Never Again - 29

Chapter 29 - what's happening?

 

Erin sighed, anything she said to this woman was a betrayal of Jack she couldn’t imagine him giving her any answers. “Mrs Reilly, I really don’t feel I should say too much to you without Jack being here.”

                “Hmmm, so he’s told you that he rarely speaks to us?” It was a little difficult to decipher such a broad accent, “he’s been troubled since he was a young boy, and it’s always been our fault...he’s a difficult man.”

Erin sank into a seat and stretched her legs, this woman was going to become a grandmother in a few months, and she deserved to know that. But it wasn’t that easy, “I don’t want to betray his confidence Mrs Reilly, as much as I’d love to talk to you, strike up some dialogue, I’d feel like I was undermining him. I hope you understand.”

The older woman sighed, “of course. But it was interesting to talk to you anyway, you seem sensible. I hope we get chance to speak again.”

With that she hung up, and it left Erin to her own thoughts, already his mother was seeing her as the person to bridge the gap between him and his family, and as presumptuous as the hint was, this baby would be a part of their lives too, and if nothing else the baby deserved family, grandparents. It was only fair.

Groaning, still none the wiser; she started to make herself some lunch, the radio tuned into live commentary.

It was a lot later that evening that she broached the issue with Jack. They were sat on the sofa having eaten a Chinese take-away, he’d come home straight from the game not wanting a repeat of the previous weekends hangover.

                “Your mother called today.”

If she’d thrown a drink in his face the reaction would have been less intense. He was furious. More than that even. Glaring at her, she could tell he was struggling to contain his anger.

                “I don’t want you speaking to her.” He managed after a few calming deep breaths.

Erin was prepared for this, she’d gone through the scenario several times in her head, he’d hate it, but frankly it wasn’t his decision.

                “I appreciate how you feel, but this baby will be a grandchild to them and they deserve to know.”

He scowled, “I don’t interfere when your father thinks I’m ten types of bastard, I don’t mix in YOUR family issues, so leave mine alone!”

Erin shook her head, “on the contrary, when I was going to my parents YOU insisted on coming, you took me away from there. You have interfered in every decision in my life since you ran over my dog, so don’t make out that your life is sacred and mine is open to anyone’s opinion. You are a hypocrite Jack Reilly of the highest order. I WILL tell your mother tomorrow...I didn’t today, but tomorrow when she calls back I’m going to tell her I’m having your baby, with or without your ‘blessing’!”

With that she stormed out of the room, leaving him to dwell on that.

Jack hadn’t slept, he’d spent the night punching his pillow and staring at the clock...he had a lot to think about, and despite trying to avoid it, his mother, his future, Erin, all merging into a dream that became a nightmare. The past, his family, home in Ireland, they were places he never visited physically or emotionally, but now Erin was forcing that hand.  And he hated it. In the end he got up at four am, the guest room he’d slept in since Erin had taken on his room wasn’t comfortable, and he didn’t have all his things close to hand. So he got up and headed to the kitchen, a drink might make it easier.

When he entered the kitchen he froze, sat on a stool at the breakfast bar was Erin, a mug of hot milk in front of her.

                “Couldn’t sleep?”

He shook his head trying to hide his surprise.

She nodded, “me too...”

He poured a glass of milk then sat next to her, “I kept going over all you said. I shouldn’t have let you leave the room on an argument.”

She appeared to be looking at him, listening to him, but suddenly her face glassed over and she was a million miles away.

                “Erin?”

She shook her self and then smiled at him, “I couldn’t sleep because of the baby, it’s wriggling!”

Jack felt as though he’d been punched in the gut, torn between felling ecstatic at the thought, and petrified. “Really?”

She nodded, “I’m only nineteen weeks, apparently this is early, but I’m sure now. It’s been happening all evening.”

When he glanced back at Erin she was smiling at him, “Do you want to see if you feel?” When he nodded in a confused way, she took his hand and held it low over her belly. He was amazed at how firm it felt, he’d always associated her with soft gentle curves, her hard slightly distended stomach was anything but, and then he felt it, a flutter? Or maybe a wriggle. He’d struggle to describe it, but it was more than Erin, more than her body. For the first time he knew that there was a little something growing in her, and that was mind blowing.

Erin smiled at Jack, bewildered, confused Jack, she was growing to know, and love, every side of him. He was trying to smile but wasn’t quite achieving his goal. Fear seemed greater.

                “It’s all so real.” He sighed, “it wasn’t, not really, not until now.”

She nodded, “it’s scary, but brilliant.” Reaching for his hands, she smiled. “It’s special, and that’s why your mother, your father, they need to know about him or her. Don’t you see that?”

Jack groaned, “I don’t want to see them Erin, I have no interest, but I don’t mind you speaking to them, that’s ok by me, I shouldn’t have been so heavy handed earlier. I apologise for that.”

Erin swiped a hand dramatically, to her head in faux shock, “an apology? From Jack Reilly? This is a night of revelations!”

Then Jack watched her disappear back to bed.

If Mrs Reilly, Mary, was surprised to hear from Erin the next day, she hid it well. Jack deliberately left the house after breakfast, joining Scott at the golf range to “hit lumps out of dozens of balls”.  Erin knew this was him hiding from things, but it was a small step forward, and she was glad of that at least.

Mary, his mother, seemed very unsurprised to hear that she was pregnant, not that she wasn’t supportive, pleased, or even enthusiastic. There were awkward moments when Jack was mentioned, after all he was the link between them, but without spelling out that he was refusing to speak to them, his mother seemed to understand.

There was no promises made, but Erin knew she would keep in touch with them.

