Never Again - 36

Chapter 36 - "Don't hide from me!"

                “Don’t hide under the blanket!” He announced from the doorway, “A moment ago you had all the answers, now you’re hiding?”

Erin peeled back the duvet and snuck a peak at him; he looked glorious, stood in the doorway, hands on hips, eyes glittering.

                “I refuse to speak to you until you come out from under there! You’d swear I was some ogre or something! Are you scared of me?”

Shaking her head Erin moved to sit up in bed, hardly able to concentrate whilst he stood there half naked and looking perfect. She’d never be scared of him, and she knew he’d never do anything to hurt her, well deliberately anyway. It was herself that she didn’t trust, her own reactions that she was scared of.

Finally facing him she sighed, “I’d never be scared of you!”

The words were met with an exhale of mammoth proportions, and Jack visibly relaxed. “I wanted to make it better for you, you were so sad, so ill...It killed a part of me when you left. I came back to find you...the room was empty...I still don’t know why.”

In an instant they were both dragged back to that horrible time when they'd lost their baby, and so she thought, their future. His sadness shocked Erin, and for the first time she saw that this hadn’t been easy for him either. She’d been so absorbed in how wronged she was, and how hard done by she was. At no point had she figured Jack’s feelings into any equation.

                “I wanted to make things easier for you, believe it or not. I didn’t want to deal with us parting in front of you. It was easier for me when you weren’t there.”

He shook his head as though he could barely believe all that he was hearing, “I don’t understand.”

Erin crossed her legs, looking down at the duvet which she proceeded to weave between her fingers nervously, “you rejected me before Jack, I couldn’t cope with that again, I wanted to be the one to leave, when I wanted.”

                “I’ve never rejected you!” When he spotted her sad smile he instantly remembered the restaurant, the time he’d abandoned her rather than deal with his growing emotions, she’d told him how hurt she’d felt, but he’d not realised that this was the one moment in their shared past that she remembered more than any other. Those evenings watching TV together, laughing at the same jokes, the meals they’d shared, all the positive times, the times that now made him realise that she was everything he wanted, were all overshadowed in her eyes by that ridiculously stupid moment.

She’d run away to stop that happening again, and he felt devastated that he’d not made her realise that he cared for her. Even his mind tripped over the L word.

                “That meal...” When she nodded Jack lowered himself to the bed next to her and sighed.

                “I didn’t want to see that distaste in your eyes again.”

He was incredulous, “Erin, I could never look at you and see anything negative, you are the best thing that ever happened to me!”

She wasn’t convinced, “it took the baby to make you come back to me. Without it...”

He groaned, “Honestly! You told me in no uncertain terms where to go after that night; you told me you hated me. I did what I thought you wanted...”

                “Within days you were in the papers with some gorgeous woman...”

He literally felt as though he’d been slapped, he couldn’t remember that, but then he was so used to being photographed, most of the time strangers wanted him to pose with them, women loved him...but it wasn’t an excuse.

                “I don’t remember that. Well no more than any other photo! I’m a target, there are so many people...women who want to be seen with someone famous...not me, anyone will do.”

Erin dropped her head, she didn’t want to feel sorry for him, but that comment did make her feel sorry for him, was there much genuine in his life?

He saw her hesitation and carried on, “When I first met you, I was in a really bleak place. Moments before I ran over Barney I’d been on the phone to my legal team, a woman I’d dated for a few weeks was trying to sell her story, much in the way your ex-husband did. We’d already had the fake pregnancy, the flooded flat so she had nowhere to stay, anything to try and progress a relationship I had no interest in. I’ve become sceptical over time, I know that. But I also know that I’m not the easiest man to get on with.”

She looked at her hands, not wanting him to see her eyes, to read the self doubt, the fear there, “what about Betsie?”

When there was no response she looked up to see a quizzical look on his face. He was either a great actor, or he really did have new clue what he was on about.

                “The other week, remember we were here and you went out after your game?” He shrugged; it had happened a lot, so she continued. “I was packing our things up and her name and number fell out of your pocket...I wasn’t snooping honest. But her note thanked you for a great night...”

He groaned, “Erin, I’m sorry. There really is nothing in this, I swear to you. I often get things like that shoved in my pocket, that’s part of the life I have, but I’m not some sex addict, I’m not after any woman I can get...in the past I’ve not been as...selective as I could’ve been, but then I was young, free and single. I haven’t been that the last six months, not in my eyes anyway.

                “You were right back in the lounge,” he gestured over his shoulder. If I let you go again I am worse than a fool, but I HAVE been foolish Erin, I know that.” He sighed, she deserved the truth, “I’ve spent my life running away from commitment, I witnessed what I thought was an abusive marriage between my dominating father and devoted mother, and I had no interest in being part of so skewed a partnership. I think I also feared that there was a large part of my father in me, that my anger, my headstrong attitude that has made me the footballer I am might bleed into any family life.”

He looked so sad that Erin immediately felt pain on his behalf again, reaching out she took one of his hands and squeezed it, it caused a smile to appear on his lips.

                “That’s why you don’t see your family! It makes sense now.”

