Starting Over - Chapter Twenty Three - Storm in a teacup

Chapter Twenty Three : Storm in a Teacup

It was the last thing Ellen needed, to see Jan jump out of the car into the driving rain. Exasperated she sighed, “I have a million things I could say now, but it’s not important.” She wiped the rain water from her eyes, “can you pull your car over there? I’m waiting on the vet.”

He saw the urgency and fear in her face, and despite the driving rain he moved the car around the side of the house. As he was getting out again another vehicle pulled up the driveway and Ellen ran up to it.

                “Thank God you’re here.” She led the vet, a dark haired man dressed in waterproofs to the stone coach house which sat at right angles to the house and housed the stables. Jan followed them both inside, and when he heard the groan from the vet, saw the writhing horse, and Ellen pale and shivering, he rushed over and put an arm around her. He’d expected her to flinch, push him away, but she leaned against him shaking.

                “Go into the house Ellen, you’re freezing, I’ll help the vet with this, honest.”

She looked up at him almost as though she was seeing that he was there for the first time. Then she shook her head and moved away from him. The vet asked various questions as he examined the distressed mare, eventually he turned to Jan, “can you help me?”

Between them they managed to restrain the mare and the vet injected various drugs, then placed a tube through her nose to her stomach. Once he did that it seemed to calm Champagne.

Finally washing his hands in the nearby sink the vet turned to her, “colic can be dangerous, but it seems you caught her in time, the tube released some pressure, and that seems to have done the trick, she seems calmer, and there’s less gas in her gut. She’ll need to be kept an eye on through the night.” He wrote down instructions, left some pain relief and told her to call again if the horse was still struggling.

                “Was it my fault? Did I do something wrong?”

He shook his head, “it’s unfortunately common, and can happen for SO many reasons, the fact that you called me so quickly saved the life of the foal, and probably her. So well done.”

Waving him off, she returned to the barn in several long strides, Jan was behind her like a shot.

                “Jan please, I think you should leave,” she offered entering the stall ahead of him. She rushed over to the horse, not wanting to deal with this imposter. She was just starting to contemplate life without him, now here he was tormenting her all over again.

                “I came here to talk Ellen, and I won’t leave until we’ve done that. But right now it does seem that this young lady is more of a concern than you or me. When is she due to foal?”

                “8 to 10 weeks, and I can manage her, I’d rather it if you left. You had your chance to talk Jan, and you chose silence and secrets.” She stroked the horses head whispering in her ear, scratching the velvet soft muzzle. The vet had said to avoid food and drink, she’d changed the bedding straw earlier, so she had nothing to do other than her periodic checks. But she couldn’t re-enter the house with Jan, she had to get rid of him here.

                “I’m not going anywhere Ellen, I need to talk to you, and I WILL talk to you whatever you think. Plus you’ll need an extra pair of hands to do all the vet has asked, so it seems you can complain, but you actually need me at the moment.”

She turned on him with a snarl, “I don’t need you Jan, I DID need you and you blew me off. So I’m alone, and I’m coping and happy. So please just go back to your little World where Jan is the centre of the Universe and everyone revolves around you!”

He shook his head, “Wow! I really did hurt you didn’t I?”

Shaking her head, she gave a short reply, “You don’t even know you’re doing it! Do you? Don’t kid yourself! I’ll get you a towel for you to dry yourself, then you can leave.”

It was a mistake to open the cottage door, once she’d gone into the utility room to strip out of the wet gear and wellies, she realised he was in the house. When she stepped out of the room she saw him stood in front of the fire draping his fine knit sweatshirt over the fire guard, his bare bronzed back towards her. Stifling a groan she made straight for the stairs, but he turned and spotted her.

                “Isn’t that mine? I wondered where it had gone.”

She froze midstride feeling as though he’d just had an insight into her psyche, she was wearing a thin hoodie that she’d borrowed off him in Majorca during a rare storm, she’d worn it most cold evenings, curled up in front of the fire, nuzzling in to the neckline and inhaling his scent, reliving a little bit of him.

