Starting Over - Chapter Ten - Back to where it started

Chapter Ten - Back to Where it Started

They’d arranged a late night soiree on the beach that night, Ellen found she was desperate for Jan, the impending separation looming like a dark cloud over her head. This weather was ironic; her mood matched the heavy air. She made for the smaller hotel bar in the early evening, taking a table by the window, the sunset had been obscured by the blackest rolling cloud on the horizon, the air hung with the tension of the impending storm, Ellen was hot, sticky and nervous.

Her phone rang as she waited. Looking at the screen she was surprised to see her parents’ number flash on the screen.

                “Hello?” her voice was tentative; she wasn’t exactly looking forward to speaking to anyone from home, not yet. She was in a bubble; a lovely, unrealistic happy bubble and they were likely to burst that.

                “Ellen...It’s your mother.”

Ellen gulped at the deceptive voice, it sounded all delicate and sweet, but her mother was very strong, ruthless and determined when she wanted to be.

                “Hi Mum.” She honestly didn’t know what to say to her mother, for the first time in her life she was thinking of herself, wasn’t conforming, doing what was expected. And she didn’t want that feeling to end.

                “Ellen, I realise things have been difficult for you...we need to talk to you though, Richard was here yesterday.”

                “He was?” The most selfish bastard in the world was at her house, that meant something. Suddenly she felt anxious.

                “Ellen, why didn’t you tell us? We never realised it got to that stage...We would’ve helped you sort it without the aid of a lawyer!” Her mother genuinely sounded devastated.

Ellen was confused, she had no idea what her mother was talking about, “tell you what Mum?”

She could hear her mother inhale deeply, composing herself, “Richard came here, he was pale, worried, I’ve never seen him like that. He gave your father a cheque for twenty thousand pounds. Money he owes you for the wedding. He’ll apparently pay you redundancy next month, a year’s salary. Then he told me to ask you to ‘pull the French lawyer off, he’s done all he asked’!” Her mother muffled a little sob, “why didn’t you tell us he owed you so much? That he’d sacked you?”

Ellen groaned, “Mum, I paid for all the wedding, that was never a secret, and I got called by my replacement when I was in the airport flying here. I don’t know anything about a lawyer...” A French one? Oh Jan, I hope this wasn’t you...

She ended the call pretty rapidly, promising to call soon. Ellen needed to think. Her parents had deposited the money on her bank, at least her financial disaster was being averted...for a while. But why else would a French lawyer have pressured Richard?

She was still deliberating as she left the bar. There was entertainment planned for downstairs, in the large function hall. She needed to know if this lawyer was his doing, so she had to find him, talk to him. It was a man interfering again. Controlling, demanding...hadn’t she just got free of that?

There was a game of Bingo in full swing as she arrived, and typically Jan was the caller, each number announced in five languages at least....

So she sat and ordered a glass of wine, and drank it slowly not really containing her anger as the drink disappeared.  She was stood at the back of the bar looking out over the dark storm that was any minute going to break over them when she felt rather than heard him walk towards him.

                “Hey,” he offered in a gentle inconspicuous voice, “It’s not like you to wander into the entertainment. You ok?”

She turned to stare at him, taking in the dark beady eyes, the angular features, the things that she’d come to find SO attractive, “answer me honestly? Tell me the truth...did you organise a lawyer? To talk to Richard?”

The look of shock, guilt, embarrassment was better than any answer.

Ellen felt her world start to spin, “It was only ever a holiday romance, why the hell would you get involved? Oh God...I can’t believe I’m getting upset over this...over you!”

With that she walked out onto the veranda, wanting distance between him, between the hotel, time and space on her own. This was exactly what she didn’t need, presumption, over ruling.  She needed to get away, so despite the summer footwear, the wine she’d drunk and the impending weather she jogged. As fast as she could.

Up on the rocky headland overlooking the small beach, Ellen slowed, stopping to sit on the ground. She’d been trying to rack her brains, work out exactly what she wanted to do, what this all meant, but she was numb. She knew rain threatened, but basically she didn’t care. It may help to cut through this pain that surrounded her, this anger that engulfed her.

                “Ellen?” It was a long time before she heard a voice cutting through the winds swirling around the headland.

Turning she glared at him, “I don’t really have anything to say Jan, it is what it is....let it go.”

                “He’s my brother. My younger brother!”

                “Who? What?” she looked at him with confusion.

