He'll Come Through - 27 - Complicating Times

27 - Complicating times

For a moment Lilah didn’t know where she was. It was dark and she was wrapped in familiar arms. Then with a burst of fresh pain, the last two days came flooding back. At her gasp, Quinn’s arms tightened around her.

                “Hey it’s ok, I called half an hour ago, everything’s fine.”

She softened, collapsing back against the bed, and Quinn, “what time is it?”

                “Just before six.” And as she started to protest he kissed her forehead, “yes we’ve been asleep for five hours. Nowhere near enough really, but enough to give the nurses some time to do their job.”

                “Was I in the way?” she asked sitting up.

Quinn ruffled her hair, “I’m sure you weren’t, but they can do more when you’re not there. And now you’re ready for another day?” She begrudgingly nodded, then he added, “good. Let’s go then, yeah?”

The day was a long and winding day, by lunchtime the doctors were talking about starting to wake him up, let him try to fend off the infections. But within minutes his temperature rose and they were running around trying to control another bout of fever.

By late evening he was stable again, a male nurse encouraged them to go and get some food, have a rest. Whilst Lilah instantly resisted, once again Quinn led her off.

                “They’ll phone us Blondie, I’ve given them your mobile number, now come on, there’s a pub around the corner. It’ll take ten minutes to get there, and they do nice food, or so the doctor told me earlier. We need a break.”

Lilah made it to the front door but then stopped and through a blur of tears, sobbed, “how can I leave him here? I can’t go to a pub and make small talk. I’m in pieces Quinn!”

For the umpteenth time in the last two days, he took her in his arms and stroked her hair, absorbing her tears into her hard body. Kissing the top of her head he murmured, “we’re not forgetting or ignoring him by trying to keep some level of sanity. You need a break. A hot meal, a coffee or maybe a glass of wine might help you sleep. I’m getting as worried about you as I am about Freddy.”

She tried a smile but it became a grimace, but nodding she followed him out into the darkness. Sitting waiting for food, Lilah sipped at a glass of wine, and Quinn, a pint of beer in front of him, filled her parents in on the latest updates via her phone.

                “How can you be so strong?” she asked as they walked back to the room in the parents accommodation.

He squeezed her fingers, “it’s killing me too Blondie, I don’t know when I last cried, but I’m as close as I’ve been in my life. I swear.”

After a brief check on Freddy they made for the room, and found themselves sat on the bed not knowing what to do.  Quinn’s arm was a permanent fixture around her shoulder and she turned to his body for the comfort she’d come to rely on.

When he rested his lips on her forehead, she tilted her head, searching for those same lips with her own. There was something comforting and tender about the kiss, and Lilah found herself clinging to him as he stripped her of her clothes, discarding his own equally quickly, after locating a condom in his wallet. They made love more tenderly than Lilah thought possible, tears flowing down her face throughout, as they both found an emotional climax.

As they collapsed together afterwards Lilah realised how much she depended on him, and knew she couldn’t contemplate him leaving after this. She’d spent her life being fiercely independent, and now that she’d finally let someone shoulder some of the burden for her, she wasn’t sure that she could just let him walk away again.

She barely slept; her mind was now fuller of more worries than she started the day with. So leaving Quinn asleep, she dressed and headed to see Freddy.

                “He’s had a great night so far!” she was greeted with positive words from the young doctor who was writing in Freddy’s medical notes. “We’ve reduced some of his medication, and even though he’s on the ventilator, he’s breathing for himself.”

Lilah felt her heart surge, “really? Can I take a breath now?”

The doctor laughed, “It’s a long road, but at least he’s taken the first few strides to getting better.”

Sinking into a chair, she sighed, praying that this was a turning point. An hour later a bleary eyed Quinn appeared.

                “You should’ve woken me!” He announced coming to stand next to her. “How is he?”

                “Good,” she said optimistically explaining the developments that had been made. After he’d caught up with events and the doctor had disappeared, he turned to her, “running away again Lilah?”

She spun to look at him, “if I did, I learned that from you!”

Despite the leaps and bounds that Freddy made that day, the sudden change in atmosphere swelled between them, Lilah was glad of the distraction of her parents arriving to break things up. Late that night, they decided to take Freddy off the ventilator, if he did well then it meant they’d try and wake him up, and hopefully she could hold her little boy, for the first time in three days. 

By midnight, he was in her arms, sluggish and grumpy, but warm and strong, and it was then that she saw tears coursing down his face for the first time.

Later as they got some coffee, Freddy finally sleeping, Quinn took her arm and pulled her into a quiet corner of the cafe, “what’s with the cold shoulder? Every time we sleep together you run off in a mood. I don’t know how to deal with you!”

She turned to hiss at him, “I needed some company, you were there, it happened. This is all about Freddy, not you!”

