Lost and Found - 21 updated (sorry - didn't post the WHOLE chapter initially)

21

Amelia glanced sideways at Sol after drying her eyes and composing herself a little more. He was watching her but didn’t acknowledge her, and when she smiled he looked away. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. She was supposed to hear him out, end all links and move on. Instead she was angry, frustrated and disappointed.

Li waved apologetically from across the room, she was swamped with interviews and photographs, and Amelia smiled, she didn’t want to disturb her, but she was finding it ridiculous to sit and be ignored by Sol. So when Malcolm, the man to her right moved to go to the bar, she sidled across to Sol and tapped his arm. He turned and surprise shot across his face.

                “I may not have been the most polite to you back in London, and I’m sorry that you were raw from Helena leaving you. But I have to say, I don’t deserve your anger, not like this. I have never hurt you, ever.”

Without giving him the opportunity to reply, she stood and made for the bar, she wouldn’t put up with anymore from him, that she was determined about. At the bar she ordered a large bourbon, straight. She found the bitter mash always complimented a bad mood. At the rear of the room a door lead out onto a similarly decorated balcony, and suddenly the desire to breathe fresh air, to move out of the spotlight was paramount.

As she leaned on the railing, propped on her forearms, nursing the tumbler in her hands, she sighed. Why was she always hiding outside at these events? She internally shook herself; she needed to get a grip. She was here for Li, beautiful generous Li who had just dedicated her first ever literary award to her, and she was being selfish, hiding.

Taking a deep breath she was about to finish her drink and head indoors when she heard a voice behind her, the other side of the door. It was Sol, talking to someone whose voice she didn’t recognise and could barely hear.

                “No thanks, it’s a great offer, but I really need to just relax. I’ve had a rough few months. And these late nights are getting too much for me.” She couldn’t hear the other voice but his reply again was clear. “Yes, I literally can only stay tonight, my flight landed at six this evening, so I’m not sure what time zone I’m in! I’m not great when I’m tired, so I’ll leave before I become too grouchy.”

Her heart bled as she heard the resignation in his voice, despite everything that had happened she still cared about him. Sol laughed at whatever was said, then added, “I know it was great to see you too!”

Instead of silence, Amelia heard footsteps join her on the balcony. Turning around she saw him stopped in his tracks in the doorway. As much as she hated to admit it, he looked divine, and there was something homely, familiar and comforting about the sight of him, but she couldn’t think like that.

Neither wanted to speak first, but eventually after an interminable silence, Sol offered, “I thought no one else would be out here. I should’ve known...”

She nodded awkwardly, suddenly she’d lost all track of the rebukes, the anger that had filled her earlier. Amelia felt pity and sympathy for the man who had been her friend for so many years, “We always did both run away from pressure.”

He nodded with a wry smile, “that we did.”  He held a beer in his hand, and lifting the bottle he tipped a good measure into his mouth. “I’m sorry for how I was in London, and I’m sorry I was so angry earlier. I haven’t handled anything very well. There’s so much going on...” He shook his head and looked at the floor for a minute. “Hard to cope with things moving outside of your control when you’ve been commanding in all walks of life for so long!”

She pondered that for a moment, “does that mean me?”

He laughed in the same ironic way, “Since October last year I don’t think I’ve been in control in any part of my life. You reappearing at that exact moment may have been a pure coincidence? But I doubt it!”

Amelia sipped her drink thoughtfully, not really knowing what she wanted to say now. Nothing was as she planned anymore. “I’m glad you’ve looked after Li, that she’s achieved this.”

Nodding Sol leaned against the railings beside her, his eyes drifting off to the horizon, “I’m not bitter or nasty, despite what you might think. I would never have taken things out on her, and anyway you’ve done nothing wrong. I was the one who handled things badly.”

                “I know you did what was right in a difficult situation, and I can’t really blame you for that, it was very noble.”

Turning to look at her he tried to muster a smile, but it was humourless, “for what good it did anyone! It ended up being exactly the wrong thing to do. Don’t think the glowing halo from doing ‘the right thing’ makes up for me ruining so many lives. I was unhappy, Helena was unhappy, and I imagine you were for a while!”

He was so humble, so honest. This was the Sol of her childhood, the Sol she knew. Amelia nodded, “I was for a long time, but things change.”

                “You’ve got Clay now.”

Clay, as she confirmed his words with a nod, she thought about Clay. She was choosing him here; Clay deserved her, and treated her like a man should. She couldn’t ever imagine her and Sol having a future, not anymore. Too much had happened; this was a case of too much water under the bridge.

