What about me? - 19

Chapter 19

For a moment Kate had taken in the sight of him greedily, he was like a mirage, an oasis in a desert, and she almost wanted to reach out and touch him, make sure he wasn’t an illusion. As his lips rolled up into the curve of a smile, she finally processed the fact that he was here, in front of her.

Then she reminded herself that she’d drunk dialled him three nights previously and she’d had no contact, no return call, nothing. He’d deliberately left her hanging on; she could now see that so clearly. If he was here for Christmas, he’d known he would be when she’d called, he could have phoned her, told her she’d be seeing him, but no. Had he wanted the element of surprise, wanted to wrong-foot her?

She didn’t know. All she knew was that she was livid!

                “Hey Kate. It’s so good to see you again.” He offered as some sort of olive branch.

                “’Hey Kate?’ You bastard!” she snarled. “You planned this, didn’t you? Let’s put Kate on the back foot again. I’m not some pawn in your stupid game Mason! This is my life you are screwing with!”

He raised an eyebrow, otherwise his face completely calm, “it’s not your LIFE I want to screw Kate...but then you know that.”

It was purely instinct that saw her hand fly up and aim for his face, but he was quick, and wise to her, intercepting easily. “Calm down or I’ll have to start calling you Kat!”

She could feel her nose wrinkle in anger, knew that she was baring her teeth, but she didn’t care. “Get out of my way. You’re so despicable!” hearing his snigger only riled her more. With a huff and a nose pushed in the air, she stormed past him, but was unable to ignore the words he breathed.

                “God you’re horny when you’re angry.”

Kate felt as though she were about to explode. She felt such contempt for him, but she couldn’t deny the effect of seeing him looking so good was having on her. Handing him a look that could kill, she continued into the elaborate hallway. As she unbuttoned her coat and made to hang it up with the others, a door opened from the lounge and Peter emerged.

In typical Peter fashion, he skipped across the hall, delight on every inch of his face, “Kate! I’ve been waiting for you to come FOREVER!” He announced before throwing his arms around her neck.

As she circled her arms around him in a reciprocal manner, she glanced up to see Mason, the sureness and confidence long gone. In fact Kate was almost relieved to see that spark of jealousy in his eyes.

Breaking the embrace with Peter, she allowed him to take her hand, and lead her into the lounge, babbling excitedly as they went. Christmas with the Wightman’s followed a similar pattern every year. Lots of alcohol in the morning, a very late lunch, then gifts during and after the meal. Every year there were four other guests after her, Peter and Clarissa, Margaret – who she now realised was Mason’s mother, Judith and Malcolm the nearest neighbours and their daughter Sarah, but Peter told her excitedly as she entered the heavily decorated room with the ornate tree and dozens of gifts, that the neighbours were in the Caribbean on a holiday. So it was just the four of them, plus his ‘wonderful’ cousin Mason, the pride in the words screamed of a rather ironic case of hero-worship, and she felt awful all over again.

Peter then excitedly pointed out all his gifts amongst the dozens under the tree. When Kate, after giving the appropriate amount of excitement turned around, Mason was lounging against the door frame watching the little drama unfold. Heat flushed her cheeks, partly through reaction to him; she’d never had anyone cause her to react like this, but also because he was witnessing the sham that her life was.

Again holding her nose high in the air she waltzed past him, but the doorway was narrow and she had to squeeze past him. He laid a hand on her shoulder, the most fleeting of touches but it almost stopped her dead in her tracks.            The zing of anticipation of that hand moving a little more. AS she took a steadying deep breath and kept moving, Mason chuckled. No words, no goading just a husky laugh.

Mason watched her go and smiled to himself, at this moment he knew she hated him, but since his Aunt Clarissa had confided that Kate was changing things, that she was asking for help with Peter he’d known that his harsh words had hit home and she was standing up for herself. It had been torture keeping away from her, especially when she’d left that forlorn drunk message. It had more than pulled at his heart strings. But she had to make that stand herself, he didn’t want to be involved in it, there was a time and a place for them, all this had to be her doing.

So why goad her so much? He was wondering that himself, but he knew that it was the only way for her to know he was interested without dragging her off to bed. But he’d also been amazed at the response to finally seeing her. His body had been ‘alert’ to put it mildly since she’d walked through the door. He’d intended for nothing to happen whilst they were here, but as she brushed past him, lighting a fire throughout his body, he wasn’t honestly sure how strong his resolve was.

Kate was in the kitchen for a long time, reacquainting with the woman she hadn’t known was Mason’s mother, and Peter’s mother. They were both loving the cooking as usual; there was literally food on every surface. Peter had drifted off to his room as he had a habit of doing, as much as he was mentally stimulated at the Residential Centre, there was something he must find comforting in his childhood bedroom and he often disappeared there when he was home. His mother had installed a video baby monitor to keep an eye on him, and Kate glanced over to the screen and noticed him sat cross legged on his bed surrounded by his tools. He loved tinkering with anything electrical, and it was the only time he was happy alone.

                “Why don’t you get Mason to take you to the pub?” Margaret his mother offered, seeing Kate look at the screen. “You two are too young to be stuck here with us old fuddy-duddy’s! Peter’s happy, and we’re busy preparing lunch.”

