Lost and Found - 4

4

Thursday 19^th October 2007

Amelia didn’t have enough hours in the day. As she sat in her hotel in the centre of Milan she rued the slow internet connection, she was way behind on where she needed to be. Her mind was full and none of it was relevant, she was annoyed at Sol for throwing such a spanner into her life. For almost ten years it had been so easy to blame him for the disasters of her life, he’d left her, he’d hurt her...the list was endless, but until the last week she’d failed to acknowledge that the biggest devastation was that he hadn’t taken her with him, that he’d escaped from the trauma of her life.

His last comment on the Monday had completely flawed her, was there some truth in what he said? Sol was right in that her father never ended the domain of her floral girly bedroom, yet that fateful night he’d burst in with such feigned surprise. Was this the influence of someone else interfering?

Amelia had spent months if not more snatching glances at Sol, at home, in school. Her father had agreed to let him stay, a promise he’d made to his father that he’d care for Sol in event of John dying. After John’s funeral, they had been inseparable. Sol would come to her room after school. Generally her father was out on estate business, though she had no clue what that was, and even when he was at home he rarely even approached her room, they were safe, and so spent a long time taking.  She’d lounge against the pile of pillows against her headboard; he’d lie on his side at the other end, and tell her about his childhood. The fact that they’d both lost their mothers at a young age seemed to help them bond.

It was several months later that everything changed. Amelia didn’t realise until later that is was his mother’s birthday. She’d been in her room engrossed in her algebra homework, she really was that sad at fifteen. She loved learning and maths, physics...numbers enthralled her. She barely noticed the banging coming from somewhere outside of the sanctity of her room.

It may have been happening for minutes or hours, she really didn’t know, she just heard a sound and it penetrated her concentration. Finally downing her pen, she made her way out into the hallway. The sound was clearer, and she realised it was a grunting sound accompanied by a bang, almost drum rhythmical. As she walked she sensed it was coming from Sol’s room. Running along the corridor she burst into the room without a thought for what might greet her, the sight of Sol his head bowed repeatedly punching his wardrobe was not the last thing she expected, but it definitely wasn’t the first.  Continuing her run across the room, she grabbed his hands, not caring of the blood that covered them.

                “Sol! What are you doing?” It wasn’t until he looked up that she could sense he’d been crying. “What’s happened?”

He sighed, lifting his head to avoid her face. He was eighteen, and she knew he’d hate her to see him crying, but she wasn’t going to give up. She was devoted to this man, love him with all her being, if he was hurting, she wanted to share that load.

                “Go away Meals, I don’t need this now!”

She shook her head, “no way Sol, I hate seeing you like this, I want to help!”

He turned and snarled at her, “you’re just a little girl, there’s nothing you can do to help me. So just piss off.”

Amelia started to laugh, she should be hurt, but instead she was incredulous.”You the supposed adult are punching a wall rather than talk about your problems and you call ME the child!”

Finally dropping his eyes to hers he shook his head, “I’m fine, sorry I shouldn’t have snapped.”

                “What’s up? Won’t you tell me?”

Amelia couldn’t remember ever seeing him upset, so she placed a hand on his shoulder, examining his damaged hands carefully. Without speaking she went to the bathroom, washed out a cloth then found the first aid kit. Ignoring his protests, she cleaned his hands, then bandaged them carefully by which time he was back to himself.

                “I’m ok Meals, honestly, leave them now!”

But Amelia didn’t stop until she finished. Smiling up at him she stepped back, “there. Now if you do grow up and want to talk, my bed is where it always is!”

Lifting her chin she walked out of the room. She’d barely restarted her algebra when there was a knock at the door. There looking a little guilty was Sol.

                “Want a coffee?”

He stood there awkwardly, his dark hair was flopping in his eyes, blue eyes peaking through the curtains it formed, he’d changed into a Green Day t-shirt and baggy jeans. That was the other thing she loved about him, he was cool, trendy and that made him popular. Whilst everyone else was still basking in the glory of owning a Nirvana t-shirt not long after Cobain’s death, Sol had tastes that she’d never heard of back then.

Nodding she followed him down to the kitchen. She felt geeky at school, her love for academia, disinterest in makeup, fashion, but as she sat there in her shapeless non brand jeans and plain t-shirt, her dark hair scraped back into a pony tail, she felt a million dollars, because he was smiling at her.

                “I don’t know what I’d do without you!” he offered as he boiled the kettle, “you keep me real, and I appreciate that!”

Amelia laughed, “I don’t know about that, the girls in school say I live in a dream world, so that can’t be right!”

It was his turn to chuckle, reversing a chair then lowering himself to sit astride it in front of her, his elbows propped on the back of the chair “they’re all jealous Hot-Meal-ia, cos you’re different! And that is what will get you far in life!”

To this day she didn’t know if he intended to touch her, or whether it was spontaneity, but he reached out a hand and cupped her cheek. She felt the air hiss out of her lips at the intimacy in the gesture, his fingers firm against her naive skin, her eyes were on his, never flinching, and it was only when she let out a little whimper, pushing her cheek to his hand that he leaned in and placed his lips on hers.