                “Clay’s good for me, and I need that stability Sol. He treasures me, and I’ve never had that before. I’m not risking that.”

                “Not even for me.” It was a statement, not a question, a resignation. “Are you happy here? In New York?”

She shrugged, “It’s a great place, I miss my friends, I haven’t seen my father since October. But that wouldn’t make me any happier. I think I’m as good as I can be. I’m successful, in demand.”

                “Gordon Gekko, hey?”

The fact that he remembered her childhood fantasies was more powerful than anything he could’ve done. She hid the way it shook her to the core, nodding as casually as she could manage, “he always was my hero...”

               

                “Without the corruption!”

It was her catchphrase as she’d been growing up, staking her claim in life and he’d finished it for her tonight ten years later. That was how well he knew her, remembered her. Smiling he backed away from her and as he gave a sad shrug, she realised this was them settled, equal, saying goodbye.

It took a few minutes for her to compose herself. Tears threatened to fall, even though this was her decision, her choice. But once she’d controlled them, she re-entered the reception room, the magical fairy storyland.

Li was stood in the bar surrounded as usual by a significant group of people, and she was basking in the attention. There was no sign of Sol, but to the left of Li, she spotted the man who she’d chosen over him. Clay! He’d said he’d join them later, but she had no idea when that would be, the pleasure at seeing him was great and she rushed across the room, as close to a skip as she could get.

                “Hey Clay!” she reached up to place a kiss on his cheek. He nodded a response, but then turned back to the man he was talking to. Suddenly Amelia was a little nervous, Clay was the epitome of courtesy, this was so unlike him. When he was distracted like this, it was usually due to his fears over the looming financial crisis. And there had been some comments on the news that day, a few of the banks were becoming increasingly financially challenged, the legacy of the subprime mortgage crisis, there wasn’t a lot that could be done to sort this out, but there was rumour of government injection to stabilise some of the biggest markets, the same way that they had in the UK the previous year.  That would have huge impacts on the whole financial world, and she knew he was worried, that she should be.

He’d fill her in later; she knew that, until she actually started to work for the other company he could share things. He’d joked a lot about them having agreements not to discuss work out of their respective offices, and he feared she’d get him drunk and weed out secret information like a double crossing spy.

Sliding a hand into his, she was relieved when he curled his fingers around hers, though he remained engrossed in the conversation with the other man.  He didn’t even introduce her.

                “Amelia! Come meet Jenna,” Li called her across the group, “she only went to the same college as us!”

Amelia left Clay’s side, and was immediately dragged into a conversation about similar tutors, haunts and even a mutual friend. It was almost an hour later when she spotted Clay near the bar. Li was keen to head to a club with some of the publishers, but Amelia wasn’t as enthralled. She was emotionally fraught and really wanted a night curled up with Clay, some love and affection, TLC.

Heading over to him she smiled her mind planning the next few hours, “You ok lover?”

He shrugged, “you mean me?”

Suddenly Amelia’s heart sank, she was wrong, he wasn’t worried about his business, he was angry with her. “What is it Clay? This isn’t like you!”

He laughed, leading her outside by the hand, “do you think I’m a fool? Do you think you can pull the wool over my eyes?”

Amelia felt sick, the only possible thing was Sol, but she’d only spoken to him, he’d not even as much as touched her hand, and she the same. It couldn’t be that, but what? “I don’t know what you mean Clay?”

He shook his head, backing her up against a wall, and as his head swooped close to hers, she could smell the strong stench of alcohol on his breath. “What do I mean?” He laughed rather nastily. “You, throwing yourself at the ‘man from your past’, do you take me for an idiot?”

She pushed him away, not liking his threatening behaviour, “at this moment in time, YES, I do. I’ve always been honest with you about Sol. And nothing has happened between us since last year, so whatever you think you saw was wrong. You owe me an apology!”

He staggered a little and Amelia was surprised she hadn’t noticed how drunk he was earlier, “hah! I don’t think so. And I suppose nothing happened in the bathroom at the museum in London? Am I right?”

Amelia nodded, wondering why she hadn’t told him back then. She’d thought about it, but honestly thought she’d cause more upset by explaining something that really had amounted to nothing. “Yes, exactly right! I admit I talked to him, but that was as far as it went. I have you, I don’t want him. And nothing has happened.” Clay was shaking his head, and Amelia could see he was upset. “Clay, don’t do this, don’t spoil the evening, and don’t do this to us.”