As Kate was making excuses, Mason walked up behind her, “look at you two! How many sherry’s have you had already?”

Clarissa giggled as she reached for her small glass, “not that many Mason!  You’re mother was just suggesting that you take Kate to the pub. Peter’s busy, dinner will be a while, and Christmas morning at the Ship is particularly fun!”

Mason smiled at Kate, “sounds perfect, it’s cold though, so wrap up warm!”

Kate realised to protest too strongly would be a mistake. So reluctantly she agreed and found her coat. Her hat and gloves were in the car along with her gifts, so she retrieved them and was re-entering the house when Mason appeared, dressed for the winter in a beanie hat and a thick ski jacket.

                “You ready”?

Kate scowled before lowering the gifts to a side table, “as I’ll ever be!” With that she marched out ahead of him. They’d not reached the end of the driveway when he caught up with her.

                “What’s with the frosty reception Kate?”

She stopped and turned to him hands on hips ready to explode, “I called you three days ago, you’ve not as much as sent me a text message back. Then I turn up here and you’re here too. You could have told me, warned me, let me be prepared!”

He laughed and the sound only irked her more, “the last time I saw you, you took great pleasure in telling me how much you hated me, never wanted to see me again. So forgive me if I didn’t reply to an obviously drunk message. What was it? I’m drunk where’s my shag? Is that what I am?”

                “I didn’t say that...I just...”

He could see the conflict in her eyes and decided to put her out of her misery, “look. You needed time to sort your own head out, I hear from Aunt Clarissa that you seem to be doing that. I didn’t want to complicate things. If I was around when you made those choices you may resent me in the future. I don’t want that for us!”

                “There is no us!” She announced storming off, and Mason was happy to slowly stroll after her and let her calm down. Hitting the main road she turned right for the village. Before they reached the pub he took her arm and slowed her down.

                “If you knew I was coming you’d have been torn over what to do. You want to do right by Peter, but me being here is a complication. I know that, and I didn’t want to compromise you. But I wanted to see you, couldn’t resist it. And whilst I didn’t think you’d launch yourself into my arms, I kind of hoped after the phone call that you might have been a bit happier to see me!”

With that he opened the door to the bar and stepped into the chaotic room.

Kate paused for a second glad of the cacophony to distract from her reply to his comments, because everything he said made sense, and she was more than happy to see him, and now that she thought back to his earlier suggestive comments she blushed. This was going to be a very interesting Christmas.

She finally found Mason at the bar, but she couldn’t get close to him, it was five deep. So she slunk back to a pillar near the door and propped herself there until she saw him cutting through the crowd, two ice cold pints of lager in his hands.

                “I presumed that a beer was the call of the day, and there was too much of a queue to come and ask you.”

She accepted the drink with a half smile, “that’s fine, thanks!”

He sipped his drink, resting his shoulder next to her and smiling down at her, “so why did you call?”

With a groan she punched his arm, then sighed, “You know why I called, so don’t tease me!”

                “Maybe I just want to hear you say it!”

Kate was mortified, she’d never been great with showing her feelings, the last man she’d shared herself with was Peter, and Mason had been right, she’d hidden behind him for so long, and now she wasn’t sure how she managed to break down those barriers. She had palpitations at the thought of him knowing how she really felt.

                “Maybe you have to spend longer being nicer to me and I might forgive you!”

It was meant as a throw away comment, but at the immediate raising of his eyebrow she felt her heart start to race, fear and anticipation was causing nausea to rise in her throat. Then he lifted a hand and stroked her cheek, securing a tendril of hair behind her ear.

                “I can be very, very nice Kate, you know that!” The whispered words tied her insides up in knots.

Shrugging free of his hand she stepped away from him, “don’t! I’m still not comfortable with all this. I’ll be amicable, we can enjoy the day, but that’s it Mason. That’s it!”

The protests were a little OTT for the situation, but Kate felt she was walking a tightrope. She was so far away from her comfort zone that she was struggling to function. Everything she said or did seemed to have other meanings, implications and connotations. All she wanted was to deal with Christmas, get Peter to understand he’d be having more time with carers, less time with her, and then get back to her life.  

They drank in silence for a few moments, watching the locals interact, people laughed and joked, and there were some very obvious Christmas jumpers in the pub, and it was as one guy, probably mid thirties walked in wearing a knitted sweater, red with white snowflakes surrounding a reindeer, complete with antlers and a flashing red nose!  Kate started to snigger on seeing it, and very soon the two of them could barely stand for laughing.

                “I love it when you laugh,” He finally managed to whisper, “You just don’t do it often enough!”

Turning to smile at him, she added, “You’d be surprised!”

Nodding he lifted his drink to his lips, “You keep surprising me. Why did you phone?”

All Mason wanted was to hear the words ‘I was wrong’ or ‘I wanted to hear your voice’, but he could see the determination in her face as she shook her head.

                “I’m not answering any questions!”

Leaning close so that his lips were merely a breath away from her ear, he murmured, “Until you answer that question you can only imagine what reward it will bring...”

