Learning to Fly - 32

Chapter 32 - Homeward bound

Carly watched the harsh sea batter the rocky outcrop. This had always been her favourite place, high up on the cliff above both the town and the pebbly beach. It was a harsh environment, the unforgiving cliffs, the difficult to negotiate shale beach, and the angry, aggressive sea. It was hostile, but she loved it. There was nowhere better, not even a beautiful picture postcard Alpine resort compared. Carly sat tucked into a nook in the cliff, her favourite place.  It was freezing cold, but dry, thankfully, a typical March morning in Scotland, and she was glad to get away from her family and friends for a few moments. The anger and the fury of the choppy sea seemed to match her perpetual bad mood, and the isolation of her view point went some way to distancing herself from the mundaneness of life in her home town, that still rolled on in the same ways as before she'd left. But she had left, she had tried to fly this oppressive nest...and failed.

Four weeks had passed since she'd left the hotel, and she still felt as though she'd left with her tail between her legs.  She had had a celebratory night out with all her new friends, but she flinched at the memory, and missed her independence with every breath she took.

After her meeting with Mr Konig Sr, Carly had felt a sense of relief, she was cleared of all involvement in Jens' fantasies, but as she left the office she almost bumped into the shell of the man she'd slept with. He could barely make eye contact with her as he grunted an apology in her direction before entering the lion's den and learning his fate. Carly felt such pity for him. She'd spent a long time thinking and trying to figure out his actions. He craved acceptance from his father, and never seemed to get it. His womanising and drinking seemed to be his way of coping, and it was all rather tragic. To quote the old adage, money can buy you a lot of things, but it wasn't buying Jens any happiness.

Taking a deep breath Carly had left the management suite, she had enough of her own problems to deal with, she didn't have the capacity to deal with his issues too. 

She had two days to clear out her room, Mr Konig had even organised her flight home. Initially she wanted to go anywhere but home, but suddenly she longed for the security and familiarity of her home and family. So Carly was heading back. Once she'd taken stock the World was her oyster and this trip had given her so much more confidence to travel and go to new places...alone.

The last night there, her friends had wanted to take her out, celebrate and say goodbye.  They'd all met in one of the bars, and laughed, danced and cried. Rochelle and Marta tolerated the very different Camilla for the evening, and Carly was eternally grateful for that. In between dancing Carly'd fought off tears as she realised just how much he was going to miss her work colleagues. Marta was planning her wedding, Rochelle was trying for a baby...and it was all going to happen without her. She couldn't believe how much she would miss everyone. 

It was late into the night when she found herself alone on a large sofa in the corner of the room with Lucas, her rock. He'd been quiet all evening and she knew he was as confused by all that was happening as she was. Turning she had smiled up at him, and he'd sighed, then thrown his arm around her shoulder and sighed, "gonna miss you Trouble!"

Carly had gulped trying to swallow the knot of emotion that sat in her throat. She didn't want to leave him, suddenly she'd realised that it was him that she'd miss more than anything, but other than a few joking comments she had no idea how he really felt about her. But as she'd watched the night unravel, time fly by, she needed to tell him, explain how she felt. 

"I'll miss you too!" she looked up into those familiar warm eyes and sighed. 

"What are you going to do?" he looked down at her, curled into his side.

Carly had paused in thought for a moment, "well firstly I'm going home for a chill and a relax, then I don't know. I fancy using this glowing reference, try to get a job, London maybe? Saying that I've got a healthy severance  cheque. I've always wanted to travel..."

Lucas was staring off into the distance before he answered rather wistfully, "I'm sure you'll enjoy that."

She laughed, "you could come with me. See the world, have fun."

He replied with a chuckle, "wouldn't that be great!" The flippancy of the response told her that he didn't take her comment seriously. And it cut like a knife. She watched his reactions, hoping to see a sign that he felt the same way. 

She saw nothing, but wanted to push the point, "come on Lucas. Not like you to take the safe option!" It was slightly sarcastic, after all he was the most conscientious member of the staff there. He rarely let his hair down. It was only at that moment that Carly noted the point.

He shook his head, "some of us have to work for a living!" Just like that he'd closed the topic.

Later he'd danced with her, smiled at her, even kissed her cheek, but there was no sign that she was more than a friend. More than a platonic mate. And no mention of him dropping everything and leaving with her.

Carly had barely slept that night, she rued the fact that she hadn't forced his hand, made him make a decision. And her last moments at the resort were fast approaching. 

Like every other aspect of the trip home, her transport to the airport had been arranged and the car was due to pick her up at nine. She rushed for an early breakfast, saying her goodbyes liberally as she headed to reception, hoping that Lucas was working. He wasn't. Leaving her bags in the office with Camilla, she jogged across yet more fresh snow to the entrance to Lucas' flat. he didn't answer to her furious pounding. Carly was devastated. She HAD to talk to him. As she slumped on to her haunches, trying to work out what to do in the thirty minutes she had left,  she heard a voice.