                “It was the only thing I could find that was warm...” she stuttered, “I’m just going to take it off, you can wear it for your drive back to wherever you came from.”

In the sanctuary of the bedroom she towelled dried her hair then found a long sleeve t-shirt to put on over her pyjama bottoms. Then tying her wet hair up into a top knot and taking as deep breath, she came back down to confront him.

Jan was stood at the window still half naked, looking out into the dark night.

                “Here!” she handed him the sweater, “you won’t want to wait much longer, these roads flood easily.”

He turned to her and she had to divert her eyes from that divine smile, the beautiful athletic body. “I’m not going anywhere Ellen, not until you’ve heard me out. I know you think it’s too little too late, but you owe me five minutes. Surely?”

She shook her head, “what I owe is that animal in there...” she pointed towards the stable, “my undivided attention. Go back to Majorca, London, Belgium...where ever....Just leave me alone. I will talk to you, when I’m ready, and not before.”

Shaking his head Jan walked towards her, “I can’t do that Ellen; I don’t believe you will see me again. And the horse is important, of course, but so is this! You may not care, but I’ve travelled from my mother today, to your parents, straight here. I’ve been on the road for five hours without the flights, and if I don’t have a drink, maybe a sandwich I think I might pass out.”

He pulled the sweater on and Ellen relaxed, “ok, ok. You win. I’ve got some chilli in the fridge; I’ll steam some rice and make you a coffee. But that’s ONLY because it’s a bad night!”

Jan bowed with a grin, “thank you kind lady!”

Ellen took longer than necessary to start the rice, needing time to think. She honestly didn’t think she’d see him again, and whilst the self preserving cells inside her told her to get away, run away, part of her, a large part, was curious, to know why he was here, what it meant, and what he planned. Not that she was about to lie down and be submissive, let him walk all over her.

He was sat on the sofa, his head dropped back and his eyes closed when she brought the coffee through.

                “So?” she prompted him.

He opened his eyes with a start, and it was then that she realised that he may have actually been asleep. Taking the mug he sipped the coffee apprehensively then set the drink on the table in front of him.

                “I’ve never felt as bad as the moment you left the apartment Ellen, and everything you said was right. I have been running, hiding.” He sighed, and for the first time she thought he might be genuine, he looked concerned, anxious. “You found out about the post Harvard years. Rory and me, we fell upon a failing software company. I planned a route through their rough times, my father offered to help out with capital. Within two months, we’d actually made back his investment, and after six months we sold for a million dollars. From there it escalated, we invested, recouped, reinvested. Within two years we were multimillionaires. Life was great, but we were both too busy to appreciate things. Looking back now, I know we took on too much, too quick.”

He stood and walked to the window, watching the rain cascade down the glass, “Rory was the financial minded one; I kind of did the cutting, trimming and expanding of the companies. But Rory started spending more time away with Sonia, he made a mistake. He was pulled in two, I can see that now.” He paused for a second, “he made an investment, broke a law accidentally I’m sure. But we had a lot of problems, then there was rumour we were going to be charged for fraud. He was a gentle man Ellen,” he turned to look at her beseechingly, “he wouldn’t have done anything deliberately, and would never have survived in prison, and it was a real prospect. My father had died just after our first deal, but I appealed to his company and got some legal advice, we were sorting it out, I promise. Then Rory found out Sonia was having an affair, he guessed somehow, I’m not sure why or how. But when he confronted her, she told him that he was absent, she barely saw him, that she felt neglected.”

                “What happened?” Ellen was now engrossed in a story that she knew ended in disaster.

                “She just ran, left him. He was devastated, but I was in Europe getting legal advice and trying to stabilise the takeover of a London based Internet Company.....”

                “You weren’t there to see him deteriorate?”

He shook his head, “if I’d stayed, been the friend I said I was...then he’d be here. I’d have intervened, stopped him hanging himself.” Shaking his head, he looked away again and she could see that he was close to tears.

