He'll Come Through - 23 - On a road to nowhere

23 - On a road to nowhere

For all her bravado, Lilah found it so difficult to take all Quinn offered with the knowledge he was ultimately abandoning them, but she rationalised that it was better than not spending the next few days or weeks with him. So when he offered to accompany her and the children to London that evening she agreed. He was wonderful with Freddy, despite no contact with children he was natural and comfortable, and even after the debacle at breakfast, Maria was enthralled with him too.

Oh yes, she thought as she repacked Maria’s uniform into her school bag, he’s quite the charmer to all ages, and both sexes. This really was a hard weekend.

As usual she was borrowing her friend Mike’s car to take Maria back, she didn’t like leaving Freddy for too long so it was so helpful to not have to rely on her parents, or leave the baby. Also she couldn’t dream of driving their camper van! Mike was the town’s policeman, stationed at an adjacent village; but he still lived amongst them. Lilah knew him from school; he was a few years older than her. He’d been widowed two years earlier, Lilah had taught both his children over the last year, and when she noticed the difficulties he was having in getting the children organised with his uncompromising shifts, she had started to help with child care as and when she could. In return he loaned her his car for shopping trips, or occasional longer journeys like this. It was so much more convenient than public transport, and an agreement that suited them both!

This was the worst time of the weekend for Lilah, and as Maria was searching for the token home work she’d been given, and Freddy cried for his dinner, there was a knock at the door. Tossing the screeching baby over her shoulder she called up to Maria to check her school bag as she opened the door.

There stood Mike, dangling car keys in front of her, “sounds as hectic as my place!”

Lilah nodded, sharing a conspiratorial moment with a fellow single parent, ending with the usual ‘how do we do this all alone’, she thanked him profusely then waved as he jogged back up the road towards his home.

Lilah lifted Freddy from her shoulder, he was bright red from crying and there were actual tears on his cheeks, she cooed at him, promising food as soon as they returned to the home. As she made to close the front door, Quinn appeared in front of her, she couldn’t imagine where he’d suddenly appeared from.

                “Hey! Perfect timing! Your son needs calming; I’ve got to help Maria a minute.”  She noticed a half scowl as the baby was placed in his arms, but she didn’t have time to acknowledge that. Dashing up the stairs she entered Maria’s bedroom and a few shouts and complaints preceded the offending homework being found....under her pillow.

                “Right, clean your teeth, then we’ll call your grandparents really quickly, ok?”

With another round of disgruntled moans, Lilah made for the stairs, but she had to pause halfway down to take a deep breath, she loved Maria, but dreaded her becoming a teenager if almost eight was anything to go by.

Downstairs Quinn was pacing a very angry Freddy in his arms, and a snarl of anger marking his own face and confirming that he had been angry when he’d been at the door.

                “What’s wrong with you now? I haven’t got time for any more teenage paddies!” She snapped taking the baby, dropping into a chair and feeding him. Instantly the wail ceased and he suckled earnestly.

It was only then that she glanced at Quinn, he was shaking his head, the sight of her feeding Freddy had flummoxed him several times.

                “I can’t argue when you’re doing that!” he exclaimed.

Giving him a sarcastic smiled she answered, “why do you have to argue at all? I’m having a crap day as it is!”

With a ‘no’ and a shake of the head he left the room.

When Freddy was finished and secure in his car seat, she fastened him into the car, then packed the three bags that Maria had into the small boot.

                “Come on Maria, it’s time to go. Have you spoken to your grandma?”

She appeared at the top of the stairs and shook her head forlornly, “they’ll only want me to go over, and I don’t want to Lilah, I really don’t! And it’s horrible travelling alone...”

Lilah opened her arms and caught the girl in her arms as she swept down the stairs, “I’ve told you darling, your grandfather is too ill to come here, you have to go and see them. If I could I’d go with you...”

                “I can go with her.” Quinn’s voice came from the house behind them and for the second time that day Lilah had no idea where he’d come from.

Turning around she looked at him, “You?”

He nodded, “I’ve got no major plans, I can escort her to, where is it, Boston?” When she nodded he smiled, “may get myself down to NYC for a couple of nights, then I can bring her back.”

Lilah fumed inside, another way to escape from him true obligation, “nice offer Quinn, but she’ll be going for at least ten days.”

She hated the fact that she was so annoyed, but this was just typical, everyone wanting a piece of her. She was doing all she could for Maria, she knew it was hard for an eight year old to understand all that was happening, but her sadness and complaining didn’t make it easier for Lilah, Freddy had every reason to be dependant, but now Quinn was interfering and not making the paths for her any smoother.

Hitting the accelerator she hurtled the car out of the village and London bound. With the radio turned up she ignored conversations that had started between Maria and Quinn. She wanted to drift away to her own place...she planned a night of pleasure, just her and him, though when he was being pigheaded and she was angry like this afternoon, then she didn’t know why she bothered!

The drive to London was long, but straight and direct. A radio channel dedicated to the 90’s was the perfect companion, and half way into the journey she’d chilled a bit and actually entered a neutral conversation.

At the school the goodbye was as painful as ever, Maria clinging to her crying her eyes out. Both of them knew that she’d be happier at the small school in the village adjacent to Lilah’s home. And she vowed to sort it out once and for all with Maria’s grandparents when she got home.

Quinn was lounging against the car tapping away at his mobile phone when she emerged into the evening sun. Dropping her shades to cope with the low yet strong sun, she sauntered over to him.

