He'll Come Through - Chapter 15 - Who's right? Who's wrong?

15 - Who's right? Who's wrong?

Lilah pushed his chest and he staggered back a little, surprised at her vehemence, “Shush or you’ll wake him!” She hissed from close range. Her instant question as to what he was doing upstairs in her house was quashed by his obvious confusion.

                “Who?” he asked in an equally terse hiss, “my son....MY SON? Shit!” He lowered his head to his hands and suddenly the anger was gone for a moment as realisation set in. “Can I see him?”

She nodded stepping out of his way and allowing him the first glance at his son, “I’ll wait for you downstairs.”

Lilah was pacing the lounge when she heard him come down the stairs, when he entered the room she looked up and his face was a mixture of so many emotions, and she could see the dampness under his eyes, knew he’d cried. And she felt so very very sorry for him. He’d changed from his suit into shorts, thick canvas combats and a dark t-shirt fitted and rather snug, his feet were slid into flip flops.

                “I’m sorry you didn’t know.” She offered and was almost relieved when she saw the spark of anger replace the pain in his eyes.

                “Were you ever going to tell me?” he was pacing now, his hands gripped into fists, anger evident in every inch of his body. “Don’t dignify that with a lie, don’t you dare!”

She sighed, slumping into a seat, “I had no intention of not telling you once you got off that train, but until today I honestly never thought I’d see you again. So it wasn’t something I’d ever planned for.”

                “You could’ve told me, at any time today, you were willing to let me sleep another night without knowing about him?” He knew this was an unreasonable comment, but he was struggling to cope with this news, Lilah looking so tired, so exhausted, he’d been worried when he’d seen her that she was ill, but it was the baby, he had a son! “Is this some sort of revenge because I didn’t come running after you when you left that restaurant? Is that what this is all about?”

Lilah shook her head, fighting tears all over again, “What do you take me for? Is your opinion of me that low?” Taking a deep breath she ventured her eyes back up to his, “I had nothing, no email, no phone, I had no idea how to get hold of you. I went to your mother’s I hoped she’d have something on you, but all I did was make her sad that she hasn’t seen you for months and months. So I made her worse, and still couldn’t find you. You have no idea how hard that was.”

Quinn knew that this was genuine, her sadness, her honesty, but he was hurt, he needed to lash out, needed to lessen the pain he’d felt at seeing his little boy upstairs.

                “You had the chance to tell me earlier, at the station. You kept quiet then, how do I know you wouldn’t do the same? Damn it Blondie, this isn’t a joke, some game!”

Jumping to her feet she grimaced at him, “joke? Oh I know it’s no bloody joke. You’ve no idea what I’ve been through the last year, so don’t stand there and accuse me of anything, because you are out of order, REALLY out of order. I have not deliberately kept anything from you. Last year I left that restaurant because you were treating me like a leper, blaming me for something that wasn’t my fault. And you didn’t make any attempt to follow me to explain things, or arrange a way of getting in touch in the future. So I walked away from you forever, and when I found out I was pregnant all I wanted was to see you, to tell you, and I couldn’t. So DO NOT stand there and preach at me when you abandoned me to who knew what fate!”

She made to storm past him but he stretched out a hand and restrained her. She flinched at the pressure of his touch, something she hadn’t expected.

                “I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have said half the things I said.”

She nodded, “this isn’t easy for either of us, and I honestly didn’t think I’d ever see you again...” she tried to swipe a tear that escaped her eye, but Quinn’s broad thumb beat her to it, brushing it away.

                “I presume that would be a good thing!” he tried to make a joke, but her face dropped as she dissolved into tears. Pulling her close he let her cry into his chest, tears, snot and everything else. “Aren’t I supposed to be the one crying?”

She pulled back and looked at him from her tear ravaged face, “I couldn’t tell the baby anything about you, I don’t have any details, no photos, and I couldn’t even remember what you looked like. Have you any idea how hard that is?”

He nodded, wiping a few more tears, his hands cupping her face, “I can, because I couldn’t see you in my mind anymore. And that was why I rushed back here. I was due at my mother’s today, and you’re right, I haven’t seen her in two years or maybe more, but I needed to see you Blondie, I didn’t expect any of this....” he gestured around him, “but I’m so glad, so happy...I’m a father!”

The beaming smile that cut across his face tugged at her heartstrings, she’d feared he’d reject Freddie, that was her biggest worry, or that he’d doubt he was the father. Now that he was here, emotional yet pleased she took a deep breath and smiled too.

