Never Again - 22

Chapter 22 - this is reality

Jack smile appeared a lot easier than it was, “we can discuss details as time goes on, but look around Erin, you can’t raise a child here. It’s completely unsuitable.”

Erin hid her extreme resentment at his judgement, as best she could, his presumption angered her, as did the casual way he lounged in the seat watching her, so relaxed when she was barely holding it together,  “please don’t stand here and make such sweeping statements. I’ve had an extremely busy day. You might think this has been an easy transition for me, but it hasn’t. Can we talk about this tomorrow?”

He knew when he was defeated, so he answered with a nod. There was time to talk, he’d come here in a temper wanting to make demands, but he was leaving a lot calmer, he just had to play Erin correctly, then she’d see that his suggestions were the right ones.

Erin smiled sadly, “come for dinner tomorrow, we can talk then.”

Jack knew he was being dismissed, but he was okay with that, after all he had a lot to deal with in his own mind. Nodding he made for the door, “I’ll be here at seven.”

Jack slid back into his car and fired the engine; he felt like hitting the motorway and blasting as much speed as he could muster, but that wasn’t practical, plus he owed Danni an apology. He’d been so bullish to her. So he wound his way across the city to his friend’s home.

                “Sorry Dan.” He offered when she opened the door.

She smiled and pulled him into a hug, “no worries, it was all a bit of a mess...how was it?”

He pulled back and looked down at her, and suddenly he felt the strange sensation of prickling at his eyes, there was no way he was crying, he’d not cried in as long as he could remember, but he realised he felt more emotional than he’d ever been before. Taking a deep breath he tried to vocalise his thoughts, “I don’t know. I went in angry...not a good move.”

Laughing she led him into the lounge where Scott was stretched out on a sofa watching the golf.

                “Reilly, how was it?” He smiled in an understanding way, but didn’t move from his lounging posture on the sofa.

Jack sat on a seat opposite, “sorry for earlier man, I was out of order.”

Scott shrugged it off, “not being funny, but I was freaked when Danni told me she was pregnant, and we were married, thinking about it, you know? Can’t imagine how freaky it must be for you!”

Jack nodded, “I don’t know whether I’m coming or going!” Slumping back in the seat he groaned and the couple laughed. “Don’t laugh; I don’t know what I’m doing!”

                “It’s a lot to take in love, but just don’t do anything rash, give it some time.” Danni offered.

                “So telling her she’ll be moving lock, stock and barrel into my house ASAP wasn’t the most tactical move.”

Danni burst out laughing, “I presume she told you where to get off!”

He nodded, “in as many words!”

                “She’ll be as stunned as you, and to be honest, nothing in your life will change. Give her time. And be understanding!” Danni sighed, “It’s a scary time, honestly just let her get used to it first. Ok?”

He sighed, “But she’s so pigheaded, I want to shake her!”

Danni laughed again, “And you’re not??? DON’T do that, whatever you do! Just hang fire; she’s hormonal and likely to kill you if you act too overpowering. Listen to her, maybe agree, even if you don’t. But whatever you do, make her feel you support her, that’s what she needs. Otherwise she might cut you out completely. And you are not the sort of man who’d take that.”

He agreed, the last thing he wanted was a child of his growing up without him, never knowing him. Danni was right, patience was a virtue.

Erin was exhausted. It hadn’t been an easy first day back. The clinic had been busy, her diary had no spaces. She hadn’t told her bosses of her predicament, she needed to look into the policies and entitlements before she confronted them. Financially it was going to be a mess when she took maternity leave, but she had no choice really, she’d work something out she was sure. She had to.

She was shattered when she got home, but she’d promised Jack dinner. Lasagne took an hour, she had forty five minutes. It was in the oven and she’d literally just stepped out of the shower when the door bell rang. She pulled on a pair of shorts and a vest top; she refused to dress up for him, the finally made for the door.

Jack stood there sarcastically twiddling his thumbs, he was dressed in a t-shirt and shorts too, coupled with flip-flops, he’d managed to read her mind and dress casually too. Outdone once again.

                “Come in Reilly!” She stepped back and gestured inside. With a mod he passed her only to be swamped by the huge lump that was Barney. He hated to admit it, but he’d got quite fond of the old boy. Then he smelled the meal, whatever it was, the aroma was wonderful. For a moment he had a vision of walking in from training to see Erin in his hi-tech kitchen making dinner.

Shaking his head clear of that vision, Erin had been heavily pregnant in that image and he couldn’t begin to contemplate just how erotic that was. He was becoming a sap, all swoon and desire. That would spoil his plans and he had to get her living in his house, that was objective numero uno.

                “Dinner smells nice!” he turned to face her, and smiled, she was looking beautiful, refreshing, and unadorned, and hostile. That indifference, anger, it excited him.  “And you look great!”

She scoffed, “it’s only lasagne, and I’m bloody shattered, so nice try!” With that she disappeared into the kitchen.

Jack chuckled to himself; a wound up Erin was someone who cared. He loved that, in was disinterest and complacency he feared.

                “So I was thinking...” He moved to the kitchen door, “I want you to see a private doctor, just double check everything.”

Her head snapped up, “They’re hardly going to give you a different diagnosis!”