Kate gasped, her whole body tingled, throbbed at the thought of what those words meant, but she stood firm, merely giving a slight nod. They may both be desperate to rip each other’s clothes off, but she was sure of two things, it wouldn’t happen when Peter was around, and she wouldn’t make the first move.

What about you? - 18

Chapter 18

Christmas Eve passed far too quickly for Kate. It was the most time she’d spent with her mother in a long time. They shopped, collected vegetables, then stood and prepared the magnificent feast that was their Christmas Dinner. Stuart was out working most of the day, but by the time they sat that night for the meal at the elaborately decorated Christmas table in the little used dining room, he was dressed ready for dinner and already tucking into the wine. She was sat next to Stuart, her mother opposite and Paula next to her, and the atmosphere was more than strained. How had she not known that this had happened? She was such a rubbish daughter. Sighing she smiled at her mother.

                “Absolutely THE best dinner ever mother! Hope there’s enough for seconds?” her eyes twinkled and she was rewarded with a blush from her mother.

Her mother laughed, but before she spoke her brother snapped more aggressively than was usual for him, “well there would be if we didn’t have to keep the leftovers for a Christmas dinner tomorrow yet again you swan in and make the world change to meet your needs.”

Kate paused in her eating, and the whole room silenced. Looking up she saw the shocked expression on her mother’s face, the frown and uncertainty on her brother’s, and lastly the feigned shock and smugness on Paula. She may well have put him up to this, but Kate had to admit she had put the family out a lot over the years.

Turning back to Stuart she felt pain at the hint of animosity in his eyes, “Stuart, you know how things have been. If something happened to Paula you’d do whatever you had to to help her get better. That’s all I’ve been doing. Trying to help him.”

                “But Paula’s my wife, so that’s obvious!”

Kate shook her head sadly, “and I was going to be his wife, if he hadn’t almost died in an accident. I’ve apologised to Mum, I know things haven’t been made any easier by me actions, but if I had my time over I’d still do the same thing. To me it’s the right thing. If you can’t cope with me being around then I really should not bother at all, because last thing Mum needs is us arguing like this.”

Stuart suddenly looked stunned, Kate knew she’d been more candid than he expected, but he deserved that, “that’d upset her more.”

                “Then we agree to disagree!”

Their mother looked devastated at the cross words, so Kate made light of it, praising her mother’s cooking, admiring the new picture of their father that hung over the fire, and generally being the perfect dinner guest.

                “I still haven’t seen your wedding photos!” Kate announced before the brandy soaked Christmas pudding made its appearance. “Have you had them from the photographer?”

For the first time all evening Paula suddenly engaged in conversation, “they’re upstairs, do you want me to get them?” When Kate nodded the younger girl disappeared with a smile on her face. Kate’s mother smiled at her, appreciating her breaking the ice, involving Paula in the evening.

It did however backfire on her. As she looked through the dozens of images she admired Paula’s dress, Stuart’s photogenic pics, her mother, the bridesmaid group, despite the fact that she was a whole head taller than the others and upsetting the balance. Then there was more distant family, friends...and then Mason. She’d almost forgotten how he looked. She couldn’t imagine him when she closed her eyes any more. But here he was smiling up from a group photo, the dark grey suit, pale blue shirt and dark tie all immaculate, and suddenly she remembered ripping them off, she’d last seen that suit tossed in a heap in the corner of his hotel room.

Gulping awkwardly, she lowered her head, hoping that her blush wasn’t as obvious as it felt. Her whole body had heated at those rather detailed memories. Committing his face, the chiselled features, soft lips, and warm eyes to memory, she flicked to the next picture hoping no one could hear the heart that hammered so violently in her chest.

As she slowly calmed down, she started to think about him more, or rather the fact that he still hadn’t returned her call. She had to thank him for making her see she had to change, this big decision to claw her life back wasn’t for him, it was for her, definitely. But the last few weeks she’d realised more and more that she wanted to see him, be with him, at least try and see if this passion that erupted between them had any longevity.

Damn him, she cursed silently to herself. This was typical him invading her Christmas, spoiling what little festive spirit she had left.  

Later that evening they exchanged gifts, Kate had no idea what to buy Paula, she didn’t oknow her, but the spa vouchers were an instant hit. Her mother she could buy presents for every day tehy’d once been so close, and even though they weren’t that way now, she still knew what to buy. Her favourite perfume, a new coat, a bag, her mother protested that she spent too much as usual, but Kate didn’t care, it went some way to appeasing the guilt that constantly surrounded her.

By the time they left for Midnight Mass, the four of them were much more amicable. Kate had loved her Christmas with her family despite the tension and occasional bad atmosphere, and she dreaded the next two days. Kate was still sad when she headed to her old childhood bedroom in the early hours of the morning for some sleep before the ninety minute journey to Peter’s family home.   

She was just climbing into bed when there was a gentle tap at the bedroom door, crossing the rooms he pulled open the door and smiled. There was a very morose looking Stuart.

                “Hey little bro, you ok?” She stepped back offering him into her room.

He nodded, then pulled her into a hug, “I’m sorry for earlier Kate, I DO miss you, and I think I understand what you’re going through more than Mum. I...” he looked at her intently, “It’s just there are so many times when I know you’d know the right thing to do. I always get things wrong.”