                “I kept things to show you, made an album of his life, in case I ever did see you again.”  Breaking free of their too close embrace, she made for the sideboard and pulled a leather bound album out of a drawer then handed it to him before entering the kitchen and setting the kettle to boil.

When she came back with two mugs of tea he was half way in, looking at the photos intently, reading the captions and information she’d printed neatly next to each item, he glanced up with a smile, “I’m so glad your parents have been here for you! That must’ve been such a relief.”

She nodded, lowering herself into an armchair, she curled her legs up under and watched him exploring his son’s life, “I was very low when I came back, they helped me, SO much. And it’s amazing how much fun something as simple as being here can be once you’ve been where we were.”

Looking up he sighed, “I’ve not really had that revelation! So I’ll take your word for it.”

Ignoring the implications of that comment for both Freddy and herself, she looked up at him, “what were you doing here? In my house?”

                “After I got to the guesthouse I realised I couldn’t wait until tomorrow. Betty the wonder told me where you lived...I saw your mother; at least I presume it was her, leave. So I made my way over here. There was no answer, but the door was unlocked! I panicked. Then I heard voices upstairs.”

Chuckling she raised her eyebrows dramatically, “this is a quiet country village, people don’t shit on their own doorsteps! It’s safe and we trust our neighbours. I mean you’re the only one who’d sneak around unannounced like that!”

He groaned, “From hero to villain! Typical!”

                “So what are you planning to do? I mean are you home for long?”

Quinn was silent for a long time, and she honestly had never seen him so contemplative. Eventually he spoke, but his eyes didn’t meet hers, and or someone like Quinn that was an unusual occurrence. “I came home for a few days, a week...I don’t know, it was never meant to be more than that, but I do want to stay a bit longer, I need to spend time with Freddy...” He placed his head in his hands, groaning. “This wasn’t on my agenda Blondie, and I don’t know what to do here. It’s all new.”

She nodded knowingly, “look I never wanted this to be a burden to you Quinn, I knew the score when we slept together, we both did. We’re both happy here, Freddy is loved. I never wanted you to feel obligated to us.”

He slammed his fist on the table then glared at her, “a child is not an obligation, I am well aware of that. It’s just not something that figured in my plans. Ok?”

Nodding she jumped to her feet, “it wasn’t exactly in my plans either, but I don’t have the benefit of being able to run away from it. It’s my duty, my life EVERY day! So I’m sorry if Freddy isn’t part of your life plan, you should’ve thought about that before you used me for cheap easy sex! Play with fire Quinn Southland and you will get burned. And it’s too late to worry about that now, you hear?”

                “I didn’t mean it like that Delilah, as well you know!”

She shook her head, “let’s see what I do know shall we? I know that we had consensual sex, I know that you got really angry and pushed me away, leaving me to make the last part of my journey alone, when I was so scared. I know that I had NO idea how to contact you for the last year, and that you’ve made no contact to find me. I know that when I found out I was pregnant with your baby I was depressed, sad and didn’t think I could do it alone. But I did, I have. I’m struggling to keep this house going, support Maria, Freddy, myself. I work when I can, and that’s it! That’s all I have! So do NOT waltz in here and tell me what an inconvenience it is that you have to take into account that you now have a son before you go off gallivanting again to somewhere unknown. You have no right to moan here. None at all.”

                “It was never cheap or convenient sex with you Blondie, you know that, it was so much more.”

She nodded, “and you came here for what? A little repeat before you go back into isolation, running around like some dress up soldier?” He stuttered for a second. “Bingo!” She laughed out loud, “Well sorry to burst THAT little bubble. You can spend some time with your son, I’d never stop that, but that is as far as it goes.”

                “You’ve got me wrong Blondie! I’m not like that!”

She held up a hand silencing him, “Quinn, do not make out that you’re back here to declare your undying love and devotion to me.  That’s bullshit, and I’m not falling for it anymore. Now I strongly suggest you leave as Maria will be home soon and I don’t want to confuse her. I will agree to bring Freddy to you tomorrow, but that is it. We don’t come as a group deal you know.”

The protests died on his lips as he saw the determination on her face, but he was determined too.

                “I want to meet Freddy, more than anything, but I’m not giving up like this.” He winked elaborately, “and I’m nothing if not determined and stubborn.”

He reached for her, planting a kiss on her forehead, then, spinning around he left her house, closing the door behind him.