Again he laughed, “I know...but this is my first baby Erin, I’d like to see scans, be there when the doctors talk to you, hell I want to be involved, is that wrong?”

Erin sighed, how did you come back to that comment? As she’d been reminded so bloody frequently, he deserved to be involved, he wanted to be part of the baby’s life. She couldn’t ask for anything else, in fact she’d tried to goad him into saying the opposite. But he hadn’t, he’d said everything she’d wanted to hear. But she didn’t have to like him, though she did! The bastard!

Pausing for a moment, she held her tongue, then calmly smiled, “if that’s what you want. What’s another barrage of prods and tests? How many hoops will there be before you truly accept it?”

Jack groaned, another attempt to flatter her, to sweet talk her, had back fired. She hated him all over again.

                “Erin, I’m not trying to catch you out, I just want to help, and I want to make sure you’re well. Is that so wrong?”

She shrugged, returning her gaze to the meal in front of her. “Can we just eat food and not argue?” She was suddenly weary.

She heard Jack sigh, “I don’t want us to argue at all Erin.”

The meal was awkward. Any mention of the baby brought around crosswords, yet not mentioning it meant the conversations were farcical. It was a no win situation. So Erin agreed to meet him two days later at the private clinic he’d chosen.

There were a few texts from him between the meal and then, but Erin was glad of some alone time, she was desperately trying to get her own head around being pregnant, she didn’t need the complication of defending herself at every opportunity to him.

Jack had emailed her details of the doctor he’d found, he confessed it was one that Danni and Scott had recommended, so after work on a Friday evening, she had to travel across town to the suburbia clinic. She was late, stressed and hot. It was one of the hottest days of the year and the air conditioning in her car didn’t work. By the time she burst into the cool modern reception she felt like hell. And there was the cool, calm Jack sat in a chair, legs crossed at the ankle, a glossy magazine loose in his hands.

Seeing her enter, he jumped to his feet, “you ok?”

Shrugging, she searched in her back for a tissue and mopped at her brow, “could be better!”

                “What is it? You look really hot and bothered!”

She laughed, “No shit! It’s the hottest day of the year, I should be sitting in my garden drinking lemonade, and instead I’m driving in traffic with no air conditioning!”

He groaned, “that car is a death trap. We’re buying a new one this weekend!”

This was Jack, buy it, throw money at it. But she couldn’t let him take away her independence. “My car works.”

He led her to the chairs, and sat her down beside him, “it’s fine, but you need to look after yourself. Whatever happens between us, YOU need a reliable vehicle to drive yourself around in. I won’t argue this point. It’ll be your car, in your name. NOTHING to do with me. But I do insist that you’re safe. You won’t move in with me, I can see that, but a new car...no brainer.”

He as so overpowering, in his ways, his actions, his presence. And here she was tying herself to him through a baby. She had no idea how she’d cope with that.

The doctor was a woman in her forties, and Erin instantly was at ease with her.

                “You’re blood pressure is a little high,” Dr Carter smiled at her, “rushing around?”

Before replying Erin felt her eyes dart to Jack who was sat beside her, but was now leaning forward, listening intently. Why did everything seem like more ammunition for his bullying tactics? “It’s not been the easiest journey getting here. And I’m a little stressed.”

Dr Carter herself glanced at Jack then grinned at Erin, “don’t let anything upset you, relax, and we’ll retest in a couple of days ok?”

Erin nodded, instantly feeling some sort of unity with the doctor, she seemed to have Jack’s number already, and that gave her some reassurance. If he wanted to demand this from her, it helped that she had some support and understanding from the doctor.

Jack was silent when the ultrasound was being performed, and for the first time Erin really felt for him, he was embracing this baby, and seemed equally ecstatic and stunned as the doctor explained the images in great detail. When his hand reached for hers it seemed the most natural thing to squeeze it back and smile at him.

The doctor gave Erin all her details and promised to be on hand if anything happened or she needed her. The beauty of money. With a bag filled with more leaflets, more advice and more samples, she made for the car park, Jack hot on her heels.

                “I’ll pick you up tomorrow, ten o’clock. We’ll go car shopping.”

With that he turned and made for his car.

               

                “Mixed messages!” Erin exclaimed to Michelle by phone later. “One minute he wants me to move in, buy me a car, the next he’s leaving me in the car park to drive home in the hunk of junk he condemned an hour earlier.”

 “Why don’t you tell him how you feel?”

Erin slumped back on the bed in a starfish position and laughed, “What that he’s taking over, that I want to kill him? That I’m dreading the next six months?”

Michelle sighed, “or maybe that you love him and you want to be more than the mother of his child.”

Erin’s responding laugh bordered on psychotic, “that’d be great! Rip myself open and let him walk all over me? Remember he was the one who found some blonde within days of us arguing, I’m not what he wants Michelle, and I’m not letting him hurt me.”

                “I think he likes you hell of a lot more than you give him credit for. I mean if he moves you in, then he can hardly behave like the tomcat you think he is, can he?”

It was a question that Erin didn’t want to answer, “I’m not moving in for convenience, what exactly would I be if I did that? Not the equal partner, I’d be the child bearing lodger! It’s a preposterous suggestion, and I’m not buying in to it!”