He'll Come Through - Chapter 12 - Home, home on the range

12 - Home, home on the range

London was always stuffy this time of year. Lilah was glad she’d worn sandals and a long loose sundress. It was light enough to cope with the heat of the streets, but covered her up enough that she wasn’t conscious of being under dressed in the city, where suited business people shuffled around with a sense of purpose.

She remembered landing in Heathrow a year ago, almost to the day. She’d never been so glad to see her homeland, or so devastated. Lilah had never actually believed that she’d make it to the embassy in one piece; she was so nervous of stranger men, and the taxi she found was driven by a talkative man who pointed out the sights as he wound through some narrow streets. When he’d pulled up outside a large gated property and pointed at the door with a smile, she almost kissed him. Would she ever trust people, men again?

The door was guarded, but when she pleaded poverty, explained her predicament, she was waltzed into a luxurious office and questioned. No one knew anything about her circumstances, knew she’d been kidnapped, despite her protestations and eventually arguments. All the while she half expected Quinn to turn up, say he was sorry and at least corroborate her story, instead, she was alone...again.

After an interminable amount of time, a middle aged, well-spoken man who introduced himself as a diplomat had appeared and explained that she wasn’t registered as missing. No one had reported her kidnap, and frankly no one knew anything about her. They were unable to help her without a passport no matter what the ‘perceived’ circumstances. It was at that point she’d seen red. The words ‘pompous’ and ‘buffoon’ had erupted from her mouth, her manners preventing the list of expletives that tickled her tongue, ready to fly.

The knowing look as the two men observed her only served to incense her further. It was then that she remembered the flight. She’d been booked onto a flight, the bus hadn’t got to the airport but her luggage had. The look of panic sweeping over their faces would have been funny if she hadn’t been so tired, so emotionally fraught. After a few urgent phone calls, it all went a little crazy. She was able to speak to her parents, book a flight home, and once she’d spoken further to them and the police who lost interest once they realised she couldn’t help them locate either her captors of the location that she’d been held at, a customs document was organised and she was waiting for her transport to the airport.

As she was sat patiently, Gavin had burst into the room.

She remembered looking at him as though she was above observing from afar. His trimmed moustache, his tight lips, narrow eyes...all the features she’d found attractive, now repulsed her. She wanted to scratch his eyes out, but then the perverse side of her wanted to watch him squirm, the concern on his face almost looked genuine. She’d have been fooled if it wasn’t for Quinn. There he was again, invading her daydreams too....

                “You’re safe!” Gavin had offered coming towards her with open arms.

                “Don’t touch me!” she snarled. “I don’t want you anywhere near me.” He had the decency to look shocked, but that only inflamed her further. “How dare you leave me? How dare you!”

Gavin suddenly looked nervous, and he seemed to be choosing his words carefully, “I came as soon as I heard Lilah.”

Her laugh was so loud that an associate of the diplomat came into check on her. She assured him she was fine before launching herself verbally at the ‘man’ in front of her. “They phoned you, asked for a ransom....or something. It was you they wanted to hurt. And you ignored me! Ignored my plight.”

                “They said you were with a man, I didn’t think you knew anyone else.” He took a step back, “it could’ve been any female, why would I believe it was you?”

                “Because it was planned. How convenient, the day you get me to leave I’m kidnapped. I can’t work out what you’ve got to gain out of this, but I know you planned this, that you made this happen. If I intended to stay I’d prove it too.”

                “You’re deluded Lilah, sad and deluded...”

The crack of her hand swiping across his face brought the same associate in from the corridor, in a more dramatic fashion.

                “You’d not even bothered to alert authorities! I could’ve been anywhere, and anything could’ve happened to me. Yet you didn’t care! Thank God that there was a guy on the bus who cared enough about a stranger to help me out. To care what happened to me. THAT was why wasn’t alone, because a stranger didn’t think I should be alone.”

                “Oh so a normal stranger is going to step into that situation to help you? Why would anyone?”