                “An ‘us’ should mean two people! Not three. You were out on that veranda talking to him for ages; I could see you through the window. I didn’t approach...give you time. ‘Trust you’ and all that. But when he left you, the look on his face...then you came in, and you looked the same. Devastated. It’s far from over between the two of you, and I’m not just sitting waiting for you to decide this is not what you want. I deserve honesty, and I always thought I’d get that from you.”

Amelia was dazed, this was spiralling out of control, and she had no idea how to stop him, to make him see that she wanted him. “It is over with him, it was over in October. Long before I’d even met you. You’re wrong Clay, it’s you I want to be with, I’ve never lied to you, and I’m not about to start now.” She drew her hands across her face in exasperation. “Look, we’ve both had a few drinks; we’ve both said a lot of things. Can’t we meet tomorrow, talk properly. I don’t want to go on this trip with Li with all this between us.”

He turned to her and shook his head, “I don’t think there’s anything left to say.”

                “How can you say that? Dismiss everything so quickly, so finally.”

                “I don’t believe you, and I refuse to let myself get hurt again.”

She shook her head in amazement, “what so you’ll hurt me to save hurting yourself?” When he didn’t answer she resigned herself to the situation, “if you don’t trust me then it doesn’t matter what I say. We can’t be together if you don’t believe what I say.”

Tears were already starting to fall as she watched him pull away from her, and walk towards the line of cabs and the drivers that had witnessed this argument. It was petty and stupid, and completely not what she expected from Clay. All of a sudden this perfect evening had fallen into chaos.

                “Where are you going Clay?” She tried to stop him before he climbed into a taxi. “If you walk away now...”

                “What? If I walk away now what?”

She shrugged, “then it speaks volumes.”

With an angry look and a turn of his head, he disappeared into the car and away from the building. Feeling an arm around her waist she glanced to her left to see Li stood beside her head resting against her arm. Amelia sighed wiping away the tears that had tried once again to fall.

                “What was all that about?”

Amelia sighed, “a long, long story. And one I should have told you an even longer time ago.”

Friday 9^th July 2008

Hawaii was both hot, and beautiful. The resort was everything they’d imagined. Opulent, luxurious, and perfect for two friends wanting to catch up and get away from the World. Amelia had told Li the very long and sorry tale as they’d drank hot chocolate back at her apartment after the disastrous end to the evening. Amelia had wanted Li to go on, party as she deserved, but Li would hear none of it, and had sat in various states of shock as the whole story came out.

                “Why didn’t you tell me? I can’t believe you’ve carried this all yourself.”

Amelia squeezed her hand, “because you’re loyal, and a wonderful friend, and you’d have rejected their contract to protect me, or some equally ridiculous gesture. And you NEEDED this Li!”

Li nodded, “I would have, I’d have slapped him, walked away and cried with you.”

Amelia had grinned, “and whilst I’d have loved you for that, it wouldn’t have got you the best International Fiction Novel award. Would it?”

                “And Clay?”

Amelia flopped back onto the sofa, an arm covering her eyes, “he’s wrong about this. I made my choice. I can see it would hurt him if he saw me talking to Sol a couple of times, and I should’ve told him he’d followed me to the bathroom at your launch. But...well I can’t change the past. I’ll go and see him tomorrow. If he’s in work then he can’t run away can he?”

But the next day repeated calls to Marilyn revealed he wasn’t in work, and she wasn’t sure where he was. Mid morning, she was knocking at his apartment door, eventually when there was no answer she came away.  

Later that afternoon, Amelia was finishing her packing, they left in the early morning, when there was a shriek from the lounge.

                “Ams, come here!”

Amelia rushed in, Li was pointing at the TV screen, a live news team were reporting from the financial district of the City. Dropping beside her friend she watched the images too, her mouth falling open. Several banking units were on the verge of insolvency, and three men had been arrested in an FBI investigation into irregular associated activities. The face flashing on the screen of two unknown faces, was followed by a picture of Clay. She couldn’t believe that he was involved in anything under hand, she knew him better than that. But as she’d slumped back against the sofa, she suddenly realised two things. Firstly pushing her to leave for Freeman, got her out of the environment away from any doubt, and secondly, rejecting her last night may have been to prepare her for this.  

Now, sitting in a pretty floral bikini next to the pool, watching Li playing a game of water polo with some of the other residents, she found it all surreal. She knew that if the investigation against Clay continued than she’d be called in for questioning, she was just glad that they’d managed to get away first. But this paradise couldn’t completely block out the devastating events of the last few weeks. Her heart was harder, and whilst she’d cried tears, she wasn’t as broken as she’d been previously. So she knew that this was her chance to recoup before going back to the City, back to that hectic lifestyle.