She’d never seen her brother close to tears before and it was a horrible sight. “Hey big man, what’s wrong? It can’t be that bad.”

Sighing he started to pace the room, “I took my frustrations out on you. It’s Mum...or rather Paula and Mum, they really don’t get on. I hate it when Paula’s rude to her, but she gets so upset when she’s back in our room. She doesn’t like living here, but she knew I lived here before we got married.” He paused, but she knew that he needed time to find the words.  

“She says she finds country living hard, then she’s snappy to Mum, rude. But when we’re alone she cries so much. I can’t just up and leave, she knew that when she met me...” He gave a groan, “I just knew that if you were here you’d be able to handle it.”

Dropped to sit on her bed, he looked up at her, “I mean what do I do? My mother and my wife! Whichever way I side I’m going to ostracise the other. It’s only been a couple of months and it feels like hell!”

Kate picked her way carefully through the highly emotional topic, “Mum mentioned she felt awkward, and I have thought about this a lot since I’ve been here Stu. And if Mum hadn’t said I’d have worked it out, the atmosphere is tenser than anything I’ve ever known. Mum has her own ways of doing things, but now you’ve got Paula wanting to make changed. You’re newlyweds, finding ways to get to know each other, live in harmony, yet you live with your mother who’s established and set in her ways! There’s a simple answer. You need your own place. Mum’ll be sad being on her own, I mean she’s not lived alone for thirty years. But if you give Paula her own kingdom, yet remain geographically close to Mum and the farm, then you can keep them both happy!”

He thought for a moment, “I can’t afford a place and there’s nowhere near...”

Patting his hand she grinned, “this is a farm, the one thing you have is land! Build your own home, or convert a barn. It’ll cost, but I’m sure with Mum, the farm, it can be done with those as collateral. Honestly. Look tomorrow suggest it, let the idea take root, then in the New Year I’ll help you sort things, ok?”

For the first time since she arrived he smiled, a real genuine smile, “I KNEW you’d help!”

                “And I promise to be there to help more! Ok?”

Kate had left before anyone other than her mother was up. Their hug was longer and more poignant than usual and as Kate kissed her mother’s cheek a second time, she knew she’d be back sooner than her mother imagined.

The drive across the English countryside from West to East was lengthened by the lack of major road winding through the rolling hills and picturesque villages. Any other time she’d have appreciated the view, the beauty of the route, but now, in a rush to get to her destination she didn’t. The roads were quiet, deserted, but there was a heavy frost and patches of ice, so she couldn’t take that advantage, and each bend in the road was treacherous.

A pleasant drive became traumatic, and she was never more grateful than the moment when she swung off the road into the long winding driveway that led to the Wightman house. When she’d met Peter in University the family had been big players in society being border aristocracy, a few steps away from the royal family. But the expensive to manage estate had bled the family dry, Peter’s father had taken on desperate investments to try and secure the future prior to his death, and they’d failed. So this beautiful stately house was starting to fall into disrepair. Clarissa was struggling to maintain it. But as was so typical in these situations, the house to her seemed to represent her family, her heritage, and selling up to downsize was incomprehensible.

Pulling across the front of the house, she pulled her car next to the other vehicle that sat outside. Then wrapping her coat around herself to fight the bracing cold, she jumped out and crossed the drive to the large imposing front door. Knocking she stamped up and down, trying to generate a little heat in her frozen limbs.

The door finally peeled back, and Kate almost passed out. Stood there a cocky knowing smile on his face in a soft looking v-neck fine knitted sweater, dark jeans that clung to his thighs far too well, and hair still damp from the shower, was Mason...looking edible. And Kate, after drinking in the sight of him for a moment, saw red!

What about you? - 17

Chapter 17

Her family home was beautiful. If you bought a box of ‘British Fudge’, the postcard scene on the box was a worthy place for the picturesque farm house to appear. Ivy crawled and covered most of the front of the two story building, and it was nestled between two sets of stables and a cobbled courtyard. The winter had stripped the usually vicarious trees of their deep green leaves and any summer blossoms, but they still stood tall and proud around the home.  The lowing of the cows welcomed her as Kate stepped from her car, at the same moment Peanut the scraggy half wild ‘King Cat’ of the farm wound between her legs purring. Bending she scratched between his ears.

                “He’s a feral bastard but he always loved you!” A voice called across the yard, and she looked up to see Stuart, her brother in overalls and muddy welly boots, smiling at her from the entrance to one of the outhouses. Leaving her bags in the car, and ignoring the fact that she had on impractical shoes she rushed across the uneven ground to embrace him in a bear hug. At some point Stuart had grown from the spotty teenager into this image of a man. He was a good five inches taller than her, and slim, toned, yet strong. She felt instantly relaxed in his arms. It was the first time the two of them had been together, alone in years.

Pulling back she left one arm tucked into his elbow and looked up at him, “have you grown since the wedding?” He chuckled. “So how was the honeymoon? And how’s married life?”

He led her across to the back door to the farm, “No I haven’t grown! And the holiday was wonderful; we didn’t want to come back. Married life is...great...” He broke into a knowing smile.

Laughing Kate punched his arm, “too much information!”

                “I didn’t say anything!”