                “Are you suggesting that I already knew him? Or are you hinting that Quinn knew more about me than he let on?” His face paled at the use of Quinn’s name, and she was suddenly anxious, feeling sick. “You know Quinn Southland?”

                “I know who he is. Why was he with you?” Suddenly she saw fear in his eyes and realised that the ball and landed in her court.  She was in the power seat.

Laughing she shook her head, “so he has a reputation?! Pity my captors didn’t realise that!”

Gavin started asking questions but she clammed up, loving that it almost crucified him, then with a grin she pointed at the door, “I never want to see you ever again. Now go, please!”

He did leave, under duress, and it was only after he’d gone that she felt tears well.

By the time she returned home her parents were tearfully waiting at the airport to meet her. Never had she been so glad to see her father, in his hand knitted jumper, beige cords, her mother flowing in a long floaty dress. Even the trip back to Cornwall in the latest ridiculous vehicle, this time a small noisy camper van, was a relief, beautiful, appreciated.

It was the next few months that had been so hard, the come down from all that adrenaline, the shock as she devoured all that had happened, and the realisation that she’d been so lucky. Thanks to Quinn.

She thought about him every day, there were so many reminders in her life.....like every breath she took, every sight she saw. But she had had to move on. Thought that wasn’t easy.

Lilah’d not exactly found much work when she’d returned, but she managed to get some casual shifts, filling in as a temporary teacher in various local schools. It kept her a float, and fortunately her salary from the months with the Smith family was in her bank in its entirety, so she had a reserve.

Mentally she took a long time to get over the ordeal. Janis an old school friend had repeatedly asked her to share her story, to tell all of the trauma that she’d been through. Janis worked in a London publishing house and wanted the scoop, but she also knew that Lilah needed it; it was almost treatment, as she knew her friend would never consider counselling.

The publishing company was offering a ridiculous amount of money, and in the end Lilah really couldn’t turn the offer down, and now here she was having her third session of editorial with Janis, they were co writing the book, and she’d banked her first advance cheque a few weeks back.

Being financially solvent, she’d finally managed to rent a small house a few blocks from her parents’ country house, and finally had her independence.

Lilah entered the office of Mulligan Publishers, the location for their meeting shaking her head from the memories of the past. She needed to get a grip; she had so much to do. Today’s chapter was dealing with aftermath, the reality of it all. She found it exciting, writing down her story, her experiences was cathartic in so many ways, but it was also terrifying and hugely emotional. No stone had been left unturned in her mind; obviously the amount that was produced in a book was edited, censored even. But the story was only complete when she was truthful.

That meant dealing with even more of Quinn, though she’d been economical with the truth where he was concerned. The rescue, the drama, the camaraderie they’d experienced, even the explosive passion had come out. But this was no Stockholm syndrome, she wasn’t in love with a man just because of that drama, she knew that. She’d doctored the parting to an amicable kiss at the doors of the embassy, and left it at that. Her shame, her pain, her heartbreak was her own secret.

Janis was sat in the office patiently waiting, a petite, dark haired woman, she had a beautiful smile and a hundred and ten percent interest in the kidnap ordeal. Sometimes as Lilah regaled her emotions, her coping strategies, her fears, she felt a fraud. At no point, other than a couple of very short and very isolated occasions did she feel under real threat. The whole time the hassle, the stress and the control had landed truly on Quinn’s capable shoulders, and as they got deeper into the book she found herself feeling even more of a fake. He should be writing this, ‘how to physically survive, and mentally cope’ was a story that only he could write.

She’d thought a lot about Gavin too, she couldn’t help it. She’d been back a couple of months, and it had been the worst point of her time. She was struggling to recover, normal life was so mundane, she had this surging adrenaline that was still not being dampened down, and nothing seemed to engross her, captivate her long enough. The phone call came from Gavin’s father, an elderly and prematurely frail man suffering from Multiple Sclerosis, and the voice that spoke was even more frail than she remembered.

