Trying Not to Love You - Part Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen

Sonny looked at the display on his phone; it was Jade, her third phone call of the day. He really regretted giving her his number, but not as much as he regretted dancing with her, or the pool games. She seemed to think that there was something tangible between them, and that was his fault. He normally selected things better, but in his hurry to push his feelings for Martha aside, he’d rushed into something dangerous with Jade.  Rolling his eyes he helped the chef put away the last of the order. Paul was in soon, he could finish in a couple of hours time and he had a date with a pint of beer in the Oak, that was his only priority...then he thought about Jade, and more importantly James who’d be there behind the bar watching his every move. And he didn’t need a confrontation with Jade, not now.

Sighing he picked up his phone and called Johnny, his only true ally in all this, he’d be up for a few drinks and some relaxation. Just what he needed.

“You loved the film?”

Ethan sat opposite her at a small table, outside the cinema blinking in the sunshine as he licked his ice-cream, He nodded enthusiastically, and Martha smiled in relief at Disney PIXAR, in the face of adversity they came good every time.

She was glad of the sunshine as the cut to her eyebrow had turned into a full on black eye. Not on a par with Sonny’s from the other week, but bruised and puffy nonetheless. She’d managed to escape that morning without seeing Sonny, he would still be angry she was sure, and she needed space, distance. She also didn’t want her father seeing her bruised eye, he’d blame himself, and that wasn’t his fault, none of this was really. It was her fault for ever succumbing to the apparent charms of Scott Oldbury, he’d marked her life in SO many ways since, but she could never wish she’d not dated him, without him she wouldn’t have Ethan, and he was her life, her everything.

                “Can we go to the fair?”

Earlier they’d passed a market, and there’d been a small carousel there, he’d skipped all the way to the cinema at the thought of a ride on it.

                “OK. We’ll walk through the park, and we’ll see if there are any swings free too.”

Smiling he skipped up the path ahead of her, and for a moment Martha wished time would stand still.

                “I’m worried Martha. That looks awful.”

Martha was touching up the makeup on her eye when her godmother walked in. She’d tried the old “caught it on a door” line when she’d arrived, but Stephanie was both wily and worldly, and very in tune with her goddaughter.

                “I’ll be fine, we’ve got our lodger living in, he’s more than a match for Scott. We’ll be fine, I promise.” As she said it, she realised she was speaking the truth, she knew that Sonny would look after her, her Dad and Lucy, but she couldn’t trust anyone with Ethan. He was too vulnerable, and she was too, when he was around. After the previous night, and with Michael offering no support, there was even less chance of Ethan coming back to the farm with her. And that broke her heart.

She was back at the farm by nine o’clock, exhausted. Martha hadn’t slept the previous night, her face had ached and she couldn’t get the images of Sonny and Scott fighting out of her head. Not that it had really been a fight, but the vision of Sonny booting the rather still body of Scott took her back to the night she’d left town, when she’d truly seen the truth about Scott.

Even now the memory of that made her shudder, and now Sonny’s face was mixing into that, and she didn’t like that, he was a good man, he was helping her. Wasn’t he?

She turned on the TV, settled on the sofa once she realised that her father was watching his TV in bed, Aunt Lucy was snoring in her own room. She didn’t check Sonny’s room, she still wasn’t ready to see him, her mind was in a whirl and she needed clarity to deal with him.

A hot drink, that’d help, she was exhausted but sleep was eluding her, and the late night catch up of soap operas was not hitting home. Living with Stephanie she’d become addicted to all the soaps, so many nights on end, sat in alone, Ethan asleep, Stephanie doing what she did best, socialising meant she became best friends with the TV. Since she’d been here she had barely turned the TV on, and in some ways she felt better for it. She was physically living for the first time in ages. It was just a pity that it was without her son.

The door from the kitchen opened, and when she looked up she met Sonny’s haunted eyes.

                “You disappeared.”

She shrugged, “I was needed in London.”

He digested that for a minute, “convenient bolt hole?”

Expelling her breath with a frustrated sigh she stood and moved behind the sofa, physically distancing herself from him.

His little ironic laugh told her that he was wise to that move.

                “Does it hurt?”

Instinctively she lifted her hand to touch the dry wound, “not much.”

He nodded, standing his ground, studying her, waiting like a predator.

                “Carter!” She exclaimed, rushing past him to the kitchen. Pulling open the fridge she found a bottle of wine and poured herself a large glass.

                “You forgiven me for saving you last night?”

