Never Again - 30

Chapter 30 - feels like the end of the world...

 

Jack had never known panic like it. He’d never known pain like it either. He looked at the pale hand resting in his and sighed. Erin. She’d come to mean so much to him, she held him at arm’s length, fought him in every way, but if she survived this he’d tell her, tell her that he couldn’t live without her.

Every time he closed his eyes he zoomed straight back to that night. How long had his phone sat on the table in front of him connected to hers? He had no idea. All he knew was that as soon as he saw her name on the display, realised that she’d called him he’d lifted the phone to his ear. Then he’d heard it, a sound that cut through the nightclub music, the chatter...everything faded away as that terrifying scream echoed in his ears.

He’d been reluctant to stay out that night, when he’d called her he’d wanted her to ask him to come home, and now he rued that decision. If he’d been there...if he’d heard the call earlier, or even called her...if he’d realised then how much she meant to him. The what ifs were innumerable, and whilst that might seem clichéd, it was true. Every second the taxi took to get him to his home, when he wasn’t trying to call her, when he wasn’t wondering if you could call the police in this situation, he was annoyed with himself for leaving her. He had no idea what had happened, there could be a break-in, a fire, hell it could be anything, but despite all those dreadful thoughts, he knew deep down that it was worse than that, it was the baby.

As the taxi skidded onto the gravel driveway, and Jack threw a wad of cash at the driver, he could hear sirens in the distance. By the time he’d opened the door and ran into the dark hallway, doors were slamming on the vehicles screeching up behind him.

He took the stairs three at a time, screaming Erin’s name almost hysterically, finally reaching her door and kicking it open. When he turned on the light, NOTHING could have prepared him for the sight. She was draped across the bed, face turned to the side table, her hair covering her features, but it wasn’t her face that forced his eyes, the pale duvet, was covered in blood. Not a small amount, a spot here and there, it looked like a horror movie, but it wasn’t it was Erin.

Dropping to his knees, he pulled back her hair and touched her cheek, for a moment he’d wondered if she was dead, but she was warm, and he could feel a faint pulse at her throat.

                “Oh Erin!” he gasped, not knowing what to do. It was at that point a policeman pulled him away from her prostrate body, two paramedics immediately rushed over to her, one hissing into a radio, the other opening a bag and pulling out equipment.

                “Mr Reilly,” Jack suddenly realised that the policeman was talking to him, and he looked away from Erin to meet his eyes. “She called an ambulance, when she wasn’t able to answer the operator. We were only a couple of miles away.”

Jack was bewildered looking between the explaining policeman and the paramedics, “she’s pregnant...” the words caught in his throat, and he almost broke down there.

                “We’ve got an air ambulance on the way, she needs blood asap, this fluid isn’t going to stop her going into hypovolaemic shock.”

The policeman nodded then turned to Jack, “have you got room to land a chopper? We need to light up a landing area.”

Jack was glad to be busy, and the garden lights illuminated enough space for the helicopter, according to the policeman.

The rest was a blur, Erin paler than imaginable tied to a stretcher, being loaded onto the vehicle which then disappeared from view.

                “We’ll give you a lift.” The officers offered, and in a complete daze, he nodded, and followed them out to the car.

They’d flown her to a huge University hospital, he knew she’d get the best care, but the Emergency Room was filled with drunken Saturday night revellers, just what he didn’t need, fortunately the staff led him to a private waiting room, within moments he was signing a consent form for surgery, thought little more than that was explained, and then he was left alone, to pace for what felt like hours. Suddenly he thought about her parents. He should call them, then he realised he didn’t have a number for them.

As he waited for the doctor to update him, trying to locate her parents was a distracting task. Her brother was the answer; he found a listing for Peter Bailey under the website of the business he fronted with his father. It was almost two am, a terrible time to call, but this was as urgent as it got.

                “Hello?” the voice that finally answered was croaky from sleep.

                “Peter, this is Jack Reilly...” What did you say? How did you tell someone that their sister...he couldn’t even think about it.

                “Shit!” he responded before Jack could say anymore. “Is she ok? What’s happened?”

Jack swallowed the lump of emotion that clogged his throat, “she was unconscious...she was bleeding...” He struggled and gulped awkwardly, “I don’t have a number for your parents.”

                “Is she ok?” he asked firmly.

Jack had no answer to that, and voicing the words “I don’t know was his undoing.

Peter was the cool head needed, taking the details, he promised to bring her parents to find him, they were three hours away, and as Peter hung up, Jack had the awful feeling that might be too long.

Shaking his head, angry at his defeatist attitude, he almost jumped when the door to the room opened and a man dressed in blue surgical scrubs stood in front of him.

                “I’m Mr White, Obs on call.” The two men shook hands, “I’m afraid we’ve had a rough ride with Erin.” Jack gulped again. “You knew she had a low lying placenta, the paramedics fed that on, but basically, the placenta detached. It’s called an abruption.” He then explained that normally when the placenta detaches the uterus contracts and the interface which he described as an open wound is closed. Hers happened whilst the baby was still inside her, so nothing could contract and hence the bleeding.”