She shook her head, “your eyes spoke volumes Mr Michaels!”

As they got to the backdoor, Kate paused to inhale the heady scent of freshly baking bread. Her mother never rested; there would be food enough for an army come Christmas morning. She swallowed the pang of regret that she wouldn’t be there, and stepped into the warm room.

                “Katie!” her mother squealed pulling her into her arms. “You’re early!” Showering kisses on her hair as she hugged her daughter, she turned to Stuart, “boots off in here young man!”

Stuart laughed, “I’ve a dozen things to do, I was just escorting her!” With that he ducked back outside.

Kate looked at her mother and smiled, “it’s good to see you Mum.”

Her mother nodded and Kate could see she was fighting emotions, “it’s better than good to see you! Have you eaten?”

Considering it was only mid morning and she’d eaten a huge meal the night before, she was starving; the lack of sleep and the alcohol seemed to have consumed her energy. “I’m always hungry for home made food!”

                “Good! Sit!”

Kate watched her mother frying thick slices of bacon to slide between hand cut slices of bread, her mouth watering.

                “So,” her mother glanced across from the stove, “an extra day, I can’t tell you how great it is to see you!”

Kate nodded, “I took some more time off. I wanted to spend more time with you Mum, I’m sorry I haven’t been the best daughter...”

Her mother scoffed, “you’re the best daughter a mother could have. I promise you...”

It was the first time that Kate noted the concern lines etched around her mother’s eyes, “is the new daughter-in-law not all you thought she’d be?”

Her mother tipped the bacon on to the bread, then completed the sandwich, with a sharp knife she cut the bread into two halves then placed them on a plate. When she turned to Kate and put the plate in front of her, Kate was shocked at the despair on her mother’s face.

                “Mum? Is it that bad?”

Her mother slumped into a chair opposite. “Put it like this, the fact that she’s in town ‘shopping’ today is a relief.” Rubbing a hand across her face she paused and Kate could see the strain. Yet another thing she’d not been around to help out with. “Paula...she’s not working. She’s here all day...doing nothing. Before the wedding she was so nice, polite. Now she’s like Lady Muck, expecting me to wait on her. Poor Stuart, he’s running around all the time...” Her mother sighed and she dropped her eyes, “sorry I shouldn’t say this.”

Kate reached out and took her mother’s hand, “no, you should be able to tell me this, in fact I should know. Mum...” she put down the sandwich and added her second hand to the one that held her mother’s. “Things are going to change. I’ve told Clarissa that I can’t do this anymore. I just need to get through Christmas. Then I promise things will change.”

Kate could tell that her mother was smiling with reservation, there was no reason for her mother to believe this was any different to the dozens of previous promises Kate had meant, they’d never really come to fruition. But Kate was seeing her monochrome world in vibrant colour for the first time in years. This was where she deserved to be, where she was REALLY needed, and she’d have to deal with the guilt that that caused.

Her mother needed to go into the village, to collect her turkey and various other things; she was bringing Christmas dinner forward to the following day whilst Kate was there. And now mother and daughter had the chance to prepare the meal together as they had when Kate had been a lot younger. So she offered to go with her straight away.

                “Let me just find my coat,” her mother beamed before heading off upstairs.

Kate stood and collected the dishes from her sandwich and loaded the dishwasher. Then strolling into the hall to wait for her mother, she spotted a new wall mounted flat screen TV in the quaint lounge. It looked out of place, but then the whole place could do with radical modernisation.

As she was leaving the room, her eyes glanced at the photo on the fireplace and she stepped towards it with a sad smile. Her graduation. Was it only six years ago? It seemed like a different life time. Her in her cap and gown, Stuart in his late teens all spotty and awkward, then her parents, one either side of her, her mother as devoted as ever to the family group, and her father.

The unexpected sight of him brought a lump to her throat and she blinked away tears. He’d been everything to her. A giant of a man, he dwarfed the rest of the family, broad strong shoulders, swarthy complexion, but beautiful warm eyes. She’d never really come to terms with him dying in a car accident eighteen months earlier. But then she’d been so engrossed at the time, Peter had been demanding, Clarissa visiting her sister in New York, work was hectic. She’d come to the funeral of course, but almost immediately she left for her chaotic life.

Mentally adding her father to the list of people she’d left down repeatedly, she picked up the framed photo and ran her thumb over his face affectionately. A hand on her shoulder told Kate her mother had found her, and she sighed.

                “I still miss him Mum, I can’t believe he’s not here sitting on his tractor laughing at everything.”

Turning she saw the same longing and emotion in her mother’s eyes, “I know darling, he’s not the sort of man you can instantly replace. Is he?”

Kate cocked an eyebrow, noting her mother’s awkwardness and smiled, “does that mean you...”

Her mother held up a hand, “I’m saying nothing...though I may have had dinner a few weeks ago with a man. Do you hate me for that?”

Kate shook her head rather enthusiastically, “no! I think it’s great. You deserve it...and Dad wasn’t the sort of man who’d want you to be alone! In fact.” She took her mother’s arm and led her out towards the car, “I think living out here, rurally, then it’s even more important to have a companion. It’s not like you can just stroll to the pub, or knock your neighbour’s door for anything. Is he a good man?”

