Starting Over - Chapter Twenty Four - You've got a lot to answer for!

Chapter Twenty Four - You've got a lot to answer for!

If it turns to blue, what are we gonna do?
If it stays on white, will it be alright?

'You've got a lot to answer for' - Catatonia

Pregnant!

How can one word change your life? For the tenth time Ellen looked at the stick, hoping that the earlier views had been premature. But nope...still one solid blue line. Still one solid little baby growing inside her. Shit! A baby who’s daddy is waiting patiently outside the door. She looked at the bathroom window, it was small, but she reckoned she could just about get through it, side down the drainpipe...then what? She had no vehicle; she had the animals to care for. She’d be letting her sister down...and he’d catch me! She realised, I’ll make this elaborate escape, then he’ll just trundle up in his car and laugh at me. No she knew she had to front this out.

I could tell him it’s negative? She laughed as soon as she thought it, you know he’s outside waiting; he’ll want to see the test! She burst into more nervous laughter at the thought of him standing with his hand out wanting to see the stick as soon as she emerged.

Unlocking the door she looked, up Jan had been pacing the hallway but paused frozen in time as the door opened.

                “Well?”

Suddenly she was unable to deal with this, with him, so she slapped the test stick into his hand and marched down the stairs.

Ellen was stood on the patio looking out over the sea when she felt him come out of the house and join her.

                “Wow!” Jan’s voice was a hoarse whisper. “I’m stunned!”

Anger ripped through her, turning she glared at him, “you can still leave, go live your life.”

                “I’m not abandoning a child! What do you take me for Ellen?”

She turned back to look at the view, she was no one’s responsibility. Neither would her baby be. But she couldn’t get into this now; she needed space, time, distance.

                “I’m going for a walk Jan, I need some space.”

As she started to walk away he called after her, “this is as much of a shock for me Ellen, you can’t block me out forever, I’ll still be here when you get back.”

Sat up on a cliff, Arnold at her feet panting from his exertions on the sand, she watched the waves roll in, still unable to process that she was pregnant, that Jan’s baby was growing inside her. She had no home, no job...hell no life, but now she had something throwing a spanner into all her plans. Not that she was resentful; suddenly the thought of a baby, and more importantly the child of the man she loved was a real gift. She laid a hand over her stomach, already amazed at the protection she felt over it.

                “Yep little buddy, we’ll have so much fun, just you and me!” She flopped back onto the grass, and looked up at the clear blue skies. Today was Britain at its best, sun, sea and a gentle breeze, the smell of summer flowers wafting past. God when did I get such a sensitive sense of smell?

Ellen drifted back along the beach to the house, happy in her predicament.  This was the turning point, the moment that her life REALLY started to make sense. This was why she was here; this was why she’d been treated like dirt by Richard, why she’d met Jan.  To have a baby and find value in her life. She could deal with this, she could deal with anything.

BOOM! Back to Earth with a bang. She walked into the house to find Jan on the phone. When he hung up he turned to her, “I’ve got you a doctor’s appointment, in London this afternoon.”

A match and explosives couldn’t have gone up quicker...Ellen exploded in the middle of the lounge.

                “Who the hell are you to tell me what to do?” he tried to answer but she silenced him with a glare. “You made your decision back in Majorca Jan, you chose yourself over me. That is that! Done! You have no rights to walk in here and make demands on me! This baby...”

                “MY BABY!” he intervened before stepping down, it was that glare again.

                “At best Jan it is ‘our’ baby! And that’s just science! This is my child and I decide what’s right and wrong! So I strongly suggest you BACK OFF! Call your doctor friend and cancel that appointment because I have a doctor, and I’ll see him in a few weeks. I’m young, healthy and have no reason to be worried.” She paced across the room gripping her fist, the need to slap his face still so evident. “I won’t stop you seeing the baby as often as you like, but I know you need to leave, and the vet’s coming soon...” With that she ducked out into the stable.