She looked up and he was leaning against the doorframe still watching her.

                “You are the King of not accepting help, so don’t stand there preaching at me.”

He laughed, “maybe I was wrong.”

Spluttering her wine she stared at him, “yeah right! Do you even believe that?”

His laugh irritated her; he had that ability to get under her skin.

A loud crash stopped their exchange, both stared at each other and Sonny hated the fear in her eyes, hated that despite him being there she didn’t feel safe.

                “Stay here, and lock the door behind me.”

She shook her head, “If something’s happening I want to be there.” She was already pulling on her shoes, and making for the door.

                “God, you are SO infuriating.” When she merely lifted her eyebrows, he sighed, “check the coach house and feed room are locked, I’ll meet you in the yard.”

He took the moment she was out of view to tool up, a kitchen knife inside his jacket, the same thick baton that Martha had armed herself with the previous night in his back pocket, and Carl’s steel toe capped boots. Being prepared was everything, and with all the things that had happened recently, he really had no idea what to expect when they walked outside.

The kitchen door was rarely locked, but tonight he locked it behind him before heading off to find Martha. Though before his eyes landed on hers, he spotted the cause of the crashing sound. The roof half collapsing on one of the barns, a barn that was on fire.

                “SHIT!” He swore, “MARTHA, where are you?”

He could hear her voice in the distance and then realised that she was at the back of the burning building helping an almost hysterical stallion out of it. It was rearing and bucking, but she was dragging him as best as she could away from the fire.

                “You called the fire brigade?”

She shook her head, “wanted to get him free first.” Then she led the horse as far away as she could from the fire.

When she had secured him in as safe a place as she could, she jogged to the feed room. There was a long hose there and she connected it to the tap in the sink. Turning it on she was uncaring that it was pouring water on her feet, once the tap was fully open she ran with the spray directed in front of her in the direction of the barn.

Sonny was trying to push wrapped bales of hay away from the fire, attempting to create a segregated area so that it wouldn’t spread. The house was less than twenty metres away.

                “They’re going to be at least fifteen minutes. Are the animals ok”?

She nodded as he took the hose from her, “I’ll get some buckets.”

It seemed ineffective, but it was all they could do, rather than unrealistically expecting to quench the flames they wanted to contain them.

Eamonn came running over half dressed, after what seemed like hours but was less than five minutes, “I saw smoke. I’ve got another hose.”

Martha linked it to the taps in the kitchen then turned to see her father stood there in the doorway. He looked ill, pale, drawn.

                “What’s happening?”

                “A fire, in the large barn...”

“Marquis?” he breathed, his concern for the stallion that was valued at thousands of pounds.

“I’ve got him into the top field, with the Willoughby’s ponies. He’s calm. Sonny and Eamonn are holding off the flames, fire engine’s on its way.”

He was swaying as he shook his head, “I feel so...”

She placed a hand on his arm, “you need to sit down, look out for Lucy, once the sirens get here she’ll be up.” He looked sad and she added, “you may feel inadequate, but you are fighting a huge battle every day just recovering, don’t feel bad about this, ok?”

                “Easier said than done.”

                “Dad. I need you to get well. Don’t blow it by trying to be the hero, ok? Sonny is half your age and fitter than you ever were. Him and Eamonn have got it all in hand, ok?”

He wasn’t happy, but she had to get back out there, check things over. It was then she spotted Mickey the puppy cowering in the corner. Scooping him up she carried him to her father, “look after him, I’m going to find Tessa and the cats, check they’re ok.”

He stroked the quivering puppy and hugged him close, “ok Martha.”

It seemed like an age until the blue lights of the fire engine rolled into the yard, their bigger diameter hoses and water pumps made light work of the remaining fire. Within ten minutes in was under control and shrinking.

Sonny was never happier to hand responsibility over to the uniforms. Stepping back he clapped Eamonn on the back, “thanks mate.”

Then older man sighed, “no problems, just gutted for Carl, he deserves a break.”

Yes he does he thought as he looked around. Finally spotting Martha at the coach house he strode over to her.

                “You ok?”

When she looked up she had tears in her eyes, “I can’t find Tinker. Kitchen and Harriet are upstairs on your old bed. What if she was in the barn?”

Sonny hated that it hurt him, the thought of that scraggy little cat being injured, or maybe even dead. After carrying the dying dog to the vet weeks ago, he was amazed at how much animals were getting under his skin...or was it the effect they had on Martha that upset him?

                “That cat outlived her nine lives years and years ago. If I could put money on one of the animals being safe it’s her. She’ll turn up.”