Her mother obviously surprised at her daughter’s positive reaction to the possible new man in her life explained as they climbed into Kate’s car, and the conversation continued to town.

Much later that evening after a soak in the bath, Kate heard voices downstairs. Obviously Princess Paula was home. Pulling on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, she took some time to blow dry her hair. All day she’d been thinking about Mason, Mason and her drunk message. Pulling out her phone she groaned at the lack of message from him. It hadn’t been the best message, but it had been contact. If he cared as he said he’d have responded to her message. Wouldn’t he? Impatiently she dialled her answer phone and listened as the automated voice announced, “you have no messages.”

Tossing the phone onto the bedside table, Kate stood, swept some gloss over her lips, then stepped out into the quagmire that was her mother and the newlyweds.

Kate had met Paula at the wedding, she’d not particularly taken to her, but then it was not her choice. Still, as she descended the stairs she was filled with an anxiety that she couldn’t fathom.

In the kitchen, her mother was stood slaving over a hot stove, several pots were steaming, and when Kate glanced towards the table, she smiled; it was laid immaculately, crystal goblets, china plates, and the best silver all gleaming and awaiting the delicious meal her mother was creating.

                “Smells good! What is it?”

                “Your favourite...Spaghetti bolognaise, with salad and garlic bread, then bread and butter pudding with crème anglais for dessert!” She pointed at the other pot, “and that’s the stock for tomorrow’s dinner!”

                “Mother,” she stooped to kiss her cheek, “you are the most organised woman I have ever known. I wish I was half as competent as you in the kitchen!”

Her mother laughed, “I don’t know about that, and you make a mean bolognaise yourself, so don’t stand there underselling yourself young lady! Now there’s white wine in the fridge, or red in the rack. Do you want to pick which one?”

Kate had her back to the kitchen burrowing in the wine rack when the door to the kitchen opened and voices burst in over the classical music playing from the small radio on the kitchen windowsill.

                “Hi you two. How was your day Paula?” Her mother initiated a polite start to the conversation. “I bet it was cold in London today!”

Paula gave what Kate could only call a grunt in reply. How rude thought Kate even before she stood and made her presence known. Her mother was floundering, and even Stuart sounded a little awkward.

Kate uncurled to her full height from the corner that housed the wine rack and turned to glare at the group gathered.

                “You’re right mother. It was ABSOULTELY freezing in London. Who’d have thought it was warmer here?” AS the words left her mouth two shocked faces snapped around in surprise. Her brother looked devastated, it was then she realised that he was aware of the growing tensions between the two women, his wife and his mother. “If I’d known you were in the City I’d have given you a lift home Paula.” Kate ended the comment with a devastating smile.

Then walking to her mother she handed over the bottle of Chianti for her approval, “Italian red for an Italian meal I thought.” She turned to Stuart, “sorry but I’m the Prodigal Child today, my favourite food for dinner!”

Stuart took the bottle of wine from his mother and started to wrestle with the cork before he smiled at his sister, “You are ALWAYS the Prodigal Child!”

Kate turned to Paula and gave her best smile, “he means I’m spoilt! Which isn’t essentially true, is it Mum?”

Her mother was chuckling obviously enjoying this change in atmosphere, “I love you both the same! I always have!”

Kate slid into one of the places at the table and smiled, “nice answer Mum!”

She and Stuart then became engrossed in a conversation about the farm. Despite Kate’s continued absence, she did like to know all that was happening, after all this was half of her inheritance too. Paula definitely kept herself out of the conversation, instead sitting quietly, a permanent scowl on her face, and immersing herself in some form of texting via her phone. As dinner was served the banter between the siblings continued and as usual their mother was the referee, but it was a fun, pleasant evening, and all three enjoyed. Kate made sure she didn’t leave Paula out of any conversations, but she was quiet and sour faced all evening.

The newlyweds retired to their room not long after food, so Kate and her mother moved into the lounge. Stuart had started a fire after coming on from work, so the room was toasty warm. Curling up at opposite ends of the sofa, an ancient worn comforter covering their feet, they talked.

Kate was reluctant to mention Peter and her new change of heart, Peter was some pink elephant that sat in the room with her family but no one really mentioned. Once she’d talked over Christmas got the new carer’s involved, then she’d come back here for a weekend, or maybe take her mother away somewhere. They both deserved that time apart. For the umpteeneth time that day, she blocked the mental image of Mason from creeping into her mind. She’d made a move and he’d not called back, her phone and been stuck to her all day just in case. No, the future was a new strong Kate and better relations with her family. And she couldn’t wait!

What about you? - 16

Chapter 16

                “Won’t you come for actual Christmas Day Katie? We haven’t seen you since the wedding and that was almost two months ago.” Kate sighed at the desperation in her mother’s voice and gripped the phone tighter.

                “I know Mum, and I promise that after Christmas it’ll be better. I’m coming Christmas Eve morning; I’ll be there all day.  But I have to go to Peter’s.”

Her mother sighed, “I have to be grateful for the scraps you throw my way.”

