Trying Not to Love You - Part Fifty Two

Chapter Fifty Two

Derek drove silently to the large house, he wasn’t the most talkative, and the further they travelled the more apprehensive Martha became. Since she’d left town years earlier he’d not made any demands on her, but he had paid her a monthly amount to help her keep Ethan safe. Now this request to visit him was anything but gentle and rather out of character. That didn’t bode well.

At the house Derek stopped then rushed around to open her door, then let her into the house. She found Michael in the lounge, pacing.

                “Martha!” He stopped as he saw her in the doorway, “thank you so much for coming.”

She shrugged, “it sounded urgent.”

His eyes widened, “it is. I’ve been investigating...the police are useless, that’s for sure.”

Immediately Martha became defensive, the police? Investigating? He could only be talking about Scott’s death, and she wasn’t willing to be dragged into it. It was nothing to do with her, and she was angry that he thought she wanted to know about it.

Shaking her head she stepped back from him, “I don’t want to be part of this Michael, you have to know that.”

He laughed, “I’m just trying to find out why my son was assassinated in a forest miles from anywhere. A place he should never have been. Won’t you help me?”

Martha felt awkward, “I barely spoke to Scott in five years, he ruined my life Michael, I don’t see how I can help.”

He walked towards her with smile, “oh you’d be surprised. You see whilst Gripper is a bit of an idiot, he said a few things that made me suspicious.”

Again she shrugged, “I don’t see how I can help you, I’m really sorry.” This was all getting a bit surreal.

                “On the night he disappeared, he was on a ‘job’, with someone he’d met a few weeks earlier.” He handed her a photo and when she looked at it, Martha started to feel sick. It was Sonny’s friend Johnny, his old cellmate from prison. She ransacked her brain to think of when he’d been at the house as Michael kept talking.

“I mean this man arrives in town from nowhere, and the first time he’s involved with Scott he goes missing...then turns up dead.” He was now in front of her, “do you think that’s a coincidence?” He could see her hesitation and added, “you’re a parent, can’t you at least think about this? For me?”

Martha floundered slightly, she wasn’t liking the direction he was pushing her.

                “Like I say, this is nothing to do with me Michael, I really wish I could help, and I am really sorry that you’ve lost Scott, but as you know, there was no love lost between me and him.”

Michael nodded knowingly, “do you know this man?”

Martha was forced to look back at the picture and began to wonder what this all meant, “I’m not sure, can’t say I do.”

His smile took on more meaning as he lifted an eyebrow, “you sure?”

Shrugging, she moved away from him, needing to put distance between them, “what’s this about Michael? You’re starting to make me anxious. I need to get home...”

                “He was seen, in the pub, the same night Scott was killed, drinking with your lodger.”

Martha battled to keep her face a mask, she had no idea what was going on, but she wasn’t about to involve him in the rantings of a grieving man.

                “But the rest of the story is quite interesting. Gripper said he and Scott met this man,” he waved the photo, “after he had an argument with your lodger. He then started to hang out with them, and did a few jobs, before HE suggested the fatal job. And as my son was being killed, he was drinking with your lodger.”

The nausea wasn’t easing, she was feeling sicker and sicker, “I don’t know anything about that, as I keep saying, I hope you find what you’re looking for, but this is nothing to do with me.”

Michael laughed, “you think? I hear that you’re entangled with him.”

                “Who?” She turned to face him starting to get angry.

                “Sonny Carter...your lodger.”

She shrugged, “that’s got nothing to do with anything...”

The normally calm man was looking anxious, and she was starting to feel real anxiety, she wasn’t about to tolerate him, a virtual stranger commenting on her love life. “Well for a start there’s my grandson...”

Martha saw red, “Michael please. I have no idea why you bright me here, I know nothing about what happened to Scott; if I knew anything I’d tell you. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. I feel for you, but I know nothing. As for my love life, yes I have started a relationship with Sonny. No it’s nothing to do with you, I haven’t been near a man since your son abused me, so please don’t stand there and make out that he is the latest in a long string of men I’ve subjected my son to. I am not that type of woman. Ok?”

Satisfied that she’d said enough, she made for the door.

                “It’s not the number of men you go near, it’s the type.” When she lifted her eyes, glanced back at him, he added, “a thug, and possibly a murderer. I don’t want my grandson exposed to that.”

Turning she stood hands on her hips and glared at him, “what the hell are you suggesting? I’m sorry you’ve lost your son, I keep telling you that, but I can’t cope with you throwing hints and accusations about my life. And while we’re being honest with each other, let’s take a look at your camp! Because this wonderful son that you are suddenly remembering is worse than Sonny could ever be. Your grandson is the product of violent rape. Have you forgotten that?”

Michael flinched for a moment, but by now they were both angry and defensive, “I mean exactly what I say. That man...” he waved the photo in her face, “is a friend of your so called lover. He arranged for my son to head off one night into the dark, and he never came back. In a week I have to bury him, and I can’t bear the thought that someone instigated his death. And I KNOW you; you wouldn’t want my grandson associating with a murderer. Would you?”

She shook her head in anger, not agreement, “I wouldn’t and I don’t. You are wrong, the night that Scott was killed Sonny was in town, in the pub, and then came home. We spent the night together Michael. Whatever you think, he isn’t responsible for what happened to him.”

                “Are you sure? How well do you know him? I understand he has a history of violence; he’s been in trouble constantly since coming here. The stories Gripper told me...”

She held up her hand, “Gripper? HE is the judge and jury here?” Her laugh was incredulous, “is that what you’re telling me? It’s no secret he hates Sonny, in fact he and Scott beat him up a few months back. And it was me and Sonny who got him arrested for vandalising my farm, do you not think his opinion might be based on revenge?”