He could see she wasn’t convinced, “she likes me, I’ll call her in a minute, once this place is safe.”

And so started the clean up, moving the roof panels that hadn’t burned, the charred beams and the debris that cluttered the yard. It was an unforgiving task, but the three of them worked diligently. As Eamonn and Sonny moved the last huge piece of wood to the pile of waste, Martha dived inside the house to find her father asleep in bed, Mickey under the duvet beside him...like he’d ever be a true farm dog now! Then she grabbed a bottle of brandy and three beakers. They needed something.

The fire investigators finally left, and the three of them sat drinking the brandy reflecting on how lucky they had all been.

As Eamonn walked off in the direction of his house, Tinker appeared from the back of the Land Rover and started to wind around Sonny’s legs.

                “See?” He announced stooping to scratch her ears. “Told you.”

There was no answer, so he glanced up at her, and it was then he realised that she was crying, hard.

                “Martha...” Standing again, he pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly, his hand stroking her head as she sobbed into his shoulder.

Suddenly it was all too much for Martha, the adrenaline, the proximity to Sonny, it was all too overwhelming and she was more than fraught. Pushing firmly against his chest she stepped away from him.

                “Martha, don’t rush off.”

She shook her head, refusing to look at him, “I told you this would happen, as soon as you punched Scott...where the hell will it all end?”

She was kicking off her boots and sorting out Tessa in the feed house when she felt a presence behind her, there stood Sonny, eyes blazing and anger emanating from every inch of him, his sympathy and understanding long gone, not that she could blame him. She’d thrown things back in his face at the first opportunity, she needed the distance, and she was still angry that he’d stoked the embers of the battle between her and Scott.

                “You really blame me for this?”

Martha shook her head, “I never said that, but if you hadn’t punched Scott we wouldn’t be here, fighting to keep buildings from going up in smoke.”

                “So you DO blame me?” He said with such malice.

Martha squared up to him, “no, I TOLD you, I don’t blame you, but your anger as per usual inflames situations, even when you’re not causing fights you’re causing ME chaos.”

Sonny laughed out loud, “like you’re the type that avoids drama. You LOVE it, we all know that.”

Glaring at him she shook her head, then turned to leave, wanting to effectively end her conversation with him.

But his voice stopped her. “The man’s a bastard, we all know that, with or without me decking him last night he’d have acted if he wanted to.”

                “I don’t believe that.” She didn’t sound convincing, even to herself.

He laughed a dry, harsh sound, “really? He has no morals, no scruples and not an ounce of loyalty.” There was a pregnant pause before he snapped, “How could you think of marrying him? How could you let him touch you?”

Her heart started to pound, nausea rose in her throat, she had never had anyone ask the questions she repeatedly asked herself. Now this man was pushing her to reveal her inner demons? Not happening. Not here, not now, and NOT with him.

                “He’s a man, I’m a woman...you of all people know how it works. You’re hardly naive to that.”

                “So I’ve slept with lots of women, I’m always extremely careful, and despite what you might think I vet them all. They know what they get with me, and I know what I get from them. Two people wanting the same thing. But him...Oldbury...” He spat the words at her.

She shook her head, “don’t you dare turn this on me, it was a long time ago, and I’ve grown up since then, certain things happen that mean you have to. I regret lots of things, but I’ll never regret my relationship with Scott.”

And she couldn’t. If she regretted that, then she’d regret Ethan, and he was greatest thing that had happened to her, and that was purely down to Scott.

With that retort he laughed out loud, “Really? You don’t regret fraternising with that man; he’s barely that, the man is a pig...the thought of him touching you...” As he turned he punched the wall, the thud a horrible sound.

Martha glared at him, “It’s nothing to do with you ok?”

He shook his head, “on what planet was he ever the right man for you? He’s all wrong for you...”

                “And what makes you the expert on what’s right for me?”

Sonny laughed, “because I am right for you.”

Martha felt as though the air was being sucked out of the room, suddenly she was struggling to breathe, “No, don’t say that, you are talking rubbish. You and me...we’re acquaintances, housemates, but that’s it. No more, so I don’t have to answer to you, I don’t have to explain anything to you.”

“You’re right...for as long as you can hold on to that thought.”

She hated the over confidence in him, the almost presumption that she’d not be able to resist. Not wanting to hear anymore she made for the door as fast as she could, his words echoing in her ears as she flew up the stairs. “You can’t run forever, and I’m a very patient man.”