Never Again - 24

Chapter 24 - getting used to it all

A few days later Jack jetted off to Malaysia for a week with his squad, and Erin was glad for a moment out of his radar. After work she planned to relax with a movie, just her and Barney, she was visiting Michelle this weekend, and then there was the plan to tell her parents about the baby.

Groaning, that wasn’t the best thought, she left her office and made for her car.

                “Erin!”

The female voice caused her to stop in her tracks, turning she saw Danielle Millward stood next to her own car an apologetic smile on her face. Erin had a moment to think, she wasn’t angry with Danni, in fact she was quite glad that she’d saved Erin the awkwardness of actually broaching the subject with Jack. He was right to be angry, and it wasn’t Danielle’s fight, she had no obligation to Erin, if anything her loyalty was with Jack. And Erin respected her for that.

                “Hi Danni,” she walked over to the other woman and saw the emotion on her face. She was nervous, and that was ridiculous. Erin smiled and pulled her into a hug, and she sighed as she felt the other woman physically relax.

                “I was thinking you’d hate me by now.”

Erin smiled, “you did me a favour, I was struggling to make that call.”

                “He turned up, as soon as I got home, I didn’t intend to tell him, but he could tell I was anxious!”

She was the worst person at hiding stress that Erin had ever met, so she knew that was true, she answered with a grin, “it’s ok, honestly!”

                “I was wondering if you wanted to go for a coffee? That was the plan if you didn’t slap my face!”

And so they found themselves having a hot drink and a piece of cake in a small cafe overlooking a busy street of shops and boutiques.

                “So how are you feeling?”  Danni played with the spoon in her coffee. “I know I felt like crap the whole time I was pregnant.”

Erin laughed, “You were having two, this is definitely only one, so it must take less toll on your body! I’m fine; I anticipated feeling a lot worse!”

                “Lucky you! Enjoy it, it only gets harder...How’s Jack about it all?”

Erin sipped at her tea, contemplating an answer, how did she think he was coping? Danni probably had more of an idea than her; he wasn’t exactly one for sharing his emotions. “He’s ok I guess, he doesn’t tell me much...” she glanced up at the other woman, “he probably tells you more!”

Danni nodded, “so it seems! I didn’t want to meet you to tell tales or compare stories, but I liked you when I met you, and you’re going to be linked to Jack, that was my motivation, but yes he does talk to me. He came around after you’d bought the car.” She stifled a laugh, and Erin did too. “I thought it was a great move. He’s not very good at relationships Erin, and that was a prime example of why! He wants to control everything, compartmentalise it, he doesn’t realise that it’s give and take. But I do think he’s getting there.” She laughed again, “I’m not trying to big him up, he doesn’t need my help in the charm department, but I love him like a brother, he’s a good guy...even if he works hard to hide that fact!”

Erin drove home digesting the afternoon intently; Danni had given her along with an invitation to dinner when the men were home, a lot of food for thought. Not that it was anything new, she would never have slept with him if he wasn’t a fundamentally good man, but he hid that trait well!

                “Are you sure you don’t mind Barney staying with us?” Erin was stuck in traffic on the M6 heading to her friend’s home, but courtesy of her new car she had a fantastic hands free kit for her phone.

                “Of course not! I’ve even cleared a sofa for him; you’ve always come as a pair! I’ve got loads planned, so come on, get your arse into gear and get here now!”

Hanging up, Erin laughed, turned the radio up, then sang along to songs until she finally pulled up outside her best friends’ home a while later. She’d barely settled in when her phone rang. Smiling she answered.

                “Reilly! How goes it?” There were a dozen things she longed to say, she’d missed him SO much, but she couldn’t bring herself to let her guard down. Not yet.

                “Erin!” Her name was a sigh, and she loved that. “How are you?”

She leaned back against the sofa, knowing her face displayed a smug grin, “I’m good...we’re good!” He sighed at that too. “Me and Barney have just got to Michelle and Dave’s - after a great trip in Friday night traffic.”

He chuckled, “So you’re saying I got to Kuala Lumpur quicker?”

She laughed, “Something like that! So how is Malaysia? Other than hot!”

They spoke genially for fifteen minutes, then he was expected on club business, the players were visiting schools and charity organisations for the remainder of the day before three games in the next seven days. He wasn’t likely to figure in them all, but it was still a tight schedule, and with the time difference it was unlikely they’d speak much again. He then promised to resort to emails, promising to write daily.

                “So what have you got planned?” She asked Michelle after they’d had a cup of tea, both being pregnant their usual diet of coffee and wine was a thing of the past.

                “Well! Take away tonight - your choice, then a pamper day tomorrow. What do you think?”

                “Perfect!”

The weekend passed far too quickly, they had enjoyed so much time, the spa day had been wonderful, luxurious, they’d walked Barney on Primrose Hill, eaten like Kings...or rather Queens. It was a tearful goodbye on the doorstep Sunday morning.

Erin had intended to travel home via her parents, to pass on her news, but she wasn’t up to it, she really had become a chicken these days.

Jack was true to his word, he emailed her regularly, telling her all about the day’s events, games he’d played, jokes, idiotic actions of his team mates. It sounded as they were having a ball, and she really had nothing to report in return. 

The week flew by, she was busy in work, there were a lot of sports people trying to get fit for the coming season and that meant working with her. When Jack called on Saturday morning he had just landed in Manchester airport.

                “You ok?”  He asked, and she could hear the concern in his voice.

                “I’m good. Busy, but good. How was the trip?”

He laughed, “How ungrateful do I sound complaining about it? Long, hot and very tiring. Missed home, and I worried about you!”

                “Me?!” She laughed, where that concern should probably make her feel protected, she had the sneaky feeling that his was him not having control again. “I’m fine! I told you.”

