Lost and Found - 34

34

Monday 6^th April 2009

A week until the Wedding from hell, and it seemed that it was the topic of conversation on everyone’s lips. Amelia was glad of the chance to leave the village and travel into the rolling countryside on yet another visit for Cole. She’d found the perfect place for his dream  in the heart of Oxfordshire, but the owner, a titled Lord living his life in Hollywood wasn’t interested in selling.  So her hunt resumed and she was viewing two places today.

She was glad of some alone time, and yet again grateful for Mrs Young who repeatedly gave her some form of respite time. Secretly she thought that the widow was glad of an avenue of interest as she’d confessed to being bored since she’d retired, and the banter she had with her father was hilarious. No one put him in his place as well as Sylvia!

After viewing the properties she made a few notes, sketched a few annotated diagrams, then snapped a few pics on her phone. Driving home she was in a particularly good mood, singing along to the radio, she’d tuned in to a cheesy station and was glad no one could hear her belting out Cher and Take That songs. She was laughing to herself after a particularly high note when the radio cut to ‘Just dropped in’, one of the big songs from her favourite film...The Big Lebowski...as she sang the words, her mind travelled back to that day, her sixteenth birthday, and Sol buying her the DVD.

                “I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in,” she sang through the streams of tears that had suddenly replaced the happiness. She’d not thought about Sol, or rather she’d not allowed herself to think about Sol, but a few times, mainly at night he’d broken her resolve, penetrated her mind. Each time she’d rolled over into her pillow and buried her tears. This time she wasn’t in the privacy of her bedroom and as the song ended and numerous others came and went she found the tears were still there sneaking out. So she pulled the car over and fought to regain her composure.

Half an hour later she parked the car outside her home, as she was locking the door, Sylvia appeared at the door.

                “Your father is at the pub with Bill and Mike from the Bowling team, he’s having a great time!” Spotting Amelia give a sigh of relief, Sylvia smiled at her, “fancy a cup of tea? Without being rude, you look dreadful!”

Suddenly Amelia was exhausted, she felt as though she was living a double life, she was being pulled in so many directions both emotionally and physically, and this seemed like the final straw, she was sick and tired of trying to be everything to everyone...poor Sylvia, she had it all. Snot, tears, whimpers, sobs; it all came out as she sat on the sofa beside the older woman who whilst looking concerned, did not seem shocked.

                “Dearie,” she hugged Amelia as the tears flowed, “I always knew there was a reason why the Tanner boy disappeared. Your father looked on him as a son, then he was gone...” She shook her head, “I didn’t think it was this though! Amelia love, you only have one life, and I don’t know whether that’s worth living pleasing your father. You should follow your heart too...You only get one chance love.”

Amelia shrugged, “I don’t know, I only get one father Sylvia, and I chose him. Sol is long gone. I have to live with that, and I’ll do the right thing by my father. I’m trying to get out of the golden boy’s wedding invite, but my father isn’t taking the hint.”

Sylvia pondered the words for a moment, “I think that’s going to be an event we should all be at love, go to that. I’m looking forward to it. Then have a long hard think about what you REALLY want from life!”

Later that life as she lay in bed she wouldn’t let herself think of the Utopia she desired, where her father could live in some form of harmony with the man she’d had to push away - again.

Monday 13^th April 2009

Cole had twelve hours to see the house she’d selected, so the day before the Wedding of the Year, she was bombing through the countryside with her friend beside her. She pointed out the highlights, transport links, sights of special interest, before swinging into the long and elegant driveway of Clerkhouse Manor. Pulling to a stop in front of the mansion, she glanced across at Cole and smiled. His mouth was open and he was looking at the building with awe. And it was impressive in a Regal English way, knowing Cole as she did, she knew he hankered after the historical and traditional. The house brought that!

He’d not seen more than the reception and he was weak kneed and as excited as a child. By the time they’d reached the end of the tour he was ecstatic.

                “So are you going to the dreaded wedding tomorrow?” he finally asked as they hurtled through the lanes to the station.

She nodded, “I am. And after it, I’m going to talk to my father, try and get him to see reason. I shouldn’t have to choose between him and Sol, should I?”

Cole was silent for a few moments, “no, your father should love you regardless. That’s what they’re supposed to be, isn’t it? Unconditional, unrelenting all that business.”