Amelia had thought her heart would stop at that exact moment, it wasn’t that she hadn’t been kissed, despite her being in the nerd group at school, she was popular with a lot of the guys and had had a few ‘boyfriends’, that meaning she’d held hands at school and gone to the odd party with them. Those kisses had been clumsy, rather damp, and frankly had put her off, but this one, this was ethereal.  If someone had told her she was floating she’d not have doubted them.

His lips were firm, but full, moulding to hers with more expertise than anyone else had shown, his hands had moved to her, whilst the one still cupped her cheek, thumb brushing along her cheekbone, the other was burrowing into her hair, dislodging her pony tail, securing her face close to his. When he opened his lips and dragged her bottom lip against his teeth she thought she’d implode. Her whole body shook, and it was only when he pulled back briefly to look at her that she realised she was holding her breath, and she drew in fresh air with a pant.

There was torment in Sol’s eyes, and as he started to pull away from her, Amelia panicked.

                “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head, “that should not have happened, sorry Meals, what must you think of me?”

She was too overwhelmed to answer that question immediately, but her hesitation saw him stand and move away.

                “Sol?”  her voice quivered as she looked at him, but he couldn’t meet her eyes.

                “I’ve got a ton of homework; I’ll rain check the coffee?”

The sense of rejection had been immense, suddenly she wondered what she’d done wrong, had she been too desperate, thrown herself at him? Was she THAT bad a kisser?

The next few days were the ultimate low, she was embarrassed to face Sol, so she avoided him. It was easy in the big house, and if she ducked out early enough then she could get the school bus rather than have a lift with him in his car. Then there were afterschool activities and visits to her friends’ homes, or to lock her bedroom door. Sol did try on occasion to try to talk to her, but she’d blush profusely and run away.

Days turned in to two weeks, and still she managed to avoid him, she even signed up for a school ski trip at Easter. A week away was a godsend, but she came back to find Alex was on yet another visit.

Her uncle Paul worked as a missionary priest in East Africa with her Aunty Sarah, they came home on occasion, but it seemed their passion and their calling had usurped Alex from their time or love. He was in boarding school, which meant that every holiday or long weekend he came to hers. Initially she felt sorry for him, he was so obviously unloved as a youngster, but now he was petulant and childish. He was two years older than her, but thought it was much more, yet he could throw his toys out of the pram when he didn’t get his own way like no one else she knew.

Instantly the atmosphere was even more edgy that it had been, and Amelia had more excuse to stay in her bedroom. But one night the knocking at the door was more insistent than ever.

Eventually she unbolted it and pulled the door back to see Sol lounging lazily against the door frame.

                                                                                                                                                                               

                “You going to stop avoiding me? Or I’m going to have to kill Alex. He truly is hell!”

She wanted to smile, he looked so endearing, his hair all muzzy and damp from the shower, his smile dazzling and his eyes searching.

                “Go away Sol!”

She made to shut the door but he blocked it with his foot, “Is this about the other night?” Amelia felt herself blush red to the roots of her hair. “If it is, then don’t worry, it was my fault. I don’t know what I was thinking!”

Suddenly she saw red, rearing up towards him, Amelia let rip, “Oh yes! Why the hell would anyone want to kiss me?”  She was aware she was almost spitting in his face, as she snarled, but then the reality of her words hit her. Rushing back inside she slammed the door and flung herself onto the bed. She hadn’t intended to reveal her inner turmoil, but she had. Burying her head into the pillows she couldn’t stop the tears falling.

 She was mortified as much as devastated, she’d wanted to stay in control, instead she’d flown off the handle and made herself look the teenager she was.

As she was about to pound her fist into the pillow next to her, a release for her frustration and anger, she heard a noise, and turning slightly she saw Sol rushing across the room. Sitting on the bed, next to her, he pulled her up into his arms.

                “I am SO sorry; of course I didn’t mean that. I think you are the most beautiful girl in the world.” He sighed then looked at her face, wiping the tears from her face. “I don’t regret kissing you, I really don’t. But it can’t happen, you’re too young...”

                “I’m fifteen!” She was indignant and he smiled at her bravado.

He smiled ironically, his hand still cupping her cheek, “I know you are, but I’m eighteen, too old for you! Then there’s your father. This can’t happen, and it won’t.” When her face dropped with devastation, he added, “That’s not because I don’t think you’re beautiful, inside and out, because I do.”

Amelia didn’t have much confidence generally, she had been a chubby child, and now battled to maintain a generous figure. She’d been an early developer in school much to her disgust, and none of this really aided her self esteem. But as she sat there staring into his eyes, she knew it was now or never. It may break her heart, but she needed to know.

Straining she reached her lips to his, planting hers firmly on his. Sol groaned and his fingers splayed over her skin, pulling her closer, mouth teasing, tongue probing. Within moments Sol was towering over her, and things almost got out of hand, that was until there was an unannounced cough from the still open bedroom door.

They’d pulled apart as if they’d been burned, and turning slowly saw Alex stood there, a knowing look on his face.

If the question asked who would jeopardise family relationships, then she need look no further than here, Alex.