Never Again - 25

Chapter 25...moving in

Living in the same house as Jack, under the same roof, being dependent on him for everything, seemed like suicide to Erin. But the one thing they agreed on was that she had to do the right thing by the baby. And if that meant stopping work, then so be it. But she didn’t have to be happy about it. She’d never as much as seen his home, so she had no idea what to expect. She had very little to take with her, the flat she rented was already furnished, so she’d stored furniture and lots of bedding, kitchenware in a storage unit. So all she had was a box of CD’s, clothes and a few soft furnishings. For that reason it took her about half an hour to pack up her things. Though she requested a lot longer than that.

Jack wouldn’t let her as much as lift a box into the car, so once she was done, she had to call him. He turned up with his huge four wheel drive - he was obviously expecting her to travel a lot heavier than she did.

                “Is this it?” He was shocked; he’d seen women take more baggage on a weekend away.

She nodded slightly embarrassed, “most of my stuff is in storage.”

He grinned, “no problem, we can get that all delivered when you’re ready.”

She gulped, he was planning on her living with him long term. She’d presumed this was a temporary thing. Yet again she’d underestimated him.

They’d spent the previous evening working out guidelines for this tenancy agreement of sorts. Erin didn’t want to be dependent on him, and she didn’t want him controlling her life either. So she’d insisted that she had her own room, her own space, sex was not a prerequisite for this deal, and that was a non negotiable fact. If he was surprised or disappointed he hid it well. Nodding easily, he broached the second item on her list, money.

                “I want you to have a bank card...take what you need.” She shook her head. He sighed, “A weekly figure into your bank? Monthly?”

She shook her head again, it felt too much like Rent-A-Womb, he was paying her for carrying his baby. That felt morally wrong. She had no real outgoings and she had a few thousand pounds savings, she could cope until the baby was born, and that was also non negotiable.

He groaned again, “you are one stubborn woman.”

Erin smiled, “I’ll take that as a compliment!”

There were a lot of unwritten issues, but she was happier to join him once they’d agreed these few things.  But as he loaded her bags and boxes into his car she couldn’t help the feelings of fear, almost suffocation that this move was causing.

He was reluctant to let her drive behind him in her car, the thought that he was going to be so protective of her was more damaging than any physical exertion. At her insistence he agreed, after all she’d need a car once she got to his home. And so she followed him on a long winding journey out to a gated estate in the Cheshire countryside.

Erin was stunned, they drove past a dozen drive ways that led to imposing modern houses, all secreted away from prying eyes. There was an element of over dramatic about some of the places, gargoyles on gates, stone urns topping pillars, but she wouldn’t dare comment on that to Jack. The driveway he pulled into was a lot more austere, friendly, but not embellished the way some of the others had. He stopped his car in front of the arched doorway, and jumped out onto the gravel driveway, marching up to her car to open the door for firstly her, and then letting Barney out.

                “I’ll show you around, and then get your things in, okay?”

Erin nodded mutely, following him into the house. She couldn’t describe all that she’d seen, the huge modern kitchen, functional lounge, huge high ceilinged hall ways, and of course the swimming pool with the retractable roof. Then there were the landscaped gardens.

 Skipping ahead of her up the stairs, he nodded to the left, “that’s my room...” there was a deliberate poignancy in his words, then he moved on to a door further along the hall on the opposite side. “And this is yours...if you like it!”

He pushed open the door and Erin gasped, the room was huge, full length patio doors led out onto a balcony, a huge wooden bed faced the window, through an arch to the left was a small lounge, then to the right a bathroom.

Erin wandered up to the window and stared, “it’s beautiful!”

Jack smiled, “so it’s not a prison then?”

Smiling herself she turned to look back at him leaning against the doorframe, “more of a gilded cage?”

Jack wanted to smile, wanted to laugh, but it was so hard. She hated being here, he’d thought once she came here, the room, the space, that she’d at least be a little happy. But she wasn’t. He didn’t have anything else to offer her.

                “I’ll get your things from the car, then I’m playing golf with Scott. It’ll give you time to settle in. No lifting, ok?”

Erin was investigating the fridge when he came to report that the last of her things were in her room.

                “Will you be home for dinner?”

He shrugged, “not sure.” He turned away.

                “Ah!”

Jack spun back to face her, “Ah?”

Erin turned back to the fridge, “yes Ah! You are starting to avoid me already. Jack it was your idea that I move in, but if you start avoiding being here, then I’m moving to my parents.” She glanced over her shoulder, “got it? Dinner’s at half five!”

Jack drove to the golf course like a madman, a zillion emotions ravaging his brain; he’d never been so out of his depth as he was now, with her. Every other relationship he’d had he controlled dominated and directed. Now he was expected home for dinner...didn’t she know that there’d never been a meal cooked in that kitchen?

Scott was the only person who knew what was going on, and seeing Jack’s stormy face, he laughed, “about bloody time someone got you out of your comfort zone! Two of the boys are joining us, so I won’t say a word.”

Jack pulled his clubs out of his boot, and followed Scott inside with a scowl.

He played abysmally, he was usually the best but his Midas touch had abandoned him this afternoon. When conversation dried up, when they were walking between tees his mind drifted back to his home, his inner sanctum, and the invited guest who was currently turning her culinary skills on his sterile kitchen. 

                “Loser pays!”  Alex was a fellow team mate and occasional golf buddy, and he was ecstatic to see Jack come in at the foot of the success table, for a change.

Jack marched over to the bar and pulled out his wallet, handing a wad of notes to the barman, he snapped, “whatever they want then keep the change, ok?” When the barman nodded, he turned to the guys, “I’m outta here!”

Only Scott’s face didn’t show surprise as Jack stormed out, Scott smiled, then laughed.