Michael laughed, a knowing ironic laugh, “which is what I thought...until Gripper revealed that it was this man...” he waved the photo of Johnny in her face again, “HE was the accomplice that night; he helped Gripper damage your gates. But he got away, Sonny couldn’t restrain him. What does that tell you? My son’s best friend restrained, arrested, the other man, a friend of your lodger escaped. Then he orchestrates the meeting that sees my son killed, meanwhile turning up in the local pub with YOUR lodger and lover. Someone who hates my son, who’d quite easily want to see him dead. You don’t think that stinks? Because me? I smell a rat Martha. Don’t you?”

Martha was thinking on her feet, trying desperately to work out what was happening, what had happened, and her role in it all. And she wasn’t liking her conclusions, the path that her brain was taking said only one thing, that Sonny had lied to her, and quite possibly used her to provide an alibi, a cover. But she wasn’t about to show that to Michael, this was her trouble, hers to digest and hers to deal with, she wasn’t about to implicate Sonny in anything, her loyalty to him was far greater than to anyone else.

                “You have obviously come to a conclusion Michael, but I’m not in your camp, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Sonny’s a good man and had nothing to do with Scott dying, I can swear, hand on heart. Like I say, I’m sorry he’s dead, not for me, but for you. But please don’t ruin any more of my life by dragging me into Scott’s world. I’ve been running from it for years.”

She watched in horror as Michael laughed, a really harsh acrid sound that made the hair on her neck stand on end.

                “Martha, you think that I want your approval? Your cooperation?” Again he laughed, “that’s not what this is about. The police aren’t interested; I’ve been to with them with my ‘theories’ and they aren’t interested. They don’t care about Scott...or me.”

                “Have you forgotten all he did?”

He shook his head, “as I said, this is more about comeuppance, about revenge. That man is walking the streets after killing my son,” when she shook her head, he added, “if he didn’t kill him he was involved. If I find out how, why...I can guarantee you I will hunt him down until he pays for what he’s done.”

Martha shook her head, “Michael you’ve always been reasonable. Why are you saying this?”

When he replied it was a snarling shout that made her quake in her shoes, “because you are sitting there in rose tinted spectacles, and you’ll see what I’m saying. Go home and ask him. See what he says.”

Derek drove her home in silence, there were so many veiled threats in the evenings dialogue, and the more she thought over everything, the more angry Martha became. Sonny knew Johnny, that much was true, but the two of their roles in the whole death of Scott was suddenly imperative knowledge.

Back at the farm she found her father and Ethan playing his favourite game, Guess Who. He wasn’t good at it, but as she usually did her dad was coaxing him along, helping him make decisions. When they sensed her watching them, they both looked up and grinned.

                “Did you help your granddad in the fields?”

Ethan nodded with enthusiasm, “yup. We fixed three fences!”

                “Wow!” She caught him as he hurtled towards her, throwing his arms around her. “You are the greatest farm helper in the world!”

Again he nodded, “tomorrow we’re going to market, granddad wants to get some geese!”

Martha smiled at her father and was relieved when he smiled back, “if you don’t mind. You ok?”

She nodded knowing he’d be curious as to where she’d snuck off, but she wasn't ready to discuss things that she was struggling to cope with in her own mind.

                “Have you eaten?”

Both looked sheepish, so she laughed, “how about I rush into town and get you both take away?”

Her father’s nod was as enthusiastic as Ethan’s.

                “Ok young man, I want pyjamas on when I get back. You hear?”

All she heard were the giggles of the two males as she made for Herman and then zoomed into town.

Three hours later, her father was back from his poker game, Ethan long since asleep when Martha could deal with the suspense no longer. “I need to go help close up the restaurant, check that the orders have gone through.”

                “It’s half past ten...”

She nodded, “Sonny can cope, but it’ll make me feel better if I call in and check. Ok?”

Her father shrugged, “you wouldn’t listen if I said no.”

                “Dad, I have been to the restaurant most nights like this, now because you know that I have feelings for Sonny then it’s wrong? The important thing is that we manage the restaurant, keep the business running, isn’t it?”

That hint of guilt made him step down a fraction, and he could only shrug as Martha made for the door and agree to keep an eye on Ethan.

Sonny was a natural host, he was charming and lively, and coupled with his good looks and edgy appearance he was popular with men and women alike. Martha stopped in the doorway and watched him for a moment, he was talking to a family that were sat near the bar, and the guests were laughing heartily at something he’d said.

Sadness took over her, she knew there was no way that she’d leave that night with the same knowledge she had now, she had to face the fact that Sonny had something to do with Scott’s disappearance, and that angered her. He’d ingratiated himself further into both her heart and Ethan’s, and that wasn’t fair.

Suddenly she realised he’d spotted her; his eyes were warmly appreciating her from the counter. Sam the youngster who was waitressing that night was beside him, and as usual she doted on him, and sensing his focus on the doorway, her eyes followed his, and Martha felt a little embarrassed at the sudden attention.

                “I’m here to sort out the money...” she offered whisking past the two. Sonny smiled as she moved, almost laughing to himself at her awkwardness.

She couldn’t join in; it was all she could manage to make it to the office. Her bravado had failed her for a moment, and she was glad of the sanctity of the office to help her regroup. She had to stand up to him, had to get answers.

                “You ok? You’re quiet.”

Martha looked up from her computer to see him stood at the doorway from the restaurant. “Just busy...everyone gone?”

He shook his head, “no. Couple of tables finishing up. Sam’s gone. Do you want a drink?”

Again she shook her head, “I just want to crack on with this.”

Nodding with a knowing look, he wasn’t convinced, “I thought you’d be straight around here having it in the neck over your father being attacked.”

Martha sighed, that was the last thing she was worried about, she had bigger worries. After an awkward laugh, she dropped her head back to the work in hand, gathering her confidence.

When she emerged from the office, Sonny was stacking the chairs on to the tables before the cleaner came the next morning.