"Lost something?"

It was Lucas, and from his appearance in his boarding gear he was heading for the slopes. He must have returned for something.

"I forgot my lift pass!" he exclaimed as if he'd heard her inner quandary.

She nodded knowingly, "I wanted to ask you again. To come with me...travel...or something." He was studying her with surprise and she found his scrutiny almost unbearable. Feeling the heat of embarrassment flush over her neck and face she almost bolted, but she had to hear his answer.

"It's a lovely thought Carly, but I can't just drop everything. We're not all able to rush off on a whim!"

It was delivered in almost an accusatory fashion, and Carly felt things slipping away.

"This is hardly a whim! I had no choice over this Lucas. But I want to make the best of a bad thing!"

He shrugged, "maybe, but others have work, jobs, responsibility..."

  "Why are you acting as though I'm some over indulgent child? I've made the best of a bad thing. I thought finally we were friends...hell we've lived in each other's pockets the last few weeks. Seems either I was wrong about you...or us...or maybe you're just scared."

"Scared? Yeah right!" He exclaimed squaring up to her, "I'm hardly that! I'm just a realist!"

Carly had laughed at that comment, "You're scared alright. You don't take a risk Lucas, that's your problem, you want the safe options! I wish..." Shaking her head she'd stopped talking, turning away before her tears started to flow. 

He was stubborn, difficult and deep down she knew that he was scared, she just wished that for once in his life he'd taken a chance...on her.

A dozen people were gathered at reception, all wanting to kiss and hug her goodbye. It was emotional, especially when she saw Camilla trying to be brave. Hugging her hard she made her roommate promise to keep in touch, they even made tentative plans to meet in London when her job ended in the resort. Carly knew there was a good chance she'd be away, but at the moment she didn't need to think about that.

The large black car was outside the hotel. This was it. The end.

As it wound through the resort she blinked back tears, at the entrance to the hotel she looked up only to see Lucas stood alone half way between the road and the entrance to the ski lift, watching her every move. He looked devastated and Carly had waved frantically, but it wasn't until the car rounded the bend that she appreciated the tinted windows. He hadn't seen her. 

And he'd not contacted her since. Not an email, a text nor a phone call. Carly had misplaced pride. She'd tried, she'd started to tell him how she felt, and he'd backed off. 

Carly wrapped her coat more tightly around her. For all the snow in Austria she'd not felt as bone chilling cold in all her time there. Here in Scotland in the Atlantic wind she faced extremes. 

he needed time alone. Her parents had been so ecstatic at her return. But Carly was currently hiding behind this elusive trip. She couldn't come home and return to normal, her pride needed her to have a plan, something that saved her face and stopped her feeling like a failure. So she talked at great length about leaving, hoping that no one realised that at the moment it was going no further than just talking about it. 

Why hadn't she booked a flight? Gone to India? Australia? The US? For the first few weeks it had been her unrequited hope that Lucas would call, or even turn up telling her she was right, that giving up his security was a risk, but one that he wanted to take. Saying that, she'd settle for a text saying he missed her. Now as time dragged by she realised that her momentum and confidence had ebbed away. She had lost her direction and was in danger of losing any vision she had. 

Her home town was reliable, and she did love the people, but it had been so important that she got free of this but somewhere in the hustle and bustle of coming home, she'd lost that drive. Her old boss had offered her back the job she'd left, her mother suggested she join her in the factory, whilst she appreciated the concern, the thought nauseated her.

Her mother was worried, Carly knew that, she'd been quiet and withdrawn since landing at the airport, but there was so much uncertainty in Carly's mind in her life. And she missed Lucas like she'd not missed anyone before. The pain in her chest took her breath away, and she could barely think of a scenario that didn't bring him to her mind. Reaching in her pocket, she pulled out an already beaten snap shot, one of several taken on her last night, but this one was of her, her and him sat cuddled on the sofa, both laughing. 

Why hadn't she just thrown herself at him? Told him how she REALLY felt? She'd not wanted to be rejected that's what it boiled down to, but now she was more than rejected. If she never saw him again then she'd regret not pushing things more than she feared him laughing at her romantic suggestions. 

But she couldn't go back to Austria, not that resort anyway, that WAS too painful.

"AARRGH!" She shouted throwing back her head, "What am I going to do?" Her shouted words blew straight back at her, rather than being buffeted around in the wind and she sighed dropping her head. "Someone tell me what to do!" She dropped her head, closing her eyes.

"Drag yourself out of this self pity for a start!"

Carly thought she'd imagined the reply, she'd wondered what he'd say on so many occasions, but as she lifted her head, glanced to her right, she saw a figure, familiar in a thick winter coat, picking himself precariously over the rocks to join her.

Lucas.