What about you? - 7

Chapter 7

Friday’s were the worst days of the week. After a long day working, she headed to see Peter. Friday was the night she took him out for food. Usually a fast food joint, he had regressed to the appetite of a child, and this Friday was no exception. They’d been to MacDonald’s, and it had been every bit as difficult as normal. Because Peter looked normal, she hated that word, but because externally there were no obvious signs from his accident, people often got offended at his bluntness, childish behaviour or his eating habits. Tonight he’d thrown fries from the upstairs balcony down to the queues waiting to be served. Eventually the manager had come over and she’d had to take him home before he’d had his apple pie. That meant he hadn’t gone to bed without shouting and crying. It was well after ten when Kate finally left the residential home, to make her way to her home. She hated getting the tube after dark, well alone anyway, so she took the bus. It was longer, but without the daily traffic it was less of a trauma than it could’ve been.

She’d barely taken a seat when her phone rang. Looking at the display she smiled to see it was Tilly.

                “Hey Tilly, how are you?”

Her friend chuckled, “good, I wondered how your evening went. How was Peter?”

                “Fine! Though I think we’re banned from yet another MacDonald’s!”

Tilly laughed, “You have the patience of a Saint! Do you want to come over for dinner tomorrow? Ashton is going to some football game, and there’s a bottle of Sambucca in my fridge just waiting for someone to devour.”

Where did she ever get a friend like Tilly? And what had she done to deserve her? She’d met Tilly on her second day at University; they were instant friends and had barely done anything without consulting the other since. She was the sister Kate had never had and she couldn’t begin to count how many times she’d cried on her shoulder. Sometimes she pitied her for having such a one-sided friend.

At that moment she decided to buy her a gift, and promised to not complain of cry throughout the whole afternoon. She was with Peter on Sunday, so she had to fit in all her weekly chores before going. A squeeze, but she knew she’d enjoy it!

“I’ll be there!”

Tally’s response was a sigh of relief and pleasure.

For the rest of the journey Kate’s mind wandered back to those carefree University days, particularly Tilly’s nineteenth birthday. They’d gone to a party in the University, dancing, drinking well into the early hours. It was as she’d been stood at the bar ordering their umpteenth drink that the most handsome man in the World had appeared beside her, within seconds they were talking and she was mesmerised by him. They were inseparable from that moment on. Peter, the love of her life.

Saturday morning had been a blur of laundry, grocery shopping, and a little investigation for work. Then she bathed, relaxed, pampered herself a little before heading to Tilly’s stunning house.

The smell of some divine creation met her nasal receptors as soon as the door opened. Hugging her friend she groaned, “It should be illegal how good this house smells!” Holding out an 80’s CD and a blue glass vase filled with sunflowers.

“For being such a good friend!” She smiled when she saw the surprise on Tilly’s face.

Laughing she led her friend into the kitchen, a huge room which was definitely the heart of this home. She was continually amazed by how her flighty hippy friend Tilly had morphed into the domestic goddess that she now was. She still worked, an assistant in a designer boutique, something that she loved, but now it was more of a hobby, Ashton was seriously rich, some bank guru. Kate knew relatively little about the world of finance, and wasn’t inclined to investigate further, but Ashton’s long hours and weekends away landed him with a huge salary and a beautiful home in the most exclusive part of London. And Tilly was Lady of that Manor.

                “Champagne?” Tilly opened the fridge then turned to smile at her friend.

Kate shook herself back to the present, she’d spent the last few days dwelling in the past, was that the effect of Mason disturbing her equilibrium? “It depends,” she smiled. “Are we celebrating?”

Tilly bit her lips trying to hide her beaming smile, then nodded, “we’ve set a date!”

It was the most debated topic in the Modern World, Ashton and Tilly agreeing on first a date and then a location for their much awaited nuptials. Ashton had a huge family in Texas, as well as London, Tilly had her parents, who ran a guest house in Cornwall and her friends. They were vastly different and Tilly wanted something comfortable. Many times she’d confided to Kate that she feared her parents would be dwarfed in the size and formality of the wedding that Ashton envisaged, not that they couldn’t scrub up Kate knew that wasn’t the issue, it was more that it wasn’t her scene, or her parents.

                “Oh My GOD!” Kate exclaimed jumping to her feet. “If you’ve agreed then it’s what you want, so I’m thinking understated? Simple...Summer?”

As the two girls embraced excitedly Tilly was nodding, “we’ve booked it, a small but exclusive hotel in Cyprus, it’s easy for everyone to get to, and then we can fly off to Asia for our honeymoon. I’m fancying the Orang-utans in Borneo! Anyway, it’s a gazebo on a beautiful beach, idyllic, and quiet. We’re limiting to immediate family and close friends only, but he can have the biggest party he wants when we get back to London. But we’re not waiting until the summer; we’ve booked for February the tenth!”

Kate was feeling her heart sink with each word, though she tried to hide her disappointment. “February? We’re in November already! You’ve not given us much time to plan!”

Tilly took her hands and squeezed them, “will you come? I know it’ll be hard...”