                “What’s wrong?”

Martha took a deep breath, “what have you and Johnny got to do with Scott being killed?”

The confused look she prayed for wasn’t there, instead all she saw was shame, guilt and anxiety. With a gasp of despair she ran back into the office, tears of devastation pouring down her face. 

Trying Not to Love You - Part Fifty One

Chapter Fifty One

                “We’re going to see Aunty Stephanie today,” Martha told Ethan as they ate porridge together. Sonny had gone for an early morning run, largely because Ethan had found them in the early hours and settled himself in the double bed between them. Frustrated, he felt that pounding the roads might alleviate some of his unrequited sexual tension.

Martha wanted to speak to her father, sort out his issues once and for all, but he’d gone out early, thwarting those plans. So she had to head back to London without settling that and hoping that they would settle down between the two men. Before that she was going to try and see if she could introduce Ethan to his grandfather, in the list of priorities that was top, but he’d not returned her call.

As they were about to leave, Sonny returned from his run, hot sweaty, but still delicious in her eyes, after a sticky kiss, she made him promise to keep his cool and not react to her father.

                “I won’t start anything, I promise.”

That made her laugh, “and if he starts something, take it on the chin, walk away. Prove you’re not the volatile idiot they all think you are. I know you Carter, you’re a good man.” With that she gave him what amounted to a devastating kiss, then dashed off into the distance, leaving him to hold the fort. He was manning the restaurant for her that evening, and that was a priority.

Walking up the drive way to the imposing house, Martha couldn’t help but feel anxious. For years she’d avoided the place in fear, now that threat was different, this was a home where the son had been murdered. How was Michael coping with it?

Derek opened the door before they’d reached the steps, “come in Martha, and bring young Ethan too.”

They followed he man into the house, and into the library. Pausing at the doorway, Martha studied the room until she saw him sat in the corner.

                “Michael? Are you ok?”

The older man looked up and sighed, “I went to the mortuary earlier. I had to see him...”

She moved across the room and placed a hand supportively on his shoulder, “I’m so sorry, about everything.”

He turned to smile at her, “thank you. He wasn’t an easy son to love, but he was all I had. The world seems empty without him.”

She sighed, “I know what you mean, I thought things would be easy without him, but it feels awful.”

He gave an understanding smile, “and this is...”

They both looked down at Ethan who was bordering on feeling bored.

                “Michael this is Ethan, your grandson. Ethan this is...” She wanted Michael to decide what Ethan called him.

                “Your Gramp. How are you?”

He made to crouch down to be level with the boy, but instead Ethan launched both arms around his thighs and hugged him tightly. “Pleased to meet you Gramp.”

The smile on Michael’s face was genuine, and for Martha it was an emotional moment.

                “Shall I show you around the house?”

When Ethan nodded enthusiastically, Martha smiled, lowering herself into a chair,” you two go, I’ll wait here.”

                “You sure?”

Michael looked so desperate, so grateful, that she was glad that she’d made the suggestion. Ethan was such a good child; as long as she told him it was ok he was happy to go off with people who were strange to him. At this moment in time she was never more glad of that, he was hopefully the tonic that Michael needed.

Derek appeared five minutes later with a tray of coffee, “you’ve definitely cheered him up, he needed this.”

Martha smiled, “I can’t imagine how he feels. Where are they now?”

Derek smiled, “out in the garden, there’s a lot to see out there. “

                “Got a newspaper or anything? Have the feeling they’re going to be a while.”

Half an hour later they came back, both beaming, Ethan carrying a huge toy car.

                “Grampy said I can have this.”

Martha smiled, “that is amazing! But maybe we should leave it here as we’ve got to get the train, to London.”

                “You’re taking him away?” Michael sounded desperate.

She shook her head, “we just left in a rush, we need to go back and sort things.”

                “You’re coming back.”

Sighing Martha looked at the older man, “to be honest I never thought this would happen, I know that losing Scott has devastated, but that’s the reason we’re back.” When he nodded she added, “I have to decide what’s best for us, it’s not as simple when you’ve got to think of Ethan. All he knew until this week was London and my godmother.”

                “If there’s any way I can help?”

Smiling sadly she shook her head, “this is one time when money won’t give us the answers.”

Sonny was showered and ready to leave, he planned to give the house a wide berth all day, after all there was no saying that he could have a dignified conversation with Carl. He’d put his feelings out there, and to Sonny there wasn’t much going back. He’d fought the rejection all his life and now the man who’d started this, who’d made him believe that he was good enough to be a part of a family had snubbed him, told him that he was scum, that he didn’t deserve all that had been gifted him. He hadn’t asked for it, hadn’t wanted anyone to single him out, to make him feel that he was better than he was. And this was why.

The restaurant was fully booked that evening, and he and Martha hadn’t finished things there the night before, so he planned to get there tidy up, prepare for the evening, then spend the afternoon relaxing, at the bookies, maybe the pub. But before that he had a date with a large breakfast at the cafe in town.

                “Sonny.”

He’d made it as far as the kitchen door, was about to leave the farm with little intention of being there until Martha returned when the voice stopped him. Turning slowly he saw Carl stood in the doorway from the hallway, a serious expression on his face.

Sonny sighed, “I don’t want to argue with you Carl.”

The other man nodded, “I agree, but you have to see my side of things, surely?”

                “I love Martha Carl, there’s no other side to it, not really. Now I’m going to work. If you need anything call. Martha’s in London until the morning.”

He left him stood where he was in the room; he had no intention of getting into discussions with Carl now. He was missing Martha, she would help sort things out, she was right, without her he was volatile. He could feel his anger mounting at the thought that Carl presumed he could dictate the life of two adults.

Outside he could breathe again.

