What about you? - 5

Chapter 5

Three weeks had passed since Kate had fled to her mother, proverbial tail between her legs. Her mother had been both amazed and ecstatic to see her. After the greatest breakfast Kate had curled up in front of the fire and slept like a baby. When she’d woken her whole perspective had changed and she was depressed on so many levels. She’d left early afternoon and turned up at Tilly’s as planned, but her low mood continued through dinner.

Her housemates Mike and Steve were on fine comedic form as usual so she was able to hide behind them. It was only when Ashton, Tilly’s fiancé took the boys down into his newly converted ‘man cave’ cellar that Tilly had turned to her.

                “So what happened? Were the family oppressive and hinting that you’re doing everything wrong?” Tilly was the only person who knew the truth, knew the real Kate, she’d been beside her through everything, and even though Tilly disagreed with the choices she made, Kate knew she had her complete support.

She shrugged trying to avoid the tears that had threatened to fall since she’d woken at her mother’s. She’d done sadness and grief to the max, but most of all she felt extreme guilt. She’d promised herself six years ago that she’d stay true to Peter. Everyone thought she was mad, but it was what she HAD to do, and now she’d sullied that. How could she look herself in the mirror?

                “I met a man...” she finally offered, “and...”

Tilly rushed over to her and pulled her into her arms, “don’t beat yourself up, you hear me? You’ve devoted far too much time to the past; this is not a bad thing!”

Kate shook her head, “nothing has changed Tilly, I’m still Peter’s...but I’ve now got even more guilt to manage. I ruined what little self respect that I had!”

                “When are you going to stop blaming yourself for what happened to Peter? It wasn’t your fault! You don’t deserve this!” Instead of shouting Tilly’s voice was quiet, controlled. But this wasn’t a new conversation and she knew that a full on slanging match never got a desired outcome.

                “You weren’t there! I saw him drive away, I could’ve stopped him, done so many things, and then...”

Tilly held up a hand to silence her, “let’s not rehash old ground. Tell me about the man that’s managed to penetrate the now infamous Michaels resolve! I’ve not known you strike up a conversation with a man in years, let alone ‘meet’ one. So...SPILL!”

Kate shrugged, “he’s a friend of the bride’s brother, he was there alone, and he kind of pursued me all night...”

                “And you didn’t hit him?” Whilst she joked, Tilly realised the seriousness of this revelation. And as she moved to the large modern fridge to retrieve more wine she almost fainted...or dropped the bottle...or both.

                “I slept with him, and now I hate myself. What am I going to do?”

As Kate stifled a sob, Tilly turned gobsmacked, open mouthed, well and truly stunned. Seeing the obvious torment and distress on her friend’s face, she rushed over to once again wrap her arms around Kate.

                “I think you have to think about the reality of it all and maybe do it again?” that answer was met with a pain filled sob that cut Tilly to the core. “Look, you’ve never wanted anyone else, maybe this is a sign that you’re finally ready to date again. Was he nice? Hell he must’ve been!” She answered her own question, “You’re not likely to be swayed by anyone less than devastating!”

 Kate shrugged, “he lives away, I won’t see him again. But now I have to face up to what I’ve done. And I don’t know how to start!”

               

Tilly stroked her hair, tucking her head into her shoulder and sighed, “I think you should start by admitting you’re only human, and like everyone else you’re not perfect. You feel you’ve let down yourself, what you had in the past. But you haven’t, you’re just normal! And that’s why I love you! Why we all do! Now wipe your tears and get this wine down your throat! And for God’s sake LIVE A LITTLE!”

Kate groaned dropping her head to her desk. That weekend was still so vivid in her mind, today it had been fired by an idea for the advertising campaign she was working on. A new Polish vodka, the advertising was looking to be a ‘Simple Over Ice’ slogan...and the last time she’d had one it’d been bought by Mason.

Sighing she sat back up and looked at her desk planner, tonight was her only free evening of the week and she was looking forward to a hot bath, and a long soak. She’s bought fresh pasta at lunchtime and a carton of fresh arrabiata sauce from her favourite little Italian deli. With the Chianti she knew was in the wine rack, she needed only to breathe once she got home.

As she was packing up to leave her phone rang and she groaned at the sound of her boss needing a ‘latest update’, just as she was about to go home! A further hour later, and after a trip up to the management suite, she was at last pulling on her coat and heading out to into the dull, dark and damp evening.

Kate had taken less than a dozen steps along the street in the direction of the nearest tube station when a voice, so unexpected, so out of place, floored her.

                “Wow! Do you have any idea how difficult you are to locate?”

Before she turned she knew who’d be standing in front of her, and she didn’t know how that made her feel...other than weak kneed, faint and most definitely sick!

Mason took a long moment to drink in the vision of Kate. She looked so different in her sensible trouser suit, business heals and long double breasted rain coat, hair tied neatly out of her eyes. But she had the same flare of passion, and probably anger as she looked down that elegant nose at him that he almost laughed out loud. Not a wise move at this delicate stage.