                “The lawyer. My brother just graduated from his law training, I asked him to scare Richard if he could.” As she started to protest he silenced her, “I wanted to ask you about it, but I was too scared. You’re leaving the day after tomorrow, I was hoping if Broughton paid up you’d be more relaxed, you’d have less demands on you, then maybe you’d stay here, on the island, I don’t want to see you go Ellen. But I wanted you to want to stay...I did this all wrong...”

                “Too right you did! You never even asked me to stay!”

                “I didn’t know how to bring it up...”

“This is SO wrong! You lie, control and undermine me....tell me where you’re different from Richard? You’re NO bloody different!”

She stood to leave, but he grabbed her hand, forcing her to look at him, “Ellen, I like you a lot. I don’t want you to have to return back to the manipulated world you left, I understand by doing this I’ve made things just as bad, but all I wanted was for you to have some freedom...I’m ham fisted when it comes to relationships, but I am sorry I’ve annoyed you, upset you. I won’t pester you again Ellen, other than to say I want you to stay. Nothing and no one deserves you back there. I just want the best for you...I’m not saying that’s me, but I’m saying you might find it, if you stay here. Give yourself sometime.” He mocked a salute to his brow as he backed away from her, not daring to let her leave his eyesight.

But as he moved away she dropped her head, concentrating on the angry waters below.

By the following lunchtime she was determined that she was going. Ellen had no intention of subjecting herself to any more hassle. She’d loved it here, but everyone knows holidays are holidays, once you stay beyond that the bubble bursts. So she started to pack her things, saddened, but still grateful that her tryst with Jan had brought her out of her shell, helped her see that things weren’t that bad.

She didn’t see him all day, she occasionally heard that booming voice kicking out of the speakers announcing some competition or another, but from her place on the beach, topping up the last bit of her tan, he was far away. She ate in the small bar she’d started to frequent, knowing that it was quiet, that she’d be alone, comfortable.

After an early night, Ellen was being picked up at ten am, she’d been at breakfast as it opened, she’d eaten, then escaped before having to cope with seeing Jan.  She was packed and waiting for the bus at nine thirty. As she climbed on her heart sank, had she been hoping for a romantic gesture? To be swept off her feet? She wasn’t sure, all she knew was she was sadder leaving than she’d been when she’d arrived.

As the bus cut through the rugged Majorcan landscape she tried to analyse all that had happened. She was leaving here a better person; she was stronger, more in control of her life than ever before.  She knew in the future she’d look back on this as a turning point in her life, that she’d be ever grateful to Jan when she was working, playing and loving again..... Her heart lurched at the thought, the unease in her chest overwhelming, she shut her eyes, I’ll get over him, I really will. Nothing can be as hard as fronting up on the cancelled wedding, can it? At that moment she wasn’t sure...

As she stood in the queue to check in her bags, she was miles away thinking of all the hassles she still had to face at home when she became aware of her name...being called out over the PA.

                “Ellen Reynolds, please report to information, Ellen Reynolds on Flight A5573 to London, please report to information.”

With a sigh she dragged herself from the line and followed signs to the information booth. A dark haired smiling woman beamed at her as she announced she was Ellen Reynolds.

               

                “Ah! Miss Reynolds. There is a message here for you, I have been asked to pass you this!” Rummaging around on her desk, she finally picked up an envelope. “Thank you and have a nice day!”

Ellen dragged her bags away from the desk and looked at the envelope, nothing to give away the contents. So she ripped it open.

Tipping it a folded piece of paper and a key.

With shaking hands she unfolded the paper and read the handwritten scrawl.

                “I was never good with words, or gestures. I really like you Ellen, and think that 

going home is the wrong thing for you. No one deserves you there. Not that I deserve you

any more than them. I’m sorry. I want you to stay, and not just to be with me. You are a 

good person and I want you to stay here just until you decide what you want to do with 

your life.

This is the key to the apartment in Palma. Don’t go. Please stay there for a few days, a 

week, a month. Until you know what you want to do. I won’t pester you or bother you.  

 I’m sorry I hurt you, I am not good with emotions, and I did wrong by you, and for that 

I hate myself.

I hope you can forgive me, and at least have some hospitality from my family. If you 

don’t then it was more than a pleasure to know you Ellen, I’ll never forget you!

Yours, Jan.”

She looked at the words, he’d never forget her? When she’d first seen him she’d imagined him with a different girl every week...and now? I thought he was genuine, she thought, “Otherwise I’d never have got so involved...would I? She’d always thought herself a good judge of character, but look at Richard, Rebecca. She hardly saw those two shocks coming. But the other voice added he’s the only one who’s ever given a shit about what YOU want!

She walked to the side of the huge departure zone and slumped down the wall to sit on the floor. Do I stay or do I go? She asked herself. That was the question.