The cafe never failed to disappoint, it was like the hub of the town, so many secrets were revealed, gossip discussed and deals struck over mugs of often insipid tea and greasy breakfast. Today was no exception, though he presumed that he was the topic of conversation as it became eerily quiet when he walked in. He knew most people in town, he’d been there long enough, but was happy to sit alone, he wasn’t exactly great company.

                “Breakfast and coffee please Maggie.”

The middle aged woman nodded, “I’ll bring it over Sonny.”

Sat at a table in the back of the room, he picked up one of the newspapers that lay around the room and opened it, as usual heading for the racing pages first. He’d drunk half his coffee and circled a dozen ‘winners’ before his breakfast arrived, and at the same time the door opened and in walked a gang of girls, the central one being Jade.

He groaned, could the day get any worse?

They all ordered food very loudly, then deliberately sought out the table next to him, all brushing past him to sit down. When he lifted his head and rolled his eyes, Jade laughed, fluttering her eyelashes.

He was then subjected to fifteen minutes of giggling girls discussing their recent conquests in lurid detail. Sonny knew flirtation and bragging when he heard it, and he wasn’t impressed. Wolfing down his breakfast he folded the newspaper up and tucked it under his arm then left.

Five winners meant he had a back pocket full of notes when he made his way back to the farm. He had an hour before he had to open up, and he was in desperate need of a shower. He’d picked his suit up from the drycleaners; he could realistically be in and out in fifteen minutes, if he tried.

But he hadn’t figured on Lucy, he’d barely come out of the shower, and she was knocking his door, worrying at him. Eventually he had to take her to one side.

                “What’s wrong?”

She shrugged, “I’m just worried that you’ll let Carl boss you around. You’re a good man, and you’re good for Martha. Will you remember that?”

He nodded, “you make it sound like it’s my funeral or something.”

                “I may sound serious, but I know how Carl works, he’s not always the meek man we see. Just remember that, ok?”

                “I appreciate you running things.”

Carl’s voice once again caused him to pause in his tracks. Sonny turned slowly, “you pretending that you like me again Carl?”

Carl shifted awkwardly, “I just want to protect her, I can’t lose her again.”

                “And I told you, I love her. I don’t want to hurt her; to lose her...this is real for me.”

He rolled his eyes, “for now. You’re not the type to do forever, and Martha doesn’t do anything by half. What happens when you get bored? When you move on? You’re a rolling stone Sonny we all know that.”

That angered Sonny, “you think I’m in capable of sustaining a relationship?”

Carl laughed, “you managed it to date?”

His lips turned into a snarl, “YES. I’ve managed it here, with you. For what good that is.”

As he stormed out of the room he hated that he could feel tears prick the back of his eyes.

It had been a long day, Martha was shattered, but a huge part of her wanted to bundle Ethan into the car and return home, partly to see Sonny, to have him hold her, make things ok, and partly to make sure that he and her father hadn’t come to blows. Whilst Sonny would not la a finger on her father, she KNEW that, but words could be far more destructive, and that was what she feared.

She’d also upset Stephanie. This was a no win situation. Martha knew that she had to give home a chance; she owed it to Michael, her father and Ethan, that was without taking into account Sonny. She was so happy to think of spending more time with him, but knew she would have given him up if it was right for everyone else.

Now she had a very emotional Stephanie crying in the lounge. The older woman had been very good to her, there was no denying it. But Martha hated that she felt such guilt towards her. What else could she do? She wanted her family to be together; finally, surely that was what all this heartache had been leading to? She’d asked Stephanie to come with her, to move up to the farm for a while, but she was a social animal, her London life was something as essential as breathing. The fact that she’d have so much more time to herself without Martha was no consolation. When they left, and it wasn’t an if, it was a when, there was going to be a lot of tears, and even more guilt.

Sonny had locked up the restaurant, money in the safe, chairs up n tables, ready for the cleaner who’d be there early the next am. The Oak was closed, much to his disappointment, so was the local shop, so he’d brought a bottle of vodka from the restaurant to help him get to sleep.

He enjoyed the walk back to the farm, even though it was cold and he still didn’t have a winter coat. But the fresh air was exhilarating, since he’d given up cigarettes he’d started to appreciate the beauty of clean air. It wasn’t until he got within spitting distance of the farm that he heard a noise. Unable to decipher what it was in the dark, he started to move, as stealthily as he could in leather shoes and a suit, around the side of the house.

The light of the moon illuminated the front of the house, and there were two people, wrestling of sorts.

Sonny couldn’t see who they were, but they were rolling around in the mud. Reaching for one collar, it was only as he lifted one man free that he realised that Carl was the man lying flat on his back.

As he bent his head to check on the older man, the thug he’d pulled free escaped off into the darkness.

                “What happened?” He knelt down beside him, trying to help Carl to his feet.

                “You should have gone after him, got whoever it was.”

Sonny tugged him to sitting, “this is gratitude, is it? I‘m more concerned about you, despite everything.”

Carl rolled his eyes, the gesture visible even in the half-light.

                “What happened?”

With a tut Carl clambered to his feet, and brushed off the foliage that had become attached to him.     

                “Not sure, I was taking bags out to the bin, he jumped me.”

Sonny considered that for a moment, “you recognise him?”

Carl shook his head, “too quick and too dark.”

He helped him back to the house, the trauma of the assault meant that Carl was limping again; he hadn’t done that for weeks.

                “Come on; let’s clean you up before Martha finds out. She’ll kill me.”

Laughing Carl studied him for a moment, “she matters to you that much?”

Sonny nodded, “like you wouldn’t believe.”

Carl snubbed coffee and took a brandy from Sonny, who could tell he was more shaken up than he was willing to let on.

                “You can see why I’m resistant about Martha?”

Sonny rolled his eyes, “Carl I like you, you know that, I don’t blame you for not wanting someone like me dating her, but that aside I’m not willing to let her go, I can’t.”