Kate took a deep breath, “I’ve not left Peter that long. I don’t know how it’ll work...” At that moment she spotted her friend’s face sink and knew that Tilly deserved this, and if she was any type of friend that she’d manage things, somehow. “OFCOURSE I’ll be there! Don’t think I wouldn’t for a second!” As they hugged again Kate tried to think how she’d break this to Peter. Well there was no rush yet, and she’d deal with it when she had to.

The champagne flew down their throats, and at the same time they tucked into the fish pie Tilly had created. It was beautiful, and followed by yet another bottle of champagne. When Ashton returned from his football match, which if Kate knew Ashton was more business than pleasure, they were both more than tiddly, dancing around the kitchen to cheesy eighties music.

                “So you’ve demolished ALL the champagne then?” He asked with a smile, to which they both nodded enthusiastically, grabbing an arm each and catapulting him into their dancing circle.

Tilly shouted, “And we haven’t even reached the Sambucca yet!”

                “But we’re celebrating you setting a date!”

Ashton laughed as he reciprocated their twists and turns.

Later that evening he’d gone to the cellar to select what he’d warned them was the last bottle of wine for the evening when Tilly took Kate’s hand.

                “I hope the wedding doesn’t cause you too much hassle. You know I think that you are too accommodating to Peter. Things changed when he had the accident, pretending you’re still engaged, spending all that time with him...”

Kate smiled, “I know, you think I indulge him. But I owe him that much.”

Shaking her head Tilly leaned towards her, “I was all for it when I thought it was helping his rehabilitation, but the only thing I see now, is you giving your life to a man who gives you nothing in return. I think you need to seriously start breaking away love."

Sighing Kate knew there was an element of truth in what she said, but it still didn’t mean she could just walk away; it wasn’t as easy as that. “I know what you’re saying, but I can’t drop out of things like that, it’s complicated.”

Tilly shook her head again, “if you said ‘I still love him’ then I’d understand, but you haven’t, you don’t!” Her voice was quiet and Kate felt nausea rising as she carried on.  “I don’t want us to fall out over this, but I mean this Mason character, without Peter on the scene he could be The One!”

                “You’ve not met him! You’d be disappointed!”

Tilly nursed her wine glass as she watched her friend squirm like a prisoner being tortured, “I don’t know about that! You’ve not as much as looked at a man in years, then you have sex with him? I’m thinking he must be a special man!”

She pondered her friend’s suggestion for a little while before replying, “He found me, I thought as he lived away I’d never see him again. He was outside my work on Wednesday...”

Tilly jumped up a mix of emotions flooding through her, “he came to find you? What did he say? Are you seeing him again?...Oh shit! Did he disturb your only evening in?”

Kate chuckled, suddenly seeing more humour than she had all week as she answered each of her questions, “Yes...he wants to see me again...I said no...and yes! My evening in became as hectic as the rest of them!”

                “See him again...go on! At least see how it works out!”

                “I can’t!” That was the truth, though she didn’t tell Tilly that she couldn’t bear to see him and know she’d never kiss him, be held by him, or even touch him. Talking was too painful and she had always managed her life to avoid situations that would challenge her resolve, her psyche. Until now. “I’ve told him to leave and not contact me again. It’s for the best!”

Tilly was distraught, “Oh Kate, please! I wish you’d think about it! I worry about you alone...Saying that, if he’s the sort of man who finds you, finds where you work to see you, he isn’t going to give up that easily!” Seeing her friend suddenly pale, she pulled her close and kissed the top of her head, “Oh Kate, please don’t be upset, I just want to see you happy. Here’s me about to get married, and all I want is you to be as happy as me. Nothing else!”

Ashton appeared at that moment with the wine and Kate wondered if he’d been listening to the conversation, choosing a time when he actually wanted to walk into the room.

Sunday was Peter’s day. She spent at least one day each weekend with him. He liked to go bowling, or on the amphibian vehicle City tour, around the London Eye or to picnic on Primrose Hill. Every week was only a slight variation on the previous one, but some days he was quiet, subdued, another time loud, disruptive and hard to manage. He’d never been violent, he was moody and verbally aggressive more than physically, but there was always an underlying risk, so it was never a comfortable trip out, saying that, she had more control over him than anyone else. He listened to her when she chastised him, and more often than not acted on her words.

               “When are we getting married?” he asked swinging her arm elaborately as they walked hands entwined along the path across the park at Primrose Hill. They’d not picnicked as it was cold, but they’d flown a kite and had ice-cream. The poignancy that from a distance they looked like any young couple in love never failed to choke her. Outside of the residential home he was vulnerable, that was why he was so rude or disruptive, but here walking he hung on to her hand through necessity. Half way into each day out, the same question was asked, and he received the same answer.

                “You know you’ve got to finish your treatment, get a job. How else can you buy me nice things and look after me?”

He chuckled, as he always did, “when I do get a job I’ll buy you a bigger ring! A nicer one that this one!” He thumbed her diamond and smiled, “I can’t wait for that, it’s all that keeps me going, you know that don’t you?”

She nodded, knowing of all those things that he said to manipulate and control people, these words were the truth. He saw her as his link to the past, to reality and to some sort of future. Whenever he complained of a headache, Kate knew he was having more memories of how he was before the accident, occasions, places. She couldn’t begin to imagine how confusing and disorientating that was to him, someone without the mental capacity to cope with it. How could she destroy that hope and optimism? How could she let him down?