He'll Come Through - Chapter 17 - It's my life!

17 - It's my life!

Freddy was winded and over her shoulder falling asleep when Quinn joined her with two mugs of coffee. Lilah sipped at hers watching him, it was all so surreal to be sharing a coffee with him, their child asleep peacefully between them. She’d done so much alone, always alone. Now she had someone to consult with, to share her fears, her concerns, but also the bonuses, smiles, laughs...

                “So why are you here Quinn? I mean yesterday you got off my train; so much has happened since that you’ve never really said why here? Why now? And how the hell did you come to be in my parents’ kitchen at nine am on a Saturday morning chatting like an old friend?” She didn’t add the words ‘why are you invading my home, my life’ or even ‘why did it take you a year?’ But the tone of the question left no doubt as to the true intention of her thoughts.

He sighed and leaned back in the chair, “I’ve wanted to come home since you left. If for no other reason than to explain.” When she raised her eyebrows theatrically, he laughed, “Ok, ok, I may have a few ulterior motives!”

She gasped, “a few??”

Laughing he sipped at his coffee then continued, “maybe when you left I was as angry with you for walking out as I was with me for not going after you. I thought you’d come back, or at least be back Amir’s place. When you weren’t...well I won’t tell you what I wanted to do to you, for your stupidity, and to myself for mine. When I found out you’d got to the embassy; well, that was when I relaxed and became angry instead of worried and angry. And I was proud of you for getting there, but my own pride stopped me contacting you! I was annoyed you’d walked off like that, no regard for where you were, what had happened. And no regard for me.”

                “Anything was better than you treating me like a leper! The way you looked at me when you could be arsed was unbelievable...” she blinked to clear the memory of him so resentful. “I could put up with most things, hell I HAD put up with most things. But the anger, the annoyance, the resentment....it was all too much for me to take. I could never have stayed.” Looking down at her hands, entwining her fingers, she took a moment to pluck up the courage to meet his eyes, “I thought you’d follow me - if not out of the restaurant, then to the embassy, or even here. For a year I waited for you to appear, and you didn’t.” She tried to smile, “it took until a few weeks ago for me to give up hope of ever seeing you again. SO why here? Why now?”

                “What changeda  few weeks ago?”

Lilah shrugged, “I don’t know really, maybe because of all the hassle with Maria, it’s put a lot into perspective, and I’ve had to get on with things.”

He nodded, “I’ve been torn for so long; I swear I thought about coming back so many times. Then Gavin died, I didn’t think it was the right time, once I got involved in another big incident. It kept me busy until a few weeks ago. To be honest I didn’t think I’d be welcome here. It was only when Janis...”

                “She contacted you?” Suddenly it all made sense, damn Janis and her drive for the perfect book! “So you didn’t even come back to look for me? Great! Thanks Quinn! Came for your commission on the book did you?” She stood to make for the door when he spoke further.

                “I asked her if you hated me, if me coming back would be the wrong thing...”

She turned slowly, “if she told you I didn’t, that this was right then she was lying!”

Quinn laughed “it’d be more convincing if you could do angry! I’m here because I want to be, and I’m not trying to take over your World. Look last night after seeing you for the first time, I needed to clear my head, I went to the pub, I started talking to a few locals. As conversations went on, they really are a friendly bunch here,” he digressed. “I realised that Tony was your Dad, when I explained I knew you....he realised who I was. I can’t say that being here this morning wasn’t worth it to see the look on your face though.”

Scowling she ignored that remark, “You were on the same train from London. Are you telling me that was a coincidence?”

He nodded, “I met Janis yesterday, then came straight for the train, I can assure you, if I knew that you were on the train I’d have found you like a shot. You couldn’t have run away and you’d have had to be polite on a busy train. It would’ve been a perfect scenario. Prickly Blondie forced to be polite, would be quite a fun moment!”

“If I didn’t have Freddy in my arms I’d slap you, do you know that?” she snarled.

Still laughing he walked over and smiled, “again, if I thought you meant that I’d run a mile!!”  Dropping a hand he stroked Freddy’s face, still unable to quite believe that he had such a gorgeous son, “he’s so beautiful Blondie!”

She nodded, “I know, I shouldn’t say it, but he is, most definitely!” As she lowered him into his pram, Quinn extended a hand, placing it over her forearm.

“Just like his mother.”

 Looking up at his face she realised that he was trying to make this an intimate moment, make this about her and him, not about Freddy. “No Quinn, don’t do this!”

Smiling he massaged his fingers into her burning flesh of her arm, “do what Blondie?”

She snatched her arm away and growled at him, “No matter what you try I’m wise to you. You’re here because of Freddy, that’s as far as it goes.”

He leaned back against the work surface and grinned that same lazy, suggestive smile that he’d had since the previous evening, “relax Blondie, I know how things stand, and I’m hardly likely to try and drag you into bed!”

                “Good!” she started to pull the pram backwards to the door, planning on heading up to the village when he added.

                “No, I guarantee, that when I next strip you naked and make love to you, it’ll be after you beg me...” as she blushed and floundered for an answer, he reached for an apple from the fruit bowl and added, “and it will be soon Blondie, we both know that!” Smiling he bit into the fruit with the loudest ‘crunch’, then grinned as he chewed it thoughtfully.  

Holding the half eaten apple in one hand, Quinn took over the task of getting the pram outside, and left Lilah a gibbering wreck, torn between panting with desire and lashing out in anger. By the time she’d pulled herself together, he was half way up the lane connecting the house to the village, Freddy gurgling in his pram in front of him. She was tempted to run after him, shout adnm scream, but that was what he wanted, what he expected. So she just held back walking behind him, taking time to gather her thoughts.

Lilah knew she loved Quinn, she’d worked that out whilst she was sat in the embassy crying alone a year earlier. She’d hoped that by being away from him that love would wane, but it seemed that Freddy being a constant reminder of him kept that alive. As she studied him, striding ahead of her she sighed, everything about him was perfect, even the way he’d accepted Freddy, taken on his role as father without even questioning her, but she’d been burnt before, and she knew her emotional fragility couldn’t take it. He was still in love with the past, and she knew that was why he spent his life running away from reality. When he left here, when he deemed he’d done enough for them, he’d be back to his unstable and frankly dangerous lifestyle, she had no idea what would happen. She might never see him again, but she did know she had to protect her and Freddy from being hurt, all they could rely on was each other, Quinn was a luxury and they both had to anticipate him leaving.