Carl finished his brandy, “you hurt her I’ll come after you.”

As he left the room Sonny sighed, a truce of sorts. That was as good as it got.

“Are you sure you won’t come back with us?”

Stephanie shook her head as she watched Martha pack the bags that she could manage to fit, into the back seat of Herman, Ethan was already secured in his car seat and looked tired.

                “I wish you’d reconsider, will you at least come for Christmas? We can’t be in two places at once.”

It was mid November, she could feasibly visit before the end of December, but she intended to enrol Ethan at school, then there was integrating him into a new family.  Steph looked unconvinced, so she smiled, “you are really important to us. Please think about it?”

Stephanie wiped at a tear, “I’m not promising anything, but I’ll think about it.”

Her reluctance to visit her home seemed a little out of place, but there was nothing that she could do about it now. This was her life, and Ethan’s, she had to put him first.

Ethan was immediately engrossed in matters of the farm. Her father was increasing his duties, and when they got back there Ethan could see him up in one of the fields digging with Eamonn.

                “Can I go help?” Ethan asked in his usual persuasive way when Herman came to a stop in the yard.

                “Find your wellies then, it’s muddy up there.” With a whoop he rushed inside to find them. It gave Martha a moment to look up at her father with relief; Sonny had called her the previous night and told her about the assault. Typical that he wouldn’t see a doctor, look for help. But the news that her father wasn’t quite so frosty to Sonny and their fledgling relationship was a good thing.

When the men looked up she gave a wave, and their returning wave came grins as they spotted Ethan trying to run in his rubber boots over the uneven ground. Her father gave a thumbs up, he was safe with them, and she tuned to unload the car.

She’d barely emptied the boot and backseat of the car when a large black four-wheel drive pulled along the drive. Derek wound down the window and gave a half smile.

                “Michael wants to see you, wants to know if you’ll come back with me?”

                “Now?”

Derek nodded, “it’s important.”

Michael had never demanded anything of her; he wasn’t like that, this must be really important. She couldn’t think that it was a pleasant thing. “Ok, I’ll just let my Dad know where I’m going.”

                “Can you be quick?”

Trying Not to Love You - Part Fifty

Chapter Fifty

Before they could go to the pub, Martha needed to check in at the restaurant. It was a quiet night there and Paul had assured her that he could cope without her. When she called in the place was running smoothly.

                “I’ll relieve you about ten? I’ll cash up then lock up. Thanks for this.”

He smiled at her, “no problems, are you ok?”

She looked at him, “about Scott?” When he shrugged and looked behind her, she turned to see Sonny at the doorway, lounging against the frame waiting for her. “Sonny?”

Paul smiled, “lots of change Martha, just worry how you’re coping with it all.”

In that moment she realised that he wasn’t judging her, he genuinely was looking out for her. Pulling him into an embrace she beamed at him, “I’m fine, I promise. But thanks.”

                “What was that about?” Sonny asked linking his fingers through hers.

Martha looked up at him, “jealous?”

He laughed, “of him? No.”

She chuckled, “he was just concerned about me. Really. Not like everyone else.”

                “He’s a nice bloke.”

She stopped and turned to look up at him, “you didn’t think that when we went to the cinema.” In fact after that event Sonny had first hinted at his feelings towards her.

Sonny sighed, “he’s a nice bloke, but he’d bore you to death.” He gave grin, “I’ll not bore you to death. I know you better than anyone else, and I promise you this will always be special.”

It was such a contrast of cockiness and genuine love that Martha felt bowled over, as she lifted her head to meet his lips, his hands rose to cup her face, cherish her, and she truly felt adored.

                “Come on, if we stay here a second longer there’s no way we’re going into that pub.”

At his protest Martha leaned back in his arms that were now wrapped around her and gave a languorous look, “have something else in mind?”

He groaned and rolled his eyes, “what are you doing to me?”

Giving a giggle she broke free of his embrace and led him into the pub.

It was quiet being a Tuesday night, but still the whole place seemed to still as they walked in. He didn’t care, he was used to it, being the scorn of society, but he knew that Martha cared. Her hand was still in his, though it was shaking, and he knew this was hard for her. Giving it a squeeze, he led her to the bar. James sauntered over to them, smiling at Martha. Sonny threw an arm around her shoulder, pulling her close to him and smiled at the man who now scowled, “I’ll have a large vodka, and Martha?”

                “Gin and tonic please.”

James nodded but paused to stare at Sonny for a moment, Martha sighed, “James?”

He moved off and got the drinks with the sullen stare of a teenager.

                “Will you stop it,” she hissed at Sonny. He in turn gave her an innocent ‘what me’ look. She rolled her eyes and watched him pay for the drinks, and they headed to a table in the corner recess of the bar.

                “So what happened today? Was it awful?”

He took a slug of his drink then sighed, “round and round in circles. Gripper’s got it in for me and is stirring things up. They rehashed everything that happened until they clarified my alibi. Presumed they spoke to some of the people who were in here that night.”

She leaned back against him and he put his arm around her, his lips against her hair, “is that it? Is it all over?”

                “Well there’s nothing else I can say or do.”

That pleased her; he could feel her relax against him. There was so much to say, so much to do, but for now he wanted to forget the day he’d had. Enjoy being with the woman he loved.

                “Thanks Paul.” Martha’s voice caused him to look up from behind the counter. There were three people left in the restaurant, the other staff had left.

                “No problem, it’s great having flexible working like this.”

                “Well knock off, get back to that family.”

He laughed, “and I thought work was a way to escape.”

Patting his back she smiled as he left. When she looked back into the room, Sonny was sliding another gin along the bar to her.

She took it, then perused the room, they were busy the following night, they needed to prepare, now that she had Ethan at home she wasn’t able to come to the restaurant at the drop of a hat, she needed to be more organised.