As she walked away, the coffee in her hand, she heard an exasperated huff and the word “women!” snarled under his breath. She knew that she’d started this, that she had taken what she wanted, but she was also pushing him away again, but she felt so angry that she’d let him into her life again, let him see how much she needed him. Lilah was hurting him deliberately, because she knew he would ultimately hurt her again, this was just her giving him a taste of his own medicine. There was nothing wrong with that was there? With a sigh she headed back towards the visitor’s room.

The next two days were hectic. One step forward was always followed by a step back. But as Freddy responded he moved away from critical nursing, finally ending up on a children’s ward. In his room there was a pull down single bed, so Lilah didn’t leave his side. He was starting to feed, though still not all his feeds, and he got so tired, but with Quinn staying in the parents’ accommodation, Lilah did have some space, some time to think.

Quinn’s intentions were unclear, she didn’t know what he wanted from them, but there was no sign that he felt any different about the future. So she had to think of self preservation, when she looked back over the last few weeks, she’d been lethargic, disinterested. Had she failed to miss the signs of Freddy becoming unwell purely because she was busy being devastated herself? That wasn’t a happy thought, she owed it to him and Maria to be more organised, more dedicated to them, parent first, woman second. Wasn’t that how it went? She had to forget Quinn, it was the only way.

Another two days and Freddy was almost back to speed. He’d lost some weight, but as soon as he was managing to feed properly, the doctors miraculously started to talk about home. Throughout this illness the doctors had painted the bleakest picture. Septicaemia, organ failure or damage, possible amputations, words that had failed to mean anything to Lilah until he started to recover.  Now they warned that there could be latent problems deafness, blindness, physical or mental disabilities. She had lists upon lists of appointments so that everything could be checked, and rechecked. And by discharge they’d confirmed that his hearing and eyesight were normal.

                “I’ve hired a car!” Quinn announced bursting into Freddy’s room, as Lilah was packing up his things.

She looked up, “really? That’s such a relief. I wasn’t fancying the camper van!”

He laughed, “I know. I’m with you on that one!”

Quinn drove them home, and once they hit the village and started to pick their way along the quiet lanes, all the local residents came out to wave. It was such a beautiful place to live, everyone so caring, sometimes the closeness of the residents meant you couldn’t have a haircut without anyone knowing, but on times like this, it was such a great feeling.

Lilah thought she’d be petrified once she was home, checking him every few minutes, but she was more relaxed than she thought possible. Putting a tired Freddy up to bed, she returned to the kitchen where Quinn was unpacking the bags that had been left, all labelled with good luck messages. A sausage casserole from Alfie and Paula in the pub, Mrs Camelleri from the corner shop had sent three bottles of her home brew wine, then there was Mrs Munroe the headmistress’s famous apple pie, were amongst the things gifted from the village.

                “Can you fit these in the fridge?” Lilah asked Quinn as she saw him struggling to juggle three large dishes.

He shook his head, “looks like your mother has stocked up enough for the next two weeks!”

Lilah reached for a can of diet coke, then headed to the lounge, collapsing into a chair she closed her eye.

                “You ok?” Quinn had followed her.

Shrugging she refused to open her eyes, “tired. Really tired.”

                “Well then go to bed. It’s being an exhausting week, and two days before all this you went to Boston and back in a day. No wonder you’re so knackered.”

Halfway to the door, she suddenly gave up, exhaustion encompassing every inch of her body. Quinn who was pushing her ahead of him felt her sag and so scooped her up into his arms. Manoeuvring up the small staircase with her in his arms was not easy, but he managed it without injuring her, then helping her out of her jeans, he tucked her into the bed. Her eyes were closed before he’d left the room.

Freddy woke a few hours later, Lilah had made up some bottles before she’d gone to bed, so seeing she was still fast asleep, Quinn took one and fed Freddy, settling him down, and with a full belly, back to sleep.  He catnapped next to Lilah and was the first to wake in the morning.

When Lilah opened her eyes, she could hear voices. Dragging herself to her feet she found her bathrobe and dragged it over her shorts and vest, her head felt fuzzy and as she came down the stairs she felt herself wobble, completely shattered. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, she realised the voices was in fact Quinn, singing Def Leppard ‘Pour some sugar on me’ at full blast in the kitchen, almost drowning out the radio that sat on the kitchen windowsill.

Lilah managed to throw open the door just as Quinn was air guitaring to ‘you got the peaches, I got the cream, sweet to taste, saccharine...” Freddy was in a high chair staring at his father, bemused, and Lilah smiling burst into song too, “cos I’m hot, hot, so sticky sweet, from my head, to my feet....do you take sugar?.....One lump or two?”

Then laughing, she fell into his embrace as he burst into the chorus, and they waltzed around the kitchen before collapsing in laughter, Freddy all the while looking bemused.

                “You’re crazy!” she offered when he asked if she wanted coffee. But accepting a mug she watched as he piled her plated high with bacon sausage and eggs.

As Lilah was gratefully tucking into the food, there was a knock at the door.

                “I’ll get it!” Quinn announced jumping to his feet. She could hear the door open, then silence until Quinn eventually spoke again, “What do you want.....mother?”