Laughing again he added, “Like you’d tell me if you weren’t! Seeing you means I can tell how you are! Can I come and see you? I want to feed my worry!”

                “How can I refuse? What did you have in mind? You must be shattered!”

                “I am, but I want to see you, that’s more important. Shall I take you out for dinner?”

The last time they’d been out he’d abandoned her, and that was her immediate recollection when he asked. She had no intention of recreating that sort of awkwardness again. “I’ll cook. Do you have a request?”

                “Surprise me.”

He arrived within two hours, hair still wet from the shower, dressed in a pair of well worn jeans and t-shirt. “I managed to shower and change...”

Laughing she welcomed him into the house, and there was an awkward moment when they half hugged, but neither knew exactly how to deal with the other.  Erin pulled back and forced a smile, “more likely you couldn’t wait check to up on me! I feel like a naughty schoolgirl!”

He widened his eyes for a second, “that’s a rather evocative thought!”

Swatting at him with a hand she rolled her eyes, “I’ve lit the barbeque; it’s not a huge one but enough for us. I’m presuming your alpha barbie male is simmering under the surface?”

                “Show me the way!” He laughed.

Replete and relaxed they were sat on the small patio enjoying the sun, music wafting out of the doors, when Erin turned to him. Jack’s eyes were closed, his face upturned to the sun, and she smiled, it was so lovely when they didn’t argue, when he was being the nice guy she knew he could be.

He looked exhausted, and whilst she was so tempted to offer her bed, encourage him to relax, he’d rushed straight from the airport to see her, she knew that she couldn’t cope with him here, in her home like that. So when he yawned she stayed quiet then watched him struggle to get up and leave to drive home.

The following morning she woke early, she’d been uncomfortable over night; she presumed the thought of Jack in her bed was playing on her subconscious. An hour later she stood in the bathroom shaking. She was bleeding...not a little spot, a lot, more than she thought was healthy. Suddenly she panicked, she couldn’t lose this baby, it was everything to her. She didn’t have any pain, there was no reason to think she was having any problems, she’d just gone to the bathroom. The feeling of fear was overwhelming her.

Barely able to move for her shaking legs and nausea, she reached for the phone, she wasn’t sure that she could get hold of Doctor Carter on a weekend. But searching through her bag she found a business card.

                “Come to the hospital immediately. I’ll meet you there!” the older woman assured her.

                “Am I losing the baby?”

The voice was reassuring, “Erin it could be a hundred different things. Honestly. Just come in. Will Jack be able to drive you?”

                “Can’t I drive myself?”

Dr Carter sighed, “You need to relax, and you might feel pain.”

                “So I am losing it?” Erin could barely speak the words.

                “Erin, I need to see you ASAP, get Jack to drive you to the hospital, and relax okay?”

Calling Jack, relying on him, was against everything she stood for, to admit she needed him, well that was almost blasphemy. But she did.

                “Erin?” his sounded sleepy as he answered the phone, but she could hear the surprise in his voice. “You ok?”

It was the worst thing he could have asked, because now she had to vocalise the words that ‘no she wasn’t’. And tears beat the words and a small sob escaped her lips.

                “You at home? I’m on my way!”

Within twenty minutes she was opening the door to him, and was curled up in his arms and his lips were kissing her forehead, “What is it Erin?”

For a moment she wanted everything to stop, cocooned in his arms it all seemed okay, she was safe. But as soon as she pulled back slightly and looked up at him, she realised that she wasn’t safe, this was really happening.

                “I’m bleeding...” she could barely form the words, “Dr Carter is waiting for us at the hospital.”

Erin didn’t know how she expected him to act, but she definitely didn’t anticipate him being so calm, so controlled. He helped her into the car, spoke quietly to her en route, then led her into the waiting room.

The next hour passed in a blur. The last thing she wanted or needed was him being next to her as she was prodded, poked and examined. But he sat beside her, holding her hand, being the epitome of the perfect companion. When she needed him, he came good.

Lying there, waiting for the doctor to return was the hardest few moments of her life, Jack could only hold her hand, he didn’t try and initiate conversations. When the door opened they both looked up terrified.

                “Erin, the baby is fine, the bleeding is because you have low lying placenta. We’re going to have to keep a close eye on you. But if you stop work, relax, then there’s no reason why you shouldn’t carry to full term.”

The relief was palpable, and Jack stood, a smile beaming across his lips as he shook Dr Carter’s hand enthusiastically, “thank you doctor, that’s great news! Thank you so much.”

Jack glanced down at Erin; he’d not known fear like he had the last few hours. Erin was so pale, she was a shadow of the normally vivacious woman he’d come to know. She coped with everything; she was so strong, so independent. The fact that she wasn’t now was the scariest part of it all. Now that they knew the baby was fine he’d thought that she’d relax, that she’d at least smile, but she didn’t. She looked as scared now as she had the moment he’d picked her up.

                “Erin, this is good news, don’t look so scared.”

She turned to look at him, her eyes wide, “scared?” She shook her head, “I can’t stop working...how can I?”

He grinned, “That’s the least of your worries!”

                “How can I pay rent? Put petrol in my car without a job? I haven’t worked there long enough to get any sick pay. There’s still more twenty five weeks until this baby is born...” She suddenly stared at him, “I’ll have to go back and live with my parents, oh god, it was so hard last time.”

He placed a finger over her lips, “shush! It’s easy; you and Barney come and live with me. There’s no other option now!”

A feeling of immense dread filled Erin, it was one thing needing his emotional support, but without an income living in his house, being totally reliant on him sounded like hell, she couldn’t allow that, surely.

                “Erin, don’t over think this! It’s the best thing for you, and the best thing for the baby. We can work out the details, agree on rules, but there’s no other option for us, not really.”