Sonny’s arms locking around her waist surprised her out of her daydream, “I’ll sort out everything out here, you need to cash up in the office?”

She nodded, “If I do I can go straight to the bank in the morning.”

With a nod, he smacked her on the bottom, encouraging her to head off to do her work.

                “All done!”

Martha looked up to see Sonny lounging against the doorframe, and remembered him being stood there a few weeks ago, the same hot look in his eyes.

                “Me too.” She shutdown her computer, then bagged the takings and secured them in the safe.

                “Ready for home?”

She nodded, “think so. You?”

He gave her a dazzling smile, “this room is bringing back memories.”

She glanced nervously around herself, “ha ha, me too...”

                “I want you Martha Mansell.”

She gulped, “now?”

He looked around, “as tempting as this is, I’m thinking of a comfy bed, in a secluded annex of the place we call home.”

Her eyes widened, “quiet, undisturbed...”

Smiling he stalked towards her, “the noisy stuff can happen there, cos it will be noisy...” He smiled as she gasped, “then we’ll sneak to my bed for long warm cuddles, so Ethan knows where you are. Sound like a plan?”

As she nodded, she nit her lip, anxiety and desire swirling to make her heady, confused even. Taking her hand he led her out into the cold night.

The house was in darkness, and conveniently, they could let themselves into the outhouse without having to disturb anyone. Still dragging her by the hand, Sonny took the stairs at pace, only pausing to turn on the small heater in the corner of the room and a single lamp. When he returned to his full height, he turned and pulled her into his arms.

When he’d met Martha she’d been shy, unsure of herself, but she wasn’t like that now, rubbing her delectable body up against him she had the ability to wind him up in knots. She wasn’t a passive kisser, but now she didn’t just kiss him back, she devoured him, and he was a happy prisoner to her ardour. Within moments she pushed him back onto the bed, and propped on his elbows he smiled as she climbed to kneel astride him. The confidence, the sexiness of her inundated his senses and whilst he wanted to turn the tables, be over her, feasting on the delight that was Martha, he was equally powerless, frozen, watching her attack his clothing with venom.

For Martha it was powerful to watch every inch of Sonny’s body revealed by her hands, to see him shuddering at her lips, or when her fingers raked his bare skin. He responded to her every touch so wholly, so completely that it only fuelled her hunger for more of him. As she stooped to lick his collar bone, his head rolled back and she was rewarded with a groan that sounded primeval. She ground his pelvis into his instinctively; she needed so much more of him. His t-shirt long abandoned, she started on his belt and jeans, and whilst she knew he wanted to bare her too, she knew that he was enjoying watching her move from his propped up position. He couldn’t attack her AND watch, and that torture was evident on his face.

Pulling back his jeans, she sighed, he was better than perfect, from his slightly smug expression to his hair dusted thighs. She ran her fingers over those thighs, watching as he jumped in excitement, straining, lurching against her.

                “Enough!” He breathed, flipping her over onto her back, “my turn now.”

Within seconds she was as exposed as him, naked bar her lace knickers, his head lowered, teasing, tasting and biting her body in all manner of delicious places.

                “I want you now,” she breathed, pushing away his shorts, and whilst Sonny loved foreplay, prolonging the pleasure and the pain in them both, at her words, his errant libido leapt for joy. As she tugged at his shorts, he reached for the bedside cabinet, opening the drawer. It was empty.

                “Shit!”

She paused, looked at him. Sonny rested his forehead on hers and sighed.

                “What?”

                “No condoms...”

She laughed, “really?”

He nodded, “I may have some up in my bedroom.”

Neither wanted to separate, Martha’s legs lifted and wrapped around his thighs, gluing them together, “I’m on the pill, and I haven’t done this with anyone else...are you...?”

Sonny stared at her, “I’ve never not used one, a condom that is.”

                “So that’s ok then? We’re safe?”

Sonny was reminded of all those warnings he’d had from so many people. He’d been prolific in terms of sleeping with women, but he wasn’t lying, he’d never not used a condom. He had no intention of ‘accidentally’ creating a child that wasn’t wanted. It was so important to him that he never created a child he would knowingly or even unknowingly abandon, much as he’d been abandoned, his own disastrous childhood was something he’d never want to inflict on another, it was more than important to him, it was his whole ethos. And he didn't trust the word of a woman to not trap him into his own form of personal hell.

Now he had a split second to decide whether or not to trust her, to go against everything he believed, everything that helped him control his future.

In the end it wasn’t his decision, Martha dragged them together, forcing herself close to him, and he could no longer resist, it wasn’t possible. And as she drew him into her, he thought he’d died and gone to heaven, nothing prepared him for how carnal it felt, how encompassing, how sensual it was. As he lost himself in her in a haze of desire, he wondered if he’d ever survive this, and if life would ever be the same again.

He was still inside her, and her scent was under her nostrils, there wasn’t an inch of his body that wasn’t mesmerised and controlled by the reciprocal part of her. Suddenly every song, every poem, every soppy film, they all made sense. This was the purpose of life, to be close to someone, to be two halves.

Martha stretched, finally rolling onto her side, head on his shoulders, legs entwined. It was amazing, what they’d shared. She knew it was a huge commitment from him, to be with her, but to also let his guard down in so many ways. She wasn’t lying to him, she was on the pill, she had been since she’d had Ethan, thought she’d not had a sexual partner. Following her emergency c-section she’d developed a uterine infection. It wasn’t spotted for a long time, and though it was treated with medication, she was left with lasting problems - horrendous periods that were managed fairly well by the contraceptive pill, but the more worrying thing, the omission, rather than the lie was that she had scar tissue as an after affect, nothing could be done to change that, and it meant that she’d not be able to have any more children. Just another legacy that she attributed to Scott Oldbury, and something she had to tell Sonny, sooner rather than later.