                “So what? You sold your businesses and started work in a hotel.”

                “At his funeral I promised myself I’d appreciate life, see things for him, live for him.”

She nodded finally seeing things as they were, “so you live as an eternal bachelor, rejecting commitment to work, so you’re never too distracted, and rejecting commitment to any woman to avoid the catastrophe of Rory’s life?”

                “Something like that. I just can’t imagine him not seeing things, feeling things...and that was entirely my fault.”

At that point the rice was ready, so she dished him up the meal and laid a place at the table.

                “I’m going to check on Champagne.” She pulled the wellies over her pj’s then wrapped up in the long raincoat, hiding under an umbrella she ducked out into the rain before he could protest.

After taking her temperature....and not thinking too much about the fact that horses didn’t take thermometers in the mouth. She measured her respiratory rate; both were in the normal range the vet had left. She wasn’t due any more medication for several hours, so Ellen gave her a quick nose scratch and prepared for the dash across the yard back to the house.

Jan had finished the meal and was sat again with his eyes closed still at the kitchen table. Maybe he really was shattered, she just didn’t want him here, not now. Walking across to him she tapped his shoulder, “Ok, I get that you’re tired. Take the spare room, but you are going tomorrow. Upstairs room on the right.”

As she hit the bottom of the stairs he spoke, “I’ll stay down here, check on the horse.”

                “I’ve got it covered!” she tossed over her shoulder then hurried the rest of the way to bed.

Her alarm woke her after what felt like five minutes, and was actually only half an hour. She’d tossed and turned for ages before finally finding some sleep, now she needed to check on Champagne. Dragging a t-shirt over her strappy sleep top, she tiptoed down stairs, only turning on the utility room light. It was still raining so she pulled on the waterproof overalls, wellies and slipped out the door.  The rain had eased, but it was pitch black, no moonlight streaking through the thick cloud. Fortunately she’d put the flashlight in her pocket earlier in the day. Flashing it on she navigated the puddle filled yard.

As she swung open the stable door she gasped, stood there calming the horse was Jan, arms around her neck talking into her ear.

She could barely make out his expression, one small lamp being all that illuminated the building. Fear ravaged her body.

                “Is she ok?”

He nodded, “it was time to check on her, I was hoping to let you sleep in a little.” Ellen snatched up the clipboard and studied the observations he had recorded. “See I am capable!” he chuckled.

She scowled at him before laying a hand on the horse, just to know that she was ok.

Back in the house Ellen was pacing the kitchen floor when Jan came in from the cold. She didn’t know how to deal with him. He’d explained why he’d been such a jerk, but made no effort to hint that he wanted her back in his life, not that she was sure she wanted to be with him anymore.

                “Why are you spitting feathers now Ellen? I’m trying to help you!”

She took several steadying deep breaths, “I don’t need your help, I’ve never asked for it and not particularly wanted it.”

Jan nodded knowingly, “ok, hate me! I’m trying to make things easier for you. I know I’ve let you down; I’m trying to make things up to you. But you are THE most stubborn person I have ever met! How many ways can I say sorry?”

She stopped mid step her jaw opened wider than she thought possible, “Stubborn? Huh! Sorry is an easy word to toss around, it’s easier to be more considerate in the first place!”

                “Let me slip off my shirt and you can whip me with barbed wire! Will you ever forgive me?” despite the severity of his words, his lips were tinged with humour.

                “Nice try Zeigler, I’m going to get some sleep. I’ll get up for the four am check, so you may as well get some sleep.”

The morning came and Champagne was sleeping peacefully, crisis micromanaged. Coming in from the stable at seven am Ellen called the vet to feed back that she was well again, then realising that it was the early hours on the East coast of the US, she delayed calling her sister. Jan had appeared when she was checking on the horse in the early hours, but not since. But she was starving, pangs of hunger wafted over her making her almost faint with nausea. So she rooted around in the fridge and found bacon and eggs. Ellen wasn’t selfish, so she made enough for two, along with a large pot of coffee. She was tucking into hers when Jan appeared, following his nose like a Bisto kid, grinning as he spotted the plate of food opposite her.