Laughing he turned over the hand that had gripped his and ran his thumb across her palm, hiding the giggle that threatened to spill when he saw her literally quiver, “it would if I knew anything about what was going on! But thanks to you, and you speaking to my mother...” He filled her in briefly on the conversation they’d had, his mother’s illness, his father’s attempts to salvage the family, and the pain his desertion had caused.

Meeting her eyes again he smiled, “so you see, you saved me! In so many ways, you made me connect with her, to find out the truth. And if I didn’t already love you to distraction, then I’d love you for that!” He laughed at her wide eyes, the surprise evident on her face, “my mother pointed out that I was the same emotional cripple that you suggest. Made me look at myself. I admit that my motives up until recently were for the baby, or to manage you in my life. But I know that since the first second you started to shout at me, berating me for hurting Barney, that I’ve needed you in my life, wanted that passion, that anger, that...” he shrugged, “I’m no good with words, but I need YOU in my life Erin, there’s nothing and no one else that I want more. And, if I have to spend the rest of my life proving that, making you realise that I mean every word I say, then I will.”

Erin was grinning, and to Jack there was no greater sight, any fear of revealing his inner emotions to her were quashed instantly as she threw her arms around his neck and pulled him close. Jack reciprocated, dropping his lips to kiss the top of her head as he tried to ignore the sensation of her bare thigh brushing his waist, her pert breasts against his chest, only the thinnest fabric separating their nudity. Now was not the time to let his libido ruin the moment.

When she lifted her face from his neck, to look at him, Erin had her own revelation; he’d revealed all his emotions without her sharing her own, she hadn’t needed to put her heart on the line to get him to admit his feelings, there was no conspiracy or hoodwinking to make his admit his feelings. She thought back to Max, she’d wanted him to love her so badly, but as far as she could remember he’d never once uttered those words, never once given her an insight into how he felt. Yet she’d rushed into marriage like a love sick teenager.

She smiled at Jack, strong, beautiful, fearless Jack Reilly, “I love you. More than I thought possible!”

Jack smiled, “I know you do, but then I’ve not got a lot to live up to, have I?”

Erin was instantly reminded of the pain Max had tried to cause, and how Jack had dealt with it so competently. “I made the wrong choice Jack, I know that now, hell I knew it moments after I’d made it, if I’m honest. But I have to confess too, I compared you to him, feared you doing what he did, I was blinded by your wealth, your popularity, and I judged you on that. Even when your actions told me you were different, I didn’t want to trust you, to believe you...”

He laughed, “And why would you have? I had no idea that I could ever feel like this, and I KNOW I haven’t done enough for you...but I do love fighting with you,” he grinned, “but not as much as I LOVE making up with you.”

And that was something Erin agreed with. Sliding her arms around his neck she smiled seductively at her. But Jack shook his head.

                “For once I’m going to do things right!” He slipped her hands back into his, and held them, “we are going to do this right. I’m taking you out, for dinner, tonight!”

Erin groaned, her body was so in tune to the man sat in front of her that to not touch him, to not devour him after all this time was the worst type of torture.

                “Welcome to my world!” he grinned as he kissed her lips in a fleeting gesture then left the room.

The next morning Erin woke after what she could loosely term sleep, but was little more than a turbulent rest. There was a divine smell, and as she left her bedroom and headed for the lounge, she could hear Jack...singing!

Opening the door she could see across the room in to the kitchen, and stopped to take in the sight! Jack, the kitchen virgin, was stood at the stove cooking something that smelled divine, and dancing at the same time to “Night Fever” by the Bee Gees, that blasted out of his state of the art stereo in ridiculously high quality. His singing was a not as faultless!

                “If I had a video camera I could make my own fortune filming this!”

               

Grinning he danced across the room and wrapped his arms around her, lowering his mouth to her ear, he carried on singing, “Here I am, praying for this moment to last,” then he swung her in an arc, before pulling her back in to his arms. “Living on the music so fine, borne on the wind, making it mine.”

When he finally deposited her on a stool across the breakfast bar from the stove and returned to the breakfast he was creating, she was laughing hysterically.

                “You are crazy!”

He looked over his shoulder with a killer grin, “crazy for you!”

An hour later they drove to Michelle and Dave’s house. Dave was ecstatic to see Jack, and the two men settled into an easy banter as Michelle dumped a sleeping Isobel into Jack’s arms, the brief panic left his face as the baby stretched, raising an arm that rested on his chest. Erin smiled at the look of devotion on his face, and then turned to follow Michelle out to the kitchen.

                “SO?” she asked, reaching for Erin’s hands. “What the HELL has happened here?”

Erin grinned, “He came for me, told me he loves me...”

                “I TOLD you! But you don’t ever believe me!” Pulling out a chair from the kitchen table, Michelle turned for the kettle and growled, “Spill! Now! EVERY detail!”

So Erin did.

As they were leaving later, Michelle pulled Erin to one side and whispered, “I’m now a mother, nappies are as exciting as it gets. I want to hear ALL about the date tomorrow, OK? ALL about it!”