Trying Not to Love You - Part Forty Nine

Chapter Forty Nine

Martha was regretting dragging Ethan across the town, his small legs were struggling. But they persevered. As they crossed the main road, heading to the road that led out to the Oldbury house, Martha spotted James and his sister coming out of the corner shop across from the pub, and offered an awkward smile. Both he and Jade had their eyes trained on her, and she sighed, the last time she’d seen them both had been in the pub on the weekend when she’d kissed Sonny. Looking down to her left she smiled at the happy Ethan, and realised she was giving REAL value for money to them.

Giving them a genial wave, she gripped Ethan’s hand harder, and dragged him along the road, hoping her plastered on smile looked genuine. Then she let out the breath that she hadn’t realised she was holding. Striding towards her was Sonny. He was wearing his running gear and was sporting a dark bruise to his jaw. As his eyes flicked from James and Jade, the repulsion faded and he lit up as he saw her walking towards him.

With a sigh of relief that he hadn’t run away, she stopped in her tracks, and within seconds he was beside her, high-fiving Ethan then pulling her into his arms for a dramatic kiss that told her JUST how much he’d missed her.

                “I thought you’d gone,” she offered hating that tears threatened her eyes.

He shook his head vehemently, “never. I’d not do that to you.” Lifting his head he smiled at her, “breakfast?” He nodded to the café at the end of the road.

                “We’ve eaten, but I can always go for another coffee and something sweet.”

Nodding he threw an arm around her shoulder, “my treat. Come on squirt, you want a doughnut?”

Sonny was smiling contentedly as he threw open the cafe door, he didn’t need Michael Oldbury, he had Martha. As she made for a table, he smiled at Maggie behind the counter.

                “Hi Maggie,” can I get a couple of coffees, a coke, your sugariest doughnut, and a full English for me.”

She looked up and smiled, “no problem, haven’t seen you in here for ages Sonny.”
When he’d moved to town he ate in the cafe as often as he visited the bookies or the pub, “love of a good woman!” He announced.

Maggie glanced past him to Martha then smiled again, “lucky you.”

He turned to see what she did, Martha sitting Ethan into a seat, her smile breaking into a laugh that lit the whole room, then she glanced up at him and met his eyes and he felt a jolt of love rip him apart. He had to be honest with her about everything. That was essential, and he had to do it now.

As they ate, he apologised for his absence, then started on the truth, that Gripper had caught him off guard, knocked him out, and that Oldbury Senior had put him up for the night. Martha looked stunned beside him, unable to believe that a man grieving would be so genial. If only she knew! If only HE knew.

                “So, it was a strange one. I should have called. But I was bloody unconscious. Do you forgive me?”

Martha watched as he dug into his breakfast, a calmness descending over him once she nodded her forgiveness. The fear, the pain at losing him, at the thought of him running away was fading, but she still had the trip to visit Michael Oldbury, to introduce Ethan to his grandfather. And for a lot of reasons she wasn’t looking forward to it.

Ethan was tugging at her sleeve, and when she looked down at him he had a face full of sugar, and that made her laugh. She had to deal with a lot of things over the next few days, but Ethan and Sonny were going to make it all worthwhile.

Reaching out she grabbed for Sonny’s hand, “we should go on holiday, me, you and Ethan. Somewhere away from prying eyes.”

Sonny nodded at that, “the thought of you in a bikini is enough to make me agree to anything, and I mean anything. But, there’s the restaurant, the farm, and we have to sort things out with your dad. Ok?”

He watched her sigh, a zillion emotions cross her face, and grinning he reached for her hand, “this isn’t dirty or taboo, I love you, and that can’t be wrong. No one is going to drag us down, ok?” He lifted her hand and kissed the back of it, and even that gesture made her nerve endings jangle.

Giving a nod she tried to smile and he appreciated her attempts at bravado, “I wish it could be as easy as you say.”

                “It’ll be fine, everyone loves you Martha, nothing will change that. Where are you going now anyway? You’re up and about early.”

She offered an awkward smile, “we’re going to see Ethan’s other grandfather. They’ve never met.” She paused, “do you think it’s bad taste that I take him so close to Scott...” she couldn’t say the word ‘dead’.

He smiled, “I think Ethan would make any hardship worthwhile, honestly.”

As he watched her go, Sonny sighed, trouble, that was what he was sensing. With a groan he turned towards the farm and a confrontation with Carl.

                “Wow!” Ethan sighed as they walked up the driveway to the huge imposing house. “Is that where my granddad lives?”

Martha squeezed his hand, “yep, your other granddad.”

He looked up at her, “and my dad?”

She squatted down beside him, “your dad died darling, you know that, he’s in heaven with my mother and everyone else who dies.”

Martha swallowed, if ever there was someone who didn’t deserve to make it to some post life paradise it was him, but that was what she’d agreed to tell him if he ever asked. The counsellors she saw after Ethan were born had advised her that painting a bleak picture of his father wasn’t a good idea; death seemed the easiest, fairest option.

He nodded, accepting as he always did, and skipped up the driveway.

Derek, Michael’s employee opened the door, “ahh Martha, and this must be?”

Ethan stood beside her proudly, “I’m Ethan.”

                “Ahh,” Derek smiled, “Mr Oldbury’s not here. He’s at the police station.”

Martha grimaced, “how is he coping?”

Derek sighed, “he was his son, despite everything, he was all he had.”

She nodded, “will you let him know WE called.” She emphasised the we, then handed him her phone number, “in case he doesn’t have it.”

The trip back to the house took longer than the trip out, they passed the park and so Ethan had to ride every swing and slide, then there was the shop, and sweets - he loved the selection there, and couldn’t make up his mind what to have.  Finally with a bag of bright red sweets, they made for the path to the farm, ignoring James who was outside the pub and was watching them again. She’d deal with people finding out about Ethan when she was ready, and not before.