Kate’s heart sank, her mother sounded more defeated than she’d ever known, and it was all her fault. But if this meeting with Clarissa that evening went to plan, she’d use Christmas to start the ball rolling, distancing herself emotionally from Peter. She’d still help out, visit, hell she’d still pay for his care, but she couldn’t give up her life for him not anymore. It made sense to her, but she had no idea how Clarissa would take the news.

Clarissa Wightman was a very glamorous woman, no doubt in the past she’d been a beautiful woman, but the pressures of an over demanding husband, and a similarly spoilt son, had taken its toll. The last six years with Peter being as he was had further aged the woman. When Kate entered the small cafe near the Residential home she immediately spotted the older woman sat primly at a window table perusing the menu with a head titled to allow her to read through her bifocals.

The smile when she saw Kate was warm and genuine, jumping to her feet in an elegant fashion; she hugged Kate giving her a friendly kiss on the cheek.

                “You’re looking well Kate! How are things?”

Kate shucked off her coat then lowered herself into the seat opposite Clarissa, “I’m good, tired, but that’s the build up to Christmas.”

                “You are still coming? Aren’t you?” the sudden surge of desperation in the other woman’s voice caused the hair on Kate’s neck to rise, there was that guilt filled suck into the family that she’d been unable to resist over the years.

                “I am coming,” she offered gently. “But to be honest with you Clarissa, I really need to discuss things with you.”

A waitress appeared and the two of them ordered coffee, when they were alone again the older woman turned to Kate, “what do you mean?”

                “Well...” It was so bloody hard to find the words. “I’ve spent the last six Christmas days with you all, my mother’s not getting any younger, I missed my father’s last Christmas, and I may well have a niece or nephew by this time next year.”

                “So you want to spend next Christmas with your family? I don’t know how Peter will cope with that change...and to be apart from him...” She looked sad, and suddenly Kate’s worst fears were realised, Clarissa thought she wanted Peter to go with her, she couldn’t envisage Kate not being there for Peter.

                “Well he can still come to you, at the end of the day Clarissa; I do need a little bit more space. I work hard and spend most of my spare time babysitting Peter.” She said the hard words gently. “I thought by now there’d be some come back from him, that he’d improve. It’s hard getting no support and no care back from him.”

Clarissa looked genuinely stunned, “I had no idea.”

Kate sighed, “As a parent you’re used to unrequited, unconditional love, and the fact that he needs you so much is something you’ve always had. But to be honest with you, it’s not the role of a partner. I’m lonely, the only role I have with Peter is that of a carer. And that is hard for me.”

Clarissa gulped, choking on her emotion, “so that means you’re not going to see him again?”

Kate reached out and took hands that shook with anxiety in her own, “no. Don’t be stupid Clarissa. Peter still means a lot to me. I’ll visit, and I’ll still help keep him where he is. But I need to cut back on my time with him, have some me time.”

                “Have you met someone else? Is that what it is?” despite the nature of the question, it wasn’t said with anything resembling animosity.

                “No!” she said honestly. “I’m doing this for me, so I can do some things for me, spend more time with my friends and family. I’ve become so isolated.” She paused as a waiter arrived with their coffee, gently placing a cup in front of each of them before retreating with a smile. “I don’t want you to think I’m abandoning you, I’m not at all, but I really need to change things. Get some me time maybe. I’m twenty seven, and since graduating from university I’ve not even had a decent holiday. I think I’m exhausted.”

Slowly shaking her head Clarissa tried to smile, “I feel awful now, I never realised. I know how difficult Peter can be...”

                “Don’t think for a moment that I regret what I’ve done with Peter, I don’t. I’ve just got to the point where I need to change things.”

                “So what do you suggest?”

Rifling in her bag, Kate pulled out some leaflets, “I’ve been looking into it, there are three charities that provide respite care for people matching Peter’s description. They do hourly friendship sessions, the sort of things we do, taking him out, watching TV with him, that sort of thing. They also do residential holidays too, but that’s quite expensive. My thoughts were that we could introduce him to the idea over Christmas, maybe request one or two named people so that he can get used to them. That way he’s not too traumatised.”

Kate was still holding Clarissa’s hands, and was surprised to feel the older lady squeeze her hands back, “you really do care about him, don’t you?”

Kate nodded, “there’s no way I could have done all this if I didn’t.”

Three days to Christmas. Kate sighed as she buttoned her coat up to her chin and pulled her knitted hat down over her forehead, heading out into the dark evening from the confines of her office. Tonight was the annual dinner at Chez Tilly, every year her and the boys were wined and dined by their former housemate, and tomorrow Tilly and Ashton were heading off to the South West coast for Christmas with her parents. This year Kate had Christmas Eve off from work a rarity, so she was surprising her mother by arriving there tomorrow, a whole day before she was expected on Christmas Eve.

As she crossed the city with her bags filled with gifts, bottles of wine and the large container of homemade red pepper soup that she’d made as a starter for the meal, she smiled, looking forward to Christmas for the first time in years.  It was an awful night, dark, cold, wet, but she had a lift in her step and a smile across her face.

                “Someone looks like they lost a penny and found a pound!” Steve answered the door at Tilly’s. As usual when there was free alcohol on offer Steve and Mike as a duo were there.