                “I was just about to call you for breakfast, I expect you want to make an early start.”

He raised an eyebrow for a second, then asked, “How’s Champagne?”

Ellen nodding chewing her food thoughtfully, before replying, “Sleeping, comfortably. I spoke to the vet, he’s happy with the reports, but will call over later to check on her.”

He slurped his hot coffee and sighed, “Wow this is good! Thanks so much.”

She shrugged, “not bad for the most stubborn person in the world?”

Groaning he covered his eyes, “will there ever be a time when you won’t overanalyse everything I do or say?”

Clearing her plate of the last piece of food, “what you do or say is none of my business!” She jumped to her feet, and then suddenly felt woozy. The room started to spin and she dropped the plate in her rush to hang on to the back of her chair. Jan was by her side before she could work out what was happening and easing her back into her seat.

Squatting at eye level with her he laid a hand over her forehead, “are you ok? You look really peaky!”

Her head was still spinning and suddenly she felt sick, “I think I’m going to be....” with that she leaned forward and threw up on the kitchen floor.

Ellen had never felt so dreadful as she lay on the sofa, her eyes closed, ears trying to block out the sounds of Jan clearing up the broken crockery and her vomit. The room was calmer now and didn’t seem to be spinning, but she felt hot, bothered and very sorry for herself.

                “Hey,” a hand landed gently on her forehead, “how are you feeling? You’re still clammy.”

                “I’m ok,” she croaked, her throat sore. “I just haven’t slept all night, and I was SO wet last night.”

                “O-k...” he half offered and hearing the deliberation in his voice she opened her eyes to look at him.

                “What?”

He smiled at her, gently, “are you pregnant?”

She jumped up to sitting and glared at him, “don’t be stupid! I’ve felt a bit light headed, I threw up! That does not make me pregnant!”

                “Do you normally faint?” It was a perfectly acceptable question, but he’d enraged her.

                “What does that have to do with you?” She didn’t faint, and was rarely sick. And she’d been SO bloody tired.

Jan sat back onto his heels and studied her for a moment, “there’s something different about you Ellen, I could tell when I arrived last night. And,” he reached out to touch her cheek, “your body looks...how can I tactfully put this...‘fuller’?”

Reaching out she cracked her hand across his face, suddenly very defensive, “what does that mean? I’m fat! You’ll never find out!” With that she stood and stormed out of the room.

Lying on the bed looking up at the ceiling, she fumed silently. The cheek of a man who’d shunned her, chosen to be selfish, to push her away. Now he was here to make himself feel better, exorcising his demons and he accuses her of being pregnant. She was on the Pill; she’d not missed taking any. There was no reason to think she was anything more. Standing up she tugged her top off and looked at herself in the mirror, her bra did look a little ill in its fit, she’d not normally bulged out at the seams. But pregnant?

The nausea this time was fear, she knew it was, and as she bent her head over the toilet, emptied the remnants of her delicious breakfast into the porcelain bowl, Ellen was suddenly concerned. Hearing the thud of the front door she crossed to the window in time to see Jan jump into his range rover and screech out of the yard.

Typical of you Jan! She snarled at the window, panic and run away at the first sign of stress....AGAIN!

Ellen was dressed very shortly, and after a check on Champagne, she took Arnold to the beach. It was a beautiful day; obviously the storm had cleared the air. They both ran in and out of the surf jogging along the beach, Ellen laughing at his antics. She was wet to the hips, her jeans stuck to her when they turned to make their way back to the house. It was then she spotted the solitary figure sat on the beach watching her. Jan was back.

Pulling level with him she looked down and met his concerned eyes, “I got this.”

Glancing down she saw the pregnancy test in his hand and despite her anger, the desire to lash out at him, stop him controlling her, she knew two things, one she had to take the test, and two, she had no idea what the result would be.