Things were easier over the next few days. Erin and Jack had rekindled their symbiotic relationship. They were back to being friends, of a fashion.

                “I don’t like leaving you.” Jack was filling his bag ready for an overnight trip to the south coast. When he saw her rolling her eyes in the reflection in the mirror above his bed, he turned to stare at her, she was sat cross legged in the chair in the corner of the room watching him intently, Barney already breaching the ‘never going upstairs’ rule.

She tossed him the socks she’d sorted from the pile of clean washing in front of her, “I’ll be fine. Honest!”

                “But you’re on your own. What if...”

She smiled, pulling herself to her feet, “What if nothing! I’m not an invalid and I’m not that useless...or lonely.”

Jack laughed, “I’m not insinuating that there’s anything wrong with you...or that you can’t cope...but I worry how I’m going to cope not being here for you. My weaknesses, ok?”

She stretched, and nodded before turning to leave the room, hiding the smile that he felt that way.

By the time she’d bathed, dressed, let Barney run riot, there was barely time to speak to Michelle before bed time. She was hardly struggling to fill her days; she only wondered how she’d managed to fit work into the equation. But she felt refreshed and as relaxed as she ever had, she couldn’t do any more to protect this baby, she knew that.

The following morning she had a call from Danni, she’d seen her a few times since she’d taken her for coffee after revealing her secret to Jack. And whilst they weren’t best friends, Erin appreciated her. And she loved the twins! After a morning of the two toddlers climbing all over her and playing games, she was glad to get home for the game. It was live on TV, so she made some lunch and sat watching it, smiling every time Jack was on screen.

For Erin, things were going well finally, her and Jack were getting on, despite a few arguments, and despite him being so controlling, she was feeling better than she had in weeks, the only downside was the rift with her father. Her mother called her that evening, and Erin could tell that she was being spoken to from outside the home, a sneaky phone call not wanting to upset her father. And that rankled her more than anything.

                “Mum, I hate this subterfuge, and the insinuation that I’m a dirty secret phone call.”

Her mother sighed, “Erin, your father will come around...”

                “Well he’d better Mum, because this is happening! And the way things are he’ll be left out of it all permanently.”

And Erin was glad to see Jack walk in through the door that evening. She was curled up on the sofa, watching Sunday night TV when he appeared like an oasis in the desert. Smiling up at him it seemed natural when he came across and bent forward to kiss her on the cheek.

                “You look great!” He offered as he uncoiled to his full height again. “Really healthy!”

She smiled, “it’s been a cathartic weekend...there are cold beers in the fridge.” As he smiled appreciatively and made for the kitchen, she continued, “I told your mother, I know you hate that, but I did, then there was lunch with the Millward girls...which was fun, and it ended with me telling my mother that she needed to sort out my father or he was off my Christmas card list!”

When there was no answer she glanced up to see him leaning against the doorway that led to the kitchen, a contemplative look on his face, “you’re really happy with all that?”

She nodded, “I am, this baby is more important that everything, isn’t it?”

Jack looked at her, content, homely, happy, and he realised that she was right, his life before finding out about the baby was carefree and almost decadently indulgent, but he didn’t miss any of it. Coming home to find his family here, settled in his house. It was all that he wanted. Grinning, he nodded.

                “You are SO right!”

The next weekend Jack was playing at home, but despite his requests that she come and watch it, meet people again, she stayed home. For Erin she had no interest in being branded Jack Reilly’s ‘woman’, she was herself. The media frenzy part of his life was of no interest to her. It was all too familiar to her time with Max, him centre of attention, Golden Boy, her being the poor companion. It was an instant put down and she hated the thought of it. It was almost a one way trip to a part of her past she hated revisiting.

She knew she’d have to deal with it at some point. But she was in no rush.

So she stayed home alone. Over the last four months she’d become a real recluse, but she was enjoying her own company and her own time, it was a relief not having to ‘be’ someone else. Barney accepted her, warts and all, as would this baby...and usually her parents, the latter were out of the picture, so she appreciated her time with the other two in great detail.

                “Are you sure you don’t mind? I won’t be late...It’s just a huge win...” his voice was so pleading, so desperate not to upset her that she laughed. He’d called her from the club where the sounds of celebration were more than audible. It was early in the season, but 5-0 was a score worth celebrating any time of the year.

                “Of course I don’t mind! Go out! Have fun! I’m fine, promise.”

                “I won’t be late.”

Erin giggled, “Jack! I am not your mother! Have fun, and don’t worry about us, ok?”

As she hung up she smiled, he had completely turned around, this baby meant a lot to him, she was still unsure where she fitted in, and the name Betsie still appeared in her mind at her low moments, though they were fewer and far between the last few weeks.

After watching a film, Wedding Date a real romcom, she felt tired, it was only ten, but she was ready for bed. Climbing the stairs, she collapsed into the large white bed that was more comfortable than any she’d ever had.

She felt groggy when her eyes opened, and for a moment she was unable to work out what had woken her. Then she felt it, lancing pain. She pulled back the duvet; almost expecting to see her stomach ripped open...it wasn’t of course. She tried to sit up, but could barely breathe for the pain. Reaching for her phone, she dialled Jack.

It rang, and rang, and rang. When it finally connected all she could hear was loud music and giggling...female giggling.

                “JACK!” she screamed, “COME HOME!” Hoping he heard her.

As the pain suddenly intensified and she could feel warmth spreading between her legs, she realised she was bleeding again...a lot... Reaching for her phone again, she pressed 999, but as she clutched at her stomach, the room was getting darker, and swirling as she heard the phone connect.

                “Emergency Services, which service do you require?”