                “I’ve got a week off for Christmas and my best mate is cooking me dinner...surely that’s a good enough reason?” She hugged him, even though she’d seen him that morning at breakfast, there was something special about a Christmas evening out. The house smelled divine as she followed him into the large modern kitchen. Mike was lounging at the dining table a bottle of beer in his hand, and nodded an acknowledgement to her as she entered the room.

                “What’s making you so happy?” he grunted.

Kate laughed, “Am I really that grumpy all the time?”

The two boys stared at each other, so many unwritten words passing between them before they burst out laughing, nodding their heads enthusiastically. Amidst their guffaws of laughter, Mike got up and found her a bottle of beer.

                “Where’s Tilly?” she asked accepting the bottle then searching for a pan big enough to reheat the huge container of soup.

                “Ashton phoned; she had to pick him up somewhere. Apparently everything is done; she wanted us to make you feel at home.” Steve shrugged as he sat opposite Mike.

                “Well you did a great job of that!” she set the pot on a low heat then slid alongside Mike.

Both men gave faux shocked faces, at her perceived oversensitivity. Usually the conversation between the three of them was fast flowing and easy, but it wasn’t long before she realised that there was a distance, some sort of awkwardness there.

Stirring the soup for a moment, she turned to look at them both, and knew when she saw Mike studying his finger nails, Steve picking at the label on his beer bottle that something wasn’t right.

                “Ok!” Kate spun around hands on hips. “Spit it out! What’s going on?”

If she had any doubt, it was confirmed by the immediate look of guilt that crossed each face.

                “Come on guys. It’s me! What’s up?” She sat at the end of the table between them, glancing from face to face.

                “We’re going travelling. Long term. Oz maybe, US, we’ve not got stringent plans, but we want to do something before we hit thirty and wake up as a boring banker.” Mike sighed, “But we don’t want to lose touch with you and Till, and we definitely don’t want to leave you in the lurch.”

Ah, the house. That explained it. She was too old to look for new house mates, yet too strapped for cash with Peter’s expenses to think about living alone. She tried to think optimistically, as one door closes another opens doesn’t it?

Pasting on a happy smile, Kate grinned moving her eyes from one to the other, “that’s wonderful! I’m SO pleased for you! Can I come in your suitcase?”

Steve paused before he spoke, “if we thought you’d come we would’ve invited you!”

Nodding as she spoke Kate replied, “I know, I’m hardly likely to shirk my responsibilities am I?”

Just a few seconds later the kitchen door swung open and Tilly stood there smiling...sensing the atmosphere she froze, “what’s up?”

                “We just told Kate the news.”

Tilly nodded slowly, “Are you ok love?” When Kate nodded she added, “You can always move here, this is a huge house...plenty of room for you.”

It was Kate’s worst nightmare, charity may begin at home, but the last thing she needed was group pity. The three faces looked at her expectantly waiting for her decision.

                “God Tilly! You’re about to get married, why the hell would you want me here...hell why would I want to be in love paradise! I’m fine all, I can find a new place, or get a housemate or two. Preferably ones without Playstations, gas, and the ability to create culinary carnage in ten minutes...Oh and no porn! How hard can that be?”

It took some effort, but she managed to change the topic and they settled into their meal, wine and beer free flowing, and then the obligatory gift swap. Kate loved her new Radley bag, a rather extravagant present from the three, but now as they finished up their food, she realised that this was the likely the last time they’d do this.

Tilly was making coffee to sober them up a little when Kate dared suggest that.

                “So is this the last time we all sit here together? Our last Christmas supper?”

The other three looked at her slowly, a new realisation crossing their faces. “Well,” she added, “Tilly will be pregnant and loved up by next Christmas, and you two’ll be barbequing on Bondi Beach, or bungee jumping in some picturesque valley in New Zealand.”

                “And you,” Tilly started taking her hands, “will be living the life you want. Promise?”

Kate nodded, “I hope so! But I miss you all already!” The two girls hugged.

                “We’re not leaving until after the wedding,” Steve protested when the two women opened their arms inviting them into their embrace.

Kate was fighting her melancholy feelings all the way home in the taxi, she regretted the beer, champagne and wine. Her optimism at speaking to Clarissa had been wiped out by the thought of such widespread change, disruption to her life. As usual the boys were excited, planning their Christmas ski trip, when they were in this form of mood it was easy to disappear, for Kate to sink into the past. She hated change, not because she was afraid of it, but it seemed to only highlight how awful her world had become. Her friends were all doing what THEY wanted for Christmas, whereas she was doing...Kate laughed, she didn’t even know what she actually wanted to do. Other than see her mother, her brother. The name, or rather the face of Mason flashed into her conscious thought, but she shook it away.

That worked until she was upstairs, in her cold bedroom...alone.

Pulling out her phone, she dialled the number that she’d memorised weeks ago. It rang, then rang some more. Finally it clicked to answer phone.

                “Hi, Mason Fitzgerald. Can’t take the call, leave a message.”

Brief and to the point she mused for the few seconds before she decided to actually speak.

                “Mason...um...it’s me. Kate that is. Um...I wanted to talk to you, see how you were. But well...um...I guess we can speak another time?”

With that she hung up then buried her blushing face into the duvet, what the hell was that message? She'd broken the golden rule. Drunk calling...