. I admire that.”

She nodded, “but at least Cesare is proud of him, they’ve got a good relationship?”

Cosmo agreed, “they do now, but he’s had some rough times.”

                “Don’t we all!”

He started to massage her feet again, his thumbs running under the arch of one of them, “that sounds like a sad comment. What’s been happening?”

She shrugged, hardly able to concentrate with his hands still on her, “my mother is still self obsessed, and in fact she has taken it on herself to support Eleni of all things...because she’s devastated apparently at losing you.”

He laughed, “really? I don’t think so. She just isn’t used to things not going her way, that’s all this is.  But why is your mother so worried?”

                “I don’t know, I think she wants to keep Cesare happy. I don’t know. Even Lucas is obsessed with how wonderful she is...” she paused realising she may have said too much.

He laughed, “your silence means you’re hiding something and your brother is a womaniser...I don’t need a calculator to add the numbers Heidi. My devastated soon to be ex wife is never alone, don’t ever believe that.”

She took a few deep breaths before replying “I saw them together, I know no more, but don’t want to. But he does what he wants regardless. As you said in the summer he’s selfish...”

He was thoughtful for a few moments, “I don’t intend to influence how you feel.”

She laughed, “Cosmo,” she loved the way his name sounded, it fell off her lips and she wanted to repeat it in a mantra. “I don’t think that of course! You are one of the only people who have been honest with me. I appreciate that.”

                “I’m a married man who’s whisked you away for a weekend...” he raised an eyebrow in mock menace. “That is hardly honest and good behaviour.”

She placed a hand on her chest and fanned herself with her hand, swooning, “oh my, what will people say!”

                “So tell me about the dress dilemma,” Cosmo offered once he’d stopped laughing. He was finding it difficult to keep control of his emotions, he was so attracted to her that he wanted everything, but he knew that time, was important, they needed to get to know each other, build things up gradually, not fall into bed and hate each other the next day. A dress conversation sounded safe.

                “Well, it’s going to be cold, so I want something beautiful yet warm, but if I have anything tight I’m going to look huge next to Eleni!”

He shook his head, “don’t start that again. This is your last warning.”

She smiled, “that was not a comment of self pity, but she’s so petite...”

“Scrawny...” he counteracted.

“And beautifully elegant...”

“Cold and aloof!”

“And I’m so....busty!” she laughed.

                “Curvaceous and sexy Heidi! You cannot win this.”

Shit! Now he was looking at her curvaceous and sexy bits, the conversation had turned full circle. He really was a dog. Where were his manners?

                “So what have you decided on?” Safe. Dresses.

She paused for a moment, “long, straight and in winter colours? Green or red.”

Boom - a bolt of heat shot through him and suddenly he was having difficulty controlling his libido again, “sounds wonderful! You in red satin and fur...sounds like the perfect Christmas present.”

She laughed, “you don’t have to act interested in fashion.”

                “I am interested. I want to know everything about you, and every day until the wedding I’ll be trying to imagine you in the dress you’ve described. That’ll keep me warm for many a cold dark night.”

Heidi leaned into him slightly, relaxing more and more by the minute, “cheeky. I thought it’d be really awkward between us.”

                “There was a chance.” His one hand had somehow dropped from the back of the sofa and now lay on her bare shoulder.

Heidi could feel the pressure of his touch, the warmth of his hand, and could no longer focus on conversation. She turned to look at him at exactly the moment that he turned to her. HE was so close she could kiss him...leaning forward she parted her lips as his descended to meet them.