                “But now I’ve found you, I have to say you look well!” And she did look well. Since the moment he’d woken to an empty bed, ruing the fact he’d actually fallen asleep, he’d wanted to see her again. For some reason she’d haunted his dreams, both day and night, though in them all, she was a faceless brunette with long elegant curves and perfect breasts. Now that he had her face in front of him, he tried to etch her features into his memory, but knew that she was too complex to recall so easily. “And I’ll warn you, I have a LOT of questions!”

Kate was furious and angry, she felt like a deer caught in a hunter’s trap and the innate fight in her came out, but as she turned on him with all that emotion about to spill out, she realised that she was also very excited, though she loathed that admission. His eyes were wide, those cold icy blue irises that had been so dark and warm when he’d made love to her were now analysing her response. Shaking her head she re-harnessed all that anger and added his pain over her treatment of him to the already huge pile of guilt that was her daily burden.

                “I don’t owe you anything, let alone an explanation.”

He shook his head and reached for her as she made to turn away, “Kate? You ran away...”

Ignoring the sensation, the awareness of his hand touching hers, she glared up at him, “I left as I was expected elsewhere.”

                “Do you have any idea how awful it was to wake up to an empty bed? No note, no phone number...NOTHING!”

She flinched as he raised his voice, not through fear, but she didn’t want to draw attention to herself, she was outside her office, her colleagues would be leaving as she had been. “Look Mason, it was fun, it’s ended. I thought you were living in Dubai?” It was a struggle to sound so controlled, so hard when she really wanted to curl up and cry.

His face contorted into an angry mask, “that would suit you down to the ground, wouldn’t it? For me to disappear to another continent? What was I? A convenience? Someone to use because you had an itch that needed a scratch?”

She shrugged, “I warned you enough times that it couldn’t happen. That it was wrong.”

                “I don’t do one night stands Kate, and at thirty two I’m too old to change. So you can’t walk away.” When he spotted her looking around nervously, he suddenly spotted her weak spot. She was embarrassed. He’d noticed that everyone coming out of the waterfront office block were dressed in the same executive manner as her, she obviously had a high-flying job, and his appearance, this upset was scaring her, not that she was fearful of him, but more likely the embarrassment of people witnessing this public airing of dirty laundry. “Meet me later, for dinner?”

She shook her head, “I have nothing to say Mason.”

Leaning closer, he whispered a response, “you sure about that? I can be here every day until you listen to me, I can shout, scream...you won’t get away from me. All I want is an hour of your time. Tonight. It’s not like I’m asking for the Earth.”

Mason could see the deliberation in her eyes, then was rewarded by a brief nod; she then named a chain restaurant in the centre of London and disappeared from view.  Mason leaned back against the building and sighed, why the hell was this woman always making him act like some sort of caveman? He’d resorted to blackmail on two separate occasions, and that just wasn’t him. Regardless, he had an hour later to change her mind, and he knew that she would not give a minute more!

After diving into the closest tube station Kate made her journey home all the time her mind racing, her main concern was whether or not she could manage an hour of his time without succumbing to what the inner Kate really wanted. Mike and Steve were playing the Xbox when she got to the house. Lots of shouts and noise echoed around the house as was usual when spending time with them.

                “A’Right?” Steve grunted as Mike groaned a defeatist sound, another common trait of the house.

She nodded, but knew that she was too fraught to get involved in any conversations, “yeah, I’m fine. I’ve got to go back out, so I’m just going to dive in the shower.”

Both grunted acknowledgement then returned to their game, some form of armed combat.

Under the hot needles of the shower, Kate was still preoccupied. All thought s were of seeing Mason again, seeing him and talking to him. As much as she tried to convince herself that she hated him, she knew that the real problem was that she had no idea how she’d react to him, her behaviour at her brother’s wedding had stunned her, it was so out of character that she realised she had become scared of herself. Sighing she thrust her face into the aggressive forceful shower and allowed it to pound her thoughts away.

What to wear on such a bizarre occasion. Kate had spent ages staring at the rack of clothes inside her wardrobe and finally chosen a black dress, she didn’t want to appear that she’d made an effort, but on the other hand she wanted to look good, so she paired the dress with chunky ankle boots and some ethnic jewellery. She knew it flattered her figure and that she looked good, but leaving her hair down, a little wild, and the accessories really dressed down the outfit. Smiling at her reflection in the darkened window of the tube she knew she’d made the right choice.

Mason sat in the ridiculously busy restaurant that was only one step up from a fast food joint and shook his head, this was a deliberate ploy by Kate, she chosen somewhere busy, impersonal and the least likely location for a deep and meaningful conversation. The cow!

Spotting her stroll along the dark street towards him, Mason stood and made for the door, meeting her there.

                “You may think that this is funny, but there is no way we’re having food here. It’s close to bedlam!”

Taking her elbow before she could protest, he turned her and directed her by the elbow across the road to another slightly quieter looking pub. It was dark inside, but Mason could make out a table towards the back of the room and lead her that way.

As Kate took in the quiet almost seductive ambience in the room, she started to panic. How the hell could she resist this? Him?