He was silent then and Amelia glanced at him, the anguish on his face was heartbreaking. Sliding the car to the side of the road, she turned to look at him, “Cole? What is it?”

He shook his head, “nothing!” But it was a faster protest than was really appropriate.

                “Is your father giving you grief? I mean he’s a bit old fashioned, but he’s not that difficult is he?”

When he finally looked up, met her eyes, she could see the pain, the fear. Suddenly she realised this was no tiff with his father, this was serious.

                “I’m gay!”

If someone had slapped her with a fifteen long wet fish she’d not have been more surprised.

                “Really? Shit Cole, you’ve never said anything...”

He laughed, “You were my chance, my last chance, and I don’t mean that in an unfortunate way. I like you, hell, I love you, you’re beautiful, clever, funny, great company. You tick EVERY box, more than any other woman ever has, but I’m not sexually attracted to you.”

                “But you’ve dated some beautiful women...”

He nodded, “and it pleased my father, but to be honest it was never anything more than a meal and a few photos. I’ve tried drugs and drink to try and curb my attraction to men, of to get drunk enough that I could throw myself onto women...”

                “What’s changed? You have been different the last few months; I had no idea about this though.”

He laughed, “neither has my Dad, but you’re right, I’ve been fighting my conscience since Christmas. I met someone...” he blushed. Amelia had never seen him look so excited, so fresh, yet so petrified. “He’s a ski instructor, in Whistler. I’ve never...well let’s just say I’ve fought this for years, but with him, I couldn’t!”

Amelia gaped at him, “you’re in love with him! Tell me more.”

It was Cole’s turn to be amazed, “don’t you hate me for not telling you? For being a shit friend?”

She shook her head, “you’re doing a good enough job of beating yourself up that you don’t need any help, and anyway, I’m just pleased that you’ve met someone! I expect an introduction. I want to meet this man, see if he’s good enough for you!”

Cole laughed, “I only wish my father would take this as well as you!”

Tuesday 14^th April 2009

The interlude with Cole had turned into a few beers in the pub back in the village, then dinner, both accompanied by a very long chat. By the time that Cole checked into one of the upstairs rooms, they’d both had a few too many beers, and he’d missed three meetings in London. Her father had tutted as she’d come in slightly the worse for wear, but she didn’t care, her and Cole had spent a very important and fun time together.

The next morning she wasn’t quite so in agreement. Her head ached, and the last thing she wanted was to spend a day in church, and then at a stuffy reception. The sun was shining and it was a hot spring day, the worst combination. Nevertheless, she showered, teased her recently cut chestnut hair into a sleek bob, dressed in her new chocolate brown coloured dress, and the kick ass shoes Li had forced her to buy.

She found her father struggling to fasten his tie in the hallway, he’d come on so much that it pained her to see him fail at something so simple, but he just didn’t have the dexterity to knot the fabric.

                “Here Dad, let me help you! Just like Mum used to,” she added the last bit to distract from the fact she had to help him at all. “You look smart!”

He grunted, “Bloody penguin suit!”

His conversations were often limited to three or four word sentences, but it was worse when he was angry.

                “We don’t have to go Dad, stay here. Or we could go out for a drive somewhere?”

Shaking his head he loped into the lounge with his now familiar uneven gait.

Amelia’s phone rang as she was applying lipstick, and rifling in her bag, she snatched up the handset, “Li?” She’d noted the caller id before she’d connected to the call.

                “I was just phoning to wish you luck for today. I know you’re probably hating the thought of it.” This was typical of Li, despite them, not being on the best terms for the last few months, when something difficult was on the horizon; she was there, offering her support.

                “Thank you chick, it means a lot.”

She proceeded to bring her up to speed on the revelations of Cole the previous day. Li was equally surprised, and they thoroughly exhausted the topic.

                “So are you all fit to go?” Li asked, “New shoes, the works?”

                “Oh yes,” she glanced down at her feet, “they’re killing me already.” This was no lie, but the price of looking good was painful, she’d learned that many years earlier. “I’ve decided to talk to my Dad tonight.”

Li was silent for a moment, “about what?”

Amelia sighed, “About the fact that I love Sol and I want to go find him, bring him back in to my life. And that I want his blessing to do that.”

She could hear the pleasure in Li’s voice as she replied, “I think that you’re doing the right thing  Ams, I really do. I’m pleased. What if he doesn’t give it...his blessing?”

Amelia sighed, “I don’t know Li, I really don’t know!”