Never Again - 28

Chapter 28 - picking up the pieces

 

Erin LOVED this apartment, it was everything that London should be, old fashioned - it had one of those cage lifts in the hallway, the high ceilings, full length sash windows were all exactly how London apartments should be. But there was a private roof terrace nestled between the chimneys of adjacent buildings that captured the afternoon sun and was modern and well designed, and should seem out of character, but didn't. They’d shared the bedroom again last night, the guest room was London small and Erin couldn’t see Jack out of his own bed for her. And again it had been cute, cuddly and very friendly.

Looking at herself in the full length mirror, Erin groaned, suddenly her stomach had started to not so much expand as swell. She felt like she’d eaten the heaviest meal, and it was slightly uncomfortable lying on her belly. With a sigh of unexplained origin, she dressed into a sundress and sandals, it was a warm August afternoon, then left the building t meet her mother.

Jack had insisted that she only be out for a few hours at a time, so when she met her mother, they wandered for a little while, talking a little - neutral subjects, then made for their favourite lunch haunt.

                “So has Dad recovered?” Erin asked the question from behind the menu in a slightly chicken way.

Her mother laid down her own menu, “I think that your Jack is opening a lot of raw wounds for him, he never really accepted the end of his career, and this is like a knife in the chest to him.” She steepled her fingers, “he shouldn’t have reacted as he did, and he should, and will apologise, but you know how stubborn he is!”

She nodded, “I do.” He’d not spoken to his own brother for five years, all over a misunderstanding, he seemed to get even more resistant and stubborn when he realised he was in the wrong. This could be a long process.

                “He loves you though, and he’ll be happy about the baby, you’ll see. He’s just worried about things, he remembers last year, he took your marriage break up so badly...”

Erin gave out a sigh, “Mum, you have to stop making bull shit excuses for him, otherwise I’ll have to leave. The break up was hard, and I know it affected you both, but I’m over it now, so you both need to be.”

Her mother was a little stunned, but after a moment she replied, “I suppose you’re right. But I know he isn’t as bad as he lets himself appear.”

Erin nodded, “I know, I do.”

It was never going to be the usual easy friendship with her father stood like a barrier between them, but as she waved her mother goodbye and headed back to the apartment she was glad that they’d seen each other that day. It was too easy for them all to fall out.

Curled up on the sofa, Erin was contemplating which movie she was going to watch when her phone rang. Jack.

                “Hey Erin!” She smiled at the pleasure in his voice. “Did you see we won?” She didn’t have time to reply before he added, “I won’t be really late, but everyone is going to this club night...it’s Macca’s birthday...”

She interrupted him, “you don’t have to explain yourself to me, you do what you want honest!”

                “You’re home alone, it’s Saturday night.”

                “I’m curled up on the sofa watching X factor, I’m fine!” She sighed, “you are allowed to have a life, ok?”

She woke early the next morning, at some point that she vaguely remembered, jack had come home and curled up next to her. Now he was flat on his back snoring, but that hadn’t woken her, the pain in her stomach had. It had grumbled all night, but the last thing she wanted was to worry Jack. The last thing she wanted was to admit that it was happening, or to wonder what it meant. So she set about making breakfast...then resting on the sofa.

Tea and toast seemed to sooth her tummy, and she hoped that it had been hunger that had woken her; she was very likely to become paranoid. Glancing at the watch she saw it was still only eight am, too early to phone Dr Carter.

Barney was curled up in a corner, not particularly approving of the lack of garden in the apartment, so she let him out onto the small roof terrace, then lowered herself into one of the padded recliners. It was a pleasant morning, the sun was shining, there was barely a cloud in the sky, other than the trails of the dozens of aeroplanes that seemed to constantly fill the London skyline.

She was still there when a hand ruffled her hair, and a gruff voice said, “Next time I call to say I’m going out, don’t agree. Shout stop! Tempt me with any offer, but don’t let me go. Ok?”

Erin turned to smile up at Jack, “that bad?”

                “I am dying a million deaths!” He slumped into the seat opposite her, “I can’t even begin to figure out how I’m going to manage to drive us back later today...then there’s training tomorrow...”

Erin giggled, pulling herself to her feet, “how does Alka-Seltzer, coffee and a greasy bacon sandwich grab you? Hangover cure guaranteed. And if not I can drive.” He made to protest but she merely added, “if you’re protesting about the effects of the drive on my health, then remember it’s safer for me than you with a hangover, and if the protest is the thought of me driving your car...then you can just as easily wear the coffee I’m about to make!”

Laughing he reached for her as she passed him, wrapping his arms around her and resting his head on her stomach.  “I can’t think of anything that complicated!” She placed a hand on his head, loving the intimacy of the moment, then headed back into the lounge.  After making the breakfast she’d promised she called him in from outside, and as he ate, amidst groans, Erin made herself busy collecting their things, they really needed to leave by lunchtime.

Her things were easily packed, so she started on Jack’s, he was now horizontal on the sofa, a cold cloth covering his eyes, so there was no chance of him sorting out anything. His kit bag had gone straight back to Manchester after the game, and he’d collected most of his clothing, it was the items from the previous night that were scattered around the bedroom. Folding the shirt draped on the bed post she tucked it into his bag, then there were the jeans tossed on the floor in the corner of the room. As she lifted them to fold them, some cash fell onto the floor. Storing his underwear and shoe sin the same bag she’d zipped it up before she noticed the money.

Bending down to retrieve it she spotted a piece of yellow paper between the ridiculous amount of notes. Tugging it free she saw the emblem of a well known club, and inscribed below was a message.