                “Is she ok?” that was his only concern, to know that she’d be there when he walked into the room.

Mr White sighed, “She’s lost a lot of blood, she’s being transferred to ITU as we speak, we need to stabilise her blood volume, if we do that then she should pull through. When you lose a lot of blood it can be difficult to replace.” He looked at his hands before looking back at Jack, “and I’m sorry the baby didn’t survive.”

Jack nodded, she’d been inconsolable, she’d so desperately wanted that baby. He sighed, so had he, but if they’d given him a choice he’d have asked them to save her every time. “Can I see her?”

Nodding the man made for the door, “she’ll be settled very shortly, I’ll send a nurse to escort you.” 

Jack was still pacing, it was hard to believe a few hours ago he’d been sat in a nightclub celebrating scoring a hat trick, now he was here and all that he knew was gone. The confidence, the comfort that his new home life had afforded him was all gone. It was replaced with fear and confusion, he’d never felt so distraught, so helpless and so scared in his life before.

When the nurse finally arrived, blushing when she so obviously realised who ‘Mr Reilly’ was, he fought every step that took him to reality, an injured, sick Erin, and no baby. Shaking his head he once again tried to swallow the ball of emotion that choked him. He’d never let him care about anyone, or anything, and as a result he was overwhelmed with it all, he had no idea how to deal with this situation. All he could do was follow the nurse like a man heading for a firing squad.

He hated hospitals, always had, the smell, the hushed silence that echoed around the hospitals. It was so ironic, but it reminded him of visiting his mother after one of her many miscarriages as a child. He instantly beat away that memory, his childhood pain had no place here in Erin’s pain.

Jack had reached almost thirty without ever setting foot inside an ICU, and he never wanted to visit one again. It was so intimidating, sterile, almost heartless. He was used to faces staring at him, people often took a glance or two until they identified how they knew him, but here there was pity behind the eyes, they all knew the hell he was in the midst of.

And there she was, in a bed, eyes closed, face as white as the sterile sheets that covered her, her glossy hair was dank, limp, tangled in knots, and every inch of her was still, too still.

                “Mr Reilly?” a male nurse probably in his forties smiled at him. “I’m Malcolm, and I’m looking after Erin, can I explain all that’s going on?”

He nodded, listening intently as Malcolm talked her through the various machines, leads, wires and alarms. It was complicated, and whilst he wanted nothing more than to place his hands over his head and shout “la-la-la-la-la-la” to block it all out, like a five year old.

                “Is she awake?” he finally asked.

Malcolm shrugged, “she was sedated for the operation, and was on a ventilator, but the doctors removed that about half an hour ago. At the moment she’s stable, she’ll wake up once the drugs leave her system, but because of the loss of fluids, it may take time to all right itself. Until then, we’ll keep a really close eye on her. Have a seat.” He gestured towards a seat and smiled at him, “talk to her if you like, she’ll likely hear you. I’m just going to get some medication from the stockroom; the other nurses will listen out ok?”

Jack’s nod was a mute reply. He was struggling to deal with all this, and he had a sudden urge to see his mother. That shocked him, and ignoring it, he sat down and took Erin’s hand.

                “Erin, darling. I wish I could take this away for you, make it all good.” As he looked at her serene face the tears he’d fought all night started to fall, and he didn’t think they’d stop. His head bowed, her hand on his cheek he sat there letting the tears course down his face with no shame for longer than he thought possible. Then a hand reached in front of him offering him a tissue. With a laugh he shook his head, using a sleeve to wipe his eyes.

Turning to Malcolm he gave a sad smile, “how do these women reduce you to tears? Hey?”

The nurse gave a similar smile, “they do that. If you want to go take a break, you can leave me a number. I can call you back if anything changes. Ok?”

But Jack wasn’t keen to leave just yet.

An hour later a receptionist came across to the bed space, “Ms Bailey’s parents are here...”

Malcolm looked up, “want me to go explain everything to them?”

Jack thanked him, “I’ve got to face up to them at some point. Let’s just say I’m not ideal son-in-law material!”

As he stepped into the waiting room six eyes spun to look at him, and from their reaction he imagined he must look like shit. Sara’s face, already white, dropped with fear and she rushed over to him, her father couldn’t even look angry at him anymore, he was himself grey. Peter was the only one with any composure.

                “How is she?”

Jack sighed, “she’s been in theatre, she lost a lot of blood, they stabilised her, but she’s being monitored here...she’s unconscious still...”

                “And the baby?” her mother whispered. Then she moaned, a painful sound as she saw him shake his head, drop his eyes. For Jack it was the final straw, and when Sara’s understanding arms wrapped around him, he collapsed against her with a desperation he’d never felt before.