Ethan skipped along the path pointing at trees; the animals in the distance, everything about the farm seemed to excite him.  It was so thrilling to see him so happy that she was smiling when they both arrived back at the farmyard.

As they approached the back door it swung open and Lucy stood there looking anxious.

                “What’s up Aunty Luce?”

She glanced nervously over her shoulder, “the police...they’ve taken Sonny to the police station, your father is furious.”

Martha swallowed the anxiety rising in her throat, “did they ask about me? I mean I’m his ex, I called the police on Gripper last week.”

Lucy shrugged, “I don’t know, all I know is they came and took him away.”

                “Did Dad speak to him first?”

Lucy gave an awkward shrug, then opened the back door allowing them all into the house.

It was the longest wait of her life, she baked cookies with Ethan, read his favourite book, and they even watched Finding Nemo in its entirety. Her father turned up mid afternoon and he took Ethan off to feed the chickens without making as much as eye contact with his daughter, leaving her furious.

                “Mum!” Ethan disturbed her from her distractions in the kitchen. “Look at this!”

She glanced up to see he was precariously carrying a basket full of eggs.

                “Wow! Is this what we’re having for breakfast?”

He nodded as she took the eggs, “with soldiers?”

                “Of course, how else would we eat them?” She ruffled his hair, “you ready for a bath? Aunt Lucy said she’s reading you Horrid Henry before bed?”

Ethan laughed, “she does ALL the voices!”

Ethan’s biggest complaint was that Stephanie didn’t do any animated voices, much to his chagrin, so Aunt Lucy was like a dream come true to him.

An hour later she came down the stairs, chuckling at the sounds of Lucy reading about Horrid Henry and Perfect Peter in her best and most characterised voice. In the kitchen her father was watching his hands, and she sighed, this had been coming all day.

                “SO are you going to ignore me for the rest of the week?”

She spotted the tension increase in his shoulders, but other than that there was no response.

                “Dad! Are you keeping this going?”

He turned slowly, “I lost you Martha, for five years because I let you get into a relationship that was destructive with a man who was a glorified thug.  I also didn’t know about my grandson, my only grandson because of that. Now you want me to sit back and watch it happen again? You expect me to condone you ruining your life all over again.”

She sighed, “no Dad, I don’t expect that. I gave up six months of my own son to come back here and help you, I lost my job, abandoned my life to come here and keep your life up and running. Life is full of sacrifices, and whether or not Sonny is the right man for me is incidental. He’s MY choice, and if I stayed away for five years because I knew it was right, what makes you think I’ll give up what I want in this situation because you tell me it’s right.”

He groaned, “I don’t want to tell you what to do, but Sonny, he’s the same as Scott. Trouble, he’ll drag you into trouble and I’m not well enough to pull you out of it.”

She shook her head, “not Sonny Dad. He’s not the same, you know that. He loves being part of this family, he loves me, you, Ethan, even Lucy. He’s not as people see him, you know that, YOU were the one who had confidence in him. How do you think it must feel to him to have you take him in, make him believe in all you said, only for you to pull the rug from under him. If we’re talking about integrity then you need to look in your mirror.”

He studied her as she moved around the kitchen, feeling his eyes watch her, but it was a while until he said, “the police have taken him...”

She turned around and snapped, “what and that makes him guilty? You think HE killed Scott?” When her father looked a little embarrassed, she added, “you think the man we’ve shared out home with for months is capable of murder?”

Shaking her head she move to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of wine, filling a glass, “Dad, he went to prison for being in a fight, so he’s had a hard life till now, that does not make him a suspect in this. If you think that he is, then I’m not sure I want to stay here with you.”

Her father’s eyes widened, “are you threatening me?”

She shook her head, “no, I just want to live my life and be surrounded by the people I care for, no one should make me choose who I share my life with.”

                “I don’t like this, I worry about you...”

She shook her head, “don’t make this about me, this is purely you. You don’t want to feel responsible if things go wrong. It won’t, but if it does, then I’ll deal with it. I've grown up so much since Scott, I’m protecting Ethan from pain and hurt in the same way you want to protect me, I can understand why you are worried, but I’m not the person that I was, I’m not the person who lived in fear of Scott. And I’m insulted that you’d think that I was.”

It left her father speechless, but she wasn’t about to give in to his dictating.

As she was clearing up the dishes, her father still formulating a response beside her, headlights shone across the yard. Rushing to the window, she saw a police car stop near the door and a tired and pale Sonny got out. With a nod and a wave, he watched the car depart. When he turned back towards the house she was in front of him, wrapping her arms around him with relief.

Sonny had been through hell, the questions, the insinuations, he knew how the police worked, trying to confuse him, trick him, looking for any chink in his story, fortunately he had been consistent, he’d played down his friendship with Johnny, gave his alibi - them having a fight in the pub, then answered questions all over again until they corroborated his stories, had his alibi confirmed by the people he’d reported were at the pub that night. They’d reluctantly let him go, after rehashing his past convictions and his incarceration.

The offer of a lift home surprised him, but after getting back from his breakfast with Martha and Ethan, the police had been waiting. He had gone without them with nothing more than his phone, no money, no food. He was starving, but as soon as Martha wrapped her arms around him he forgot that.

                “You ok?” she breathed against his neck.

Sonny sighed, “I am now.”

                “Hope you’re hungry, I made sausage casserole...your favourite.”

He groaned, “you are amazing. Can I get a shower first?”

She nodded as his lips found hers in a sweet, desperate kiss. As their lips entwined, he clung to her like his life depended on it, and in that moment, it felt as though it did.

                “Shower,” she pushed him gently, “then after dinner if you’re up to it we can go to the pub? I’m not up to arguing with my dad again. Ok?”

He nodded; it was about all he could manage at that moment. He owed Martha a lot, but for now, he just wanted to spend time in her company, away from the house.