                “You are so wonderful, call me? Betsie 07878755511263”

Erin felt sick. Stopping she tried to control her breathing, the nausea, the fear, the pain, the plethora of emotions that those words had caused. Sitting down she rationalised, he’d been home by two. She knew that, he hardly looked like a man who’d been with a woman called Betsie. She could be anyone. If only she’d had an idea with Max, she’d believe and trust people more, but he’d ruined things for her. Now all she saw was betrayal.

Jack was a guy with needs, and she was a long way from fulfilling them all. She wasn’t the glamorous type that had flocked around him for years; he’d made her feel special. But that was it, she clearly wasn’t his type, and now she wasn’t able to offer him anything sexual. He’d not pushed her, not looked for it, maybe that was where Betsie had come in. The thought brought back the nausea, and she had to shake her head to clear it, her biggest fear remained that whilst she carried his baby he seemed determined to be the perfect gent, who knew what would happen once it was born. 

Jack was quiet all the way home, he wasn’t quite as green as this morning, but he was a long way from well. And that suited Erin as she was happy to drive in silence, her thoughts were racing at a ridiculous speed and she wasn’t overly happy with the direction they were taking her.

                “I’m sorry!” He groaned as he carried the bags in from the car. “I promised I’d look after you...”

Erin smiled, “we’re all allowed to let our hair down. Once in awhile!”

Jack kicked the front door closed behind them, “try telling my gaffer tomorrow! Dreading it!”

Erin headed for the kitchen, “lucky I’ve got food in the fridge for us, hey? Why don’t you go change, or even better have a shower? That might make you feel human again.”

Leaning against the doorway to the hallway he grinned, “What would I do without you?”

With an exaggerated laugh she replied, “you’d be fine, you’d not even notice...now go, I’ll have dinner ready in forty minutes.

AAs was apparently normal for this time of year, Jack spent a lot of time that week around training at advertising and corporate functions. He was the face for a new aftershave, and also was due to be part of the latest football game advertising strategy. So after training he was at various meetings and shoots. Some nights he got home very late, and Erin was already in bed, other times it was as she was sat watching TV, that seemed to be as good as it got for her at the moment.

The only time Erin wasn’t in the house stuck in front of the TV, was when she had an appointment with Dr Carter. And Jack of course was determined to be there.

It was Thursday afternoon and as Dr Carter called her from the waiting room, Jack burst through the door as though his house was on fire.

                “Phew! Thought I was going to miss you!”  Grinning he fell into stride next to Erin, taking her hand. Erin rolled her eyes in answer.

                “So no bleeding?” the doctor asked gesturing to the seats opposite her.  When Erin agreed, she sat opposite the couple. “Are you feeling well?”

                “Tired...bored...the usual.” She glanced sideways at Jack; he was going to hate her for this. “And I did have some pain over the weekend. Like period pain...but it settled.”

As predicted her spun around to face her, anger and anguish marring his face, “you didn’t tell me!”  He turned to the doctor, “she never tells me anything!”

As Erin made to respond Dr Carter smiled at him, “I presume that’s more that she doesn’t’ want to believe it rather than a deliberate attempt to cut you out.” turning back to Erin with a smile she offered, “not every niggle is a worry, as the baby grows it’s normal to feel some cramp like feelings. The uterus has to expand. If it becomes more than that it may be something more significant, but as long as you’re sensible then you’re doing all you can. Ok? This isn’t your fault; it’s just one of those tough luck things.”

Erin smiled appreciatively at the doctor, then sighed as Jack’s fingers entwined with hers. The doctor was right; all she could do was follow instructions. This baby couldn’t be more loved than by her, and Jack, she conceded, he was as excited as her. She’d given up her independence and her freedom for it, Jack had given up his carefree life and the callings of his libido. She remembered the note from ‘Betsie’. The fact it hurt to think about him with anyone else told her how strongly she felt about him, over the last few months he had become everything to her, her companion, confidante, protector, defender, the image of him as a white knight on his trusted steed, sword ready to charge rushed into her mind. She had to smile to hide it.

Back at the house, Jack insisted on cooking, he was useless, but he’d bought a recipe book. Ironically Erin found it more difficult to watch him incompetently chop vegetables and then badly manage the cooking, but she knew that to point out his short comings would seem like criticisms. So she ignored the over cooked chicken - it was better than undercooked, and the randomly chopped and therefore randomly cooked vegetables, and appreciated it for what it was, a meal not cooked by her.  

The following day was a home game for Jack, whilst he wanted her to attend, she wasn’t ready for the attention and the hassle, plus she figured the excitement of watching the game might be bad for her.

So she swam, the pool wasn’t huge, but it was slightly warm and she loved to swim, gently but steadily. After that she took a shower and was in her robe in the kitchen trying to decide what morsel from the fridge would ease the erratic hunger that came over her in wafts when the phone rang.

                “Hello?” She wasn’t expecting anyone, so the cal was a surprise.

A quiet yet broadly Irish voice replied, “I was looking for Jack. It’s his mother.”

Erin immediately felt cold, ridiculously so, this was what she had dreaded, being confronted by his parents, without him to introduce them, to smooth things over. Typical that he wasn’t there...but then his mother would know that he was playing.

                “He’s currently about to walk out onto the pitch...but you’d know that being his mother.” She tried to keep the animosity out of her voice, but she felt threatened.

His mother chuckled, “Touché! I presume that you are the beautiful Erin that I saw in pictures last week...I was phoning to speak to the woman who seems  to have managed to tame my son!”