Gavin had been killed at work in some sort of robbery a month after she’d left, and whilst the news came as no real surprise, Lilah had felt dreadful. The point of the call was that Maria had been inconsolable, and her grandparents had called to beg Lilah to meet with her, to help her cope with the trauma. They were an elderly couple, too old to care for a seven year old.

That had been a traumatic experience, a devastated child who expressed her emotions with petulance and anger. But on seeing Lilah she burst into tears, running across the hotel reception. It took a long time to calm Maria, but when she finally did stop shouting and crying, she sat in Lilah’s arms crying like a baby. That night Lilah took Maria to Cornwall with her, the perfect place for a child, fields, beaches and her parents.

After that she wouldn’t be separated from Lilah, though Gavin’s parents didn’t want to let go of her. So she now attended a Boarding School in London Monday to Friday, but came home to her in Cornwall every weekend. Neither grandparent wanted to lose contact or custody fully, so this was the compromise.  They visited for holidays and Maria went on trips to visit them in Boston too. But Lilah had arranged to meet them soon to discuss Maria coming to live with her full time, the poor girl was still grieving and a dorm in a boarding school was not the place to deal with it. She needed love, a family life and someone to listen to her, and she had that in abundance in Cornwall.

Both of Lilah’s parents loved Maria, treating her like a daughter more than a surrogate granddaughter, and she knew Maria felt the same way. But how did you tell two pensioners who lived across the Atlantic that the child had all she needed in the bosom of Lilah’s family? You couldn’t really, and it was Maria who suffered.

Never mind, in a few hours she’d be meeting her at the school and they’d be getting the train back to the idyllic village in Cornwall. Tonight was a summer festival, Maria couldn’t wait, there was dancing, food and lots of activities all in the village green, Lilah’s parents were equally excited to see the annual event through the eyes of this very receptive child.

                “So I was re reading the manuscript,” Janis dragged Lilah back to the here and now. “I do feel that we’ve missed a huge piece out of the story, the next chapter to discuss is the relief at reaching safety, but firstly I wanted to talk about the actual rescue. Your fear...was it for yourself or Quinn? Because the only time you ever mention being scared is when you lost sight of him. But was that because he’d put himself at risk for you, that you feared for his safety....or because you feared for yourself without him?”

It was a question she couldn’t answer truthfully as she had no idea. The last year she’d followed every sniff of conflict anywhere in Africa, wondering if Quinn was there, involved, captured by someone, rescuing another damsel in distress. Screwing her.....she drifted from concern to hatred at that point, and turned the TV/radio off/closed the newspaper. Now facing the direct question, a myriad of emotions that she’d hidden and avoided came to the forefront of her mind.

                “I don’t know Janis, I really don’t. I think that I honestly thought that I’d not be safe without him, that I’d not survive without him, but I also felt that he was there because of me. I think I still feel guilt that he helped me, put himself at risk because of me. If anything had happened to him, I don’t think I would have made it out alive, I’m just too naive, I’d have frozen to death or starved....but if by some miracle I had lived and he hadn’t....then I definitely would have struggled to make it afterwards.”

Janis nodded, “so that does make you feel a little guilty that you survived?”

                “Argh! I don’t know, I really don’t!”

She stood and paced the office, “I don’t know if I can do this anymore Janis. It’s all so....”

Standing Janis nodded again, “I know it’s hard, but there are only a few more chapters to edit, then all this can be forgotten again.”

As they hugged, Lilah gathering her bag, Janis stopped her, “I still think finding him, finding out what’s happened to him since is important, it’s like finally getting the proper end to the story.”

Lilah sighed, “I told you, I don’t really want that, I don’t need to see or speak to him again, you must see that?”

Janis agreed enthusiastically never daring to let on that she’d heard from Quinn earlier that day, that she’d finally managed to find him and he was more than interested in giving his side of the story.