                “So are you going to explain why you’ve been such a tit this afternoon?”

He shook his head, “sorry I was out of order.”

She was taken aback, he was apologising? There was a first time for everything so it seems, but she also knew that the word ‘sorry’ just wasn’t enough. “So what was it all about?” She asked checking on the baby who was still asleep. “If we head straight back we’ll be home in time for him to bath, feed and then go to bed.”

Settling in the driver’s seat she turned to him, “so?”

Looking across as he sat next to her, she saw he was blushing, this was even better than she could’ve hoped. Suddenly the dark clouds of her frustration and the anxieties of her life lifted. “Spill buster or I leave you here!”

He fastened his seatbelt then grimaced, “ok, I saw you talking to some guy before I arrived. He seemed friendly....it made me angry.”

                “Were you jealous?” she couldn’t help grinning, this was funny at face value, but it also boosted the voice in the back of her head that kept telling her that he felt the same way as her.

He stuttered a few times, before mumbling, “He was being familiar with my son. Ok?”

She laughed out loud, “Mike didn’t even see his face as he was screaming into my shoulder! And anyway, he’s our local policeman, and this baby,” she patted the steering wheel, “is his baby. If it wasn’t for him I’d be on the train or in a rundown camper van!”

His mouth had dropped open, “I presumed this was yours?”

Lilah pulled out into moving traffic and directed the car out of the city. “Are you kidding? I rent a small house bring up two kids on a temporary two day week salary. Where do you figure a car comes in?”

He shook his head, “sorry Blondie, I honestly had no idea...”

                “We’re hardly on the breadline, but a car is definitely a luxury I can’t afford.”

Quinn placed a hand over hers on the gearstick, “I didn’t even think...we need to sort things.”

She laughed, “You? Mr Desert trooper? I hardly expect a salary once a month! Hell I’d be amazed with a phone call!”

Quinn had no real desire to discuss finances now; he was too busy trying to work out how she survived on what she had.

Breaking his silence, Lilah looked up at him, “so what have you being doing since I left you with Amir? You’ve not told me anything since you’ve been back.”

Quinn sighed, shuffling around in his seat, “the usual really. There was trouble brewing, you were only ever a part of that, the people who live in the mountain region have seen groups of rebels abuse their families, steal their land. Your ex-boss was involved up to the hilt. He made a fortune selling arms to this small group, and then buried his head to the fall out, I saw abused girls, families slaughtered. It was dreadful.  Amir had enough intel that we could work with the local police to neutralise the situation.”

She shuddered at the way he used the word ‘neutralise’. 

                “Was Gavin part of that process? Him dying?”

Quinn sighed again, “look Delilah, I know you will hate me for this, but I heard he was about to be targeted, once I knew you, and his daughter were safe, I did nothing to warn him.”

Lilah gasped, as much as she hated Gavin, for all that she heard he’d done, and the way he’d abandoned her, but no one deserved the brutal death that had been described to her by a diplomatic worker who’d contacted her to inform her of the update.

                “You knew?”

He nodded, “I’m not overly proud of seeing the effect it’s had on you, and poor Maria, but you have to understand that I had more pressing priorities, I know I could’ve tried to call him, I could’ve found a number, but to be honest with you...I was helping evacuate families from a village surrounded by mines, it was all part of this bloody worthless war...”

It was then that Lilah finally realised how much of a stress this was to Quinn, how much emotional baggage he carried around, the things he’d seen, probably done, fighting to defend small groups, helping to keep a political balance in places dominated by rich or evil people. Gavin...well Gavin earned healthy salaries negotiating security charities whilst all the while creating problems that caused further disaster and even more dangerous situations that required his security expertise. It was both ingenious and scandalous, and Lilah was shocked to the core. And then there was Quinn, trying to settle these situations, isolated, alone and constantly in danger, and with none of the material benefits that she’d experienced in Gavin’s home, the cars, the pools, the luxury.

                “Have you got a home?” she suddenly asked, pulling the car to the side of the road.

                “What?” he turned to look at her. “I tell you I knew Gavin was going to be targeted, and you ask about my home!”

She half smiled, “I was just mentally comparing you to him, the work you both did and what you got out of it?”

He contemplated that for a moment, “not that I really know where this is going, but yes, I own two houses in Oxford, I bought them when I was serving military...nothing else to spend you r money on when you’re stationed in an army base, or particularly on active duty, they’re rented out through an agency, and I’ve got a tiny apartment in London. I’m not here much, but when I am it’s got everything I need.”

                “Clean boxers and a toothbrush?”

He laughed out loud, “Damn! You do know me too well!”

Lilah pulled back into the moving traffic and continued her journey out of the City. Shaking her head occasionally as she thought through all that had happened, all that she had found out. If he’d revealed this earlier in the weekend she’d probably have flipped, but now, after all that had happened, she just admired him more for it.

                “You’re smiling?”

She chuckled, “I’m just thinking that I’ve been through every emotion in the last twenty four hours with you!” She glanced at him before negotiating a large intersection and joining the motorway, “this afternoon I hated you, but now I like you again!”

It was Quinn’s turn to laugh, “Just drive woman! I’m looking forward to our ‘talking’ later!”

The rest of the journey back was pleasant they chatted about the weekend, the cricket, the party, everything but the sexual tension, and the promises she’d hinted at of their time to come.