If the afternoon’s thoughts had been strange, opening the door to his home and smelling garlic, hearing Suicide Blonde at full blast and seeing a beautiful woman in what he could only describe as hot pants and a skimpy vest dancing with an over sized hound was way off the surreal scale. And the horny one.

Taking a calming sigh, he strolled into the lounge tossing his keys and wallet into the large wooden bowl he’d bought in Kenya two years earlier, or rather to the place where the bowl should have been. Instead they hit the table and skidded off to the marble floor with a clatter.

The noise caused Erin to look up, and for a second her smile was of pleasure, unadulterated pleasure. Then a mask dropped and she lowered the corners of her lips, and the dance stopped too. Reaching for the remote control she reduced the volume dramatically.

                “Where’s the bowl?”

Erin wasn’t sure what she expected him to say, but the last thing she expected was that.

                “It’s a salad bowl...” she nodded to the table, where it sat filled with salad.

Jack’s eyes widened and Erin couldn’t control her laughter, “are you really territorial over a bowl? I’m not stupid Jack, you’ve give me your bedroom, or rather your suite of rooms, and you’re holed up in a guest room. But now you’re annoyed I’ve moved a bowl? Or rather used it for its REAL purpose!”

                “I put my keys in it!” His reply sounded ridiculous even to himself and he fought to contain his own laugh.

                “How are you going to cope with stockings in the hallway and my underwear in the laundry?” When he visibly gulped, she laughed, “Jack do you want to rethink this? I mean you’ve obviously never shared your life with anyone...”

                “Unlike you!” He snapped, then immediately regretted it.

Erin’s face fell for a moment, “we all make mistakes Jack.”

There was a poignant moment when he realised that she might be referring to the baby, but as a man who’d seen his mother devastated losing so many babies, he would never consider any baby a mistake. “This isn’t one Erin; I don’t care what you say!”

With that he turned and left the room.

She’d pulled the chicken and potatoes from the oven and was about to carry them to the table in the adjacent dining room when he re-entered the room.

                “Sorry for snapping, you’re right, this is hard for me.”

She turned to see him stood in front of her in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, hair wet from the shower, he looked sad. Reaching for his hands she smiled, “it’s hard for us both, I get that now, I was so busy feeling sorry for myself.”

He smiled, his eyes fighting another ogle of her in those ridiculous clothes, “we can do this, can’t we?”

She nodded, “we can, now come eat. Ok?”

He sat down and immediately starting filling his plate, she was a great cook, glancing at her he saw her smile, she liked that he liked her food, “so you went shopping?”

Laughing Erin helped herself to salad, “well I did try to make a meal from beer, milk and baked beans, but there weren’t a lot of options...”

Jack bit his tongue, she probably shouldn’t be carrying bags of shopping, but whilst part of him wanted to shout at her stupidity, the other part knew that was ridiculous. He’d never felt this unable to control something, and he hated it.

Later they were sat, the TV on, they already knew they liked similar shows, the same films, so that was a bonus.

                “I’m going to see my parents soon, tell them about the baby...”

Jack looked up, “you haven’t told them yet?”

She laughed, “I feel like a teenager, I mean this is great news...it’s just not quite the way I imagined it happening...”

Nodding he reached for her hand, “I’ll come with you. You say you think he’ll hate me, but that’s his problem, worse have despised me, and this is not something you should do alone.”

Erin smiled; it was nice to have that, protection, support.

Despite her fairly seamless transition from her home to his, Erin found herself thinking, far too much. Her life had veered off course somewhere in the last few months, and she’d lost her identity, her independence. She liked Jack, they were friends, she loved arguing with him, and she loved his home, but she couldn’t imagine taking him to her parents’ home and lying to them. Because that’s what they’d do, lie that they were happy that they wanted this child together. OR the other option was to admit that he was funding her pregnancy. And then there were the implications for afterwards. Once the baby was born.

 For two days she avoided everything, going out, talking to her family, Michelle, everything. She simply cooked, swam in the luxurious pool, watched TV or basked in the sun. Barney was happy tearing around the garden, but she hadn’t even gone further than that for him.  Jack was training, then he had to travel for a friendly a few hours away, she hadn’t seen a lot of him.  

So on the third morning, as with every morning, she strolled downstairs in just her pyjamas, she almost had a coronary to find Jack sat at the table, eating a bowl of porridge. He looked cute, hair wet from the shower, and dark rimmed glasses that she hadn’t seen before.

Recovering quickly from her shock, she tried to smile, “what are you doing still here?”

His response wasn’t the light hearted smile she’d expected, “got a rest day, and want to stop you becoming a hermit.” When she looked at him questioningly he added, “Your car hasn’t moved since Sunday. You’ve not gone anywhere, and that is not healthy. Maybe I’m feeling a little guilty for dragging you away from your home and ostracising out her in the countryside.”

Erin was still staring at him, “didn’t realise you wear glasses.”

                “Nice subject change! I wear contacts, and as I was saying, you’ve not been anywhere?”

She nodded, “it’s been quite nice having nothing to do. Haven’t had that in a long time.” When he only nodded, his eyes staying on her she groaned, “Ok! I’m worried. Is that what you want to hear? I’m worried that I’ll start bleeding again, then I worry that people will find out I’m here with you...”

He scoffed, “am I that bad?”

She laughed sadly, “no, but this is a ridiculous situation, and the last thing I want is to be photographed with you.” Again he scoffed, “Jack, this is madness, don’t you see? We’re here together but not really, all because of the baby, we haven’t even told our families.”

                “You are the one who put rules on this Erin, I just wanted to see how things went, but that wasn’t what you wanted. I’m accommodating you as much as I can what more can I do?”

She shrugged she had no idea what she wanted, or what the two of them could do to change that.