Champagne was settled, and the vet was happy with her progress, he agreed to come out three days later to check on the foal, but other than that, Champagne was out of the woods. Ellen breathed a huge sigh of relief, that was the best and most relieving news she’d had all day...well other than her baby!

Jan’s car was still on the drive when she re emerged from the stables, so it was with the now familiar trepidation that Ellen walked back into the house. 

Jan was cooking! She stopped dead in the doorway and just stared. He was wearing Charlotte’s tartan apron over a white t-shirt and jeans, aromas of....curry emanating from his chopping board and sizzling pan. Sensing her there he looked up and smiled.

                “You can shout at me all you want. I’m here and I’m looking after you both!”

With that he dropped his head back down to the task in hand. Ellen was defeated, what could she do? Suddenly she was tired and she didn’t have the energy to fight him. Kicking off her shoes, she sat on the sofa and turned on the TV, hoping that the news would distract her from the homely scene developing around her.

                “Hey sleepy!” the voice cut through the haze and she slowly managed to open her eyes. It was dark, the TV was still on, and Jan was squatting in front of her. “You’ve been asleep for two hours! I’ve made dinner if you’re up for it. But if you sleep too much now, you might not sleep tonight.”

She stretched, “I think I could sleep for a week.”

Jan nodded, “I remember that my sister complained of being tired all the time.”

His familiarity with her condition irked her; all of a sudden he knew more about her than she did? Who gave him that power? Swinging her legs to the floor she gave a sardonic smile and muttered, “Who made you the expert?”

Dropping her eyes she stalked out of the room knowing she was being childish, but hating the whole situation. In the bathroom she washed her face with cold water and cleaned her teeth. Brushing her hair and retying her pony tail she felt a bit easier. Looking at her pale face she scrutinised her appearance, but couldn’t see past the hue of anger that seemed to hang around her. She hated feeling like such a bitch, but Jan being there was grating on her every nerve. Why? She asked herself. But as she looked as herself she knew the answer. He was here to support her, to be a father. At no point had he said he wanted to be there for her. He’d not chosen her. And she was more than a mother. She still deserved a man that loved her and wanted her. Taking a deep breath she shook herself gently then headed back down to the meal he’d prepared.

Jan was tasting a dark looking curry and she saw him smile to himself, he’d created a masterpiece! Seeing her he rushed to pull out a chair, “sit down, it’s almost ready.”

Obliging she sat opposite and allowed him to dish her up a hearty portion of the curry and rice.  Tasting it she smiled, he really was a good cook. And she was suddenly ravenous clearing the plate quickly. Sitting back, her arms crossed over her stomach, she watched him eat the rest of his meal.  Eventually he looked up and met her gaze.

                “I want you to come to my home in Belgium, once your sister is home.”

She almost choked in surprise, “what?”

He smiled, filling her glass with more sparkling water, “I want to look after you! I have a big farmhouse in Belgium; I really want you to come back with me. You’ve nothing to stay here for, have you?”

Anger descended like a red mist as she glared at him, “who the hell do you think you are? I have a life Jan, remember that? You might think that it’s sad or stupid, but I have my independence. And I will not be bossed around by you!”

He sighed, “Everything I say just rubs you up the wrong way. I am trying to do the right thing by you! By our baby!”

                “I don’t want to be done right by Jan! I’m not some charity case, and I don’t need anything from you.”

He reached across and grabbed her hand, “you are stubborn, and so bloody strong-willed, but I am nothing if not persistent. When you left me, I did rethink - everything. You are right; I can’t go on living like a teenager. I resigned from Animacion; I’ve told my mother I’ll help her rescue the business. I sold my last business a year ago, but I think it’s time for me to start working again.” He sighed, “Unfortunately that means I am tight on time. I have to go to Brussels tomorrow; I can’t get out of it. Will you come and join me, as soon as you can? Just so we can talk. Work things out.  If you say you’ll come, then I’ll give you some space, some time to deal with this.”

She thought for a moment, she needed to clear her own head, so she nodded, “ok.”